No matter where you go in the world, you’ll notice that there are some people whom most folks in the area know and like. There are always a couple of people in town who know everyone’s name, and who are spoken highly of when they aren’t around. They may not share many physical traits, but there are certain habits that they all seem to put into regular practice. Some may be innate, while others are cultivated over time, but they’re pretty much ubiquitous. And the good news is, they are easy to put into regular practice by everybody.
1. Cooking lovely things and sharing them with people.
The way to many people’s hearts is often through their stomachs, and for good reason: who doesn’t love tasty snacks? A study published in Appetite journal shows that food sharing is associated with positive attachment between people, and has been used for centuries to cultivate closeness and community in cultures worldwide.
When you put in real time and effort to cook or bake things for people, you show them that you really care about them. This is especially true if you’ve paid attention to their food preferences and/or sensitivities, and go out of your way to create things you know they’ll like.
Knowing their respective dietary requirements, aversions, and sensitivities is really important here too: few things are as sad and uncomfortable for everyone as cooking or baking something amazing as a gift, only to find that the recipient is deathly allergic to or completely despises one of the ingredients.
2. Being authentically cheerful (when you’re feeling it).
Whereas contrived cheerfulness is viewed with contempt, authentic friendliness and good spirits aren’t just inspiring — they’re contagious. If you’ve ever found yourself smiling because you’ve seen someone walking down the street while grinning and thoroughly enjoying a snack, you know what I mean.
Dr. Robert Puff tells us that happiness is contagious, and goodness knows we could all use a bit more joy these days. Only authentic cheerfulness works, however. Fake smiles put people on edge, whereas real ones inspire folks to smile authentically at others in turn. And before you know it, everyone in the area is feeling a whole lot better. When someone is in the habit of being cheerful and friendly on a regular basis, other people both appreciate them sincerely and seek them out when they’re feeling down.
3. The ability to meet people at their own level.
Some of the most likable people around are those who make a point of getting to know others in ways that work best for them. They treat every person with understanding, respect, and courtesy, which is what everyone wants, according to Psychology Today. They understand that nobody is superior or inferior to anyone else. They don’t talk down to children, the elderly, or those who speak other languages, but instead adapt their approaches so everyone feels cared for and understood.
Additionally, getting to know people authentically involves remembering both their names and details that are important to them. I used to carry a small notebook around in my pocket, and whenever I learned more about someone, such as things they really liked, or details they chose to share about their lives, I’d make small notes and review them later. That way, when I ran into them next, I’d be able to ask how their gran was doing, or surprise them with the kind of stone they liked, and so on.
Remembering these details makes people feel like they’re important to you, which they should be. Every person is special and sacred in their own way, and taking note of how they like their tea or what their dog’s name is shows them that others care. Some days, that can make the difference between hope and despair for someone.
4. Having an easy-going nature with regard to others’ life choices.
Wherever you go, people are going to have different beliefs, habits, views, and ways of living their lives in general. Those who accept and celebrate these differences are much easier to get along with than those who are judgmental and critical of lives that seem drastically different from their own.
Those who get along with everyone generally go beyond the “live and let live” mentality and instead take an active interest in how different people experience life. If a perspective or practice is alien to them, they’ll put real time and effort into learning about it. Depending on what it is, they may even try it out so they have firsthand experience and thus a deeper understanding of it.
5. Not seeing everyone for what they can give or do for you.
People know when they’re being used, and it’s an awful thing to experience. It’s saddening when we come to the realization that a person is viewing us merely as a resource or a stepping stone to get what they want. Similarly, it’s just as demoralizing to realize that someone might view us as an obstacle; an object that’s in their way, rather than a person who’s just trying to get through life as best we can.
Although some people can mask their grasping or aversive behavior, it inevitably becomes apparent over time. In contrast, people who are authentically likable view others as individuals and appreciate them as such, rather than merely viewing them as tools for personal gain or obstacles to overcome. They recognize that people don’t exist to serve their needs and desires, and instead approach others with a generous, caring mindset.
It’s rather like different denizens in a garden environment: the weeds will grasp and choke the life out of everything around them as they take all nutrients for themselves, whereas joyous sunflowers replenish soil while supporting life around them, and oaks provide both shade and food to everyone nearby.
6. Being considerate towards others (whilst maintaining healthy boundaries).
It’s important to be considerate towards other people, though it’s just as important to maintain healthy personal boundaries. Those who are liked and respected by just about everyone they meet are those who manage to do both. They’ll be genteel and respectful to those around them, but also make it clear that they aren’t doormats.
Many people are quick to lose respect for those who apologize for no reason, or habitually defer to others instead of standing their ground. In contrast, they like and admire those who are kind and gracious, but who tolerate no encroachment when it comes to their personal boundaries.
7. Being real without becoming a total martyr.
This may seem counterintuitive, but one of the habits that can make a person even more likable in other people’s eyes is vulnerability. Not the attention-seeking martyrdom that a lot of folks display (especially on social media for engagement farming), but authentically letting others know if they’re struggling.
Not playing the victim, nor being constantly needy or preying on anyone, but simply being honest when they’re going through a temporary rough patch. In an era of unparalleled falseness, authenticity is a rare jewel to be treasured.
Final thoughts…
I’ve met a lot of truly likable people in my travels, and they have all embodied the habits listed here. Furthermore, they all espoused a similar mindset: they try to be the type of person that they would want as a friend. This goes beyond treating others how one wants to be treated, but to treat others as they want to be treated — honoring their boundaries, understanding their love languages, and so on. These habits aren’t difficult to embody, but they do require regular self-analysis and work to keep them well-honed.
