You worked diligently for decades, putting in long hours and not getting nearly enough downtime as you would have liked. Now that you’re retired, you’ve been looking forward to doing all the fun things you never had time to do when you were working full-time.
But unfortunately, you now find yourself so exhausted all the time that you’re barely functional. While it’s admirable to be so driven, it can also be seriously detrimental. Here’s how to “unbusy” your retirement if your packed schedule is leaving you feeling shattered.
1. Make only one plan per day.
Although you may have a massive list of all the things you’d like to do, trying to cram as many things as possible into a single day is only going to drain all of your energy and leave you exhausted.
As such, try to make only one plan per day rather than packing your schedule full. It doesn’t have to be an ambitious plan all the time, either. Cleaning out and reorganizing a chest of drawers can take just as much time and energy as a museum visit or hosting a dinner party.
Additionally, if you wake up and discover that you have no desire to do this thing anymore, don’t feel obligated to do it. If it isn’t urgent, it can be set aside for later. Instead, embrace spontaneity and prioritize whatever makes you happy — even if that’s curling up on the couch with a bowl of snacks to enjoy some excellent movies instead.
2. Cut back on the energy you put into grandchild care.
Many people look forward to retirement because it will allow them to spend more time with their beloved grandchildren. Unfortunately, this can sometimes be taken advantage of by parents who see grandma and grandpa as on-call caregivers now that they have “nothing else” to do. Alternatively, you may want to spend as much time with the littles as possible, but end up so exhausted afterwards that it takes you days to recover.
We have less energy to work with as we age, so it’s important to dole it out in manageable portions. If you’ve been taking the wee ones to different activities several times a week, consider paring that down and spending more time doing crafts or other low-energy pursuits with them instead. Similarly, if you feel that you don’t actually have it in you to care for them as often, make your visits less frequent but more memorable.
If there is pressure coming from your adult children, it may be worth having an honest conversation with them about boundaries and expectations. Many parents struggle with this, not wanting to seem unwilling or to rock the boat with their kids. But a calm, loving discussion — framed around your health and energy rather than any sense of grievance — can go a long way.
Let them know that you adore those grandchildren with every fibre of your being, and that it’s precisely because you love them so much that you want to show up as your best self rather than a depleted, burnt-out version of grandma or grandpa. Most adult children, when they truly understand the impact, will be more than willing to rethink the arrangement.
3. Don’t feel pressured to keep up with others anymore, including your partner if you have one.
Retirees don’t all have the same energy levels. Case in point, I know a 75-year-old man who runs 10km daily and spends the rest of his time weight training, landscaping, and doing home renovations. In contrast, his wife is an avid reader and quilter who enjoys birdwatching on the patio with mimosas within easy reach.
There were tensions between the two of them in early retirement because he was eager to do All The Things he wasn’t able to do when employed full-time, whereas she was looking forward to finally unwinding and not being busy All The Time. Finally, they recognized that they had different ideas of what retirement looked like, and encouraged each other’s individual pursuits rather than feeling obligated to do everything together.
Similarly, your retirement will look different from everyone else’s, and that’s perfectly ok. It’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of deal, and those golden years are yours to spend however you see fit.
4. Thoroughly savor whatever morsels you’re enjoying.
In our working days, how many meals did we devour unthinkingly at our desks so we could get back to our tasks as quickly as possible? Similarly, how many glorious cups of coffee were inhaled rather than savored because something else was supposedly more important and needed to be focused on instead?
Nothing needs to be rushed now. You don’t need to race back to your desk so you aren’t docked for pay if your lunch hour goes too long, nor do you need to wolf down a dry breakfast bar so you can beat morning traffic.
Make waffles or shakshuka on any given morning and savor every bite while watching wildlife play outside if you can. Take your time to sip coffee slowly, and enjoy each mouthful of chocolate croissant or your favorite soup — leisurely, and with complete gratitude.
5. Stop pressuring yourself to complete your “bucket list” ASAP.
Many people have a “bucket list” of all the things they want to experience or achieve before they shuffle off this mortal coil. Some want to go skydiving or take a journey to Tibet, while others might want to earn another University degree, read 4,000 books, or create enough art to have their own gallery show.
These are great and lofty goals, but they can also create stress and urgency where none is needed. You’re retired, which means you’ve just finished around 40 years of non-stop labor. So why are you piling more of it onto your plate instead of doling these goals out sparingly? You still have time, and there is no rush to do these things. Prioritize the items that mean the most to you, recognize that you likely won’t achieve everything on your list, and pace yourself according to your personal desire and energy capability.
6. Delegate and automate whatever you can.
Make a list of all the things you’ve been responsible for up until now. Above and beyond the duties you had at work, you may have had a long list of domestic chores and responsibilities ranging from house cleaning and laundry to the never-ending tyranny of meal planning, grocery shopping, and bill paying.
If you’re married or partnered and you’re both retired, ensure that these responsibilities are more fairly delegated than they were before. If you’re not already doing so, automate your bill payments so they’re deducted monthly instead of being paid manually. And if you have adult kids or grandkids around, let them take on more of these responsibilities to lighten your load — a teenager who is perfectly capable of pushing a lawnmower or lugging laundry downstairs should absolutely be doing so.
7. See if you can budget for additional help.
In addition to the task delegation mentioned above, determine whether you have enough money in your retirement budget to alleviate some of your own labor by paying for others to take care of those tasks for you.
For example, if you feel too tired to do food prep all the time (or you’re simply sick to death of doing so), look into meal delivery kits. These contain all the ingredients needed to create a meal, all chopped, pre-portioned, and measured ahead of time, so they only need to be assembled and heated. Similarly, if you have the means, you could get a cleaning service to come in once a week to do the heavy work so you only need to do maintenance in between visits.
8. Don’t hesitate to quit whatever doesn’t bring you joy.
Many retirees take up a wide variety of activities so they won’t feel bored or unneeded now that they aren’t working anymore, then feel obligated to stick with them even though they’re draining (or they discover that they simply don’t like them).
There’s no shame in stopping a pursuit that you dislike, or that’s stealing energy that could be directed towards something you’d enjoy more. Feel free to not finish the book or craft you’re doing if you dislike it. Graciously excuse yourself from volunteering jobs or other types of community service if they — or your peers — are running you ragged. Whatever steals your peace is too expensive at this point in your life.
Final thoughts…
Think back to the countless times you felt utterly exhausted from working. Then remind yourself that there’s no need for you to continue that behavior now that you’re retired. Your worth is no longer dependent upon your productivity (not that it ever really was), either in other people’s eyes or your own.
Instead, you now get to decide which pursuits are most important to you, and dole them out according to your priorities and energy levels. You have full permission to relax, unwind, and use your retirement to make up for all the rest you weren’t allowed to have during your career.
