To be emotionally independent means to be able to think and feel for oneself instead of being influenced by others. Furthermore, it means being resilient and self-sufficient rather than depending on other people for strength, reassurance, and validation. Whereas those who can’t extricate themselves from others’ influence may worry about the 7 things listed below, people who are emotionally independent don’t waste any of their time fretting about them: they rely on themselves for happiness and fulfillment, and are fully autonomous in their own emotional security.
1. What the crowd is up to (or what the crowd thinks of their choices).
Emotionally independent people dance to their own tune, rather than falling in step with what others are singing. According to the experts at Regain, these people don’t look to others for examples or advice on what to think, say, wear, listen to, eat, or fight for. Instead, they think for themselves and they’re governed by their own morals and personal preferences, fully secure in the knowledge that they’re doing what’s right for themselves.
They don’t worry about whether others will approve of their choices or not, because other people’s opinions don’t even enter the equation. These people aren’t making choices that they know will gain others’ approval, nor do they have any fear of rejection.
2. Playing a particular role to impress others or secure a mate.
How many times have you witnessed a friend or family member take on a completely different personality in order to impress a certain crowd or attract a person they’re interested in? According to psychologists, this is known as the “chameleon effect” and is quite common in those with low self-esteem. These social chameleons take on other people’s interests, behaviors, and even appearance in order to fit in and gain acceptance or validation, instead of being true to themselves.
Emotionally independent people don’t do this because they’re secure in themselves and want to be with those who love and accept them as they are. My partner and I are both fiercely emotionally independent people, and we’ve introduced one another to music, books, and other interests that we now both share, but we haven’t lost our individuality. If anything, we encourage each other’s unique leanings and love the differences between us.
3. Keeping up with the Joneses.
Have you ever seen people lined up for several blocks in order to get a new phone or a trendy pair of shoes? This doesn’t just happen with small items like this. According to Psych Central, a lot of people try to keep up with others to boost their confidence so they don’t feel inferior and end up living beyond their means by buying a house, a car, or high-status items they can’t really afford, and don’t truly want. They do this because they feel insecure in themselves and feel that if they get what they admire in other people’s lives, they’ll finally be happy.
In contrast, emotionally independent people know that true happiness doesn’t come from status symbols or insincere achievements. It comes from taking sincere joy in the little things that make them happy, and real gratitude for all their unique, individual blessings.
4. “What if” scenarios regarding world affairs.
You’ve likely seen a lot of people panicking about the state of the world recently, with people vibing off each other’s fear and trepidation. They worry about worst-case scenarios, spiral into fatalistic thinking patterns, and end up feeling paralyzed with despair.
Meanwhile, emotionally independent people also consider worst-case scenarios, but they’ll spend their energy preparing for them instead of just running around and screaming about what might occur. They’ll create plans (including contingencies), stock up on essentials, get training in areas that they might need, and then wait to see what happens. They’re secure in their capability and resilience, and know that they’ll be able to navigate whatever unfolds.
5. What their exes or failed friendships are up to.
People who depend on others for their emotional stability and validation generally don’t take it well when a relationship fails, be that a romantic one or a close friendship. They consider it a form of personal rejection, and they often spend an extraordinary amount of time ruminating over everything that went wrong and asking everyone around them for insight instead of moving on with their lives. Many of them even check up on their former lovers or friends on a regular basis by checking their social media accounts and/or asking shared acquaintances about them.
Emotionally independent folks don’t do this because they recognize that everything has a natural end. People come into each other’s lives for various periods of time, and once they’ve parted ways, there’s no reason to keep tabs on them. This is especially true if the relationship ended badly. Once you’ve thrown garbage into a dumpster, you don’t place an AirTag on it so you can keep tracking it long after it’s been taken away, do you? No. You just turn away and walk on.
6. Gossip or drama.
Those who thrive on other people’s energy tend to indulge in gossip on a regular basis, whether it’s at the workplace, in group chats, or at family gatherings. Psychology Today tells us that many of them feel a sense of community when they’re sharing tasty tea about who’s done what to (or with) whom, so doing so strengthens social bonds with those whose approval they want to win or maintain.
Those who value emotional independence see no value in flapping their gums about other people’s business, especially since they don’t know all the nuanced details about what unfolded in others’ relationships. They reserve judgment, and don’t discuss things that have no relevance in their own lives.
7. Whether they’re disappointing others by defending their boundaries.
A lot of people get frustrated, anxious, and depressed when their personal boundaries are overstepped by others, but they don’t defend them out of fear of rejection or reprisal. They spend more time worrying about possibly upsetting or disappointing others than they do about making sure that their own needs are met and respected, and then have to deal with the consequences of their own inaction.
This is in stark contrast to emotionally independent people who understand the importance of establishing healthy boundaries, including with those whom they love the most. They know that doing so isn’t a means of “punishing” anyone, and that those who truly care about them will do their damnedest to ensure that their boundaries aren’t just respected, but nurtured. If others get offended by the boundaries that they’ve established, then those people have shown that they probably shouldn’t be in each other’s lives. They aren’t going to change fundamental aspects of themselves or their vital needs, for the sake of someone else’s wants.
Final thoughts…
I know far too many people whose life choices all depend on what others may think of them, including complete strangers. In reality, most people aren’t all that interested in what’s going on in others’ lives, and their opinions, preferences, and judgment shouldn’t even enter the equation. It may be scary to cultivate faith and trust in your own judgment if you’ve spent years seeking reassurance and validation from others, but no voice should have a stronger say in your life than your own. Seek to know and understand yourself authentically, and trust is certain to follow.
