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Do you feel as though you’ve lost the connection you had with your partner?
Have you stopped caring what they say or do and feel as though you’re just drifting through each day together rather than actually going anywhere in your relationship?
If these feelings are something you’ve been experiencing, it sounds like you’re becoming indifferent to them.
It’s a hard feeling to pinpoint because being indifferent to something means that you don’t have much feeling toward it at all.
You’re not irritable or sad or angry at them, but equally, you don’t share in their joy either. They almost might as well not be there, apart from the fact that you say that you’re in a relationship together.
Indifference is an unhappy state to be in. One of the best parts of a relationship is that you have someone that you can share the good times and the bad with. You feel each other’s pain just as much as you celebrate each other’s successes, and life is better with them rather than not.
Being indifferent, you may as well not be in a relationship at all, and maybe it’s better if you weren’t. If you feel as though your partner isn’t interested in you, it can be damaging for your self-confidence and vice versa. You shouldn’t be in a relationship if you’re not bringing out the best in each other.
It’s not to say that your relationship won’t work if you think you’ve become indifferent to it. It depends on what love there is that’s left there and whether or not you’ve just lost your way and need to focus on reconnecting, or if you really have grown too far apart.
It’s not easy to know when one or both of you started to feel indifferent toward the other, but noticing that you have early could help you save your relationship.
Read on for some of the more obvious signs of indifference and tips on how to help.
9 Signs Of Indifference In Your Relationship
1. You’ve stopped being physically intimate.
If you can’t remember the last time you and your partner were physically intimate or you even wanted to be, then you need to re-evaluate where your relationship is heading.
Being intimate with each other is an experience unique to your relationship. By keeping the sexual chemistry between you alive, you’ll become closer in other aspects of your relationship.
If you’re feeling turned off by your partner, it’s important to try to understand if it’s a feeling you can come back from. Physical intimacy is an integral part of any healthy relationship and is a vital way to keep you emotionally connected despite the distractions of daily life.
You and your partner both deserve to experience a fun and healthy sex life. Try initiating and having a go at livening up things in the bedroom again to see if it can help you become closer not just physically, but emotionally too.
2. You don’t argue.
Contrary to belief, sometimes a sign that a relationship is on the rocks isn’t constant arguing, but just the opposite.
When you argue with your partner, at least you’re feeling some emotion toward them rather than being totally indifferent to what they say or do.
Although arguing is not pleasant or something you want to happen all the time, if you’re able to overcome these spats in a constructive way by apologizing to each other and understanding how to change your relationship for the better, then you’re still learning about each other and making your relationship stronger.
If you’ve stopped reacting to anything your partner says or does because you’re indifferent, then your relationship will just stagnate where it is.
You have to be invested in your relationship for it to have a future, and sometimes that means fighting for it. If you’re not interested in doing that then the situation you’re stuck in will never change.
3. You don’t communicate.
Communication is what keeps any relationship alive. Without effective communication between a couple, the relationship is unlikely to last.
Communication is more than just asking your partner how their day was, it’s about making sure you’re both getting what you need out of your relationship.
It takes time to learn how to establish an effective method of communication between you, especially when trying to solve disagreements or express emotions, to make sure you get your point across clearly while still being sensitive to each other.
If you’ve stopped communicating and become indifferent to your partner then you’re not giving them the chance to make things right between you. Not talking about an issue doesn’t make it go away, and if you can’t communicate with them then you’ll never be able make your relationship stronger.
You should be with someone that you want to share your experiences with and feel confident expressing your emotions in front of. If you don’t try to communicate with your partner then you’re not giving your relationship a chance.
You can’t expect them to solve an issue that they don’t know is there, so if you really want to fix this, then it’s time to start opening up.
4. You lie to each other.
It’s going to be difficult to know if your partner lies to you, but you will know how often you lie to them.
This is more than just little white lies, this is lying about something you know would upset your partner if they found out and not feeling guilty about it.
Lying to your partner risks the trust you’ve built between you and shows a lack of respect for them. Trust and respect make up the foundation of a relationship, and if you’re happy to risk this for your own personal gain, then you’re clearly not prioritizing your relationship in the way you should be.
5. You don’t miss each other when you’re apart.
Taking time for yourself when you’re in a relationship is important. As much as you’re a couple, you are also two individuals with separate needs, and it’s healthy to make sure you’re working on yourself as much as you are your relationship.
If you realize that you don’t miss your partner when you take time apart, so much so that they don’t even factor into your thoughts, it could be a sign that you’ve become indifferent to them.
As happy as you are doing something just for you, the connection you have with your partner should naturally make life better just by being with them.
If you’re indifferent to whether you’re around each other or not, then it suggests you’ve stopped valuing the time you do share together and you’re not getting the joy out of your relationship that you should be.
You both deserve to be with someone you genuinely want to spend your day with because it’s better when they are there. If you don’t have that in this relationship, then maybe you need to make room for you both to find it with someone else.
6. You’re drifting through your relationship.
Just because nothing bad seems to be happening, it doesn’t mean anything good is happening in your relationship either.
Drifting through day by day, not engaging with your partner or making an effort to work on your relationship is a sign that you’ve become indifferent to whether you’re together or not.
You’re neither caring enough to put in any effort to fix the situation between you, nor feel strongly enough to call things off. You’ve quite literally stopped caring.
Successful relationships take constant work. As time goes on, it takes even more effort to keep the romance alive between you, and there will always be ways you can improve on what you already have.
If you’re just going through the motions without actually connecting to the relationship you’re in, then neither of you are getting anything positive out of it.
Don’t just let things carry on because you’re used to them. Yes, making a change isn’t always easy, but it’s something that needs to happen to allow both of you to have more than just a passive existence alongside each other.
7. You’ve stopped offering an opinion.
You should always try your best to be engaged and listen to your partner. If there are any issues going on in your lives, it’s each other you should naturally turn to for advice and support on how to make it through.
If your partner has stopped offering their opinion when you ask for it, it sounds as though they’ve become indifferent to how you feel and have little desire to get involved and support you in the way you need.
This goes both ways. Do you really listen when your partner talks to you? Do you offer advice when they need it or do you just try to avoid getting involved?
As partners, you are committing to supporting each other through the good times and the bad. It could be as simple as needing an opinion on an outfit, or it could be something much more serious. Either way you’re there to lean on if one of you needs it.
Indifference isn’t an option when you care about someone. Caring and getting involved with your partner’s decisions comes with the territory of being in a relationship and if that’s no longer for you, then maybe this relationship isn’t either.
8. You’ve stopped taking an interest in yourself.
If you’re feeling disconnected from your own relationship, think about how you feel about other areas of your life too.
When you’ve become unmotivated and disconnected with yourself, it’s difficult to be able to give back into a relationship in a meaningful way.
When you’re feeling negative internally, you could be unconsciously taking out these feelings on those closest to you and retreating from your relationship.
The success of a relationship rests on how each of you feels about yourselves. If you’re not connected with yourself or interested in where your life is headed, then it’s going to be hard to connect with your partner and take an interest in them too.
You may need to dedicate some time to figuring out what it is that makes you tick. Decide if you need to make some life changes to give you purpose again and start being able to give back to your relationship to be able to get the best out of it.
9. You’ve stopped trying to make each other happy.
Remember what it was like at the start of your relationship when all you wanted to do was spend time together and see each other smile?
Maybe you surprised each other with gifts or dates or just laughed together all the time. Seeing your partner happy made you happy, and even if the gifts and surprises stopped as you settled into your relationship, that want to make your partner feel good shouldn’t go away.
You can tell there’s an issue in your relationship when one or both of you barely notice a change in the other’s emotions and making each other happy has stopped being a priority.
Things might not always be perfect in your relationship, but even on your off days, you should want to help each other be the best versions of yourselves.
Caring about each other’s happiness comes with being in love and having someone there to always lift you up and back your corner is one of the best parts of a relationship. If you don’t make each other feel that way then what are you getting out of staying together?
5 Ways To Address Indifference In Your Relationship
1. Notice that there’s a problem.
Although it might seem like indifference is an obvious problem in a relationship, when you’re actually living through it, you can get so used to a situation, you don’t even realize what’s happening until it’s too late.
If you and your partner have gotten used to this apathy toward each other, you could just be going through the motions of daily life, without ever really acknowledging that your relationship isn’t what it should be.
You can’t fix a problem if you don’t admit that there is one. It might take you stepping back for a minute to evaluate whether or not you’re happy and realize there’s an issue in the first place, before having the courage to take the first step toward making a change.
2. Change things up.
If you’re stuck in a routine and have stopped taking an interest in each other, then it’s time to shake things up.
If you want to have a relationship and not just ‘exist’ in one, then you need to be prepared to make some changes.
You don’t have to do anything extravagant, even just giving your partner a hug or a compliment could be the start of the change you need to make.
It might feel strange at first, and it could take your partner time to be receptive after both of you have become so used to the distance you’ve created between each other, but it will be worth it in the end.
Your relationship won’t improve if you stay stuck in the rut you’ve created for yourselves, so be prepared to put in some work to see some results.
3. Talk to someone.
No one has the secret to a perfect relationship and most of the time we’re just doing our best to get by in the best way we know how.
When you’re going through a difficult patch in your relationship, it can be hard to talk to friends and family about the situation and not feel overwhelmed by their opinions; which can sometimes do more harm than good.
If you feel as though one or both of you have become indifferent to your relationship and you want to do what you can to make things work, then going to see a relationship therapist is something you should consider.
As a neutral third party, you can trust that they won’t be biased and will evaluate your relationship honestly. They are trained to ask the right questions to encourage you both to talk to each other in the right way.
Talking to a professional about your relationship doesn’t have to be a sign of failure, it’s just about asking someone to help you see how to help yourself more clearly.
If this is something you’re interested in, we would recommend the online service from Relationship Hero. You can speak to an experienced relationship therapist – both by yourself and as a couple – to get the advice you need. And it’s all done remotely, from the comfort of your own home.
Click here to learn more.
4. Have a conversation.
You think there’s a problem in your relationship, but have you actually asked if your partner feels the same?
You might think you know how your partner feels, but unless you actually talk to them, you can never know for sure. Equally, they might not realize that you’ve been feeling disconnected from them lately if you don’t tell them.
You might feel uncomfortable bringing up the subject and nervous about where the conversation will lead, but if you want your relationship to change then you have to take the chance.
Facing the problem head on and trying to work through your issues together could bring you closer than you think.
Initiating the conversation shows that you care enough to address the problems between you and gives you opportunity to work together to make things right.
If nothing else, seeing your partner’s reaction to what you have to say will let you know whether or not there is enough of a bond left between you to try to save your relationship.
5. Flirt with them.
If you’re feeling weighed down by worrying about your relationship, you might just need to reintroduce some fun again.
Recreate that feeling of when you first met by flirting with your partner. Touch and hug them to bring back that sexual attraction, crack some jokes to make you both laugh, give your partner a compliment to boost their confidence and show you appreciate them.
It might be a shock for your partner at first to be receiving all this attention, but at least it will shake your relationship out of the passive state of indifference it’s been stuck in.
The more positivity you can radiate into your relationship, the more likely your partner is going to start reflecting it back to you again.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, it’s never too late to tell your partner they look good or keep that magic alive between you with some flirting.
Relationships get bogged down too easily by expectations and trying to keep up with the daily grind. You got together because it was fun and made you happy, so maybe you just need to take your relationship back to where it all started.
Indifference in a relationship can be a scary thing. It’s not such an obvious problem as arguing or cheating, but it can be just as damaging.
One of the worst parts about being indifferent to your relationship is that you don’t even care enough to end it. You and your partner are stuck in a place that leaves you unhappy and unfulfilled, but you’re not motivated enough to do anything about it.
This is why it’s important to keep checking in with each other once in a while to make sure your relationship is still in a good place. Don’t be scared to tell your partner if something isn’t feeling right between you because, left alone, it’s never going to get better.
Make a habit of spending regular quality time together and don’t take your relationship for granted because without work, it might not always be there.
Indifference is like living with your head in the sand, and ignoring a problem never makes it go away. If you really have stopped feeling invested in your relationship and know that in your heart you’ve moved on, then do the right thing and allow your partner to do the same by finally calling things off rather than drifting on aimlessly.
You both deserve happiness from a relationship, so if that’s not what you’re getting, then something has to change.
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