Many of us have experienced situations in which we’ve either been lying on the ground or sitting in the dark with a pint of ice cream in hand, marveling at how many things are going wrong in our lives, but having no idea how to go about fixing them. This usually happens because the various aspects involved are all interconnected, and the task of unravelling bits here and there to untangle the lot seems insurmountable.
But all is not lost. If you’re trying to figure out which changes to make and how to approach them, try having these conversations with yourself to set yourself up on the right path.
1. What are you grateful for right now, and what makes you feel resentful?
I’m a huge proponent of list-making because lists allow me to corral all of my thoughts into a tangible form in front of me. As such, when I’ve had to un-muck my life at various times over the years, an approach that’s been immensely beneficial is the gratitude/resentment list. On one side of the page, I’ve written down all the amazing things that I appreciate about my life, and on the other side, I write down the things that made me feel angry, resentful, taken for granted, and so on.
Having these details in front of me made it much more difficult to make excuses about them or gloss over them entirely. Furthermore, it allowed me to prioritize the things that made me feel grateful, so I knew which aspects to hold onto and which to discard. This wasn’t easy, as it also required me to part ways with partners and acquaintances who were having a negative influence on my life, but doing so opened the doors for healthier partnerships to enter instead.
2. Which negative habits or unaddressed issues are holding you back?
It’s not much fun to take a look in the mirror and acknowledge the self-sabotaging, self-destructing, or otherwise negative habits that may be holding us back from attaining the success we desire, but it’s vitally important to do so.
For example, if you recognize that things like chronic procrastination or demand avoidance are keeping you from meeting deadlines or attaining goals, then it’s important to determine why those things are happening. You may have been berating yourself for “laziness” for years when the issue is actually undiagnosed ADHD or other neurodivergence. By addressing the underlying issue, you can find the solutions that work best for you. From there, fixing other pressing issues should follow suit.
3. What keeps you awake at night?
When you lie awake at night, unable to sleep, or you find yourself wracked by anxiety, what is it you feel most worried about? Whatever it is that’s most prevalent in your mind is likely one of the first things you need to address.
Once you determine what that is, you can figure out what the best course of action will be to change it. For example, if you’re dealing with money issues, you can contact a free financial advice service in your area to help you get back on track.
Alternatively, you may realize that you’re anxious about everything, and as such, it’s the anxiety itself that’s the problem that needs to be worked through in order to get your life back on track.
4. If you were suddenly a multi-millionaire or could go back in time, what changes would you make to your life?
Quite simply, if you were suddenly incredibly wealthy or could turn back time, would you keep your life exactly as it is now? Or would you make major changes? For example, would you stay with your current partner or choose to be single for a while? Would you remain where you live now, doing your current job or other responsibilities, or would you retire to a little villa overseas?
Alternatively, if you could go back in time, would you have made different choices that would have affected your life now? Would you choose a different life path? The answers you come up with in response to questions like these can give you some great insight about the changes to prioritize in your life.
5. What advice would you give to yourself if you were on the outside, looking in?
Essentially, if you and your best friend switched places, what advice would you give to them? You have in-depth knowledge and understanding of everything they’re going through, and you know that they trust you completely, so what insights would you offer to them?
When you’re roleplaying this reversal in your mind, try to anticipate the things your best friend would ask of you, as well as how they’d respond to your attempts to justify or otherwise explain away the things you’ve been avoiding or have been hesitant to acknowledge.
6. What would your ideal life look like a year from today?
If everything that needed to fall into place for you to be truly happy did so, what would the perfect life look like for you in a year’s time? For example, if you’re unhappy with your current fitness level, what goal would you like to be able to attain over the next 12 months? Or if you’re unfulfilled with your current job, what role would you like to be in a year from now?
Giving yourself a solid goal to work towards establishes a foundation to build upon. From here, you can plan out a critical path for the next year, with attainable goalposts to strive for month by month. This can help to get you out of the malaise of having a vague idea that something needs to change, and hones your focus on the most important changes you want to make.
7. What legacy do you want to leave?
When you know that you want to fix your life somehow, but you aren’t sure where to get started, a great thing to tap into is to ask yourself what legacy you want to leave. We all have a limited time on this beautiful planet. As such, determining the things that are truly important to you and deciding what kind of difference you’d like to make before you exit this realm is vital. This doesn’t just remind you of your purpose, but also gives you a road map to follow from here.
For instance, if you don’t know what to do with the rest of your life, but you know that you’re unhappy, think about the world events that matter the most to you and how you’d like to help. If you don’t have the types of skills needed yet, find out how you can attain them.
Alternatively, get in contact with the organizations that align with your goals and values, and ask them how your current skills may be put to good use for their cause. As an example, I’m no longer able to physically contribute to my community garden, but I’ve written countless educational articles on how to grow food in order to help others feed themselves and their families.
You may be able to make an extraordinary difference in ways that mean a great deal to you, leaving your corner of the world in a better state as a result.
Final thoughts…
The most important thing to remember here is that as long as you are still drawing breath, you can fix whatever you feel is wrong in your life. No matter what issue you determine you’re up against, there’s a solution for it. Health and fitness levels can be improved, finances can be sorted out, living situations can be changed, and so on. It won’t happen overnight, and it may be a long and gradual journey, but it won’t happen at all without taking the first step.
The conversations suggested here can help you to determine which changes will help you the most, and which to start addressing. You are strong and capable, and can absolutely make real change happen for yourself!
