If you’re feeling lost at this point in your life, you’re not alone. Midlife, in particular, can bring about some major existential shifts, and many people feel unmoored and directionless during these tumultuous times — especially when something you thought would be around forever suddenly disappears. The good news is that as long as you’re still moving, you’re capable of shifting to a direction that’s right for you. Below are some of the main reasons why you may be feeling lost right now and what you can do about it.
1. The person you thought you were going to spend your life with is no longer in your life.
Whether through death or divorce, the partnership you thought would last forever is gone, and with it has disappeared all the hopes, dreams, and plans you’ve been making for years. When you’ve built your life around someone else — or even with them as a solid fixture in your life’s dream — losing that supportive pillar can leave you feeling lost.
It’s important to allow yourself to feel the grief about this chapter ending and then recognize that this is an opportunity to rediscover your own sense of self. For example, figuring out which pursuits, food preferences, etc., you set aside because your former partner didn’t like them. Through this adventure, you’re more likely to find someone new with whom you can start a whole new life.
2. The things you found fulfillment in before have lost their luster.
Just about all of us have experienced moments in which things that fulfilled or entertained us suddenly just… didn’t anymore. I know I have. I was downright obsessed with Tolkien’s work when I was in my teens and twenties — I collected the books, memorized the lore, even learned a bit of Elvish. But then one day I woke up and just didn’t really care about any of it anymore, because the crises in my life took precedence and rendered this previously beloved subject unimportant.
My approach to this loss of passion works tremendously well: do something completely new, preferably outside of your usual comfort zone. Go on a trip by yourself. Try cooking a type of cuisine that you have no experience with. In fact, try a wide variety of different things until something clicks and lights a fire inside you.
3. Your life purpose has been rendered irrelevant.
The world you grew up in is essentially gone now, so the passions and pursuits that you might have prioritized for decades may have already been rendered obsolete, rather like how video killed the radio star. For example, you may have spent several years gaining fluency in a language to work as a translator for a high-ranking organization, only to now find yourself replaced by an AI translation bot. Suddenly, you have no idea what your life purpose is anymore, and you’re sitting on the kitchen floor shoving fistfuls of shredded cheese into your mouth at 3 am.
This is where the concept of Ikigai comes in.
According to Positive Psychology, Ikigai is the Venn Diagram magical middle zone that is the intersection of what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, and what you can receive compensation for doing. If you have 20 minutes to spare, work through this process to give you an idea of where to start your new journey.
4. What matters to others doesn’t matter to you.
You may have been pursuing things that are considered crucial to those in your social circle but bear little to no merit in your own life. As a result, the things you do on a daily basis feel hollow and performative instead of authentic.
This is where you get to decide whether to be dragged along in their wake or to break away and follow your own, more authentic path instead. Make a list of all the things that matter to you the most, and determine how much time you’re spending on those. If you aren’t spending much time on them at all, reduce your involvement in the things you can’t be arsed about, and redirect that energy towards what actually matters.
5. You’re negotiating a challenging health diagnosis.
You might have mapped out your life in such a way that you planned on doing X thing 20 years from now, but you may not have that much time ahead of you. Or you won’t be able-bodied enough to do that anymore. Dealing with the realities of a potentially life-altering, life-limiting, or chronic illness can be devastating and might leave you feeling depressed and despondent.
This is where you look at your “bucket list” and prioritize it. Share this list with those around you, maybe do some crowdfunding, and do what you can, as soon as you can. What’s truly important in life isn’t how many breaths you take but what takes your breath away when you experience it.
6. You’ve lost your guiding light.
Middle age is challenging for several reasons, not least of which is the inevitable loss of our loved ones. You may have lost your parents, partner, best friend, or mentor recently, and now you’re feeling very lost. You don’t have them to turn to for guidance anymore, but you can carry their memory with you and ask yourself what they would do in any given situation.
Furthermore, you can now become someone else’s lodestar and step into the mentorship role that your own guide has been training you for. Countless people can benefit from your experience, especially those who have had a rough beginning. Consider volunteering with at-risk youth or teaching others the skills you’ve been cultivating for decades. Basically, it’s time to step into your Obi-Wan years.
7. You’ve achieved your greatest goals — now what?
You’ve achieved the PhD, you have the fancy house, and you’ve successfully kept your kids alive until they’ve reached adulthood. That’s great, but now what? You’ve attained all your goals, and now you have a whole lot of time and no idea of how to spend it.
This is where you get to explore new priorities and set new goals for yourself. Even if they seem childish or trivial to others, if they matter to you, throw yourself into them. Do you want to open a Ghibli-themed cafe or take up beekeeping? Do it.
8. You’ve lost spiritual faith (or don’t know where to find any).
Middle age often comes with a crisis of faith: many people feel disillusioned with the one they grew up with or feel a need for spiritual guidance if they weren’t raised with a particular practice. For some, the awareness of imminent mortality pushes them towards spiritual reassurance and guidance, while others might experience something sacred or seek a community of like-minded individuals.
Whether you’ve lost faith in the spirituality you were raised with or you’re looking for one to follow, you’re in luck: there are thousands of religious paths on this planet, and you’re certain to find one that aligns with your values. Take time to do your research, book some time to chat with religious leaders, attend some services and events, and see which one feels right to you. You might even click with more than one, and that’s absolutely okay.
9. The state of the world scares you.
There’s always something awful going on in the world, but things feel pretty dire right now. Many people are feeling lost and scared about how things are going to unfold over the next few years and are worried about everything from potential world war to whether their children and grandchildren are going to have enough to eat 20 years from now.
The key to dealing with this mess is threefold: remain in the present moment as much as possible, focus on things you can control, and do things in service of others.
None of us are capable of fixing the world’s woes as individuals, but we can all do little things to make it a bit better. Meditate, journal, tend your garden, bake for your neighbors, or foster some kittens. Every little thing you do will make the world a better place for everyone, for however long we’re going to be around.
Final thoughts…
When you’re lost in the woods, what you’re supposed to do is find shelter, stay fed/hydrated, and try not to panic. Interestingly, the same goes for when you’re feeling lost in life. Make your favorite beverage, have a snack, get into comfortable clothes, and grab a pen and paper. From here, you can map out how you got lost and what steps you feel you’ll need to take to get out of the dungeon you’re currently in.
There is always a way out, and things will feel a lot brighter as you move forward.
