True strength reveals itself in our everyday behaviors; those subtle actions that tell others whether we’re confident in our own skin or constantly seeking approval.
Most of us want to be perceived as capable and self-assured, yet we unknowingly engage in habits that undermine this perception.
The good news is that small adjustments to how you communicate and carry yourself can dramatically shift how others perceive your personal power.
Making these changes doesn’t require a personality overhaul, either; just some awareness and the willingness to step into your authentic strength.
Are you ready to command more respect without saying a word? Let’s explore the behaviors holding you back.
1. Hiding behind screens.
Ever noticed how easy it is to fire off that difficult message from the safety of your phone or keyboard? Digital communication creates a buffer between us and uncomfortable situations. Many people habitually resort to email or text for conversations that deserve face-to-face attention.
But what do you think this signals to others? When you consistently choose digital shields over direct conversation, friends and colleagues perceive your reluctance to engage with conflict, and they likely see this as a sign of your insecurity.
Next time you’re crafting that carefully worded text or email about a sensitive topic, pause and consider: would this be better handled in person? Could a video call or in-person conversation resolve this more effectively?
Strong people understand when personal presence adds value. They save emails for information sharing and scheduling, not difficult conversations that build respect when handled directly.
Your willingness to engage personally, especially when it’s uncomfortable, speaks volumes about your emotional maturity.
2. Always asking “May I?”
Permission-seeking becomes second nature for many of us. You finish a project and ask, “Is it okay if I submit this now?” You have an idea in a meeting and start with, “Would it be alright if I shared a thought?”
Does this sound like you?
Excessive permission-seeking creates an unnecessary power imbalance. When you already have the authority to act or speak, asking for permission positions you as a subordinate, even when you aren’t.
Consider the difference between “May I schedule the client meeting?” and “I’m scheduling the client meeting for Thursday.” The second approach acknowledges your role and responsibility without diminishing your standing.
Permission has its place—when you genuinely need approval or when respecting established boundaries. However, constantly seeking permission for routine actions that are within your personal or professional remit signals uncertainty about your role and capabilities.
Learning when to inform rather than ask represents a subtle but powerful shift in how you present yourself. People respond to the authority you claim, not just the authority you’re given.
3. Changing your mind with the crowd.
A business meeting starts with you confidently sharing your perspective. But then your boss interrupts you to disagree, and suddenly you’re backpedaling. “Actually, I see your point completely,” you hear yourself saying, even though you don’t.
Such rapid opinion shifts don’t demonstrate flexibility but, rather, a fundamental lack of backbone. Others notice these weather-vane tendencies faster than you might think, mentally labelling you as someone who is easily influenced.
Standing your ground doesn’t mean becoming stubbornly immovable. You can acknowledge alternative viewpoints while maintaining your position: “I understand where you are coming from, though I still see several advantages to the approach I suggested.”
When people know you won’t abandon your viewpoint at the first sign of opposition, they respect your contributions more deeply. They might not always agree with you, but they’ll know you speak from conviction rather than convenience.
The strongest act is sometimes acknowledging when you’re wrong, but be sure you do so because you’ve been convinced, not because you’re conflict-avoidant.
4. Putting yourself down first.
“I’m probably overthinking this, but…” “This might sound ridiculous…” “I’m not an expert, but…” These phrases might seem like harmless humility, but they function as credibility killers that undermine your message before you’ve even delivered it.
Self-deprecating phrases serve as protective shields against potential criticism. Unfortunately, they also program anyone listening to expect something unimpressive. When you express doubt about your own ideas, you’re essentially telling others not to take you seriously.
Most people never realize how frequently these undermining expressions pepper their speech. Try recording yourself in a meeting or important conversation—you might be shocked at how often you diminish your own authority.
The remedy is surprisingly simple: delete the preface and start with your point. Instead of “This might be a naive question, but shouldn’t we consider market testing?” try “Shouldn’t we consider market testing?” Notice how the second version carries inherent confidence.
Assertive communicators trust their ideas enough to present them without protective cushioning. They understand that ideas should be evaluated on merit, not packaged in apologetic wrapping.
5. Never deciding without everyone’s approval.
Seeking input before making decisions demonstrates thoughtfulness. However, seeking consensus for every little decision signals something entirely different: fear of responsibility.
Decision paralysis often masquerades as inclusivity. You tell yourself you’re being collaborative, but others see someone unwilling to take risks or stand behind choices. They wonder: If you can’t make a decision without polling everyone, how will you handle truly difficult choices?
As Michael E. Gerber, author of ‘The E-Myth Revisited’ writes on Inc.com: “A leader who asks others what direction to take, what values to believe in, what purposes the business should be pursuing is not leading; he is, in fact, abdicating leadership.” And I think that applies in non-business settings too.
Effective decision-makers understand the difference between gathering input and abdicating responsibility. They consult appropriate stakeholders, weigh perspectives, then move forward with clear direction, even when some members of the group might prefer a different approach.
Decisiveness doesn’t mean acting impulsively or ignoring valuable perspectives. Rather, it means respecting others’ time and energy by not forcing consensus on matters where agreement isn’t essential.
Next time you catch yourself waiting for universal approval, ask whether you’re seeking input to make a better decision or simply diffusing responsibility. The answer will tell you everything about how others perceive your strength.
6. Saying sorry for everything.
The boardroom thermostat needs adjusting. “Sorry,” you mutter while changing it.
You speak up in a meeting. “Sorry to interrupt.”
You deliver work on time. “Sorry if there are any issues.”
Do these words ever pass your lips?
Habitual apologizing might seem polite, but excessive sorrys dilute your presence and undermine your authority. When you apologize for actions that require no apology, you train others to see you as perpetually at fault.
Genuine apologies carry weight precisely because they’re reserved for actual mistakes or inconveniences. When “sorry” becomes your conversational filler, you signal discomfort with occupying space and making normal requests.
Notice when you apologize next. Was it genuinely needed, or were you apologizing for simply existing? Try replacing unnecessary sorrys with confident alternatives: “I’d like to add something here” instead of “Sorry to interrupt.”
Strong individuals take responsibility when they’ve erred, but they never assume blame as their default position. They understand the difference between accountability and unnecessary self-deprecation. Reclaiming your “sorrys” for situations that truly warrant them immediately strengthens how others perceive your confidence.
7. Over-explaining yourself.
“I chose this approach because I read three articles about it, and my previous team used something similar, plus I consulted with marketing, and…”
That’s over-explanation—providing excessive justification for decisions or actions when nobody asked for your reasoning.
When you volunteer lengthy justifications for routine decisions, you inadvertently suggest you don’t trust your own judgment. Others wonder why you feel so compelled to defend choices that fall squarely within your expertise. The unspoken message: “I’m not sure I made the right call.”
Confident individuals explain their reasoning when appropriate, but they also understand that constantly defending their choices shows insecurity rather than thoroughness. They provide context when it adds value, not as a reflexive self-protection mechanism.
To avoid over-explaining, practice making statements without immediately justifying them. “The project will take three weeks” carries more authority than “The project will take three weeks because…” followed by six reasons why.
Remember, you can always elaborate if someone asks for your reasoning.
8. Dropping names to seem important.
“When I was working with Apple’s design team…” “My friend who’s a VP at Google always says…” “During my conversation with the CEO yesterday…”
Name-dropping attempts to borrow credibility instead of establishing your own. While referencing relevant experience can provide useful context, transparent attempts to elevate your status through association have the opposite effect.
Instead, let your ideas and work speak for themselves. Mention connections or experiences when genuinely relevant to the discussion, but not as a way to impress others or compensate for insecurity about your own contributions.
Focus on developing and presenting ideas that stand on their own merit. Your thoughtful analysis and clear reasoning will build genuine respect—something no amount of name-dropping can accomplish.
9. Jumping at every bit of criticism.
Do you feel compelled to defend every detail of your work? Every choice you make? Every behavior you display?
Being hypersensitive to feedback demonstrates insecurity rather than a commitment to quality. When you respond defensively to every comment or suggestion, you communicate that your ego is fragile and your confidence easily shaken.
Strong individuals can separate valuable input from noise, responding thoughtfully to suggestions that have merit while letting minor or misguided comments pass without defensive reactions.
The ability to receive criticism without immediately becoming defensive represents emotional maturity. It shows you’re secure enough in your capabilities to consider different perspectives without feeling threatened.
Practice taking a breath before responding to feedback. Ask yourself: “Is this comment actually helpful? Does it warrant a response?” Sometimes the strongest move is simply saying “Thank you for that perspective” and moving forward, neither defensive nor dismissive.
10. Trying too hard to be perfect.
Perfectionism masquerades as excellence, but it often reveals profound insecurity. Perhaps your presentation went through fifteen rounds of revisions. Maybe you read over emails several times before sending them. Or you can’t bring yourself to release a project because “it could be better.”
When you obsess over flawlessness, it’s fear, not competence that you are demonstrating. Others see someone terrified of making mistakes instead of someone committed to quality.
And the irony is, this pursuit of perfection often leads to missed deadlines, analysis paralysis, and diminished overall effectiveness.
Confident people who exude inner strength understand the difference between excellence and perfectionism. They deliver high-quality work without the anxious need to eliminate every possible flaw. They recognize when something is substantively complete rather than theoretically perfect.
Perfectionism also prevents learning through iteration. When you’re paralyzed by the fear of getting something wrong, you miss opportunities to improve through real-world feedback and experience.
Start practicing “good enough” for appropriate tasks. Not everything deserves your obsessive attention—save that energy for truly critical work. You’ll find that most people care more about reliability and effectiveness than absolute perfection.
11. Being available 24/7.
Being constantly available to everyone shows that you don’t recognize your true value. You inadvertently teach others that your time has no boundaries, and by extension, limited value. You might not realize it, but people respect what is scarce, not what is endlessly available.
Setting healthy boundaries signals self-respect and professionalism. It communicates that your time is valuable and that you manage it intentionally. Reasonable inaccessibility actually increases rather than decreases others’ respect for you.
So why not establish clear expectations around your availability? Respond promptly during designated work hours, but protect your personal time without apology. Don’t reply immediately to every message from friends and family, either—they cannot rightfully expect you to.
Try experimenting with delayed responses to non-urgent matters. You’ll quickly discover that most “emergencies” resolve themselves, and most people respect rather than resent reasonable boundaries.
The Surprising Truth About Personal Power
This might shock you, but strength isn’t something others bestow upon you—it’s permission you give yourself. The behaviors we’ve explored aren’t just habits; they’re choices that either grant or deny your own authority in every interaction.
The most powerful shift happens when you realize nobody is waiting to give you permission to stop apologizing, to state your opinion confidently, or to value your time. You’re already authorized to claim your worth through how you speak, act, and respond.
Appearing strong isn’t about dominating others but rather about showing up authentically without diminishing yourself. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s progress toward a more confident, self-assured presence that accurately reflects your capabilities.
Your journey toward strength begins with recognizing these subtle self-sabotaging behaviors and consciously choosing different ones.
