How do you know if you’re being crazy in a relationship?
Isn’t love supposed to make you crazy? When does a relationship move from infatuation to a place where your actions are becoming questionable?
When you’re in a relationship that you desperately want to work, love can make you feel all sorts of emotions. It can be easy to lose perspective and start making decisions while exhibiting behavior you’d never have thought you’d ever find yourself doing.
What it feels like to be “crazy” in a relationship.
Crazy in love is when all rationality goes out the window. Your relationship has gone from loving infatuation to worrying obsession, and your behavior is turning toxic and pushing your partner away.
You’ve lost sense of what’s normal and you no longer respect your partner’s boundaries and individual needs. You’re letting your negative emotions and intrusive thoughts get the better of you and, unless you act, your relationship will fall apart.
It becomes harder to share your partner with others, making you overbearing. You want your relationship to work so badly that you’re putting too much pressure on it rather than enjoying the present moment. All in all, you’re making your partner feel uncomfortable and want to distance themselves from you, which in turn, makes the whole situation worse.
Jealousy, low self-esteem, previous bad relationships, and a fear of losing what you have can easily cause a person to start acting crazy.
To stop things from going too far, you need to acknowledge that your behavior isn’t healthy or enjoyable for your partner. Then you can start working on yourself and the insecurities driving you to micromanage and tear apart your relationship.
The first step is acknowledging and accepting that your relationship could do with some work. The second is to recognize crazy behavior in a relationship when it happens. For starters, have a look at the list below to see if any of these examples sound like they could be you:
- You want to be with your partner 24/7 and don’t see why you should ever be apart. Just because you’re in love doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t still have time for yourself. Let your partner have some space.
- Small issues quickly escalate into arguments. You’re overly sensitive and emotional, making it hard for your partner to communicate with you.
- You’re constantly in contact with your partner. You’re so worried about the idea of your partner cheating that you can’t let them have time alone.
- You stalk their social media and check their phone or emails, because you’ve lost all respect for your partner’s boundaries.
- You constantly need reassurance that your partner wants to be with you. You can’t trust that they are happy with you, and you’re driving them away and making them crazy by always questioning your relationship.
- You’re jealous of everyone. You’re suspicious of anyone your partner meets because you are convinced they’re going to leave you.
- You isolate your partner from their friends and family. Your need for you and your partner to spend all of your time together is isolating them from their friends and family.
- You want to control them/buy them. You try everything to keep your partner with you, even if it’s manipulative or toxic.
- You use emotional blackmail on them. You’re guilt-tripping your partner into spending more time with you or taking your relationship further too fast to try to keep them with you.
- You won’t let them talk about their past before you. Your insecurities about your relationship mean that you can’t acknowledge your partner’s life before you even though it’s made them who they are.
- You’re always the one at the center of the drama. If there always seems to be drama when you’re around, have you considered that you’re at the root of it all?
- You make plans about the future too quickly and pressure the relationship to move too fast. You’re desperate to make your relationship work so you’re rushing it to get serious even if your partner isn’t ready for that yet.
8 Tips To Stop Being Crazy In A Relationship
You’ve seen enough red flags to notice if you’re becoming crazy in your relationship. But once you’ve acknowledged that you need some help to back down, what do you do next? Keep reading for some tips on how to stop being the crazy one in a relationship.
1. Find another interest.
Being in a relationship shouldn’t mean spending all of your time with your partner. As much as you enjoy being together, you should still respect each other as individuals and give your partner space.
If you never allow your partner time on their own, or with their friends and family without you, then you’re going to start looking crazy and controlling.
You might be worried everyone will have more fun without you and your partner will realize they don’t want to be with you after all, so you think it’s better to keep them by your side.
You could be letting your anxiety get the better of you and be convinced that when you’re not around, everyone else is turning your partner against you.
Perhaps you’re still in the honeymoon phase and it’s just that you miss your partner so much when they’re away that you feel lost without them.
Whatever your reasons, trying to stop your partner from spending time away from you isn’t going to bring you closer, it’s going to drive you apart.
Spending every second together will stop you from appreciating each other. There is joy to be found in missing each other and being excited to see your partner again. You can only get that if you have some time apart.
Finding your own interests and keeping busy can help you be less needy with your partner’s time. By enjoying your own interests, whether that’s a new hobby, spending time with friends, or simply embracing time on your own, you can get back in touch with what makes you who you are, rather than shaping all of your identity around your partner.
By keeping yourself occupied, you’re less likely to sit at home counting the minutes until your partner comes back, and you will resent them less for having their own space.
Your partner is attracted to you because of everything that makes you who you are; so give your partner enough space to remember that person.
2. Learn to trust.
A lot of what makes someone become the “crazy” one in a relationship has to do with their issues trusting their partner completely.
The fear of getting hurt when you’re vulnerable with someone not only causes you to pull back in a relationship, but it can make a person become irrational, jealous, possessive, and argumentative to the extreme.
If a person has a lack of object constancy, they find it hard to believe that a relationship will be stable and that it can stay together. In other words, they find it hard to trust that their relationship won’t fall apart and that their partner won’t turn on them.
They are so preoccupied with waiting for something to go wrong in the relationship that they become the problem, accusing their partner of things they haven’t even done.
You want your partner to want to be in this relationship with you so much that you’re forcing them to stay by trying to control how much time they’re away. You think it’s love, but actually it’s just a lack of trust that you have in your relationship, and it’s making you look domineering and crazy.
Trust issues could stem from being hurt in past relationships. Perhaps you were cheated on or ghosted, or maybe you question if your friends and family truly enjoy your company.
Trust lies at the heart of a relationship, and you can’t force someone to fall in love with you or want to spend time with you. If you want a healthy relationship, and to give off less of a “crazy” vibe, then you need to try to find out where your difficulties with trusting someone stem from so you can begin to work on them.
You can never know if a relationship is going to work out or not, but you do know for certain that it will fall apart if you can’t trust each other.
3. Embrace your partner’s family and friends.
As much as you might desire all your partner’s time, if you want your relationship to last, and you don’t want to come across as the crazy, controlling partner, then you have to accept that they will spend time with other people too.
You may not like the fact that you have to share your partner, but trying to stop it from happening is not only going to make you look crazy, but it will make you unlikable too.
Rather than trying to fight against your partner spending time away from you, try embracing the other important people in their life. Take every opportunity to meet your partner’s friends and family, and put your best foot forward when you do.
The aim is to not be possessive, but instead ingratiate yourself with your partner’s friends and loved ones. This will increase your likelihood of being invited to group gatherings. It’s a win-win situation if it works, because you don’t seem crazy and you’re still getting to spend extra time with your partner.
You don’t have to worry about your partner cheating or forgetting to communicate with you because you’re right there making connections with their friends and family together.
It’s still important to let your partner have space to do things on their own, and that’s equally important for your mental health too.
But by making an effort with your partner’s loved ones, rather than picking a fight, you’re not asking your partner to choose between you and anyone else. Instead, you’re showing them how easily you can be part of, and support, each other’s lives.
4. Treat your partner with respect.
Treating someone with respect in a relationship requires acknowledging and respecting their boundaries.
It doesn’t matter how much you think you love someone, they are still their own person and that means you have to respect their rights as an individual. They won’t always think or react in the same way as you, and that’s something you must learn to accept.
Just because they think differently to you doesn’t mean that they’re wrong. It’s wrong to make your partner feel guilty for not being on the same emotional level as you, and it’s not fair to accuse them of not loving you enough because they react differently to situations than you do.
Just because you’re happy to share every part of your life doesn’t mean that your partner has to as well. If you have different boundaries in terms of what you’re both comfortable with, you should learn to respect them rather than forcing your partner to change.
To do this, you need to make sure you’re clear on what each other’s boundaries are. It could be an understanding that personal items like phones or laptops are out of bounds for each other. Or you’ve agreed to avoid calling the other person when you know they are with their friends.
It could be as simple as planning one date night a week while also setting a time where you both do your own things separately to give your partner the space they need.
It’s important not to break these boundaries once they are decided. The more you try to control and change your partner, the more they’ll feel smothered by you. The trick is to not love your partner too much, in a way that it starts crossing the line of respect for them as a fellow human.
If you break each other’s boundaries or feel entitled to belittle or control your partner, then you’re not showing them the respect they deserve as an equal in your relationship.
You both deserve to be happy, and one of you shouldn’t be sacrificing your own happiness to satisfy the needs of the other. Compromise, trust and respect are what stop a relationship from becoming toxic and falling apart, so stop being the crazy partner and start learning to make sure all three of these are top priorities in your relationship.
5. Stop worrying about the future.
One thing that can start making you act like a crazy person about your relationship is not being able to just enjoy the present and worrying too much about your future.
You’re so focused on whether your relationship is going to last, if your partner is the “right” person for you, if they want to get married or have a family, or even when they’re going to make your relationship “official,” that you’re putting too much pressure on your relationship too soon.
Asking the person you’re seeing heavy questions too early in your relationship and expecting them to know the right thing to say is going to make you come across as too intense and could push them away.
As much as you might like the person you’re seeing and think that there could be a future with them, they may just need a little more time to get to that place. Forcing them to commit to you early on—either because you are worried about them cheating or because you want them to like you as much as you like them—will end up pushing them away if they’re not ready.
Just because they aren’t thinking about buying a house or getting married and settling down just yet doesn’t mean that they don’t see a future with you. You need to overcome your relationship anxiety and learn to focus on the present rather than always looking ahead.
If you’re too busy worrying that your relationship is not going to last and overanalyzing whether or not this person is the right person for you, you’re going to miss all the good times you could be sharing together right now.
It’s hard to let go and not try to “manage” your relationship, especially when you really like someone. You want to know if they feel the same way as you to avoid getting hurt. But if your relationship is going to work, it’s going to work because it’s meant to, not because you force it to or rush it too fast.
Take the time to enjoy each other’s company and just get to know each other, and it will become apparent if this is the right situation for you to be in right now.
6. Don’t jump to conclusions.
Misunderstandings can cause arguments, and if you’re a jealous or anxious person naturally, then it can be hard to not let your emotions get the better of you and jump to conclusions.
If you don’t want to come across as the crazy one in a relationship, then you need to try and be rational about your partner’s actions and give them a chance to explain rather than accusing them of something they might not have done.
Causing arguments isn’t an effective way to communicate, and it will ultimately make it harder for you to be open and honest with each other for fear it will turn into a fight.
If you think that your partner is acting distant or different than usual, don’t immediately assume it’s about you or your relationship. Getting annoyed at them because you think they’re upset with you won’t help them open up about what’s really going on. Instead, they will likely be in a defensive state of mind.
They could simply be tired or stressed about something entirely separate from your relationship, and what they need from you is understanding and support.
For example, just because they’re out late, don’t assume that they must be cheating on you. They could just be going through a stressful time at work and need you to be understanding while they get through this difficult patch.
Arguments and accusations will drive you apart and make you look irrational and overemotional. Find a way of communication that works for both of you, whether that’s honesty or taking a time out until you’re both calm enough to share how you feel.
Try not to judge without proof and remember that trust is what keeps a relationship strong, so start believing in your relationship and not thinking the worst.
7. Recognize that your behavior is pushing them away.
The first step in making a positive change is recognizing your negative traits. You can’t work on yourself if you aren’t willing to admit and identify what there is that you need to work on.
It takes two people to make a relationship work, and if you’re struggling in yours and feel as though you’re acting crazy, it might not all be down to you.
Your partner might not be making you feel as secure as you need. They may not be communicating in a positive way, which makes it difficult for you to understand how they feel. In turn, you may feel as though you haven’t been heard.
But as much as keeping a relationship healthy is a two-way street, that also means that you need to take accountability for your actions and how they might be making your partner feel.
Take a look at yourself and recognize if you think you’ve been hard to communicate with or monopolizing your partner’s time. Have you been smothering them or getting jealous when they’re around other people? How might your behavior be affecting your partners?
If you can admit that you have your own issues to work on too, you can start to find the root of where the crazy, toxic tendencies you have are coming from and address them.
It could be the effect of past bad relationships that causes you to be possessive or distrustful now, but that isn’t your partner’s fault. Only you can change the way you behave.
If you want your relationship to last, then you need to commit to self-growth.
The great news is that if you can accept there’s work to be done, you’re halfway there to creating a more positive, balanced relationship. You’ve made a start, now you just have to keep going.
8. Work on your own self-esteem.
Craziness in a relationship can have a lot to do with your own low self-esteem. Your need to cling onto your partner, which makes them feel trapped and smothered, is your way of trying to keep them with you because part of you doesn’t feel as if you deserve them.
You find it hard to believe that this person would want to be with you, so you seek validation and reassurance from them constantly, which is starting to drive them gradually insane.
The fear that they’ll find someone else better than you, or that your relationship will fall apart because they’ll see something about you that they don’t like, could be monopolizing their time.
Maybe it causes you to try too hard and become overbearing and controlling because you’re trying to force your partner to stay with you rather than letting them make that choice.
If you want to stop your crazy behavior, then you have to stop needing reassurance. Learn to build your own self-confidence without relying on your partner to do it for you.
Your partner might be a huge influence in your life, but your happiness should not be dictated by their mood or how much attention they’re giving you. If that’s the case, then you’re putting too much focus on how your partner is feeling.
Expecting your partner to satisfy your need for constant reassurance—because you can’t give it to yourself—is too much pressure to put on a relationship. You might want them to love you, and perhaps they already do, but rather than finding validation from that, you need to take strength and confidence from the love you show yourself.
Treat yourself kindly and start putting energy back into loving yourself again. Be your own cheerleader, and start separating your emotions from your partners. Listen to how you really feel.
You don’t need your partner’s approval to know that you’re confident and loveable. You should want to be in a relationship because it amplifies everything you love about yourself by bringing out the best in you, not relying on it to make you feel whole.
Make space for some alone time. Think about getting in touch with things that bring you joy away from your relationship, and practice self-love and acceptance so you never have to feel as though you’re missing it from your life.
If you want to stop being crazy in a relationship, then you already know there’s a problem. When you see your partner pulling away from you or other people making comments about how you act around them, then you know that something isn’t right.
Ironically, the more desperate you are for your relationship to work, the crazier you’re likely to start acting and the more chance there is of your relationship ending all together. A lot of what it takes to stop being crazy in a relationship is being able to let go of control and trust that whatever is meant to happen, will.
That can be hard when you’re in love with someone or if you are a person who naturally likes to have control over their life. But relationships are unpredictable, and even when you think things are under control, anything could happen.
That’s why for relationships to work, you must be willing to be vulnerable and trust the process. You’ll know if this is the right relationship for you, and if it’s not, it just means there is something better out there.
You can never know exactly what’s going to happen in the future, so the best thing to do is to make sure you’re enjoying every minute of the present.
By focusing your energy on getting the most out of everyday life, you can begin to cut out the negative and crazy habits that have been getting the better of you.
Don’t be the reason that your relationship falls apart. If it’s not meant to work out, you’ll know, but you don’t want your insecurities and irrational behavior to stop you from having the love that you’re so desperate to find.