So, you’re single, and you’re starting to wonder whether that’s just the hand you’ve been dealt in life.
The way things are going, you think it must’ve been written somewhere that you’re never meant to find a life partner.
Are you destined to stay single? Is it inevitable that you’ll be alone?
No one is “meant” to be alone and stay single for their whole life. No one is predestined to not find love.
On the other hand, some people do stay single throughout their lives.
Some people actively choose to be single, whereas others just never quite find that someone that’s worth giving up their valued independence for.
And some people think they’re trying their very hardest to find the right person, and don’t understand why things never work out.
Some people have things standing in their way when it comes to forming a healthy, long-lasting relationship, but struggle to understand what those problems are.
So, in this article, we’ll consider what might be preventing you from finding love and look at why a single life can be a wonderful, fulfilled life.
Speak to a certified relationship counselor because they are best-placed to help you with dating and developing a healthy and happy relationship. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for practical advice that is tailored to your exact circumstances. All from a service that has helped over 100,000 people with their relationship challenges.
6 reasons why might you be struggling to find the right person:
People around you seem to find it so easy to slide into a long-term relationship, but you find it incredibly difficult. And you don’t know why that is.
Maybe your relationships never seem to last, or you keep finding yourself in unhealthy relationships that only do you damage.
That doesn’t mean you’re destined to be alone forever.
There might be some reasons why you’re struggling to find the relationship you so desperately want.
They might be hard work to overcome, but by focusing on them, you could surprise yourself with how big a change it makes to your love life.
Here are some of the biggest:
1. You have commitment or abandonment issues.
One of the most common things to stand in the way of people forming strong, lasting relationships is if they have issues with commitment or abandonment, whether they’re conscious of them or not.
If you struggle with commitment, then you’ll always find an excuse to end a relationship, no matter how promising.
After the honeymoon period when things start to get more serious, you’ll suddenly be absolutely terrified and find a way to flee.
If abandonment is your issue, then you might either push people away because you’d rather that than allow them to hurt you, or be so clingy and mistrustful that the people you get involved with romantically just can’t cope.
2. You tend to repeat unhealthy relationship patterns.
Your problem might be that you don’t learn your lesson.
If you have a bad experience in a relationship, then it would be logical to assume that you’d be careful to look out for the same warning signs next time around and not make the same mistakes twice.
But if you seem to just repeat the same mistakes over and over again, then you need to take a long hard look at why that is and how you can kick these bad relationship habits.
3. You give up too easily when things get tough.
Relationships are never straightforward, but many people seem to be in denial about that.
If you think that the right relationship for you is going to be smooth sailing forever and ever, then you’re doomed to be disappointed.
Your problem might be that you tend to abandon ship as soon as things get remotely tricky rather than sticking around and working on things, coming out stronger on the other side.
You have to accept that love isn’t easy and even the best relationships have rocky patches.
Only if you can honestly say you’re willing to stick around through the hard times will you be able to form a lasting, loving relationship.
Read more: Why Do Relationships Have To Be So Hard?
4. You see yourself as unworthy of love.
If everyone else seems to have paired off and you’re still single, then the problem might have something to do with your self-esteem.
Maybe the issue is that you just don’t think you’re worthy of the love of a good man or woman, so you end up pushing people away or self-sabotaging whenever you do meet someone promising.
5. You have unrealistic expectations.
I have a friend who, when we were younger, had the highest expectations in the world.
She was convinced she was going to get married and have babies young, and because that was what she wanted, she never gave any man who she didn’t see as imminent marriage material a chance. And that was a tall order considering we were in our early 20s.
It meant that, despite wanting to find love, she pushed loads of wonderful men away, and was single for a long time and increasingly bitter about it.
After many years of that and having become pretty disillusioned, she was lucky enough to come across a man who lived up to her standards and was ready for that kind of commitment straight off, and she’s now happily married.
Anyway, the point is, she got really lucky to find someone who lived up to her expectations in the end, but she suffered a lot in the meantime because no man could make the grade, even though she was desperate to find someone to share her life with.
And a lot of people never do get that lucky. You’re looking for a relationship with a real human being, after all. And real human beings are full of flaws and contradictions.
No one is perfect and it’s near enough impossible to find someone who is going to tick every single box on your list of what you’re looking for in the perfect partner.
So, whilst it’s good to have healthy standards and not sell yourself short or accept less than you deserve, it’s important to realize that the right relationship for you might not necessarily be the perfect relationship you have in your head.
6. You are addicted to the honeymoon period.
You know that feeling when you’ve just met someone? The buzz of being right at the beginning of a relationship? When the hormones can make you act totally out of character, like a man or woman possessed? That’s a tumultuous time but it’s also an exciting time.
Some people hate the uncertainty of that phase of a relationship, but some people adore it. And they can’t cope when the thrill starts to fade to be replaced by something calmer, less passionate, and less charged.
So, if you struggle to form a lasting attachment, this might be your problem.
If you always panic when the first flush of love fades and decide that this change in feelings means they’re not right for you rather than accepting it as normal, that could be where you’re going wrong.
Remember that, although the initial stage can be heady and keeps you on your toes, the stage when you’ve really gotten to know the other person and are secure in each other’s love is even better.
Try taking a break.
If you’ve been searching for love for a long time and it hasn’t been working out, it might be worth taking some time out.
If you’re going to have a successful relationship, you first need to learn how to be happy alone. How to be content in your own company and love yourself for who you are. It’s a cliché because it’s true.
Some time out from dating can help shift your focus onto other things, teach you how to be more self-sufficient, and stop you putting quite so much pressure on any romantic relationships you might form in future, and on yourself.
It can help you get excited about the idea of dating again once you’re ready, but in the meantime, it can help strengthen your other relationships and achieve a better all round balance.
A single life can be a full, happy life.
Contrary to what society tries to tell us, choosing to stay single isn’t a less valid way of living. And it doesn’t mean you can’t lead a happy, fulfilled, memory-filled life.
You can lead a life that’s chock full of incredible adventures, with fulfilling relationships and unique experiences.
Choosing to be single does not make you any less of a person, despite what popular culture (and probably your annoying relatives at family gatherings) might try to make you believe.
You might miss out on certain things, but you’ll have experiences that people who choose to couple off never will.
But if you choose to be single, or just never find the person you want to share your life with, you need to make sure you’re fully embracing all the benefits of single life and surrounding yourself with a strong support network.
Make sure you pour all your love into your wonderful relationships with family and friends and choose a career that fulfils you and pushes you.
And make a point of becoming an integral part of the community around you – church, charities, community organizations and projects. These will fill your life with meaning and provide even more opportunities for friendship and companionship.
Never stop learning and being curious about the world around you.
Make the most of the fact that you don’t have to answer to anyone or make compromises for anyone, and life your live entirely on your own terms, unapologetically.
Live wherever you’re happiest, do the things that you’re passionate about, and don’t compromise for anyone.
You only get one chance at life, so make sure you choose a path that makes you happy, whether or not you choose to walk alongside someone else.
Want to get better at dating and learn how to turn that into a long term relationship? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out.
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- Stop Being Scared Of Dating: 10 Top Tips To Get Over Dating Anxiety