There are some children who find themselves in a position where they need to entertain themselves more than others. Sometimes you’re an only child trying to amuse yourself, for others, it might be neglectful parenting that meant you didn’t get the attention you deserved, or it may be that your parents were like mine and just had to work a lot.
It’s not always for bad reasons that kids are sometimes left to fend for themselves. And despite the problems it can cause, there are some strengths that come from a childhood spent mostly left to your own devices. Here are some great examples of them.
1. They learn emotional independence.
A person who needs to rely on themselves will often figure out ways to navigate the world that make sense for them. Many develop the skills to reflect, self-soothe, and regulate their emotions without the help of an adult. As adults, this is helpful because we don’t always get the kind of emotional support that we would like.
Furthermore, many adults who learn emotional independence this way develop a strong sense of internal validation. They aren’t looking for outside approval because they didn’t get that much of it as a child. They don’t find themselves wracked with anxiety over the way others might feel about them, like many others do.
Whilst this is a strength, studies show that it can become a little problematic in adulthood if the person doesn’t learn how to accept constructive criticism or other people’s opinions when relevant. Sometimes, you just don’t know what you don’t know, so you do need someone else to shine a light to understand.
2. They develop strong observation skills.
Adults who grew up in situations where they were mostly independent often develop a greater attention to detail. They may be more perceptive of the subtleties of people, situations, or their environment that other people miss out on. It’s a habit they develop as children because when left to fend for themselves, they had to become very familiar with their immediate environment.
Social dynamics tend to stand out more to these people because they can be more sensitive to the subtle shifts and things left unsaid. Their childhood makes them more in tune with the general vibe and demeanor of the people around them, as they may have needed to develop those skills with their parents.
This can sometimes disrupt the adult’s life because they may be hypervigilant or hypersensitive to the emotions of others. They may see problems that don’t actually exist because their brain is recognizing past patterns, warning them of current danger, whether real or not.
3. They tend to be highly adaptable and creative.
Solitude forces you to develop a set of problem-solving skills that you just don’t get with other people. Calgary’s Child tells us that alone time for a child is a prime time to develop creativity, adaptability, and independence. That’s because the child is forced to find workable solutions and pivot to a different approach if they can’t make it work for themselves.
A lack of constant stimulation means the child learns to make their own fun, like inventing games, stories, or other imagination-based activities that aren’t in front of a screen. These are wonderful habits and traits to have as an adult because they develop imagination, innovative thinking, and problem-solving skills.
4. They tend to have a low need for external validation.
Not everyone gets much praise or recognition for the things they do, whether child or adult. As a child, the lack of positive reinforcement can actually have a beneficial impact because you focus less on pleasing other people and more on pleasing yourself or getting the job done.
Of course, it is nice to get a pat on the back, but it’s not healthy to rely on other people’s approval, and you won’t always get it. That’s why internal validation is so important. I found myself in this kind of position. My parents are great parents; they just had to work a lot to give us the life that they gave us. I’ve personally found it to be true that my lack of need for external validation is tied to how much time I spent on my own.
When you feel this way, you’re just in your own little world, doing your own thing, trying to make yourself happy and get stuff done. And that’s really all you need, so long as you are getting it done.
5. They often develop a rich, resilient inner world.
Time alone can accidentally cause you to develop a richer internal life than people who are constantly busy with others. So much can be learned when you spend time alone. Solitude is time to think about oneself, life, and one’s place in it. It can create room for imagination, for cultivating fantasy and curiosity that one may not otherwise get when they are in the hustle and bustle of other people.
Creative people know that time alone is often an ideal time to work because it allows them to truly immerse themselves in what they’re doing. Children can use time alone to foster imagination, creativity, and better understand what’s going on inside of them. It gives them depth and allows for a strong development of character.
But of course, too much of anything is never good. An adult who was physically and emotionally neglected as a child may find that they turn in on themselves too far, making it harder to connect with other people in an authentic, intimate way. That can be so disruptive to the adult’s relationships because you need raw vulnerability to genuinely connect with others.
6. They often have strong self-motivation, discipline, and initiative.
You learn to start things on your own when you don’t have someone around to entertain or push you in a meaningful way. You learn that you can’t rely on someone encouraging you to do what needs to be done; you need to just get to work and make it happen the way you want it to be for yourself.
The ability to get things done is so important for happiness and quality of life. If you can’t, then you just get buried under the stress and anxiety of all the things that haven’t been taken care of or opportunities that have been lost.
As an adult, this can sometimes manifest as struggling to let other people help. Some may interpret it as a sign of stubbornness or martyrdom, but it’s more that the child just learned that they were the one who had to get things done. They simply didn’t have any other options available to them.
Final thoughts…
It’s good and healthy for children to spend time on their own. Alone time fosters independence, problem-solving, and imagination. Children don’t need to be watched over 100% of the time, with every minute of their day scheduled out for activities that their adult needs to be a part of. In fact, it’s better that they’re not, so they don’t develop an overreliance on their adults to entertain themselves.
But of course, too much can be a bad thing, and it can encourage some unhealthy habits and behaviors if a child is left totally to their own devices. Hyper independence can significantly harm the child’s future relationships because they don’t learn how to function well with others if their parents were excessively distant.
As with most things in life, balance is the key.
