In any kind of relationship, no one wants to believe that they might not be a priority to the other person as much as that person is a priority to them.
If and when you reach such a realization, it is normal for you to want to ignore the signs or try to rationalize them.
Sticking around in the hope that the person will change how they treat you and make you their number one priority in life is an unhealthy illusion.
If your partner only makes you feel special on important occasions, such as Valentines Day and your birthday, and then miserable the rest of the year, you should be mindful of these 6 major signs that clearly show your place in their lives.
1. All Plans Are On Their Terms
When seeing each other, arrangements are usually made at the last minute. This might mean that your partner exhausts all other options before confirming any plans with you.
For them, hanging out with you is something they do when there is no better alternative. As a result, you are likely to spend much of your time together indoors, with more adventurous activities being few and far between.
At the same time, they always want to know your plans, but rarely ever suggest things once you’ve told them. This is a way for them to know they have a safety net if all else fails.
2. You Feel Like You Are Not As Important To Them
They never take you as a ‘plus one’ to their important events or even to chill out with their friends. If you were a priority, you would be their go-to date for all events, from a simple night out with friends to their best friend’s wedding.
They always bail/cancel on things that mean a lot to you.
For example, after committing to come to your important family event, they cancel unapologetically the night before. Only later do you find out that they spent all day at home playing games instead.
And they always forget dates and events that are important to you. Only you remember your anniversary, birthdays, or other important moments in your lives. Your partner never does the same for you.
Note that people always remember things that are important to them!!
3. You Make All The Effort And Moves
From the first move, to the first date, to defining the relationship, you are always the one making all the effort.
If your partner takes forever to reply to your texts, they never organize any plans, and never call or text first, then you have cause to be alarmed.
Secondly, they only respond or reach out when they want something. They are otherwise too busy to get back to you, but give you major attitude if you don’t respond instantly to them – even when you are genuinely tied up with work.
4. Your Partner Treats You Horribly
You constantly find yourself in situations where you have to make excuses for them to your friends and family regarding how they treat or talk to you.
It may be embarrassing, especially if in public, but choosing to defend their actions is choosing to accept their bad behavior.
They accuse you of being crazy whenever you stand up for yourself and speak out on your issues. This kind of emotional manipulation is a clear indication that your partner has no regard or respect for your feelings.
No one should guilt you into taking mistreatment lying down. A partner who cares about you will take the time to try to understand where you are coming from and apologize.
5. You Feel Generally Unhappy And Misused
He or she makes you feel genuinely unhappy, insecure, and misused. Around them, all your insecurities are heightened and you feel depressed.
Does seeing them no longer bring you joy or excitement? If the only time you, as partners, are not miserable during the year is on special days like holidays or birthdays, that is a huge red flag.
You constantly feel taken advantage of. Trust your intuition and if you feel like you are always sacrificing your life and dreams for your partner, it is time to re-evaluate your relationship priorities.
Relationships are meant to be mutually beneficial and happy, even though disagreements every once in a while are perfectly normal.
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6. They Are Constantly Lying
If you are always catching your partner in lies, however insignificant, this should be a major cause for concern.
Moreover, if your partner is always acting suspiciously and secretively with their gadgets, they are probably hiding something.
Relationships should be founded on honesty and trust, and the minute you can’t trust your partner, you have to question whether your relationship is heading anywhere.
7. They’re Most Interested In The Physical Side
Are they most interested in you when they want sex? When they do actually suggest meeting up, do they treat you primarily as a booty call?
If they come round and want to hop between the sheets straight away, it could be because that’s what they see you as – a source of sexual satisfaction.
Do they subsequently spend the rest of the day/evening watching TV, studying, looking at their phone, or avoiding any meaningful conversation with you? If so, it’s likely because they got what they came for.
What Can You Do About It?
The most obvious answer would be to end the relationship and learn from this experience when choosing future partners.
And, to be honest, that’s probably the best advice.
But let’s assume that you love your partner and want to make things work. How can you address the issues above?
Ask whether you are enabling this behavior in your partner.
Some people will not change their behavior unless they feel the need to do so. If you are allowing your partner to get away with all these things unchallenged, they will continue acting that way.
Do you speak your mind and tell them how their actions make you feel, or do you seek to please your partner and let them get their own way every time?
Decide what is important to you and set some clear, firm boundaries. Tell your partner that you want them to respect these boundaries and explain why they mean so much to you.
Each time they cross your red lines, make it clear to them that you are unhappy, but try not to lose your temper. Keep your communication crystal clear and avoid letting it turn into an argument.
If they keep disrespecting your boundaries after repeated warnings, it probably is time to end the relationship. Tell them that you value yourself too much to be treated like a doormat.
Lower your expectations.
That may sound like awful advice, but hear me out.
Ask whether you are expecting too much from your partner. Have you got a life outside of your relationship that brings you happiness and meaning?
If not, try to create one.
Take up new hobbies or rediscover old ones. Spend more time with your friends (that’s not just a moaning session about your partner). Learn a new skill.
All these things are acts of self-respect and when you begin to respect yourself and your time, you may find that your partner does the same.
When you’re not available for them at all times, they will have to make a choice to see you on your terms as much as you are on theirs. They will begin to place more value on your time because it’s not a given that you’ll be free.
What’s more, there will be a lot less pressure on the relationship to make you happy. You’ll have other things that do this and so you might naturally relax more and let things move at their own pace (if, of course, you’re ok with the speed they are going).
Speak to a counselor together.
If your relationship is serious enough to warrant it, tell your partner that you’d like to go to couples therapy so that you can get third party, professional help to address your issues.
Sometimes, having a neutral observer provide their perspective on the problems in the relationship can be the catalyst for change.
Maybe your partner doesn’t consciously realize how they treat you (or they don’t believe you when you tell them).
Maybe the counselor can get to the root of why they act the way they do and suggest ways to alter their behavior.
Perhaps the very suggestion of having therapy will show them how serious you are about them and your relationship, and how close they are to losing you.
Of course, it won’t always work and your partner may close off during your sessions, but it’s worth a shot.
At some point in time, after trying your hardest to address the problems in your relationship, you will have to decide whether you are prepared to continue being an option in their life.
Chances are, the answer will be no and you will be faced with the prospect of being single once more. That’s okay. There’s no shame in ending a relationship because you value yourself.
The key is to learn from the experience and spot similar behaviors earlier in future relationships so that you can either escape before it gets serious or communicate your feelings and boundaries straight away.
Are there any other signs that your partner treats you as an option and not a priority? Leave a comment and let us know.