It’s entirely normal to want a relationship—to form a partnership with someone special you love and who loves you back.
But as with most things, the desire to find a partner can go too far.
When you want a relationship so badly, you could want it for all the wrong reasons, and this can make single life feel excruciatingly sad and painful.
Here are some possible reasons why you feel this way and advice on how to approach being single when you desperately want a relationship.
17 Reasons Why You Want A Relationship So Badly
1. You are lonely.
Being single can get lonely. Sure, you might hold it together during the day, but at night, you fantasize about having someone to cuddle with. This is a totally normal human need.
However, make sure that “someone” isn’t just anyone at all. If you get lonely enough, you might settle for someone just to be in a relationship. This is not a good reason to start a relationship, even if it’s perfectly understandable.
2. Everyone else is in a relationship.
What if everyone you know and meet seems to be in a relationship? It can feel terrible to always be the third wheel if all your friends are coupled up.
However, this problem should be fairly easy to solve. Try to find and befriend more single people like you, but don’t ditch your coupled-up friends.
You can always expand your social circle, and your friends are going to be in and out of relationships just like you are. It probably just seems like you’re the only single person in the world because you’re focusing so much on your relationship status.
3. You feel pressured by society, family, or friends.
When are you going to get married and give us grandsons? Let’s face it, family members can be awful at putting pressure on you when you’re single.
You may even feel societal pressure to commit to someone as soon as possible. You may feel like an outcast just because you’re single, and even your friends may be pressuring you into a relationship.
Don’t let them get to you. Peer pressure can be strong, but it’s never a reason to settle.
4. You have sexual needs.
Hey, let’s not forget that you have sexual needs. You could even become sexually frustrated if you’ve been alone for a long time.
We don’t typically condone casual sex, but it’s definitely better to take care of your sexual needs this way than to get into a serious relationship just because you’re sexually frustrated.
The single lifestyle lets you hook up with anyone you want, and if it gets too difficult to spend every night alone, spend it with someone you’re attracted to, but don’t assume you love them.
5. You want to start a family.
Maybe you don’t want sex, but you do want babies. A lot of single people want children, and they are eager to find someone who is father/mother material.
We don’t need to tell you that having children is a big deal. It’s normal that you want to start a family one day, but don’t let this be your only motive for getting into a relationship.
You may force yourself to date and obsess over getting into a relationship as soon as possible because you feel like your biological clock is ticking. Relax, and breathe—there’s enough time to fall in love before thinking about family.
6. You need emotional support.
Things would be easier for you if you had a partner you could rely on for your emotional needs and support.
However, by finding the motivation and validation internally, instead of externally, you’ll become more independent.
It’s certainly nice to have someone to support you during difficult days or while you’re chasing your dreams, but it’s not a good enough reason to get into a relationship.
7. You want a rebound relationship.
Maybe you’re struggling to get over your ex. You recently had a nasty breakup and you think that a rebound relationship will help you heal.
Am I meant to be alone? You could be torturing yourself with thoughts like this after a breakup, and you think that having someone around will make the heartache less painful.
However, it is a much better choice to let time do its thing. Slowly move on by yourself so that you can form healthy relationships once you’ve healed.
8. You want to get back at your ex.
What if your ex is already in a relationship with someone new? It could be the reason why you want a relationship so badly.
Instead, you could want to get back at your ex because you’re simply mad at them. Maybe they cheated or broke your heart in another way, so you want to punish them.
Perhaps you’re just trying to make your ex jealous because you secretly want them back. Obviously, these are all wrong reasons to get into a relationship.
9. You are bored.
Let’s face it, not having a partner can be boring. Sure, you have family and friends, but you also have a lot of free time in your schedule that would otherwise be set aside for dating someone.
Use this time to work on self-improvement and indulge in self-care. Don’t obsess over your relationship status.
10. You have financial reasons.
Being in a relationship can pay off, literally. Maybe gifts are your love language, and you love being taken to a fancy restaurant and receiving expensive jewelry.
Or maybe you’d simply like someone to split your rent with because the bills are piling up. Hey, two incomes are better than one, right?
However, you shouldn’t get into a relationship for financial reasons. We’re not debating whether it’s morally right or wrong, but it’s not a healthy foundation for a serious relationship.
11. You want to improve your social status.
In some circles, a relationship can improve your social status. Maybe you want a relationship so badly because you want to be more popular or you’re looking to improve your social standing in general.
Perhaps you believe that you’ll be more respected in certain circles if you are in a relationship.
Hey, you’re not going to be single forever! Why not let your social status wait?
12. You’re afraid of staying single.
The odds are you are going to get into a relationship eventually. It doesn’t have to happen right now, and you shouldn’t force it out of fear of staying single.
It’s never too late to find love, and you shouldn’t settle for anyone purely out of fear of being alone.
13. You’re afraid of missing out.
Maybe you assume that the dating world is all hip and happening and that you’re missing out on perfect matches. Perhaps you feel like you’re missing out on something magical by not being coupled up.
Remind yourself of the times when you were dating and when you were in a serious relationship. It wasn’t all glitz and glamour was it?
Think about the bad parts of dating and relationships when you feel afraid of missing out. Yes, you may be missing out on certain experiences, but you may be avoiding some negative things as well.
14. You need another person to feel complete.
Most people want a relationship so badly because they don’t feel complete without a romantic partner. However, your life can be fulfilling when you’re single, and it’s unhealthy to expect another person to complete you.
While this notion may seem romantic and sweet, in reality, being overly dependent on another person is never a good thing.
You can’t rely on anyone else for your happiness, and you need to give your own life meaning, regardless of your relationship status.
15. You need someone to take care of you.
Whether it’s emotionally, financially, or sexually, you feel the need to have someone take care of you. This is normal. However, you should still work on being more independent and making yourself happy.
Expecting too much from a person you haven’t even met yet is a bad idea. What if they can’t take care of all of your needs even if you’re a great match?
Know how to take care of yourself whether you eventually find a partner who meets all your needs or not.
16. You want safety and security.
A lot of people want a relationship because it brings them a sense of safety, stability, and security. However, a relationship is no a guarantee of a happily ever after.
Relationships aren’t always stable and safe. Problems happen, people break up, get back together, get married, and get divorced.
This is not to say that there’s no happily ever after, it’s just that relationships are complicated. You can’t expect them to be smooth sailing all the time.
17. You want to share your time and companionship with a person that you connect with and can grow with in the future.
There is really only one right reason for wanting a relationship: the desire to share your time with a person that you connect with and can grow with in the future.
The key point here is having a specific person in mind, not being generally in love with the idea of a relationship.
Wait to fall in love with someone before seeking a relationship, and accept your single status until then. Here’s how.
10 Tips For Dealing With This Unfulfilled Desire
1. Learn to enjoy your own company.
You can have quality alone time instead of feeling lonely. Make yourself feel good by doing things that make you happy. Treat yourself the way you would like your ideal partner to treat you. As the song says, you can buy yourself flowers.
2. Focus on other areas of your life.
Okay, so your love life is not perfect, but what about your professional or social life? Stop looking for a relationship, and throw yourself into your career or start making new friends.
3. Practice self-care and make yourself happy.
Buy yourself a box of chocolates, draw a bath, light scented candles, and enjoy a glass of wine. Do whatever makes you happy, practice self-care, and pamper yourself until you feel spoiled.
4. Have new experiences.
Start a hobby, take classes, draw, learn something new… Fill your schedule with fun things to do that make you feel fulfilled.
5. Set goals.
It’s easy to find what to do with your free time when you work on self-improvement and set goals to achieve your dreams. Wanna lose weight, learn to play the piano, or save enough money for a car? Do it now!
6. Don’t force it.
You could suffer from dating burnout if you force yourself to date just because you want a relationship so badly. Don’t force it, and it will happen.
7. Take a break from dating apps.
To prevent dating burnout, it’s a great idea to take a break from dating. Yes, you want to find love, but love often finds you when you’re not looking for it. Plus, you need to occasionally take a break from dating apps.
8. Spend time with friends and family.
Use this time to attend family gatherings and parties with friends. Reconnect with old friends and work on befriending new people. Your social life might need improvement, and it could even lead you to the relationship that you want.
9. Enjoy the benefits of a single lifestyle.
Hey, being single can be great! You are free to do whatever you want.
Wanna party till the morning and spend the night at a friend’s house? No one will be upset. Wanna flirt with a cute delivery guy/girl just to boost your self-esteem? No one will get jealous. Enjoy these benefits while you can.
10. Talk to a therapist.
In the end, if it’s getting too difficult to stay single, and you desperately want to get into a relationship as soon as possible, talk to someone who can help you deal with this. A therapist can assist you in overcoming your fears so you can become more independent.