How To Not Get Emotionally Attached To Someone: 9 No Bullsh*t Tips!

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So you’re trying not to get so enamored with romantic interests.

Perhaps this is a general thing in your love life. Maybe you get emotionally attached to new lovers too quickly and it’s been causing you problems. You fall hard and fast and that leaves you vulnerable to getting your heart broken. You don’t want to go through that again.

Or perhaps the issue is more specific. Maybe there’s someone in your life right now and you want to make sure you don’t attach yourself to them too quickly. You don’t want to ruin it, or you’re not sure where it’s going or if it’s right.

Or maybe you’ve decided you want to cut off an emotional attachment altogether because you know the person isn’t right for you. That might be because they’re already in a relationship or because you can see it ending badly between you.

Here are some tips for keeping those emotions of yours firmly under control so you stay in the driver’s seat and make conscious decisions about relationships.

1. Get clear on what you want.

If you’re serious about not getting emotionally attached so easily, you need to be clear about why that is and what you’re looking for.

If you’re not clear on what you’re looking for in a relationship, you might end up getting carried away and getting hurt.

Do you want something more casual, or are you ready for serious long-term love?

Being clear on this is also helpful if you’re trying to put an end to the feelings you’ve developed for a particular person. When you’re tempted to see them or speak to them you’ll need a reason why it’s not a good idea. That way, you won’t end up self-sabotaging against your better judgment.

2. Don’t get physically intimate.

No strings attached sex can be wonderful. But if you’re reading this, you’re probably quick to emotionally attach to someone after being physically intimate with them.

If this is a problem for you, hold off a little longer than you normally would before getting physical with someone you’re newly involved with.

If you think the relationship has a future and you feel it would be unwise to have sex too soon, be strict with yourself about not jumping between the sheets until things have developed more and there’s more trust between you.

If there’s a certain person you’re trying to stay cool about, the same applies. Try to avoid getting sexual until you’re sure of them as a potential long-term partner.

If you do have sex with them, try not to let it become a regular thing whilst you’re still in the early stages of the relationship. It’ll be very hard to sleep with them without your emotional attachment to them growing out of proportion.

And if you’re trying to turn your emotions off entirely, then sex has to be an absolute no go. You won’t stand a chance of cutting things off and getting over them if you’re still sleeping with them.

3. Limit your contact with them.

It’s not just sex that you need to limit if you don’t want to get emotionally attached to someone. Be strict with yourself about how much you’re in contact with any new love interests.

Don’t text them all day every day as soon as you meet them. Don’t spend all your free time with them. Don’t abandon your friends for them. And don’t let them become your main focus. Keep up with your interests and don’t let your life start to revolve around them.

If there’s someone in particular you’re thinking of, the same thing applies. Don’t dive straight into this new relationship. Ease yourself in gradually, letting the contact between you grow naturally and sustainably, rather than going from 0 to 100 overnight.

And if you want to stop these feelings in their tracks, you need to go cold turkey. You might have to see them socially or at work, but stop messaging them and stop spending time with them if you want to have a chance of cutting things off.

Messaging them keeps them at the forefront of your mind and means it’s harder to put some emotional distance between you. The more you’re in contact with them, the more your feelings will develop and the harder it will be when it finally ends. So be kind to yourself and minimize contact as much as you can.

4. Focus on the now.

To stop becoming so emotionally attached to someone, focus on the here and now. Not on some imaginary future.

When a new and exciting relationship is starting to emerge, many people make the mistake of fantasizing about a hypothetical future that they invent in their minds.

They focus on that mythical world rather than enjoying the exciting period when a relationship is starting to blossom. They also become blind to potential warning signs about this new person.

They quickly become attached not just to the person, but to the entirely imaginary future they think they could have with that person.

If this is a general thing, try to live in the moment and keep your feet firmly on the ground, so your emotions won’t get ahead of themselves.

And if there’s a specific someone you are trying not to get attached to, try to make sure you’re keeping busy and have lots to think about, so you don’t have time to fantasize.

Focus on the stage you’re at with this person right now, rather than dreaming of the future.

5. Take your time.

Whether this is a general problem you have or there’s someone in your life right now, just take your time when it comes to romance.

There’s absolutely no rush. Getting into a relationship is a big deal that you shouldn’t take lightly.

Don’t try to speed up the dating process. Make sure you spend plenty of time with someone and get to know them properly before you hand over the keys to your heart.

6. Don’t be afraid to get deep.

If you tend to get emotionally attached to people who turn out to be wrong for you, the problem might be that you don’t get to the deal breakers early enough in the relationship.

You don’t want to scare someone off by bringing up serious topics like life goals, career goals, belief systems, politics, marriage, or kids when you’ve just met.

That’s fair enough. But it means that you might develop feelings for someone only to discover that you’re incompatible when you finally dig into the important stuff.

True, if you see eye to eye on things then it might mean you get more attached to them than you would have without these conversations. But it can also mean you don’t get attached to someone you aren’t on the same wavelength as, which will save yourself a lot of heartache.

7. Don’t neglect your family or friends.

If you’re prone to getting too emotionally attached too quickly, you need to be strict with yourself and resist the urge to spend all your time with this one person.

So many people make the mistake of neglecting all the other loves in their life when they meet a new romantic partner.

Don’t disappear into new relationships. Keep up with your normal social life and don’t suddenly abandon all the important people in your life.

If there’s someone specific you’re trying to take it slowly with or forget altogether, then spending time with the people you love is a great way to take your mind off them.

8. Limit alcohol consumption.

If getting too emotionally attached to new love interests is an issue for you, try not to overdo the alcohol on dates.

Alcohol can cloud your judgment and mean you make decisions you wouldn’t otherwise. That could be having sex with them on the first date, which can then mean you’re in far deeper than you wanted to be.

If there’s someone in particular you don’t want to develop more of an attachment to, then not drinking around them is also a good idea. That way, you’ll be less likely to give into impulses.

9. Know your worth.

If your standards are too low or you’re scared of being alone, it’s more likely that you’ll get emotionally attached to people who aren’t right for you.

So work on your self-love and self-respect. Practice self-care, look after your body and your mind. Remind yourself that you deserve the world, and that it’s far better to be alone than in poor company.

The healthier your self-esteem, the less likely you are to fall for people who don’t deserve you, and the less likely you’ll be to get hurt.

Still not sure how not to get attached to someone? If you struggle with runaway emotions when it comes to new or potential romances, it can be helpful to speak to someone to work out why. They can provide advice on how to slow things down a bit with this person and in future relationships. So why not chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.

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About Author

Katie is a writer and translator with a focus on travel, self-care and sustainability. She's based between a cave house in Granada, Spain, and the coast of beautiful Cornwall, England. She spends her free time hiking, exploring, eating vegan tapas and volunteering for a local dog shelter.