Have you ever had an interaction with someone that completely changed how you viewed them? Specifically, have they said or done something that made you realize they’re about as deep as a bottle cap and half as interesting? Behaviors similar to the ones listed below have caused many relationships to degrade — whether professional or personal. Observe those in your social circles carefully to determine whether the people you spend time with exhibit them on a regular basis. They reveal far more shallowness than you may have realized initially.
1. They make snap judgments based on personal bias.
One of the most common behaviors of the chronically shallow is whether they judge other people by their own personal preferences. These are the folks who decide that they know everything there is to know about a person based on what they’re wearing or what they’ve ordered at the coffee shop. They’ll make assumptions, which then lead to accusations, and they project all their imaginings without a shred of evidence.
According to Scientific American, emotional snap judgments are often wrong and can sabotage all manner of personal relationships. These judgements are usually based on personal bias and rarely have any bearing on reality.
I’ve seen people summarily dismiss others as snobs for having the audacity to like classical music or called unethical and stupid for consuming animal protein instead of choosing a plant-based diet. Personally, I’ve had people inform me that I think I am better than them solely because my chosen leisure activities and media preferences differ from their own.
2. They make decisions based on potential personal gain rather than enjoyment.
People like this don’t actually do things because they sincerely want to, but because they think they’ll benefit them in some way. Similarly, they may avoid other experiences that they truly want to participate in because they don’t want others to judge them poorly.
If they’re invited to a get-together, they’ll ask who else is going to be in attendance: will it make them “look good” to be seen there because it’s a charity event or similar? Or will there be someone of status there who can help advance their personal goals? They will gladly cultivate fake friendships if they think they can get something out of them.
Alternatively, if they attend an event they do actually want to go to, will they be embarrassed if anyone in their social circle finds out? They don’t want to be judged and mocked by the “cool” people they normally associate with by attending something weird instead of a more prestigious event.
3. They discuss topics such as celebrity gossip, drama, or money rather than anything of real depth and value.
This article by the American Psychological Association tells us that most people prefer to have deep conversations rather than sticking to shallow subject matter. So what’s the deal with people who refuse to talk about anything other than celebrities, TV shows, and what they bought that week? Although some folks stick to small talk because it’s more comfortable, others get downright hostile if you try to discuss anything beyond the Marvel Cinematic Universe and will mock you if you mention anything “too deep”. These are generally the same people who, if they’re losing an argument, will state that you’re “just jealous” because you’re poor, ugly, or nobody wants to sleep with you.
Essentially, to these folks, people only have value when they own valuable things or are popular to others — like celebrities. If they don’t, then their thoughts, words, and suggestions are meaningless. They’d rather listen to the imbecile wearing expensive shoes than a logical, rational person who’s wearing thrifted clothes.
4. They only value bits and pieces of other people rather than the whole.
You’ve undoubtedly come across people who value things about others that benefit themselves, rather than because those others are actually great people. For example, when asked what their partner or spouse is like, they might comment on some of that person’s amazing physical features or how much money they make, but they couldn’t tell you what their favorite book is or what’s important to them.
These are the same folks who will often have a list of traits that they look for in an ideal partner, but they’ll all consist of things like great abs and money rather than compassion or a love of nature. Similarly, if they meet a new potential friend, they’ll only put effort into cultivating a relationship with that person if said friendship can benefit them on some level. As a result, they end up with shallow and unfulfilling relationships with others.
5. They offer unsolicited advice on how to be “better”, from their perspective.
This is the type of person who will tell their acquaintances that they should change their wardrobe, hair color/style, or behavior to either be more like themselves or to be “better” in general. They’ll push contact lenses on the friend or partner who’s wearing “nerdy” glasses, offer to show them how to be cooler in other people’s eyes, and even order food for others if they don’t approve of their choices.
How other people feel and what they want don’t really come into the equation. They have their views on how others “should” be, and they take it upon themselves to transform them accordingly. If those other people refuse the unsolicited advice because it’s inauthentic to them, the shallow person will accuse them of being ungrateful and unworthy of their time.
6. They cannot finish anything they start.
These people will throw themselves into whatever new interest or endeavor has captured their attention but rarely stick with it for very long. They’ll jump from one thing to another with great enthusiasm, but if they aren’t immediately successful — or things start to get boring — then they’ll drop them in favor of the next shiny new thing. They just don’t seem to be able to finish anything they start.
Quite often, their resumes will be a maelstrom of different pursuits that have little in common with one another, as well as a broad range of certificates and diplomas but not much work experience associated with any of them. For example, they may be certified in plumbing, animal art therapy, interior design, and life coaching but work in retail.
7. They make sweeping generalizations about other cultures, ethnicities, etc.
Many shallow people have views of others that are literally only skin deep. As such, they’ll form opinions of an entire culture or race of people based on the actions of a select few and then paint everyone from that background with the same brush. The concept of individuality seems alien to them, and they’re quick to make assumptions (and condemnations) based on tiny snippets of experience.
What’s even worse is they often refuse to educate themselves further on the subject, nor will they step out of their comfort zones to spend time with those they have “othered”. They’re perfectly content to wallow in their ignorance, insisting that they’re correct and have the moral high ground.
Final thoughts…
Although these behaviors are all associated with shallow people, that doesn’t mean that their shallowness is beyond redemption. First of all, it’s important to note where their behavior stems from: have they cultivated a certain personality type to fit in with others? Or do they keep topics superficial because they’ve experienced trauma and prefer not to think or feel too deeply? Quite often, when given the opportunity to experience life with a bit more depth and awareness, many people will step up and pleasantly surprise you.
