Most of us have had to deal with people who play games all the time. Some thrive on drama and stir it up for their own amusement, while others play “push-pull” by drawing closer and then ghosting, or being kind and then being a jerk.
While we might be able to tolerate this for a while, we’ll generally reach a breaking point eventually. If any of the following signs seem familiar to you, it’s likely because you’ve reached that point and are flat-out done with tolerating their game-playing nonsense.
1. You brace yourself for interaction with them.
As soon as you see these people, you brace yourself because you know exactly what’s going to unfold. They’re going to put on an act that you can’t stand, expecting you and everyone else to play along, and you can’t be bothered to do so one more time. You’ve already heard and seen where this is going, and don’t want to spend another moment humoring this dance.
As such, you may simply observe them impassively, with a blank expression, waiting for them to stop their ridiculous shenanigans and move on, or you’ll leave so you don’t have to deal with them at all.
If you’re forced to interact with them because you can’t leave your living situation or you work with them and haven’t found a new job yet, you’ll go “grey rock” and only give them the barest responses when they try to interact with you, much to their frustration and dismay.
2. You catch yourself zoning out.
When they start talking or acting out, you’ll immediately feel yourself mentally zoning out. You might daydream or make mental lists of all the things you need to do in the near future, or you’ll distract yourself with your phone, doodling on some paper, or simply stare off into space.
If they ask you something related to whatever idiocy they were going on about, you’ll just shrug and say that you weren’t paying attention. This might bother or offend them because they felt that they were sharing important things with you, but you don’t care. Let them be offended: you’re done.
3. You’re avoiding them.
Once you’ve gotten to the point where you’re done tolerating someone’s game-playing nonsense, you stop coming up with believable, reasonable excuses as to why you aren’t available to spend time with them, listen to their endless drama, and so on. As a result, you may come up with increasingly more creative ways to evade their company — especially if those approaches amuse you.
For example, one of my favorite reasons to offer about why I can’t do The Thing they want is: “Sorry, I can’t: I have arms”. This not only confuses them but makes me smile as I end the call or walk away.
Similarly, you might go out of your way to avoid situations in which you might run into them. This may involve taking alternate routes to your destinations so you’re less likely to encounter them, or turning down invitations to various gatherings. If your friends or family members complain that they miss you, and ask you why you aren’t attending the holiday dinner, special event, etc., you flat-out tell them it’s because you can’t stand ___ and would rather defecate a porcupine sideways than be in their company.
4. You call them out on their BS.
It’s immensely freeing to stop giving a damn about what someone thinks of you or how they might respond, because you don’t care about the consequences of calling them out on their BS. You don’t care about maintaining the status quo or keeping the peace anymore: when they screw up, you call attention to it immediately.
Sure, you might be subtle by asking them things like “What did you hope to achieve with that comment?” or “What exactly did you mean by that?” to see how they’ll try to wriggle out of it. Alternatively, you may bluntly put the spotlight on what they said or did to show them how unacceptable it was, and then shut them out.
5. When they start to play games, you do not engage.
If you’re completely done with people who have been playing games with you, you’ve likely reached the point where you just walk away. Ain’t got no time for that. You do not engage, do not pass “GO”, do not give them a second more of your attention. When they start muckraking or trying to get emotional energy from you, they’ll end up starving.
You might use phrases such as “I refuse to be drawn into this situation” or “I’m really not interested in continuing this conversation”, much to their chagrin. They’ll likely try to manipulate you into playing along, either by playing the victim or getting aggressive. And they may change their approach several times when they realize that they can’t goad you into giving them the energy they’re looking for. Even after you’ve left (or blocked them, depending on the situation), they’ll likely try to pursue you so they can “win” at whatever game they’ve been trying to play.
They won’t: you’re done.
6. You’re ruthless with your social culling.
In the past, you might have focused on people’s potential and who they could be beneath their muck and mire, and therefore tolerated their game-playing in the hope that you could help them become the best versions of themselves. The thing is, after doing this countless times and getting burned every time, you likely realized that most of them just aren’t worth the effort.
Now, the second you realize that someone is playing games, you’ll pull the plug on whatever was evolving between you. It doesn’t matter if this was a burgeoning friendship, romantic relationship, or mended fences between family members: you’re out. They’re more than welcome to go and weave their dramatic nonsense with someone else, but you’ll have none of it.
7. You spend time alone until someone proves to be worthy of your time.
Over time, you’ve realized that your own company is immensely preferable to those who drain you with their endless game-playing shenanigans. Oh, you’re friendly enough when you’re out and about. You’ll nod and smile to your neighbors and be cordial with coworkers, but you’re very selective about when and where you expend your energy towards others.
You’ll only invest real time and energy into people who prove themselves to be worthy of your time. These are the people who make a point of reaching out to you and staying in contact with sincere, meaningful exchanges rather than hollow gossip or conflict mongering. They’re the ones who show up when they promise to do so, and are honest and forthright rather than obfuscating and melodramatic.
Final thoughts…
Life is too short to waste a single moment on those who thrive on manipulation, mind games, control, or any other self-centered idiocy. We all have thresholds of what we are and aren’t willing to tolerate, and if the signs above seem familiar to you, you’ve reached yours.
You’re under no obligation to humor these people. You have full permission to distance yourself from them, freeze them out, call them on their BS, or cut them out of your life completely. Your peace is too important to risk being damaged because other people can’t stop playing games.
