When the same thing keeps happening to you over and over again, can it just be coincidence?
What if that thing happens to be a betrayal by someone you love?
Maybe your partner has recently cheated on you like your exes have done in the past. The pattern is becoming clear.
Why do you keep getting cheated on?
Is this about you, not them?
Not necessarily.
Even if you have, in some way, contributed to your partner’s decision to cheat, no one is here to blame you, and you shouldn’t blame yourself either.
However, you should consider what your role in the situation may be, and then address it accordingly.
Chances are you are repeating some unhealthy patterns in your relationships that increase the odds of things ending the same way.
We are going to go through each potential reason you keep getting cheating on and discuss how to fix each of them.
1. You pick people who have cheated in the past.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
This is a bold statement that’s not always true. However, what is true is that people tend to repeat the same unhealthy patterns.
Will they cheat on you? You’ll never know for sure. But we can learn a lot from history, and it’s noticeable that it repeats itself.
If your partner has a history of cheating on their exes, we can say with some certainty that it increases the likelihood that they will cheat again, this time on YOU.
Fix: You can learn a lot from your partner’s dating history. The way they talk about their exes and the reasons why their previous relationships ended can reveal what might happen in yours.
Ask them about cheating and other relationship problems they may have encountered before. Have they cheated? If so, how long ago?
Be cautious of people who have a history of cheating. If they’ve done it once, it may be easy for them to do it again.
2. You cheated first.
Maybe you were the other woman or man, not the one they cheated on… And now you are the one that’s been betrayed.
Perhaps you get into affairs with people who are already taken, and they end those relationships to be with you. Then, once your affair becomes a relationship, they’re out looking for a new fling.
The answer might even be revenge. Maybe you cheat first in a relationship, so your partner cheats back to even the score.
Fix: Don’t cheat if you don’t want to be cheated on. Sometimes, it’s as simple as that. Whether cheating is a mistake or a choice is up for debate, but either way you do have a say over the situation.
Don’t agree to be someone’s lover, and steer clear of flirting with people who are already taken.
And if you are in a relationship but want to cheat, it’s always best to end that relationship rather than be unfaithful.
3. You are into bad guys/bad girls.
Maybe you’re attracted to the worst kind of partners, the ones that have trouble written all over them. You are into the whole bad guy/bad girl thing, but these types of partners are more likely to make regrettable decisions such as cheating.
Perhaps you hope that you can change them, or they make it easier for you to express your bad side too.
Ultimately, if you continually choose to date the bad guy/bad girl, you may be unintentionally inviting the infidelity into your life.
Fix: Find out why you’re attracted to the bad boy/girl vibe. Describe your ideal partner and your perfect relationship. Could you ever have that with the kind of partners you pick for yourself?
Do you have mommy/daddy issues that have caused you to seek out a bad guy that needs fixing? Or do you enjoy the drama that comes with dating a bad girl? Talk about this with a therapist, and they can help you overcome it.
Relationship Hero is a website where you can connect with a certified relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.
4. You trust too much.
You should trust your partner, just not blindly, and certainly not right away. Remind yourself that they must earn your trust and that you can’t just freely give it away again after they break it.
Maybe you are attracted to untrustworthy people, or people take advantage of you because you trust every word they say.
Fix: Until they prove that they can be trusted, keep your guard up. Always remember that a cheater has to be a liar too. Learn to recognize when you are being lied to, and challenge your partner’s stories when your gut is telling you that they’re made up.
5. You don’t meet their needs.
Your partner has needs, and if you don’t meet those needs, they’re going to seek that fulfillment elsewhere.
The first thing that comes to mind in this situation is sex, but the need that they want to satisfy might not be as sexual as you think.
While some people cheat to get sexual fulfillment, others may be looking for someone to spend quality time with, for emotional validation, or to feel reassured that they are attractive.
Fix: Meet your partner’s needs, whether they’re sexual, emotional, or a different kind. Perhaps they need to be showered with affection and attention. When they don’t get that from you, they seek it from other people.
Is their need sexual? How often do you have sex, and does it blow your mind as well as theirs? If not, they may be looking for greater sexual satisfaction. More on that later.
6. You don’t take care of yourself.
It’s not like your partner is Brad Pitt, right? Well, sure, but maybe you have neglected to take care of yourself to the point that you no longer look like the person you once were.
You might not be taking care of yourself in the physical sense by neglecting your hygiene, no longer dressing up, and stopping other self-care practices that help you look fresh and happy.
Maybe you don’t get enough sleep, don’t eat healthy, and you work too hard. All this surely reflects in your personal appearance.
While it’s certainly not an excuse for cheating, it might be one of the reasons why your partner started looking around.
Fix: After the honeymoon phase is long gone, a lot of couples let themselves go. They stop taking care of their appearance and often dedicate all their time and energy to work and taking care of the kids.
A drastic change from who you once were can drive a wedge into a relationship. So hit the gym, get enough rest, start dressing up more frequently, and implement a self-care routine.
Make an effort to look good despite the daily responsibilities, and your partner will be less likely to have a wandering eye.
7. You ignore the red flags.
Maybe you know a cheater when you see one—you just ignore the red flags and get involved with them anyway. Don’t do this. Don’t ignore the red flags when you notice them early on in a relationship.
Maybe you keep getting cheated on because you give the wrong people a chance even though your gut is telling you not to settle for them. You ignore your instincts and get stuck in a relationship that shouldn’t have started to begin with.
Fix: Be aware of the red flags, especially the ones that you can notice early on in a relationship, and don’t undermine their importance. Take the red flags seriously. Run for the hills if you notice anything that indicates you’ll be stuck in another dead-end relationship.
Sometimes, you can prevent all this from happening simply by trusting your gut and keeping your eyes wide open.
8. You have mommy/daddy issues.
The reason why you keep getting involved with people who cheat on you might date back to your childhood and the relationship that you had with your parents. Mommy/daddy issues are so common and can be a huge influence on the type of people you are attracted to and the types of relationship dynamics you get into.
Fix: Talk to a professional about your past. There are a lot of other issues besides mommy/daddy issues that could cause you problems in romantic relationships.
Your attachment style is also important and might influence who you decide to get into a relationship with and how you connect. All in all, a relationship counselor can help you leave your past behind so you can choose better partners in the future.
Relationship Hero is a website where you can connect with a certified relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.
9. You are not investing enough effort into the relationship.
What if you are simply not trying hard enough to make your relationship work?
While it’s not pleasant to hear, you may have been neglecting your partner. You haven’t been working on the relationship and trying to keep them around.
There could be various reasons for this. Given your past, perhaps you are scared of being cheated on again and so you pull away to protect yourself.
The thing is, this will probably cause your partner to pull away in turn, and if you do nothing to stop it, they may move even further away and eventually turn to someone else.
Do you fight to keep your partner around? Or do you just chase them away?
Fix: Just because you are in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean that they will be yours forever. There is no guarantee that things will run smoothly. A relationship is like a living being that needs to be nurtured to grow.
You can’t neglect your partner or take them for granted just because they are in a committed relationship with you. Keep the spark alive, go on dates, and keep seducing each other, even if you’ve been together for a long time.
10. You are attracted to those you can’t trust.
Mysterious people can be very attractive, but the allure can quickly backfire. You might be attracted to shady characters and untrustworthy people, which can lead to unfaithful behavior.
Maybe you enjoy drama, or you carry baggage from your past. Either way, the veil of mystery isn’t such a great thing in a committed relationship.
Fix: Carefully choose who you’re going to get involved with and pick people that seem trustworthy. Keep your guard up at first and let trust grow with time. Consider how your partner treats others, not just how they treat you, and it will help you see if you can truly trust them.
11. You are insecure and talk badly about yourself.
The way you talk about yourself to others influences the way those people see you and what they think about you. If you talk badly about yourself, you’re not just making yourself feel bad, you are making other people see you in a negative light as well.
Maybe you do this because you have low self-esteem after being cheated on more than once in the past. That’s understandable.
Just please don’t forget that confidence is one of the most attractive traits a person can have. So, if you are insecure, you might be less attractive than you would be if you would overcome your insecurities.
Fix: Stop talking negatively about yourself. Also, know that everyone looks better when they are happy. So smile more and make a conscious choice to look on the bright side of things.
This, on its own, makes you more beautiful, because how you feel on the inside shows on the outside. Learn to love yourself and become more confident, and you will be more attractive as a consequence.
12. You don’t exist without them.
Have you turned into an addition to your partner instead of a separate individual? Do you exist outside of the relationship?
Sometimes a person becomes just a boyfriend/girlfriend, a husband/wife, or possibly a father/mother. They stop being an individual separate from their relationship, and this is bad for them and their partner.
Fix: Never stop rediscovering yourself and doing things that make you happy. Don’t let your life revolve around your partner or your love life in general. Dedicate enough time to other aspects of your life and have your own life outside of the relationship. You can engage in hobbies and have separate interests from your partner. You don’t have to like the same things.
13. You fall for sweet talk.
You might assume that those who use sweet talk are sweet people. So you trust them, even though their kind words are just a manipulative technique that they use on you.
Fix: Sweet-talkers usually have an ulterior motive, and/or they use sweet talk on others too. Pay attention to actions much more than you pay attention to words. It’s easy to say certain things, such as “I love you,” but proving them true is done through action, not poems.
14. You put others ahead of your partner.
Maybe your partner is never a priority to you, and this makes them want to go look for someone else.
Perhaps you always put your kids first, or your best friends always come before your partner. This could make them want to find someone who’ll always make them a priority.
Fix: Always have a life outside of your relationship, but also make your partner a priority. You can go out with your friends sometimes, but don’t do it on the night that you promised to take your partner on a date.
15. You prioritize work over your partner.
Are you a workaholic or simply someone who’s obsessed with your career? If so, you might not be able to give your partner as much time as they need.
As already mentioned, a person will cheat when their needs aren’t being met, and that need doesn’t have to be sexual. It could be the need for your time and attention.
Your partner wants to be a priority to you. If your work comes first instead, they probably feel neglected.
Fix: See if you can get some time off work to go on a vacation with your partner. This is a simple solution if you’re going through this right now.
But if all your partners started cheating because you’re always obsessed with work, it won’t fix your problem.
You need to decide what’s most important to you at your current stage of life and find a better balance if you don’t want to sacrifice your love life for your work life.
16. You mistake attraction for love.
Maybe your partner doesn’t love you. This is very difficult to learn, but it might make sense if you frequently mistake attraction for love.
Maybe you get involved with people who frequently change partners and behave freely when it comes to sex.
You could be with a womanizer or a cougar. They show you attraction, but they don’t give you love or commit to you. They’re not really cheating on you, they’re just moving on to the next partner.
Fix: Be with someone who actually wants love and commitment if that is what you want too. More importantly, learn that attraction is what you feel in an instant, while love is something that you build over time. Attraction doesn’t always lead to love; in fact, it could lead to a bad relationship.
17. You don’t enjoy sex.
Maybe your partner isn’t satisfied sexually. This could be because they don’t think that you are satisfied. A partner’s pleasure is very important. If you have been withholding sex or seemingly not enjoying it anymore, your partner could be searching for a more passionate connection.
Fix: Sex isn’t just about satisfying your partner, it’s about your pleasure too. If you don’t enjoy intimacy anymore, talk to a relationship counselor about it. However, try to learn to enjoy sex and explore your body. Keep an open mind and try new things. Show your partner that they can still satisfy you and that you can satisfy them.
Relationship Hero is a website where you can connect with a certified relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.
18. You don’t set boundaries.
Boundaries are very important in relationships. They let your partner know how far they can go without breaking your trust. People will often push your limits to see where the line is, and if you don’t clearly draw that line, they will cross it.
Maybe you’re okay with your partner flirting with others and having emotional affairs, you just don’t want them to have sex with anyone. Is that where the line is, and have you clearly communicated it?
Fix: Define what cheating means to you. Is flirting cheating? Kissing? Holding hands? Or just sex? Most importantly, does your partner agree with your definition of cheating?
Do they know that you are going to walk away if they cross the line? Or do they take you for granted and cheat because they know that you won’t stick to your boundaries and you’ll take them back instead?
19. You don’t learn from your mistakes.
What if you know exactly why your partners always cheat on you? What if you’ve known it for a while now, yet you do nothing about it?
Think about your past relationships and at which point your partners have cheated. What happened before that? Did you see it coming? Was it clear that you were dating an unfaithful kind of person from the start?
Fix: Identify the exact mistakes you’re making and learn from them. For instance, don’t ignore the red flags. If your instincts are yelling at you, learn to listen.
However, don’t think that you are not attractive enough or can’t satisfy your partner. The reality might be that you’ve started to neglect your appearance or that you don’t enjoy sex anymore, which are entirely different things.
The point is, you can work on them. So identify the real reason, accept it—even if it’s not pleasant to acknowledge—and work on it until you overcome it.
20. You’re not in a happy relationship.
Ultimately, a person will cheat on you because they’re not happy in the relationship. Maybe you’re fighting a lot, they’re not feeling it anymore, and there’s no connection or passion.
Instead of breaking up with you first, they start looking for a new partner while still in a relationship with you. It’s not fair to you, but it happens.
Fix: Talk to a professional and explain all the details of your unhealthy patterns. Decide to work on yourself in order to improve your relationship or any future relationships that you’re going to have.
Don’t blame yourself for what happened, and don’t let it happen again if there’s anything you can do to avoid it. Talk to someone about this and take action so you can have a brighter romantic future.
You may also like:
