Are you worried that your partner could be cheating on you but don’t have proof?
Have there been signs you’ve noticed about his behavior that suggest he’s acting shady, or do you feel like you just know in your gut that something’s wrong in your relationship?
What do you do? Do you tell him your suspicions? Confront him and make him confess? Or do you wait until you finally have the proof you’ve been waiting for even though you’re unhappy?
There’s no rule book on what to do in these sorts of tricky situation. Every relationship is unique and what works for you and your partner won’t necessarily work for someone else.
Some people might tell you that if you think there’s something “off” with your partner then you shouldn’t hang around to find out, you should trust your instincts and leave them.
Other people make the mistake of keeping a failing relationship alive because they’re too scared to take the leap and find independence for themselves even though they’d be happier.
The only thing you can do is what feels right for you. Confronting your partner if you’re worried he’s cheating isn’t the only course of action you can try. There is more to consider, so keep reading some of the tips below to help you come to a decision about what to do next.
What To Do When You Can’t Shake The Feeling He’s Cheating
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1. Think about how long you’ve been feeling this way.
How long have you been suspicious that your partner is cheating?
Have you ever stopped to think about when it was that you started losing trust in your relationship?
Can you think back to when you started worrying that your partner was cheating? Did he do something to make you upset? Did you stop trusting him from that point on?
Have you felt any difference in yourself and particularly your self-confidence recently that could be contributing to your fear of being cheated on?
It might not be your partner who is causing your distress but rather your subconscious mind manifesting an inner negativity of yours into a distrustfulness of your partner.
By figuring out when these negative thoughts and feelings started, you might be able to see how rational it is for you to accuse your partner of cheating.
Try looking inward before you begin passing blame onto your partner to see if there is a simpler solution to fix the way you’re feeling about him right now.
2. Does he need your support?
You might start worrying that your partner is cheating on you because he’s being emotionally distant or less tactile toward you. Maybe you haven’t spent much time together recently, or he always seems to come home late, so your automatic conclusion is that there must be someone else.
Before you start making assumptions, have you actually checked in to see if your partner is okay? If he’s never given you cause to question his fidelity before, you might want to try giving him the chance to explain himself before you start blaming him for being unfaithful.
Even if you feel angry at him right now, if you can’t be sure he’s cheating on you, there’s still the chance that there could be something else that’s affecting his mood and not your worst fears.
He might be quiet and distant because he’s anxious about something you’re not aware of. Rather than deliberately not spending time with you because he doesn’t want to, he could just be making more time for hobbies he enjoys.
By talking to him, checking in, and getting a sense of how he’s feeling, you might gain a better understanding. You might even find that rather than pulling away from him, what he needs most is your love and support in extra measure.
3. Don’t confront him right away.
When you’re emotional, your instinct might be to act on your feelings. If you think your partner is cheating on you, in that moment when your emotions are high, you may think you want to find out the truth from him and make him realize how hurt you are.
But acting emotionally rather than rationally might push you further away from the answers you really want rather than helping you find out what’s been going on.
If you’re upset and angry with your partner, he’s immediately going to feel threatened and become defensive. He’s more likely to react badly in response to you and turn the confrontation into a full-blown argument if you’re overemotional and haven’t thought carefully about how to approach the subject.
If he knows you’re upset and can guess why, he’s already going to be preparing his alibi if he really has been cheating. Getting angry at him won’t make him tell you the truth, he can lie just as easily when you’re upset at him as when you’re not.
Reacting emotionally shows him you are suspicious. If he is cheating on you, the last thing you want is for him to be aware that you know. You don’t want him to suddenly be more careful about hiding his activities. If you want the truth, one way to get it is to find proof and expose him for the cheat he is. It’s much harder to do that if he knows you don’t trust him and starts covering his tracks.
By confronting him immediately without taking time to assess the situation, it’s you that’s going to get hurt more than him. Whether he’s been unfaithful to you or not, an argument is only going to push you further apart and there’s no guarantee you’ll get the answers you want from it.
Try not to respond to your gut feeling immediately; wait and see if you can find reason to believe without doubt that you’re right about what your partner is doing, and give yourself time to think about what it really is you want to do next. Once you confront him about cheating, you can’t take it back, so make sure your words count.
4. Have a conversation about your relationship.
This doesn’t have to be a conversation about cheating, just a check in to see if both of you are on the same page in terms of where the relationship is going and if you’re both still happy being part of it.
Relationships need constant work to keep them strong and make them lasting, so it’s a good idea to regularly chat with your partner about whether he feels anything has changed and if you’re both still seeing the same future together.
If you think that your partner is cheating on you, now is the perfect opportunity to have that conversation. It allows him the space to be honest with you about what he might have done, without forcing him to confess. If he’s been acting differently around you, you have the chance to say how you feel and see how he reacts.
He might even surprise you with an explanation for his odd behavior that you would have never considered. Whatever the outcome, creating a safe space where both of you can comfortably express how you’re feeling toward each other is something to work on, in the good times and the bad.
5. Change up your schedule.
If you genuinely believe that your partner is cheating on you, then you might want to find definitive evidence that he’s doing it before you make any big decisions in your relationship.
If you spoke to your partner and didn’t find out anything helpful, then one idea you could try is changing up your routine and catching him out.
If you’re the type of person who has set times and schedules for your day, and your partner knows when you’ll be out, then you have offered the perfect opportunity for him to cheat.
To see if you can catch him out in his lies, change up your regular routine and plans without telling him. Come home early or visit him at lunch. If he’s lying to you, you’ll surprise him with your break from routine and make it harder for him to continue being dishonest.
It’s not healthy to keep stalking your partner; there must be boundaries. Changing your routine once or twice for your own peace of mind is different from invading your partner’s personal space.
If he’s doing what he says he’s been doing, then you need to start learning how you can trust him again. You can’t follow him everywhere, and if you’re in a happy relationship, you shouldn’t have to.
6. Ask questions about his day.
Your partner’s natural instinct, if he has been cheating on you and you ask him directly about it, might be to lie. If he’s not ready to tell you what’s going on, then he’s not going to tell you the truth.
But asking him about what he’s been up to—detailed questions about where he’s been, who he saw, and repeatedly visiting his alibi in other conversations—could begin to expose the cracks in his cover-up story and give you the proof you need.
Unless he’s been really careful about the story he’s prepared, then the more questions you ask, the harder it’s going to be for him to not just keep up the lie, but remember all the small details he’s been giving you.
See if his story makes sense and stays straight, and if not, then you have a better indication that he’s not being as truthful as he wants you to believe.
7. Think about your own actions before you pass blame.
Before you say or do anything, take a minute to evaluate how your relationship has been lately from your perspective and your partner’s. Has your relationship changed over time and evolved to be less affectionate? Do you act differently toward your partner now than you used to?
If you’re ready to blame your partner for causing the downward turn of your relationship, think first about whether it’s fair to pin everything just on him.
Have you thought about what happens if he’s telling the truth and not cheating? Can you say that you’ve been putting everything you can into your partnership, prioritizing his happiness as well as yours, and making an active effort to keep the spark between you alive?
If you think he’s been distant toward you lately, reflect on whether your behavior has been the same and if you’ve been pulling away from him without realizing it too.
It might be easier to think that your relationship is falling apart because your partner is cheating on you, it’s much harder to face the possibility that no one’s cheating and you’re both to blame for the way your relationship is going.
Be realistic about whether your partner’s distance from you is because he’s cheating or because you’re pushing him away. If you both really want to make this relationship work, then you need to stop looking for someone to blame and start being honest about what you can work on together to create the relationship you need.
8. Tell him what you need.
Even if you’re wrong about thinking your partner is cheating on you, the fact that you’re worrying about it shows you that you have insecurities about your relationship. These might be insecurities after being cheated on by a previous partner, but you also might not be getting the attention and interaction from your partner that you need. If that’s the case, then you should tell him about it.
If you’re feeling lonely and as though he never has time for you, then see if your partner is open to trying some of your suggestions about how to bring back the closeness between you again. Tell him what you need from him as a partner to show that he only has eyes for you.
He might not realize he’s hurting you through his actions—even if he’s not cheating—unless you tell him. Suggesting what he could do to make you feel more secure, such as planning a date night or being in contact more often, gives him something tangible to work on and shows you that he’s willing to try.
He might simply not know what you need from him, and communicating your expectations to each other is the first step to understanding each other’s needs and making your relationship stronger.
9. Work on your anxiety.
Worry and stress can do unexpected things to a person, wreaking havoc on their perceptions of others around them.
You may not realize that you’re as anxious as you are until you stop to think about your behavior recently and how it may have changed.
If you think your partner is cheating on you but you have no proof yet, then there is still the chance that he’s not. If something has happened recently that is playing on your mind and making you more anxious than you realize, then you could not only be subconsciously pulling away from those you love, but also becoming more paranoid about thoughts that cause you pain.
If you’re unable to cope with your anxiety, it’s possible that you’ve begun to project these feelings onto those closest to you, especially your partner, blaming him for something he’s not even aware of.
Think about your own feelings first before you confront others about theirs. Taking a closer look at why you’ve been feeling more isolated, anxious, and less confident in yourself—and when all of these feelings started—could help in addressing the root cause of your emotions.
You deserve compassion and understanding if you’re coping with high levels of anxiety, but you need to try to be self-aware too. There’s a difference between your partner telling you you’re making it all up in your head and realizing how your own emotions could be magnifying your own insecurities.
10. Try talking to his friends.
If you’ve met your partner’s friends and you’re worried that he’s cheating on you, seeking them out could be a good place to find some answers.
You must remember that your partner’s friends are most likely loyal to protecting his best interests, so don’t go to them expecting them to tell the whole truth. But there is a chance that if they like you or don’t agree with his actions they may at least speak to him about what he’s doing. They may even give you a hint as to what’s going on.
Sometimes, it’s what’s not said that can tell you the most, and if his friends or family are acting differently toward you, being less communicative or friendly than usual, then this is often a good indication that something is going on. You don’t need them to tell you explicitly that he’s cheating to find out from them that he is.
11. Try being more romantic.
If you’re suspicious that your partner is cheating on you, this might sound like the opposite of what you want to be doing right now. Being romantic is probably right at the bottom of your priorities when you don’t think that he deserves it.
But there’s a reason you might want to try pulling out all the stops with your partner even if you think he’s being unfaithful, and it’s to see how he reacts.
By making more of an effort with him romantically, you will be able to see how open he is to your advances.
If he’s receptive and grateful and responding back to you, then you know that either he hasn’t been playing away or that there is at least hope that he does still care and wants this relationship to work.
Your actions might even cause him to feel guilty if he has been unfaithful, and he could be taken aback by your renewed interest, especially if you’ve been drifting apart lately. Showing him you care could encourage him to come clean about what he’s done. And if you choose to give him a second chance, he may put more effort into your relationship.
On the other hand, you might notice how indifferent or negative he is in response to any romantic gesture you give him. If he’s switched off from your relationship and has found someone else, then being romantic with you could make him feel uncomfortable, either because he knows he doesn’t deserve it or because he just doesn’t feel that way toward you anymore.
Sensing your partner’s body language and how engaged he is with your relationship could be all the indication you need to know if he’s been cheating on you without even having to say a word about it.
12. Are you happy in this relationship?
Finding out that your partner is cheating on you is a huge emotional rollercoaster to deal with. If you’re still invested in this relationship and you realize your partner hasn’t been faithful, then you might not be sure how to handle the complicated emotions that come with all of this.
Leaving isn’t the answer for everyone. Some people might want to stay and try to see if there is a relationship left to save, although the difficulty of trusting an unfaithful partner is not something everyone can overcome.
So, what if you just think your partner is cheating on you, but you don’t know for sure? Without knowing for certain, it can be hard to make a firm decision about what you want to do next. You have to consider how happy you can be in this relationship even if you don’t get the proof you need. If you’re already feeling as though you can’t trust your partner, you’ll have to ask yourself if this is something you can overcome and if the relationship can be saved.
If you don’t feel loved or secure in your relationship, or you feel like your partner has mentally checked out, then is it worth staying together?
The idea that your partner is being unfaithful to you could be the perfect excuse to end a relationship that you don’t really want to be in anymore. You should be together because it makes you both happy, not because you are scared to leave or because being together has become a habit.
You don’t need an excuse to leave a relationship if it’s not working for you anymore, and if you’re already thinking that your partner is looking for something else, then maybe it’s a sign that you should too.
13. Go to couples therapy.
If you’re not sure how to approach your partner and you’re worried that he isn’t invested in your relationship anymore, then try couples therapy as a final attempt to get some answers and see if there is enough of a relationship to save.
It can be hard to know the right words to say to each other, especially when you’re upset. We aren’t trained on how to have a relationship; there isn’t an instruction manual to follow. Seeking the help of an expert who can encourage you both to open up and communicate better might be exactly what you need to get to the bottom of your relationship issues.
Asking someone for help isn’t a sign that you can’t keep your relationship together. In fact, it shows a willingness to try anything to make your relationship work. You’re seeking out a safe, neutral space to be able to share how you feel and better understand how to move forward in a positive way.
Seeing a therapist might not fix everything in your relationship immediately, and it could expose more cracks than you even realized were there in the first place. But if you want to try and get some answers or see if there is still hope of you and your partner rebuilding the trust that’s been lost between you, then it’s worth a try.
Relationship Hero is a website where you can connect with a relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.
14. Talk to someone.
Don’t keep your feelings bottled up. You don’t have to cope with this situation on your own. Whether or not your partner is cheating, it’s important to talk to someone you trust about what you’re feeling.
Sharing your worries with friends or family can help you see a new perspective you might not have thought of. It may also stop you from making the situation worse in your head. They could offer a more rational perspective, helping you to see your partner’s actions from a different point of view.
If you’re not ready to speak to your partner, then just having someone you can trust to confide in can help you feel less alone with your emotions. You don’t have to fix everything in your relationship on your own. If you have a group of people who love you, then lean on them in the moments when you’re feeling like you need support.
If you are going to speak to someone about how you’re feeling, especially about your partner, then you need to choose carefully. Make sure you go to a friend who is there to listen and support you, and not someone who will offer a biased opinion on what’s going on in your relationship.
You don’t always need someone to fix the problem for you or force you into making a decision. Choose someone who has your best interests at heart and knows how to be a supportive friend or family member by listening to your worries and reminding you that they are there for you no matter what.
If you don’t have someone like that, then you could try talking to a relationship professional. Therapy doesn’t just have to be for couples. Talking to someone could help you address the root of the fears you feel surfacing and can help you get control of them before they take control of you. Here’s that link again if you want to learn more about Relationship Hero and the service they provide.
Dealing with cheating in a relationship is complicated. There’s almost never a simple answer to how to behave, especially if you aren’t 100% sure that the cheating is even going on.
The problem with worrying that your partner is cheating, whether he is or not, is the fact that you feel like he could be.
You’ve lost the trust in your relationship, and you aren’t feeling secure. This could be a hang-up from a previous ex who cheated on you or it might be something you developed from watching broken families as you’ve grown up. Do you always expect the worst from a relationship?
If your partner has never given you any indication that he’s interested in someone other than you, then you have to consider the possibility that your own insecurities are what’s getting a hold of you rather than anything he’s really doing.
If you know this and you’re still unconvinced about your partner’s faithfulness, then you must question how happy you are going to be if you stay. Causing fights will only make you more miserable, and finding out the truth could cause you to become more unhappy.
Getting angry and upset won’t help this relationship heal. Instead, try focusing on how to make yourself feel happy, secure, and content once again with or without your partner, and aim for that above all else.
You may also like:
- 10 Subtle Signs Your Partner Might Be Cheating On You
- 11 Things That May Be Considered Cheating In A Relationship
- How To Confront A Cheating Partner: 11 Tips To Help You Through It
- 14 Reasons Why Men And Women Cheat On Those They Love
- 17 Steps To Forgive A Cheating Partner And Get Over Infidelity
- How To Tell If He Will Cheat Again: 10 Clues To Look For