Just about all of us have come across entitled adults at some point. They’re the ones who push to the front of the queue because they feel that they deserve to be there, or demand others’ time and attention without reciprocating. They lash out at the slightest critique and have an overblown sense of their own self-importance without any real grounds for it.
So how did these people develop such entitlement? Rather than being innate, it’s usually caused by well-intentioned parents who did the following from day one.
1. Doing everything for their kids.
According to Healthline, a lot of well-meaning parents do as much as possible for their children so they can have childhoods devoid of any stress or hardship. Some continue making their lunches and doing their laundry until they’re ready to head off to college. While this is kind in some ways, it also prevents kids from learning self-sufficiency and responsibility, and fosters learned helplessness that can be difficult to overcome in adulthood.
Furthermore, it prevents them from taking the initiative to get things done because they expect someone else to do it for them. People who were raised this way often end up trying to force others to do the tasks they don’t want to do themselves. And this can lead to unhealthy romantic relationships, stress with colleagues, and so on.
2. Never offering any type of criticism.
Telling their kids that everything they do is the most amazing thing ever gives them an overblown sense of their own capabilities. This can lead to the Dunning-Kruger effect in adulthood, in which they feel they’re far better at something than they actually are, since nobody has ever given them reason to believe otherwise.
I witnessed this firsthand in art classes I taught. When I gave one of the students constructive criticism about something he had drawn, he went ballistic. He had never been given anything other than blanket positive feedback from his parents about the art he created. As such, he thought that suggestions for improvement were offered because I hated him and thought his work was garbage.
Unfortunately, we see a lot of this online now, in which younger generations seem to think that any ideas that contradict their own views are “hate” and that corrections are “abusive”.
3. Preventing kids from experiencing consequences for poor behavior.
Responsible parents teach their children that every action has a consequence, be it positive or negative. Those who don’t enforce consequences for poor behavior end up creating belligerent, disrespectful, entitled adults who refuse any accountability for their actions.
My partner and I have both experienced this with housemates and partners whose parents have always taken care of any problems for them. If they broke something due to carelessness or a temperamental outburst, mom and/or dad would simply replace it for them instead of making them earn money to buy a new one. As adults, they expected the same behavior from everyone else around them and got severely upset if they were forced to take responsibility and make amends for what they had done.
4. Offering bribes or treats to get kids to do things.
Parents get frustrated with their kids at times, especially if said children are trying to push boundaries and establish their autonomy. This can often lead to parents offering bribes or treats as encouragement just to get a moment’s peace and make things easier for themselves.
Used too often, however, this normal parenting behavior leads to entitled adults who are loath to do anything unless they benefit from it somehow. If they really don’t want to do a particular task at work, for instance, they may try to pawn it off on someone else or won’t drum up the motivation to do it unless there’s a little treat in it for them. The idea of doing something unappealing simply because it needs to be done, without a special personal reward, is simply inconceivable to them.
5. Never saying “no.”
Many people believe that one of the main reasons why so many adults are so entitled is that, as children, they received too much of what they wanted and little of what they needed. They grow up expecting constant privileges and support, and may throw tantrums if they don’t get what they want. Their parents have been so kind as to remove any obstacle that impeded them, and thus they never learned the value (or the satisfaction) of working hard to achieve their own goals.
But disappointment in life is inevitable, and it allows people to develop vital coping skills. Every adult will deal with rejection — both professional and personal — and has to develop the grace and dignity to deal with it well, rather than pitching a fit and demanding to get their own way.
Entitled toddlers in adult suits who get abusive and insulting when they hear “no” are excruciating to deal with in any scenario, but they didn’t end up that way on their own: it’s how they were raised.
6. Not allowing them to experience boredom.
We get it: bored kids can be incredibly annoying and demanding, especially when a parent is desperately trying to enjoy a few seconds of uninterrupted alone time. After half an hour of the whining about how booooooored they are, most parents will acquiesce and allow them more than their allotted screen time, or will play whatever game they want as long as they stop making that infernal racket.
But experts advise that a young person who never experiences boredom ends up being unable to entertain or engage themselves for any period of time. As a result, they grow into adults who can’t stand to be alone and who expect others to make themselves available to them at all times. They become the type to expect others to chat with them on airplanes and in cafes, and get angry when they don’t get the attention they want on demand.
7. Fighting battles for them.
This can range from doing their homework when they find it difficult or frustrating to stepping in and dealing with relationship issues for them rather than letting them learn how to handle these situations themselves. By doing so, their kids never learn how to advocate for themselves, nor how to navigate discomfort.
We’re seeing the fallout of this protective helicopter parenting now, in which grown adults are too afraid to order for themselves at cafes, or they take their parents with them to speak on their behalf in job interviews. They never had the opportunity to embrace and cultivate their own sovereignty, and have instead remained in a state of juvenile arrested development.
8. Implying that they’re always amazing and brilliant.
We sometimes see this in people who feel that they deserve a certain caliber of partner (i.e., looks, income, and so on) because their parents constantly told them what perfect princes and princesses they are. Similarly, they might believe they deserve a certain degree of social status, great grades, and an amazing job simply for showing up, rather than putting real effort into any pursuit.
Furthermore, they often treat others poorly because they consider themselves superior to them, and if they get any pushback about their awful behavior, they chalk it up to those other people simply being jealous of them. After all, that’s what they were taught from day one, so it must be true, right?
9. Being their “friends” instead of their parents.
A lot of parents — particularly divorced ones who want to stay on their kids’ good sides — end up allowing their children to do whatever they want. They feel that by being the cool mom or dad and behaving more like a friend than a parent, they’ll cultivate a stronger, healthier relationship with their offspring. As a result, they often don’t establish boundaries with their children, don’t adhere to structures, and try to convince or negotiate with them instead of laying down rules and consequences for breaking them.
These kids grow into adults who don’t respect others’ boundaries and don’t know how to behave respectfully (or even decently) around their superiors. They grew up having an equal vote in all situations and have difficulty with social or workplace hierarchies, and see correction or discipline as a personal attack.
Final thoughts…
Children don’t come with instruction manuals, and it’s understandable that parents who are doing their best will falter at times when it comes to structure and discipline — especially when they’re overworked, overstimulated, or simply exhausted. Similarly, those who want to instill high self-worth and self-esteem in their kids may go overboard with the praise and skimp on correction.
As always, the key is to find a healthy balance by walking the middle road; unless you want to raise insufferable adults who will alienate everyone around them.
