If you’ve been struggling for a while now — mentally, emotionally, financially, etc. — you may feel utterly depleted. Furthermore, you may be hard on yourself about how worn-out you are and feel that you’re weak and pathetic for not being able to bear it with grace.
While you’re berating yourself in this moment, however, you’re forgetting just how much you’ve been through already, and how far you’ve come. In fact, if you’ve faced the following things in your life thus far, you’re far stronger than you give yourself credit for.
1. Abuse.
Did you know that experiencing abuse in childhood and adolescence can actually change the structure of a person’s brain? Furthermore, abusive trauma — regardless of the age at which it’s experienced — rewires a person’s entire sense of self, as well as how their minds, emotions, and even physical regulatory systems work. This is why so many people with traumatic pasts end up with neurological or immune system problems later on.
If you’ve experienced abuse in the past, and you’re still around to tell the tale, please take a moment to acknowledge just how strong and resilient you really are. Countless others have succumbed to the damage such experiences have caused, but you’re still going.
You’re still here.
2. Poverty.
Poverty is one of the worst things a person can experience because it’s so difficult to pull oneself out of. It’s kind of like falling into a sand pit: once you’re in there, you can’t really gain purchase to claw your way out unless some kind soul tosses you a rope or a ladder to help you get out of there. And even then, there’s usually a catch involved.
Even with that kind of helping hand, it’s immensely difficult to lift yourself out of poverty. In fact, many people remain in that state for long periods of time — making do as best they can, living frugally, and simply just keeping on. If you’re in a situation like this (which so many of us are), and you’re still going, please acknowledge the immense strength of will and character you’re showing in doing so.
3. Life-threatening or chronic illness.
When people talk about how health is one of the greatest gifts a person can have, they’re not wrong. Being in ill health affects every single aspect of a person’s existence, and dealing with either a life-threatening illness or a chronic condition affects a person’s quality of life exponentially.
Anyone who’s navigating life with chronic health conditions, or is recovering from nearly succumbing to something awful, knows that poor health makes every single thing considerably more difficult. It may take all the energy you have just to make (and eat) a bowl of cereal, and a task that another might do without thinking can flatten you for days. Please know that your struggles are valid and recognized, and you’re an incredibly fierce warrior for persisting despite your condition(s).
4. Devastating loss.
Losing something (or someone) that means everything to you jars a person to the core of their being. Maybe you lost your home in a catastrophe that left you destitute, or the love of your life (or your beloved parent, or your child) died suddenly and unexpectedly.
A blow like this is more damaging than most people realize, and some never recover from the shock and devastation of it.
Some may lose themselves in substance abuse to numb themselves against the never-abating pain. Others shut down the parts of themselves capable of feeling emotion and spend the rest of their lives mired in work so they won’t risk ever getting hurt again.
Have you experienced this kind of devastation, yet allowed your heart to remain open enough to love? Or have you been able to care for others despite your grief and despair? Being able to show loving kindness despite your own pain displays immeasurable strength.
Please acknowledge that.
5. Hospice care for someone you love.
Losing someone you love unexpectedly is a devastating experience, but in many ways it’s easier than watching someone you care about decline bit by bit, over time. It’s excruciating to watch them lose all the things that made them who they are, from vocabulary to control over their own bodies, and be powerless to help them.
It takes immense will and fortitude to spend time with someone who’s falling apart right in front of you rather than taking the easier route and leaving them in another’s care. Even if you aren’t caregiving yourself, but just sitting with them as they move towards their end, that shows an incredible amount of strength, more than most people are capable of exhibiting.
6. Injustice.
Few things are as difficult to surmount as injustice. Being on the receiving end of unfairness, especially when it affects multiple aspects of your life, can make everything seem terribly bleak. After all, if you’ve been discriminated against for reasons that are above and beyond your control, or if you’ve done work in good faith and were screwed over by someone unscrupulous — with no consequences for the wrongdoer — it’s hard to feel like there’s any fairness or justice in the world.
At this point, a lot of people would end up bitter and angry and may remain in that state indefinitely. Others may develop biases towards those who remind them of the ones who did them wrong and seek to punish them for the mistreatment that others caused them.
If you’ve experienced injustice but have maintained faith that there’s still good in the world, or better still, have stepped up and become a champion of justice for others, you have a soul of pure adamantium.
7. Having to start all over.
Most people will have to start all over again a few times over the course of their lives. Many move away for school or a job and have to build their lives up from scratch, and then have to do the same thing after divorce or widowhood. Others may lose everything due to devastating life events (i.e., flood, fire, having to flee the country for refugee status elsewhere, etc.), and then have to simultaneously deal with the loss of all they had while slowly rebuilding their lives piece by piece.
This is never an easy thing to do, and it doesn’t get any easier if you’ve had to do it more than once. It feels like you’re struggling to get up from a prone position when you have piles of weights, furniture, and even other people on top of you. You’re a veritable Samson if you’ve been able to keep on going even with all of that stacked against you, especially if you’ve had to do it several times over.
Final thoughts…
Most people are quick to acknowledge strength and resilience in others, but are reluctant to grant that same grace towards themselves. In fact, they’re more likely to dismiss their own achievements in favor of praising others, perpetually feeling that they aren’t doing “enough”.
Try to view yourself as a neutral observer, rather than allowing your inner critic to control the view screen, and then show as much kindness, compassion, and patience towards yourself as you’d show towards your best friend. You deserve nothing less.
