If you’re worried that your husband is attracted to another woman, you’re not alone.
Many relationships go through a phase like this—and, for a lot of them, it is just a phase caused by work stress, self-esteem issues, or any number of other things going on in one or both of your lives.
Equally, ongoing suspicious behavior can indicate that there’s something going on behind your back. Your husband might have feelings for someone else if a lot of the signs outlined below are present in your marriage.
Rather than acting rashly or coming from a place of heightened emotions, take your time to assess what’s really going on. Speak to people you trust about what you think might be happening, and evaluate the mindset you’re coming from and if it is affecting how you’re interpreting things.
Or, even better, speak to one of the relationship experts at Relationship Hero who can provide tailored and impartial advice that your friends or family members might not be able to give. Click here to speak to someone now.
It’s important to avoid jumping to conclusions, but you also deserve to know if there is something else going on—stay aware, do your best to communicate openly, and know when to walk away.
1. He feels more distant.
This isn’t to say that any time a man gets distant, he’s cheating on you—but it is often something people do when they have feelings for someone else.
He might be distant physically, such as no longer hugging you or cuddling up on the sofa, or he might not be engaging in emotional intimacy as much as normal, either.
You may notice that you are the one initiating conversations, or that he doesn’t seem to be paying as much attention when you talk as he once did. Do you always initiate sex now? Does it seem like he’s simply going through the motions when you are intimate?
This may be because he’s feeling guilty—he knows what he’s doing is wrong, so he feels uncomfortable around you. He might worry that if he spends too much time with you, you’ll pick up on the fact he’s hiding something. He might also hate the idea of hurting you, so, rather than facing that, he’s avoiding you. It’s likely he knows that he’s acting strangely and wants to protect you from it.
Equally, he may be pulling away because he’s no longer happy. This is horrible to think about, but it’s one of the reasons men get more distant. He might have lost interest and is no longer actively investing his time or energy into your marriage. He may be hoping that you realize this and pull away, as this would make it easier for him to justify his actions, or potentially move on or leave you.
2. He’s acting suspiciously.
Again, people can act weirdly for a lot of different reasons, and him having a crush on someone else isn’t the only option! However, if your husband is being quite secretive or cagey, he might be hiding something from you—and that could be the fact he’s interested in another woman.
Maybe he’s working late more than usual, or not answering his phone or texts as often or as quickly as before. He might make up excuses to avoid being intimate with you, such as mysterious illnesses or things that don’t quite add up.
If your husband has started acting oddly, he’s likely trying to keep you from finding something out. Although a lot of films and TV shows really dramatize these scenarios, the stereotypes exist for a reason.
3. He’s hot and cold.
One of the strange things that can happen when your husband is attracted to someone else is that he suddenly acts more interested in you, too. This may be because he feels guilty about having feelings for someone else and wants to stop you from getting suspicious by giving you more attention.
The guilt may mean he’s all over you one day and very distant the next. It’s likely he’s battling a lot of emotions, and his behavior will be all over the place as a result.
This can be really confusing, and it’s what often causes us to take longer to realize that something isn’t quite right. He might be trying to cover up his behavior, or he may be unsure of his own feelings.
Some men try to convince themselves they’re still happy and invested in a marriage by really throwing themselves into it when they’re doubting it the most—this can leave you feeling all over the place, not clear on where things actually stand.
4. He’s being too charming around other people.
It might not necessarily mean he’s in love with another woman, but, if your husband is getting a bit flirty with someone else, he could be attracted to her. Maybe you’ve noticed that they have their own inside jokes, they get into weird play fights, or he’s a bit more tactile with her than he is with other friends.
Either way, if you’re noticing that he’s acting differently with her than with other people, or being overly complimentary to her or about her, he might be crushing on her or thinking about her in an inappropriate way.
It’s difficult to tell what’s going on below the surface—a lot of people are just very extroverted and warm, which can make them seem like they’re flirting when they’re not. Only you will really be able to judge his behavior based on your experiences in your marriage.
5. He’s protective of his phone.
This is always a warning sign that something is going on—if your husband is falling in love with another woman, he’s probably being very secretive with his phone. Maybe he avoids answering calls in front of you or changes his password and keeps his phone locked. He might be leaving the room to take calls or tilting his phone away from you when he’s texting.
This may be a sign that he’s talking to someone else and wants to keep it a secret from you.
This could be because he’s trying to protect your feelings while he attempts to figure out how he feels—it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s automatically having an affair or has cheated on you.
It may even be that he’s messaging friends about someone he finds attractive (such as sharing “jokey” messages about attractive female coworkers, for example), and he doesn’t want you to see them, even though there’s nothing actually happening between them. While this is still inappropriate, it’s not the same as him being in love with someone else. He may have a crush or just be partaking in office “banter,” but he still needs to consider how this will make you feel and why it’s not acceptable in a marriage.
6. He’s lost interest in your life.
Your husband might have stopped asking about how your day was, or how your friends are doing. If he used to be quite interested in what you were up to, this can be a red flag and can be quite worrying. Maybe he used to come home and check in with you, or he’d be excited to join you and your friends for drinks sometimes.
He might be pulling away or may have used his emotional capacity for the day with someone else—again, this sounds very harsh, but it can sometimes be the reason that your partner seems to have lost interest in you.
It’s also possible that he’s trying to avoid time alone with you in case you pick up on the fact that something isn’t quite right. This may also be why he doesn’t want to be around your friends or family, which might be something else you’ve noticed recently.
7. He’s overly invested in her love life.
Your husband might not be cheating on you, but he might be attracted to another woman if he’s overly interested in her love life. It’s normal to be interested in what our friends and colleagues are up to, but it can be suspicious when it goes too far.
If your husband often shares news with you about who this woman is dating, there’s a chance he’s interested in her love life for the wrong reasons.
Maybe he’s curious about the competition or is trying to gauge if she’d be interested in him; he might know a lot about her “type” of man or even her sex life or preferences. This could be a sign they’ve had an inappropriate conversation and he could be keeping tabs on her for the wrong reasons. If he knows the kinds of things about her that you’d be uncomfortable with strangers knowing about you, it’s a pretty strong sign that they’ve crossed some kind of boundary.
8. You’ve discovered he lied about something silly.
When people are doing something they shouldn’t be doing, they often get overly cautious about everything. They’re worried that the smallest thing will give them away, so they go into hyper-defensive mode.
This can mean that they end up lying about weird things. For example, your husband might lie about the restaurant if he was with another woman, even though you wouldn’t have thought he was having an affair in the first place.
If his story isn’t making sense, it’s likely because he’s trying too hard to cover something up—and that’s probably because he doesn’t want you to know about it. He might feel like he’s going to get caught and has panic-lied about something really small. He may have overthought his version of events and has focused on tiny details in order to stop you from figuring out the bigger picture.
9. Your sex life has changed.
As mentioned before, you might have noticed that your partner is hot and cold with you. Maybe you’re having more sex than you used to, and that could be for several reasons. It could be because he’s feeling guilty, or because he wants to keep you distracted. It might also be because he’s not sleeping with the other woman he loves, but he still wants to have sex with someone.
Equally, you may no longer be having sex as much as before, or even at all. This could be because he feels too guilty to be intimate with you, or it could be because he’s getting it elsewhere and is fulfilled enough to no longer be interested in sex with you. Again, this is very hard to hear or acknowledge, but a decrease in how often you’re having sex could be a sign that things aren’t quite right.
If the kind of sex you’re having has changed, there may also be a reason behind this. You might notice it’s no longer as loving and tender as it was before—he might be trying to avoid too much emotional connection because he’s losing feelings for you or is experiencing too much guilt.
10. He’s creating issues in the relationship.
If you feel like your husband is picking fights over small things that never used to bother him, there may be a reason behind it. He might be trying to convince himself that the marriage isn’t right—he might be in denial or feeling guilty about loving another woman, so he’s trying to create drama in your marriage that justifies him cheating or leaving. If he feels like things aren’t right, he might feel like he has a reason for acting this way.
It’s also possible that he is creating an environment that is intended to push you away. Maybe you’ll ask for some space and then he will have an excuse to leave and go and see her. More fights or disagreements may also make you question the relationship and cause you to look elsewhere or consider ending things—which would make it a lot easier for him. This is manipulative behavior, and it’s unfair of him to try to force your hand in this sense.
11. He makes excuses to see her.
He might be overly available to another woman or be going above and beyond to spend time with her. Maybe he’s disguising it with acceptable excuses, like helping her move or carpooling to work with her each day to save on gas.
Ultimately, if he’s going out of his way to spend time with another woman, there’s a chance he has a crush on her or wants something to happen. He may also be firmly in “hero” mode (helping her as much as possible with literally anything he can think of) which is also a sign he’s not doing things for the right reasons.
If he seems defensive when it comes up in conversation or goes out of his way to justify his behavior, it’s likely that he’s aware it’s a bit shady or inappropriate. We tend to over-explain when we’re either lying or hiding something—in this case, his feelings for someone that he wants to keep a secret.
12. He acts oddly when you bring her up.
If your husband acts strangely when you mention the other woman’s name, it could be because he’s attracted to her or has a crush on her. If he gets cagey over something small like, “Oh, Cathy mentioned you bumped into each other in the supermarket,” it’s likely he’s overly defensive because he’s worried that he’s going to be found out.
Equally, if you compliment her—”Your secretary looked great at the office party, I need to find her hairdresser”—your husband might say something insulting as a response. He may feel like you’ll be suspicious if he agrees that she looked attractive, so he would rather do the opposite and criticize her instead.
13. He keeps buying you gifts.
Sometimes husbands buy their wives flowers because they love them; other times it’s to cover something else up. He might be going overboard on gifts because he feels guilty that he’s attracted to someone else.
Maybe he’s trying to deny things to himself, too—”Look how great I am as a husband, buying my wife jewelry”—because he’s not ready to accept that he’s been inappropriate or has cheated.
It may also be his way of justifying not being emotionally or physically present in the relationship—”I stayed out late for drinks with another woman, but it’s okay because I bought my wife flowers.”
Equally, your husband could be trying to keep you distracted so that you don’t notice the fact that he’s acting strangely, is working late, or is away more often.
14. He avoids seeing your friends/family.
We touched on this earlier, but it’s really worth highlighting. If your husband has feelings for someone else, you might notice that he’s pulled away from you a lot—in turn, he may also be pulling away from the people that you spend time with.
Your husband could be worried that they’ll notice something isn’t quite right, or that they’ll convince you to leave him or confront him.
We often miss certain behavioral changes in people that we spend a lot of time with—this is because we’re so used to seeing them and are “too close” to them to realize. For example, you likely wouldn’t notice if your friend lost a bit of weight each month; however, it would be obvious if you only saw them once a year. Your husband may be concerned that those around you will see a big change and alert you to the warning signs.
Moreover, he might feel guilty and disingenuous if he spends time with your friends or family. It can be hard to continue actively participating in a relationship that you’re no longer interested in, which may be what’s happening if he’s avoiding getting too involved in your life.
15. You don’t go out together anymore.
If you’ve noticed that you no longer go out together for drinks or dinner, it could be because he wants to avoid being seen in public with you. He might be attracted to another woman and doesn’t want her to see him in what appears to be a healthy, happy marriage. He may worry that if she sees the two of you together, she won’t be interested in him.
Maybe he’s been suggesting that you spend more time at home or he’s stopped inviting you to group events where the woman might be present. If you feel like he’s started hiding you, it’s worth considering why this may be.
16. He’s oddly invested in her social media.
Social media is a whole other world, and it’s often overanalyzed when it comes to attraction. Does a “like” mean someone is cheating on you? Probably not. Things to look out for might not be whether he “follows” her but if he checks her profile regularly. This might come up in his recent searches, for example.
Maybe he doesn’t publicly comment on any of her photos, but he messages her privately to tell her he liked them. We’re not suggesting that you check his phone, as this can cause all sorts of issues and toxicity, but it might be something you’ve noticed out of the corner of your eye.
It’s also possible that he’s hiding in plain sight. You may notice that your husband likes a lot of pictures of a certain woman, or he leaves inside joke comments on her posts. He might be hoping he’s being so obvious that you won’t think to read into it. Rather than being suspicious, he’s trying to keep it all out in the open so that he’s not “hiding” anything from you and can’t be accused of anything untoward.
17. He’s more bothered by his appearance.
Has your husband started going to the gym more or watching what he’s eating? You might have noticed that he’s more interested in how he looks. He could be more self-conscious, asking for input on his style, or regularly seek out compliments. If so, he wants the ego boost of being wanted, and he may be hoping she also does the same.
He might have started dressing or doing his hair differently, too. This could be him trying to mold himself into someone this other woman would find more attractive. He may even make comments around her taste in clothes—”Oh, she suggested I try a leather jacket”—and try to pass it off as a friendly conversation they had.
18. He finds ways to bring her up.
Some people will do everything they can to avoid mentioning someone they find attractive. They’ll change the way they tell stories so that they don’t have to use their name, or they will leave out certain details in an attempt to cover things up.
Other people almost can’t help themselves and will find ways to talk about the other person, even if they’re not that relevant to the conversation.
You may notice that he keeps talking about a new female friend or a woman he works with. He might be doing it subconsciously because he’s thinking about her a lot or is genuinely interested in things she’s talked about.
Equally, he may be doing it on purpose—he might think that by being really open about this woman, he’s able to hide in plain sight and avoid arousing any suspicion. After all, it would be weird for him to tell you about a woman he’s in love with…
The bottom line.
It’s important to remember that not everything on this list is a sign that someone is cheating on you or is interested in someone else. Many of these behaviors can also be due to something completely innocent. For example, you’ve not had sex lately because he’s stressed with work, or he bought you flowers because he knows he’s been distant.
In the same way that a headache can be a symptom of a life-threatening illness, it can also be just a headache.
If your husband does a few of the above every so often, he’s probably just a human being whose mind and mood changes. If there are a lot of the above “symptoms” present, it’s worth considering if there is something more going on.
One week of someone acting oddly doesn’t automatically indicate they’re having an affair. If things feel a bit off and continue over a longer period of time, it’s worth thinking about what might be going on behind the scenes.
Remember that there could be a huge range of reasons for any kind of change in behavior, and it’s important to communicate before you act rashly about anything.
This whole thing can be incredibly difficult to process, which is why we’d recommend seeking expert advice about the situation. You can speak to a relationship counselor by yourself and they will be able to help you figure out what might be going on and how best to approach the topic with your husband.
A good place to get help is the website Relationship Hero – here, you’ll be able to connect with a relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.
While you can try to figure everything out yourself, it may be something you’ll need outside help with. And if it is affecting your relationship and mental well-being, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Too many people – both couples and individuals – try to muddle through and do their best to solve problems that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, speaking to a relationship expert is 100% the best way forward.
Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service Relationship Hero provide and the process of getting started.
You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to an expert. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.
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- How To Confront A Cheating Partner/Spouse: 11 Tips To Help You Through It
- 17 Steps To Forgive A Cheating Partner And Get Over Infidelity