There are a number of reasons why people may feel that life owes them something. Some are raised with a sense of superiority and entitlement that makes them feel that they deserve special treatment. Others suffered so greatly in their youth that they expect someone, somewhere, to make up for all the awful things they went through. Unfortunately, both sides of the spectrum can result in some unhealthy behaviors over time.
The good news is that if you can come to the realization that life doesn’t owe you anything, you’ll likely adopt many of the healthier behaviors listed here.
1. Active engagement rather than passive acquiescence.
People who believe that the world owes them something are usually passive passengers in their own lives. They feel sad and resentful when bad things happen to them, but instead of taking action, they sit back and bemoan it because they expect a miracle of compensation to unfold. Eventually.
When you realize that life owes you nothing, you shift from passive acquiescence and tolerance to active engagement. “Why is this happening to me? It’s so unfair!” transforms into “Okay, this happened — what am I going to do about it?” Gone are the days of passively sitting by and waiting for something better to happen: you make it happen instead.
2. More humility than entitlement.
It’s easy to get immensely frustrated at life when you feel like it owes you something. When you step back and realize that you are only one individual amongst billions of others who share this planet with you, then you start to exhibit far more humility than entitlement.
Something you learn over time is that presumed privilege and self-serving behavior rarely pay off in the long run, unless your goal is to annoy and alienate people. Instead, by being humble, kind, and a sincerely good person, you’ll draw others to you who are of like mind and cultivate healthy, authentic relationships with them.
3. Gratitude for every blessing.
If you get into the habit of looking at all the good, beautiful little things and experiences you have on the daily, you’ll feel an immense sense of personal peace and fulfillment rather than fuming at all the things you feel you’re missing out on because life didn’t unfold the way you expected it to.
Those who perpetually get worked up over life’s unfairness don’t realize how much they’re missing out on. They’ll overlook opportunities that present themselves, and most certainly miss out on all the little subtle joys that life has to offer.
That beautiful birdsong that pours in through the window every morning, the way that the light plays off the trees or the water, and so on. All these wonderful gifts are ever-present to those who actively look for them and are grateful for the little things they have in abundance, all around them.
When I’ve gone through some of the worst experiences of my life, I have always returned to gratitude for the things that brought even a tiny bit of joy to me. Warm, dry socks, a hot bowl of soup, the love of a good friend, and so on. These are far greater blessings than most people realize, and should never be taken for granted, let alone felt as though they’re owed, for some reason.
4. Accountability rather than victimhood.
People who feel that life owes them something tend to blame others for their mistakes rather than taking responsibility for them. This is particularly true if they’ve experienced difficulty in their life: they demand compensation for their hardships by way of expecting to be allowed to get away with whatever they like.
In contrast, when you realize that you aren’t owed anything, you step up and accept responsibility for your actions. Not only is this the correct way to live your life, but it also leads to others recognizing and appreciating your integrity — whether they like you or not. In fact, even people who actively dislike you will respect the fact that you own up to your blunders and take action to correct them.
5. Letting go of forced or otherwise unhealthy relationships.
When you realize that life doesn’t owe you anything, you come to the epiphany that all the tallies you’ve been keeping in your head about who owes you what in life because of the effort you put towards them really don’t matter at all.
For example, if you loved and cared for a friend or previous partner fiercely and they didn’t reciprocate to the degree that you wanted (or expected), you may feel that you’re entitled to compensation on their part. But that score-keeping — however understandable — was never going to bring you what you were looking for.
And realizing that allows you to release relationships that no longer serve you. You let them go without bitterness, knowing that you gave them the loving care that they needed at the time, and that you can always make more of that, because your spirit has an endless supply to tap into.
“Even after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth,
“You owe me.”
Look what happens with a love like that—
It lights the whole sky.”
– Hafiz: a 14th-century Persian Poet
6. Introspection in reference to moving forward.
One of the healthiest things that happens when you’re blindsided by the realization that life doesn’t owe you anything is introspection. You can delve into self-reflection to gain a clearer picture of who you are and why you behave the way you do.
Rather than trying to blame others or get back at someone, or even blindly lashing out at the nearest in your life, you turn your gaze inward to more fully understand your part in your own processes. For example, if you’ve repeated the same unhealthy patterns, you may do some digging to find out why.
Doing this regularly can make a monumental difference in your everyday life. As the famous quote goes, “Eternal vigilance is the price of freedom,” but here the enemy and danger don’t come from without, but from within. So often, we sabotage our own efforts for a myriad of reasons and then lash out at loved ones who are trying to protect us from ourselves. Any of our goals or pursuits — be they large or small — become impossible if we don’t get out of our own way first.
7. Being radically forgiving because you’re fiercely aware of life’s impermanence.
A lot of people who spent years acting as though the world (and life in general) owed them something are those who held onto grudges about all the ways that others had done them wrong.
When the epiphany arrives that you aren’t actually owed anything, you suddenly feel immense relief that you no longer have an active, burning vendetta against the world around you. You come to the realization that most people in your life were not actively out to get you, but instead were fully immersed in (and struggling through) their own experience. As such, they treated you badly either because they were hurt and damaged, or because they were fighting to get their own needs met in the only way(s) they knew how.
You may even gain a greater overview and understanding of the people around you: that they, too, believe that life owes them something and that they have to take it from others to gain the illusion of fulfilment and balance.
But the only person who can really give you peace and fulfillment is you, and a great step towards that is letting go of the angry crusade to get one over on those who usually weren’t even aware that their actions had such a deleterious effect on you.
Final thoughts…
It’s completely normal and understandable to feel upset at life’s perceived unfairness. While these emotions may be irrational, because life doesn’t owe anybody anything, they’re still important to acknowledge and work through. The end result is to recognize that it’s up to every individual to make the best of whatever they have to work with.
You may struggle with this at times — we all do, to be honest — but you keep putting one foot in front of the other, working to create the best life that you can. And you know what? That’s pretty damned good of you.
