Walking Away When He Won’t Commit – When Is The Right Time?

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You’ve been in a “relationship” with your significant other for a while now. You seem to have the same things in common.

He’s a welcome change from the previous douchebags that you’ve dated. You can breathe a sigh of relief and let your guard down with him.

He checks off all the right boxes for an ideal partner and you have great chemistry. Well, except for one little thing that you really hate to bring up.

The problem is that he refuses to commit.

He doesn’t want to put a label on the relationship, which was fine in the beginning. But now, with all the time that you’ve spent together, it feels as if he’s stringing you along.

Any time you express an interest in discussing the matter, he shuts down or runs away.

If you are tired of being in relationship limbo with your significant other and are wondering if it’s time to walk away, keep reading.

Remaining with someone who is not on the same page as you regarding your relationship will only leave you feeling taken for granted and neglected.

This article will look at the signs that it’s time to walk away, what to do if he then fights for you after you’ve left, and how to cope if it really is the end of your relationship.

12 Signs It’s Time To Walk Away

The dating landscape these days is a brutal scene, littered with toxic individuals, serial daters, and perpetual cheaters who only want the physical benefits of a relationship.

They aren’t interested in establishing an emotional connection with a romantic partner. And if that is what you are also looking for, it’s completely okay.

But for that scenario to work, both parties need to be clear that is what they want. Everyone should be happy, and no one should be investing more into the relationship than the other person.

The problem comes when you want more than just a physical relationship with a significant other. If they are not clear about their intentions, you will end up going all in emotionally and getting hurt.

Below are signs that show it might be time for you to walk away from your situationship with your dignity intact:

1. You’ve had frank and open discussions.

Getting him to even discuss your relationship has proven to be a Herculean task. Any time you bring it up, he’s suddenly unavailable, remembers a task he has to do, or becomes extremely defensive about the whole situation.

You may want to consider having one last discussion on the matter where you put your points across in a non-accusatory manner.

Guys are notorious for avoiding all discussions about their relationship. So, talk about it when you’re in a good place, enjoying each other’s company, and when you’re both relaxed and in a cheerful mood.

Keep in mind that how you approach this topic will have a great impact on the outcome of this discussion. People rarely respond well when they feel attacked, particularly men.

During this conversation, he’ll likely give you a bunch of reasons why he can’t commit to you right now. These reasons may include being hurt in the past, being unsure of his feelings for you, being afraid of letting you down, and desiring to play the field.

After hearing him out, let him know that the lack of commitment makes you feel insecure in the relationship.

Whatever he says may be hard to hear. But ensure you remain rational and neutral throughout this discussion. If you ever want him to open up to you again, you can’t spoil this by going nuclear.

After everyone has freely aired their views without judgment or criticism, you should have a clear picture of where your relationship is heading.

2. You’ve made it clear that you’re not trying to take away his independence.

Some men are reluctant to commit to a relationship because they fear losing their independence.

It’s easy to see why that is a concern when there are so many examples of men who cannot make a decision without their significant other’s input.

We’ve all seen those pitiful, henpecked men who follow the girlfriends or wives, saying little other than an occasional “yes, dear” when their input is needed.

Guys dread that happening to them. They don’t want to be that guy. Hopefully, you also don’t want to be that shrew of a woman.

Assure your partner that you have no intention of taking away his independence. You only want to share your life with him.

If you have, however, in any way emasculated him or attacked his independence, rethink your actions and give him back his freedom.

Making him feel trapped will only ensure he tries harder to escape from the confines of your relationship.

Treat him like the adult that he is, with free will over his life.

3. You’ve made it clear that you will walk away.

If you have had open discussions regarding the state of your relationship and you both seem to be at an impasse, you need to make it clear that you are ready to walk away.

His reluctance to fully commit to a relationship with you may be valid for a relationship that is just starting.

But given how long you’ve been together, his reasons may seem more like excuses to keep stringing you along, rather than valid points to avoid commitment.

Don’t keep a man around longer than you should. If you have given him adequate time to commit, tried to work through his relationship insecurities with him, and he still seems to drag his feet, it may be time to give him the boot.

His commitment issues are likely more than you are equipped to handle. He may require professional help for him to overcome his fears.

You trying to be that support for him will just wear both of you out, leading to resentment on both sides.

A separation may be the motivation he needs to get the help he requires.

4. You’re being taken for granted.

He has gotten so used to having you around that he doesn’t take discussions regarding your relationship seriously.

In fact, he thinks you’re joking when you inform him that you are willing to walk away. Perhaps you’ve threatened to do so in the past, but never followed through. Maybe you’ve given him the impression that your entire world revolves around him.

When your significant other has taken you for granted for a long period, it’s difficult to recognize the signs. Below are some examples of behavior that indicate that he may be taking you for granted:

  • He never thanks you.
  • He makes huge demands on your time and/or money, far exceeding anything he will do for you in return.
  • He makes plans without consideration to you or input from you.
  • He has no interest in trying activities that you love or sharing in moments that matter to you.
  • He never makes time to spend with you.
  • It’s always his way.There’s no room for compromise.
  • He isn’t as affectionate as he used to be.
  • He’s very critical of you.
  • He never includes you in plans with his friends or family members.
  • He only texts when he wants something.

If he sees you as furniture, something that is nice to have around but is not crucial to his existence, he will not want to commit.

5. You’ve given him a chance to think it through.

If you’ve discussed the state of your relationship with him and made it clear that you are willing to walk away if the commitment issues aren’t addressed, give him some time to think things through. Let your discussion marinate in his mind for a couple of days.

Avoid the urge to nag, give him attitude, and start a fight. Don’t act as if anything is bothering you at all. Just give him space to think about what you’ve said and make adjustments.

Don’t give him so much time that he feels like you’ve forgotten about the issue. But also, don’t crowd him and making him feel pressured to act.

6. You’ve set boundaries.

Does your boyfriend have all the benefits of a committed relationship but none of the responsibilities?

Does he expect you to be there for him when he wants or needs, but refuses to support you when you need him?

Are you treated like a girlfriend, while he maintains his casual dating status?

Can he see other people, but you can’t because he gets jealous?

It’s time for you to set boundaries. He can no longer have full access to you anymore.

The type of access that you’ve given him should be reserved only for someone that you’re in a serious, committed relationship with. Not someone who is casually dating you.

If you’ve been treating him like a boyfriend, while he’s been treating you like a friend or FWB, restrict his VIP access to your life and emotions.

7. Your relationship has so many red flags.

Has your gut been sending you signals you’ve refused to listen to?

Does your relationship have so many red flags that if it were anyone else, you’d advise them to run screaming in the other direction?

Are you keeping certain aspects of your relationship a secret from your closest friends and family because “they wouldn’t understand?”

If you think he’s going to change – He won’t.

If you think it’s because he’s under pressure – He might be, but that’s not your fault.

If you think he didn’t mean it – Then he shouldn’t have done it.

If you think he really does love you – He doesn’t.

Stop excusing behavior that you know deep inside is inexcusable. You deserve better. You know it. He knows it. And your gut knows it too.

If you wouldn’t let a friend or a family member get treated like this, don’t allow yourself to be either.

8. He’s giving you mixed signals.

He’s hot today – all over you, sending you text messages, calling all day, giving you gifts, and so on. Then he’s cold – you can’t even get a response to an ordinary text.

When things are good, they’re fantastic, and you’re on top of the world. But when they’re bad, you constantly question yourself and wonder if he’s no longer attracted to you or if he’s mad at you.

This behavior is not by accident. It is a deliberate attempt to keep you feeling off-kilter about your relationship.

Because you don’t know what caused him to switch to cold, you bend over backwards to make up for whatever you did wrong.

You doubt yourself, thinking the problem is your lack of attractiveness or some unknown personality flaw. And you go out of your way to fix whatever is wrong.

All of a sudden, he switches back to the person you initially fell for. It’s almost like you’re dating two different people and you never know which personality you’re going to meet.

Mixed signals are not good for your self-confidence, and it borders on emotional abuse.

9. He deliberately sabotages the relationship.

Everything seemed to be going well and then out of the blue he picks a fight over something trivial. You’re surprised that he’s completely blowing things out of proportion.

Or perhaps he ghosts you every so often. No matter how hard you try, you can’t get a hold of him during this time. He just disappears for days on end and refuses to respond to your calls, chats, or texts.

Then he shows up after a while, and either doesn’t explain his absence or offers a piddly explanation for his disappearance.

He seems to sabotage your relationship after you’ve crossed some sort of relationship milestone or if he has been vulnerable with you in some way.

Instead of talking through whatever he’s feeling or thinking, he instigates a situation just to push you away.

10. He refuses to open up.

He doesn’t open up and let you in. You feel as if you don’t know him any better than a regular friend would. You doubt that you know who he really is because he’s so emotionally closed off.

When you discuss it with him, he claims it’s because he’s been hurt in the past, which is understandable. It can be difficult to open up to someone new when you’ve been betrayed in the past.

But you’ve been together for a while now and you’re wondering how long it will take for you to earn his trust… if he doesn’t trust you by now, will he ever?

You’ve tried to show him you’re nothing like the person who hurt him before, and you would never deliberately hurt him. But he still has a wall up, keeping you out.

11. He’s hyper-critical of you.

No matter what you do or say, nothing is right. From the time you get up until you go to bed, it’s just one criticism after another.

He claims he only gives you this feedback because he loves you. But even your enemies don’t run you down this much.

The “feedback” he gives you certainly doesn’t feel constructive or anything like love. In fact, the relentless criticism is slowly chipping away at your confidence and stressing you out.

When you first got together, you listened to the criticism, and you bent over backwards to do things the way he likes.

But that didn’t stop the onslaught of negative feedback. Now, you feel like no matter how hard you try, he’s not going to have anything good to say.

12. He’s too vague about the future.

When you discuss your relationship or ask where he sees your relationship going, he’s vague and unable to articulate what his intentions are with you. He is not clear on what he wants and prefers to see where the relationship will go. 

Not everyone is looking to settle down, which is fine. But in a relationship, both parties should be clear on what they want and the direction they are heading. If he is not clear about what he wants from you, he’s essentially leading you on.

Not much is worse than thinking you are in a serious relationship with someone, only to find out, after months or even years, that they considered you an FWB or a casual fling.

How To Cope If He Fights For You

After spending time in reflection, you decided that you have put too much time, love, and effort into the relationship for it to remain in limbo.

You decided that you wanted to be in a committed relationship, deserved to be in one, and would not settle for less.

It took a long time to get to this point mentally. It felt kind of like you were giving up on your relationship. But deep down, you know you made the right decision. It may hurt for a little while, but you’ll be better for it in the long run.

Except… now he’s back. He’s saying all the things you wished he’d say before. He’s promising to commit to your future together. And you’re confused.

He’s put you through a lot and it has taken a lot out of you to reach the point where you could walk away. You don’t know if you want to just forget about everything and take him back.

Before you make up your mind, consider the following points:

1. Is he worth it?

Before you rush to conclude that he’s worth another shot, take an objective view of your relationship.

Was he battling with the fear of commitment, struggling to get over hurt from a past relationship, or just a bad boyfriend when he was with you?

Many people don’t realize the real value of their significant other until he/she is no longer part of their life. Does your boyfriend now realize the value you bring to his life or is he just afraid of being alone?

Aside from issuing pretty promises and giving the typical gifts of flowers and chocolate, has he given you any other sign that he has changed his ways?

You’ve taken your happiness and well-being into your own two hands by walking away. If you go back to him, how do you know that he will never take you for granted again?

Chances are you are still too emotionally vested in the relationship to think clearly. Give yourself the time and space to look objectively at your relationship with him.

2. Is the relationship worth it?

You’ve been on your own for a bit now. Time may have given you a chance to remove the rose-tinted glasses you had on regarding your relationship. Looking back, was your relationship as great as you thought it was?

Maybe you’ve had the chance to date a few people since you’ve stepped away from your ex. Has the experience been a good one? Have you been introduced to people who are on the same page as you regarding a committed relationship?

Perhaps you’ve been reminded of what being in a healthy relationship feels like.

What do your friends and family think? Did they welcome you back as if you had been released from captivity after being held hostage for months (or years) on end?

Have they mentioned troubling aspects of your relationship that you had overlooked?

Has time away from your ex-boyfriend given you a change in perspective concerning your relationship?

3. Are you worth it?

A strong woman doesn’t beg, chase, or force anything. She recognizes her worth and walks away from situationships and relationships that don’t value her.

But if we’re going to be honest, the dating pool is pretty murky. Finding someone who is compatible is a difficult task. While your ex wasn’t exactly what you were looking for, he was better than most.

The question now is, are you worth the risk? Is your desire for a committed, healthy relationship worth going back to the dating pool for? Do you deserve better than what you’ve settled for?

The answer is most definitely yes!

And can your ex really give you what you are looking for? Or will you both revert to the flow and relationship dynamics of before that left you feeling unsatisfied?

Choosing yourself isn’t always the easiest decision to make. Don’t go back to him without giving it proper consideration.

How To Cope If It Really Is The End Of Your Relationship

Many of our romantic relationships will end in a breakup. This is the very nature of dating. Until we find our ideal partner, we are going to be moving in and out of relationships.

Relationships may end for good reasons or bad reasons. But bad relationships must end if we want to find our most suitable partner.

With that said, the end of a relationship is always difficult. You’ve invested time and emotions into building something that you felt was worth it. For whatever reason, your ex did not feel the same way.

As you process the hurt of the breakup, remember that you are walking away from him to protect your self-respect and prioritize your happiness and life over him.

While getting over an ex is never easy, the following steps can help you heal and prepare you for your next relationship.

1. Make yourself a priority.

You’ve been a part of a couple for a while. Your focus was on your partner and your relationship.

Now, you have the opportunity to turn your focus on yourself. Use this time to work on building up your self-esteem and improving yourself.

All the time that you would have spent going out or staying in with your ex, use it now to get to know yourself better.

Use this period of getting over your ex, re-adjusting to the single life, and not being quite ready for a new relationship to work on yourself. Make yourself a priority.

2. Don’t fight your feelings.

Some people believe that the fastest way to get over a relationship is to quickly start a new one.

Unfortunately, whether now or later, you will always end up having to deal with your emotions. Instead of putting off the inevitable, deal with your feelings now by talking about them.

Air out your feelings. Don’t keep them bottled up. Talk to a close friend about what you are feeling. Don’t pretend like you’re ok.

If you don’t have anyone you can talk to about your relationship or your close friends are tired of hearing about it, try journaling your thoughts and feelings. Writing in a journal is a fantastic way to help you get clarity.

When you write what you’re thinking and feeling, you can identify the red flags that you missed in your relationship and also figure out what you need from a man or a relationship.

Or speak to a relationship counselor – that’s right, they don’t solely exist to help save relationships, they are there to help those who have had to let go of their relationships for whatever reason.

Don’t ignore your feelings. Deal with them in a healthy manner.

3. Know what you’re looking for in a relationship.

Having recently ended a relationship, you’re probably crystal clear about what you don’t want. Focus now on what you do want.

What are you looking for in a committed relationship? What kind of emotional support do you require? What kind of relationship do you want?

Don’t answer these questions based on your last relationship alone. Look at all your past relationships objectively.

Ideally, you should have learned more about yourself with each person you’ve dated. Use those lessons to make a list of what you want in your next relationship.

When you are ready to date again, this list will make it easy for you to quickly remove the people who don’t meet up to what you’re looking for.

4. Make a list of all the benefits of being single.

Being single has some definite benefits. Your time is your own to do with as you deem fit.

If you want to stay in this week, you can. Or if you’d prefer to hit the clubs all night long, the choice is up to you.

Are there some activities you’ve been meaning to try but couldn’t because your man wasn’t interested? Now is your chance to check them out.

You may have been in a relationship for so long that you can’t remember the benefits of the single life.

So, call up a few of your single friends and ask them what they feel is the best part about being single. Make a night of it. See if you can cross a couple of items off the list.

Being single does not mean your life has to lose all semblance of joy. There are many single people who enjoy being single. After all, it couldn’t be all that bad if your ex refused to commit to you because he didn’t want to leave the single life.

5. Go No Contact with your ex.

This point is very important. Go no contact with your ex. Don’t let him suck you back into the situationship you were in before.

Block him on all social media. Block his phone number. Block his email. Don’t allow yourself to check in on him to see how he’s doing. Treat your breakup like a bad habit you’re trying to quit and go cold turkey.

No, you can’t remain friends. No, you can’t keep in touch. No, you can’t hang out. Not yet at least.

If he’s not ready to commit and isn’t ready to fight for you or your relationship, then he is not the one. Remind yourself that you deserve better and that you can live without him.

Relationships are complex. Once we’re in the throes of a passionate affair or we are caught up in our emotions, it is nearly impossible to see clearly. We have to know that our desires and wants also matter.

If you don’t stand up for yourself, no one else will.

Still not sure whether to end things with your boyfriend or keep trying? If you don’t know what to do, or you really want to give things a go and need some advice on how to go about it, speak to an experienced relationship expert now. So why not chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.

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