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Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you get over any insecurities that have developed after being cheated on. Simply click here to connect with one via BetterHelp.com.
Being cheated on can leave you feeling insecure, hurt your self-esteem, and cause you to develop trust issues.
You could become paranoid and assume your partner will cheat on you, whether it’s the partner that already did it or a new one.
Whether you stay in the relationship or not, there are some things you need to do for yourself after being cheated on.
After the infidelity, you need to focus on yourself to prevent any negative consequences this experience might have on your emotional health.
Keep reading to find out all the things you can do to get over insecurities caused by your partner’s cheating.
1. Don’t blame yourself.
You shouldn’t blame yourself for the affair, but you can’t ignore your role either.
Maybe neither of you were happy in the relationship, and this is something both of you are responsible for.
However, the decision to cheat was purely your partner’s choice, and you can’t blame yourself for that. People often say they weren’t happy in a relationship when they cheated, but that’s not a valid excuse.
If your partner wasn’t satisfied with how things were, they could have worked on improving them or considered ending the relationship instead of cheating. The fact that they chose to cheat is not your fault.
After all, some people cheat even when they are happy with their partners. Find out your partner’s reason for cheating, but don’t take responsibility for the affair. There were thousands of different things your partner could have done if something was wrong in your relationship.
If you want to stay with your partner, you’ll need to work on your problems together, and you can and should take responsibility for them. However, don’t let them convince you that those problems caused the cheating or make you feel responsible for the affair.
2. Practice self-care.
After being cheated on, you need to take care of yourself. Don’t make unhealthy choices such as drinking too much or overeating. It might be tempting, but it could make you feel even worse. Sure, do what you need to in the immediate aftermath, but then try to exercise, get enough sleep, and eat healthy instead.
You could start writing your thoughts in a journal or try meditating to clear your head. Meditating is about becoming aware of your thoughts and letting them go as they come. It might help you to get rid of your thoughts about the affair.
Or, if you want to let those thoughts out, write them down. Don’t worry about what you write or how well it reads; no one is going to read your journal. Your journal is where you’ll release your negative emotions instead of bottling them up inside.
Working out can also help you get your emotions out and feel better afterward. Getting in shape can also provide a boost to your self-esteem.
Don’t forget to pamper yourself. Show yourself love by getting a massage and taking a long warm bath. Take care of yourself by having a spa day at home, listening to relaxing music, and reading a good book.
3. Don’t make yourself paranoid.
You could start constantly worrying that your partner is cheating on you, even if it’s a new partner and not the one who actually did cheat. When you don’t hear from them in a while, you could start thinking that they’re cheating on you.
Don’t do this to yourself!
Just because someone cheated on you doesn’t mean it will happen again, even if you stay with them. If you decide to stay with your partner, you will have to learn to trust them again.
Yes, there’s always a possibility that they might cheat again, but you can’t keep thinking that way. The opportunity always existed. You must accept that you can’t control what someone else does. All you can do is trust them if you want to be with them, whether it’s the partner that cheated on you or a new one.
Don’t drive yourself crazy with thoughts about what they’re doing every second of every day when they’re away from you. What’s the use in it anyway? If they wanted to cheat on you, they could do it no matter what you do.
Don’t make yourself paranoid by thinking that it will happen every time they go away. If you keep thinking that way, it will ruin your relationship. You must learn to move past what happened and trust again.
4. Don’t fixate on the details of the affair.
You know what happened, but you don’t need to know exactly how it happened. When people get cheated on, they often demand to know who their partner cheated with and the other details of the affair.
In reality, the less you know, the better. Try not to wonder about the details and don’t demand to know them. It’s bad enough that you can now picture your partner with someone else, and you don’t need to imagine it in detail.
Knowing it happened is bad enough; don’t make things worse by thinking about it too much. Are they better looking than I am? Was the sex better? Did they do the same things that we do? Don’t torture yourself with these and similar questions.
It will be easier to move on if you don’t think about it too much, whether you want to stay with your partner or not. If you know who they cheated with, don’t drive yourself crazy by stalking that person on social media and checking out their pictures. Your partner’s lover won’t be in the picture anymore anyway. Either you will break up with your partner, or they will end things with their lover. You don’t need to think about them anymore.
5. Work on your self-esteem and confidence.
You didn’t deserve to be cheated on, and the fact that your partner did this says nothing about you as a person. You didn’t deserve to be disrespected like that.
However, your self-esteem probably took a hit. Work on it by reminding yourself of everything you’ve achieved and your good qualities. Write them down if it will help you become more aware of them. Maybe you know how to play bass, you’re compassionate and kind, and you make killer pancakes. It can be anything good about you that you can think of.
After the affair, you might see yourself in a negative light. Put the spotlight on everything great about you that could overshadow the negative thoughts you have about yourself. Don’t hesitate to ask your loved ones for support and encouragement. Be kind to yourself and talk about yourself as if you would about someone you love.
Avoid self-criticism and learn to accept compliments. Try to have a positive attitude, and if it’s hard to act confident sometimes, fake it till you make it. If you can’t believe in yourself right now, pretend that you do until you can.
Set some time aside to do the things that make you feel good about yourself and make yourself happy. Take care of your body and soul by exercising and eating healthy.
6. Figure out what you want.
Do you want to stay in the relationship with your partner or end things? As hard as this question might be, not knowing can be even worse.
Your relationship can recover after cheating if you want to work on it. However, don’t force yourself to stay in the relationship if that’s not what you want anymore.
No one can tell you whether ending the relationship or staying in it is the right choice for you. Answering these questions can help you decide:
Does your partner understand how much they’ve hurt you, and do they want to make things right again? Have they’ve been honest with you about the affair? Do you think you could forgive them and trust them again?
If you need time to think about things, don’t hesitate to ask your partner for some space and time to make the decision. Knowing whether you want to pursue the relationship further or not is important to help you overcome your insecurities.
You need to know what your next step will be in order to make a plan. If you’re going to stay with your partner, you’ll have to work on trusting them again and improving your relationship. If you’re going to leave them, you’ll need to prevent the experience from damaging your future relationships and focus on yourself for a while.
7. Don’t hate your partner. Try to forgive them.
It makes perfect sense not to hate your partner if you want to stay with them. However, this applies if you’re going to end the relationship as well. You don’t want to hold grudges and resent someone whether they’ll still be in your life or not.
Try to forgive them even if you don’t want to be with them anymore. What they did wasn’t fair to you, but it was human. People often cheat, even when they are perfectly happy with their partners. Sometimes it’s because they’re tempted by the excitement of being with someone new. Other times it is because they’re not right for their partner to begin with.
Whatever your partner’s reasons, try to understand them and forgive them for hurting you. Maybe they’re aware that what they did was a mistake, and they regret doing it. It’s just one more reason to release them from the guilt, even if you’re not willing to take them back. The truth is, your partner most likely didn’t intend to hurt you when they decided to cheat.
They weren’t thinking about you at all, and that’s a problem. They were attracted to someone else, and they didn’t resist the temptation. That’s probably all there is to it. The fact that they cheated doesn’t mean that they’re not capable of being a loving, loyal, trustworthy partner. Even if you can’t trust that anymore, forgive them for hurting you with their infidelity.
8. Do more things that you love.
After you have forgiven your partner, it’s time to focus on yourself.
Do the things you love more often, and it will help you improve your confidence. Doing something you enjoy feels good, and you deserve to feel good about yourself.
Make yourself happy by finding more time for hobbies and discovering new ones. Read the books you like, watch your favorite shows, and dance to your favorite tunes. Try exercising, enjoying a bath, getting a manicure, shopping, meditating, or getting a massage. There are plenty of things you could do with your time that would make you happy, and you deserve to be happy.
When your mind is occupied, you won’t have enough time to think about the affair and drive yourself crazy with questions about it. Fill up your schedule with fun activities and don’t be afraid to try new things. Learning something new could help you discover new things you’re good at, and that will boost your confidence too.
Feel good about yourself because you have no reason not to. After all, you didn’t do anything wrong. If you enjoy dressing up and going out, call your friends and hit the town. Have a great time feeling great in your body and forgetting all about the problems with your partner.
9. Don’t let your happiness depend on your partner.
In a relationship, people often start letting their partner dictate their emotions. Even if your partner is “your better half,” you are a whole person without them.
Start feeling fulfilled and complete as a person regardless of your relationship. A relationship can significantly contribute to your happiness. But you can find happiness outside of it as well, and you definitely should.
Don’t let your happiness depend on your partner or any other person for that matter. You don’t have to absorb your partner’s feelings when they are upset about something. Put things in perspective by understanding that they are experiencing their own emotions, and you don’t have to be a part of it.
For instance, you can understand their feelings without getting angry if they are angry. You don’t have to experience the same things; you are two separate individuals. They don’t have to make you angry for you to be angry.
In the same way, they don’t have to make you happy for you to feel happy. You have your own life outside of the relationship, and you’re responsible for your happiness.
Adopting this mindset will help you in future relationships if things don’t work out with your partner. Work on being more independent and relying on yourself for your happiness. This will help you overcome insecurities after being cheated on.
10. Don’t become clingy.
You might be tempted to check up on your partner every few minutes when they’re away from you. Why are you doing this? Are you actually worried that they might be cheating? Even if it doesn’t feel that way, you might subconsciously be so afraid of them cheating again that you become too clingy.
This behavior could happen in a new relationship, and it’s a consequence of trust issues. But think about it realistically; you can’t stop your partner from cheating on you by texting and calling them all the time. It might even push them away because they will start feeling suffocated in the relationship.
Remind yourself that you can’t control them, but you don’t have to either. You must trust your partner for your relationship to work. This can be difficult when they’ve already betrayed your trust. But if things are going to work in your relationship, you’ll have to learn to trust them again.
Don’t ask them to spend all their free time with you so that you can keep an eye on them. Don’t become overly jealous or controlling because it’s unhealthy and won’t do you any good.
11. Accept that you can’t control what someone else does.
A great way to stop yourself from being clingy and controlling is to remind yourself that you can’t control your partner. If they decide to cheat on you, they will find a way to do it no matter how much you try to control them.
The point is that the decision to cheat or not is purely theirs, and there’s no way you can control what they do. Don’t even try to. If you do, it could just create more problems in your relationship. Whether someone will cheat on you or stay faithful to you is entirely up to them – realizing and accepting this can help you overcome your trust issues.
All you can do to stop someone from cheating on you is to be a good, loving partner to them. If that’s not enough for them, that’s not your problem. You must trust that it will be enough and hope to get the same in return.
12. Don’t assume that you’ll get cheated on again.
Trusting your partner means that you won’t assume they’ll cheat on you again. Unless there’s a good reason for you to believe that your partner will stay unfaithful, don’t drive yourself crazy with assumptions and doubts. Try to stay focused on the facts.
When you think they might be cheating, ask yourself if there is a likelier explanation before reacting. Also, it would be good to remind yourself that you’ve caught them once. If they happen to cheat again, you will likely catch them again. There’s no need to be on the lookout constantly.
What’s more, constantly fearing that they might be cheating on you might ruin your relationship. Don’t try to be a mind reader. Unless there’s a good reason to doubt your partner’s fidelity, don’t assume that they’ll make the same mistake twice. This is especially important if you want to make things work with them.
13. Work on the things that you don’t like about yourself.
When your self-esteem has taken a hit, you could start thinking about your negative qualities. When you do, don’t exaggerate them or assume that you’re unlovable because of them. Work on improving them instead!
Focus more on your positive qualities and if there are things that you don’t like about yourself, do something about it!
Dedicate some time to self-improvement; it will help you rediscover some of the confidence you may have lost after you found out about the affair. By all means, get into shape and get a new haircut if you want, but don’t focus on improving only what’s on the outside. Work on being a better person in general.
Your partner didn’t cheat on you because you weren’t a good enough partner. However, you can become a better partner to them or anyone else you might date in the future. Change anything you don’t like about yourself, whether it’s your hair or some limiting beliefs you’ve had for years. Let go of anything that doesn’t feel right anymore, and don’t be afraid of becoming a new version of yourself.
14. Be willing to trust again.
“All men/women are the same.”
“I’ll never trust a man/woman again.”
These thoughts and similar simply aren’t good for you.
If you start convincing yourself that you can’t trust anyone anymore, what are you going to do if it works? After all, what benefit could you have from not trusting your partner? You can’t have a healthy relationship like that. If you think it’s an excellent way to prevent getting hurt again, you’re wrong.
It’s a destructive mindset that will get you hurt because you won’t be able to let anyone in. Understand that you must be willing to trust again. If you can’t trust your current partner anymore, you’ll have to end the relationship. Remember that you could have trust issues in a new relationship, too.
Be willing to try trusting people again without assuming that it will get you hurt. Yes, sometimes you’ll get hurt when you put your trust in someone, but that’s just a risk you must take to have love in your life. No one wants to hurt you, and when it happens, it’s rarely on purpose. You can’t have a relationship without trust. So what are you willing to give up: trust issues or relationships?
15. Let your loved ones offer support.
When you’re hurting, your loved ones could offer support and a shoulder to cry on, so don’t be afraid to open up to them. They might give you advice or listen to your story and make you feel better about yourself.
This is not the time to withdraw and try to do everything on your own. Let your family and friends help you overcome this. They could remind you of all your good qualities, and they might also offer advice on what you should do about your relationship.
Most importantly, though, they could help you get your mind off the affair by engaging in fun activities. Go out with your friends and have fun because you don’t have to be miserable just because you got cheated on.
You don’t have to tell everyone about the affair. Talk about that with those you trust, but feel free to include other people in the part of making you feel better. Don’t be afraid to meet new people either. You might find some new friends that you could hang out with and forget about your problems.
16. Talk to a therapist.
Ultimately, it would be a good idea to talk to a professional who can give you more insights about this. While your loved ones can be of great help, a therapist has experience with people who got cheated on. They could offer you more ways to deal with this and overcome the insecurities it caused.
Additionally, a licensed professional is undoubtedly someone you can trust. You don’t have to worry about what you will and won’t say to them. Just schedule a session and talk about anything that’s on your mind.
A therapist could give you tailored advice based on your situation and help you cope with this. Don’t be afraid to reach out to them and get their help.
This is important if you want to make things work with your partner or if you want to prevent trust issues from damaging any future relationships that you might have.
Whatever you do, speak to someone about your feelings and don’t bottle up your feelings.
We recommend the online therapy services from BetterHelp.com where you can speak to an experienced therapist and receive the kind of tailored advice no internet article could ever provide.
Click here to learn more or to book a session.
You may also like:
- 17 Steps To Forgive A Cheating Partner And Get Over Infidelity
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- 14 Reasons Why Men And Women Cheat On Those They Love
- Need To Know Details Of Their Infidelity? Do This
- 11 Things That May Be Considered Cheating In A Relationship
- 14 Signs Of An Emotional Affair (+ 11 Reasons People Have Them)