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We all get annoyed by our partners from time to time, but what do you do if everything they do annoys you?
How do you get them to stop?
And are you meant to be together if you find them so irritating?
First off, having these thoughts is normal. When you spend so much time with one person, there are bound to be occasions where they frustrate you.
You know each other so well that you probably know what they’re going to do before they even do it, making it even more annoying when they do something you don’t like.
But if you find yourself focusing on the negatives of your relationship more than the positives, it’s time for an attitude adjustment.
You shouldn’t be feeling so annoyed with your partner that you struggle to make the most of any happy moments between you.
If you feel as though you’re heading this way, don’t give up. Here are some effective tips on what to do if your partner annoys you.
1. Communicate with them.
Your partner can’t change their habits if they don’t know that they annoy you.
As obvious as it is to you that what they’re doing is irritating, they genuinely might not realize how much it’s affecting you.
Healthy relationships are built on good communication. Snapping at each other and getting into arguments isn’t helpful. You should try your best to address any issues you have before it gets to this point.
If you’re annoyed at your partner, tell them so. Don’t be accusatory, but be honest about how you feel and see if you can both work on not getting in the same situation again.
There could be habits you have that your partner finds equally annoying too. By not taking offense when these conversations come up, you can work together to make your relationship more open, honest, stronger, and happier.
2. See it as a positive – there’s room for growth.
The fact that you’re irritated by your partner doesn’t have to be a bad thing. The very fact that they annoy you means there’s a chance for self-growth and for your relationship to get better.
If you’re in a relationship together, there must be something special you like about them despite their annoying habits.
Your partner may not realize how annoying they can be. If you talk to them and they are willing to work on themselves, your relationship has the potential to go from strength to strength.
None of us are perfect, and there are going to be bumps in the road as you get used to each other. Over the years, habits that never used to be an issue might start grating on you. That’s also normal. We all change and grow over time.
Take this negative and turn it into a positive. Learn how to keep your relationship strong by communicating and listening to what you each need, and trying your best to work on making each other as happy as you can.
3. Identify when it is that you find them annoying.
You might think that they’re annoying all the time, but is this actually true? And are these feelings more to do with you and less about them?
Think back to the last few times you’ve been annoyed with them. Is there a common theme that you never realized was there before?
When you snapped, were you going through a stressful time at work? Does it always seem to be when you haven’t eaten or are in a rush that they affect your mood so badly?
Generally speaking, we find people more annoying when we’re under stress, tired, or hungry. When your tolerance levels are already low, the smallest comment or habit can easily get blown out of proportion.
This isn’t to say that what your partner is doing isn’t annoying, just that your reaction is worse at certain times.
If you can find a theme and realize the times your tolerance for their behavior is lower, you can learn some coping mechanisms to avoid making your mood worse. It could be as simple as both of you knowing not to bring up certain topics before you’ve had your morning coffee.
They might still be annoying, but you might be able to cope with them more easily with a bit of self-awareness and a few simple changes to your routine.
4. Take a breath before you react.
We’re all guilty of reacting before we’ve thought things through. More often than not, our initial reactions are overly emotional and we say things we don’t necessarily mean, or say them in the wrong way.
The problem with this is that once something has been said, you can’t take it back. You can apologize, but your partner won’t forget the harsh or hurtful words you’ve shared.
When they annoy you, leave the room for a second or take a few minutes to calm down. Try hard not to react in anger, but think before you speak so you can get your point across in a more constructive way.
5. Make sure you’re getting enough ‘me’ time.
As much as you enjoy your time together, everyone needs a little bit of their own space. It gives you a chance to just switch off and focus on yourself, rather than always accommodating your partner.
If you’re not getting enough ‘me’ time, this could be impacting how you feel toward your partner and your relationship.
Having some time to yourself allows you to put your thoughts and feelings first and indulge in activities you want to do without having to compromise or share. In a relationship where you’re constantly taking your partner into account, time apart can be the relief that you didn’t know you needed.
Time apart makes you appreciate your time together again that much more. It gives you a chance to miss each other and start valuing the time you share.
You can’t be at your best as a couple unless you’re feeling your best in yourselves. Make time with your partner more enjoyable by making time for yourself a priority again.
6. Don’t make the situation worse.
When your partner annoys you, try not to let the situation overwhelm you and turn into an argument.
Even if their annoying habits are a regular occurrence, being passive aggressive toward them, teasing them, or shouting at them isn’t going to help. The worse you react, the more defensive they will be, and it will only lead to both of you getting more upset.
Think before you speak, and try to pick your moment to bring up what you find so annoying that they do. Focus on being constructive rather than criticizing when you have that conversation.
The calmer you are about the situation, the more likely they are to take on board what you’re saying and try their best to change for the better.
7. Learn to let things go.
Some situations just aren’t worth getting worked up about. If you keep focusing on the annoying things your partner does, soon there won’t be anything your partner does that doesn’t irritate you.
Try taking a moment to step back and think about what they do that is such a problem for you. Yes, you may find something they say or do annoying, but does it negatively impact your life?
If it’s simply a case of them doing something in a different way to you that you don’t like, as long as they reach the same result, does it really matter?
Equally, they could have some irritating personal habits that they’ve grown up with that you don’t like, but is it really the end of the world?
The more you nag at them about the little things, the less they’ll listen when you have something important to bring up and need them to pay attention.
Pick your battles and learn to let some things go. Close your eyes or walk away, and concentrate on the bigger picture of your relationship and mental health.
8. Consider whether this is a sign of something more serious.
If you really can’t stop getting annoyed at your partner, is there more to how you’re feeling about them then you want to admit?
Small, constant annoyances can be a sign that there are bigger issues bubbling under the surface, and by addressing the bigger issues, the smaller problems will naturally disappear.
If your partner can’t seem to do anything right in your eyes anymore, could it be a sign that your relationship has run its course?
Think seriously about whether you can move past all the things they do that you find annoying. Your negativity toward them will start having a serious impact on your relationship if it continues, and you shouldn’t be in a relationship where you make each other miserable.
Take some time to think about how you really feel toward your partner. If you still have feelings for them, try focusing on the positives in your relationship and make an effort to enjoy each other’s company again.
But if you can’t bear to be around them, it could be a sign that they’re just not the person to make you happy anymore.
9. Consider whether you are trying to push them away.
Self-sabotage can sneak up unexpectedly and make you ruin your relationship before you even realize what you’re doing.
If you’ve been finding your partner more annoying lately, think about how long you’ve been together and where you are in your relationship. Are things between you starting to get more serious? Have you been in a relationship for this long before?
Until you find yourself sabotaging what you have with someone, you might not be aware of how scared you are of being vulnerable around them or committing to them.
It can be hard to trust someone, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past. Concentrating on everything that isn’t right about your relationship and judging your partner too harshly will block you from moving forward because you won’t want to risk getting hurt again.
But if you let yourself destroy what you have because you’re scared, you could be losing someone that’s actually perfect for you.
Think about whether you’ve exhibited this behavior before – criticizing your partner and relationship when it starts to get serious. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be, and until then, at least try to enjoy it.
10. Focus on the positives.
It could be time to rewire your mindset. Instead of being consumed by all the negative traits of your partner, why not make a conscious effort to focus on the positives?
Next time your partner does something you find annoying, try to think of something they do that makes you happy.
It’s easy to focus on everything that you don’t like about your partner rather than spending time remembering everything you love.
The more you start focusing on the positives, the smaller the negatives will seem. By changing your mindset, you’ll start to realize everything that makes your partner special; everything you wouldn’t want to lose.
Next time they annoy you, challenge yourself to take a breath and think of something about them you’re grateful for. You might find that their annoying habits don’t seem so significant compared to everything you love about them.
11. Ask whether these habits are deal breakers.
Your partner’s irritating habits might be all you can think about, but are they really that bad?
It can be easy to fixate on an annoying habit and blow the issue out of proportion if you’re around it all the time. Sometimes we just need a minute to put the situation back into perspective. Yes your partner is annoying you, but is what they’re doing bad enough to make you this upset?
Would you actually consider breaking up with them for the sake of their annoying habits? If you would, you need to be certain that everything annoying they do and the irritation it causes you outweighs all the good parts of your relationship.
It might be the case that you are struggling to want to spend time with your partner because everything that annoys you about them overshadows everything you once loved. If you don’t enjoy their company anymore, your relationship will become toxic and you’ll stop bringing the best out in each other.
Do you love your partner despite everything that annoys you, or are you just too different? Be sure of how you feel if you think this might be the end of your relationship, and allow the both of you to find someone who truly makes you happy.
12. Know that some things won’t change and shouldn’t.
Your partner is their own person and will always do things their own way. They might have habits that annoy you, but if that’s how they choose to be, then they’re never going to change.
Relationships require compromise, but that doesn’t include expecting your partner to change how they act to fit in with your own expectations.
The way your partner approaches life is part of what makes them who they are. If it’s a case of changing the way they do something around the house, or communicating in a better way, this is something that can be easily addressed.
But if what annoys you about them is a fundamental part of their character, it’s not fair to put that sort of pressure on them to be someone they’re not.
If you can’t help but get irritated by the way your partner acts, then you need to either learn to accept who they are, or realize that you need to be with someone who doesn’t have to change so drastically to make you happy.
Getting annoyed with your partner is completely normal. We all have our moments when we feel like we can’t stand them. It’s just part of getting to know each other so well.
Even though there will always be these moments in a relationship, they shouldn’t be big enough to make you forget why you chose – and still choose – to be together.
Make time to focus on the positives and don’t just get wrapped up in the negatives of your relationship. Your partner might not be perfect, but none of us are. Even if you think their habits are bad, you could find that someone else would be much worse.
Refresh your attitude and make gratitude a part of your day to day. It might be that you and your partner aren’t meant to last, but it doesn’t hurt to work on a positive mindset in the meantime and put your energy toward getting more joy out of life rather than getting bogged down by the little things.
Still not sure what to do about the feelings of annoyance you have toward your partner? This sort of thing can break a relationship, but it doesn’t have to. By getting the right advice now, you can turn things around for good. So why not chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.
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