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How To Stop Wanting A Relationship: 8 Tips If You’re Desperate For Love

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Do you spend every waking moment fantasizing about meeting your true love?

Maybe you picture yourself falling in love with everyone you make eye contact with, or daydream about your life with the cute waiter you saw… three weeks ago!

We’ve all been there, but your desperation for love can actually get in the way of you finding something real.

If you can figure out how to stop wanting a relationship, it’s actually more likely to happen!

We’re sharing our top tips to help you let go of the fantasy of a relationship so that the real thing comes to you!

Speak to a certified relationship counselor about this issue. Why? Because they have the training and experience to help you find and develop a relationship in a healthy way. You may want to try speaking to someone via for practical advice that is tailored to your exact circumstances.

1. Keep dating.

You don’t need to put your dating life on hold to stop wanting a relationship!

You can simply view it from a healthier perspective.

You don’t need a relationship or a partner, so you can stop dating in such a rapid, desperate way.

Instead, take your time and just enjoy getting to know new people. You might not end up dating them but you’ll have spent time with someone different – and you might get a great friend from it (yes, that can happen!)

Remember that the less pressure you put on a date, the more likely you are to relax and enjoy it. This means that you’ll have more fun as you won’t be worrying so much about how you come across.

It also means you might be more likely to either connect with someone faster or be able to dismiss a potential romance faster as well, because you’ll be fully present and able to see things objectively.

When we’re too invested in the end-goal of a relationship, we often convince ourselves that red flags don’t exist, or that we like the person way more than we actually do. More on this below…

2. Be fussy.

Some of us are so desperate for love that we actively choose to ignore red flags in the early days of dating someone.

This is quite normal, but it does mean that many of us enter into a relationship that isn’t right for us, which then ends and leaves us even more desperate for someone new…

…this increased desperation makes us ignore red flags even more because we so, so want to make things work with someone (anyone!) – and the cycle continues.

Instead of letting your standards drop out of desperation, stay focused!

What do you really want from a partner; from a partnership? This will involve asking yourself why you want a relationship so badly. Keep that in mind during those early days and move on if the person you’re dating doesn’t seem quite right.

This will help you focus on what you actually want as opposed to just wanting a relationship… any relationship.

Plus, when you do come round to being in a relationship again, it’s more likely to be with someone you actually like and are compatible with!

3. Keep being yourself.

When we get caught up in wanting a relationship, we throw all our effort into becoming the best version of ourselves so that another person likes us.

Stop doing this!

We’ve all been there but it doesn’t end that well – partly because you’ll never be able to fully relax and be yourself, but also because it then gives the other person an unrealistic expectation of what you’re really like and means they fall in love with the idea of you.

This means that they’ll be surprised when the facade eventually slips (which it inevitably will!) and it means they don’t get a chance to truly see how great you are.

It also means that your perfect match doesn’t get a chance to meet you because you’re too busy pretending to be someone else’s perfect match.

Sure, be polite, have good manners when eating, cut back on the cursing, and make a little effort to be positive…

…just don’t try to paint a picture of yourself that doesn’t reflect reality.

4. Focus on yourself.

The more you focus on filling your life with amazing things (rather than trying to fill it with an amazing person), the more you’ll come to stop wanting a relationship quite so badly.

A lot of us crave a special person in our lives and stop trying to fulfill ourselves, because we’re convinced that this person will do that for us.

This is not a realistic expectation – no one person can be everything we need in life! We also need friends and hobbies and interests outside of our relationships.

The more you cultivate an amazing life of your own, the more you’ll start to see a partner as a bonus rather than the be all and end all.

A partner should slot into your life and add to it, rather than being it!

Keep yourself busy doing things you love and you’ll stop being so desperate for love. When love does come along, you’ll be in a healthy place to enjoy it rather than being desperate for it and settling for anything less than you deserve.

5. Spend time with loved ones.

Spending time with loved ones is a great reminder that you’re already loved and appreciated.

It’s not the same as being with someone whose clothes you want to rip off, we get it, but it’s still lovely to be with people who know and accept you.

If you’re feeling lonely and it’s making you really want a relationship, you can stop this (or at least minimize it) by seeing family and friends when you need cheering up, need advice, or just need a huge hug.

Remember that you are loved and appreciated by people already, and it’ll make you feel less like you need to be in a relationship in order to enjoy those feelings.

In time, you’ll find someone who can give you the kind of love you’re really after, but by accepting that love is already in your life, that layer of desperation is removed. 

6. Be realistic about past loves.

In order to stop wanting a relationship, be honest with yourself about past relationships.

A lot of us convince ourselves that our exes were amazing and our true loves; that we had such a great time with them all the time!

Realistically, however much we loved someone, there will have been dips and downs in the relationship.

Remind yourself of these bits so that your fantasy relationship is no longer on such a pedestal.

The more we think of the ‘perfect’ relationship, the more desperate we become to find it and the more rushed and unhealthy decisions we make.

Instead, remind yourself that your life is great when you’re single and that you only want to be with someone who genuinely makes you happy – which means letting go of your romanticized version of past relationships. 

7. Fill the gaps.

Think about what it is you’re craving from a relationship and find a way to fill that void.

Company? Friends are great!

Date nights? Take yourself for a fancy dinner!

Cozy night in? Sofa time with your pets!

Okay, you see where we’re going with this, but, in all seriousness, there are so many ways to fill these kinds of voids which will help you detach from how much you want a relationship.

You can get so much comfort, attention, and affection from loved ones already in your life. We know it’s not the same as having a boyfriend or girlfriend, but it should help calm that desperation for a little while at least.

It will also make you appreciate just how much great stuff is already in your life, which will help you realize that a partner is an addition to an already-full life, and not an end destination. 

8. Remember why single life rocks.

Being single is great! And, no, that’s not just something single people say…

A lot of people who are in a relationship miss being single sometimes.

After all, you’re free to do what you want and you don’t need to take a partner’s feelings into consideration.

You can go out and hook up with someone you find really attractive (as long as you’re being safe, of course!), you can spend every weekend doing what you want, not alternating between you and your partner’s wishes.

You don’t need to worry about being cheated on or go through the early-day-panic of ‘why are they taking so long to text back?!’

Being single is great and, when you find the right person, you’ll find ways to keep the best bits of single life alongside being in a relationship.

But, for now, enjoy the freedom and relaxation that being single gives you. 

Listen, we’ve all been at a point in life where we feel desperate for love and as though we need a relationship to complete us.

While this is normal, it’s not particularly healthy – and it’s not very fun, either!

Hopefully these tips on how to stop wanting a relationship will help you take a step back and evaluate what exactly you want – and how much of that is already in your life.

The less desperate you are for love, the more likely you are to be open to genuine connections, and the less scared you’ll be of rejecting things that aren’t right for you.

This is a much healthier mindset to have when it comes to looking for a partner, and means that you’ll know just how great the real thing is when it comes along…

Still not sure how to stop wanting a relationship so badly? Want help finding the right person for you? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out.

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About The Author

Lucy is a travel and wellness writer currently based in Gili Air, a tiny Indonesian island. After over a year of traveling, she’s settled in paradise and spends her days wandering around barefoot, practicing yoga and exploring new ways to work on her wellbeing.