To understand why the following 7 things have made it onto my list, we first need to understand the difference between passion and obsession.
Being passionate about something in life means it brings you deep joy and excitement, but it doesn’t consume you.
You can get up and walk away from it when you need or want to, and return to it another time. You don’t rely on it, but it offers you the freedom to choose when you engage with it. A bit like me with my Reese’s Cups.
Obsession? Yeah, that’s not the same.
Obsession is rigid, and it ultimately takes away the satisfaction that passion brings. It controls you, and there is no peace to be had there. I’d go as far as saying obsession is depleting, and will drain you of all life eventually.
Now that’s a little clearer, let’s dive into 7 things that most definitely cross the line from passion to obsession…
1. Prioritizing ‘The Grind’ over the basic levels of wellness.
You’ve gotta get it, right? The sun is starting to rise, and you want to grab the day by the horns! You’re up at 4 am, you’re hitting the gym for an hour. While you’re there, you’re checking your work emails and getting ahead of your schedule for the day.
You see an opportunity to earn more money, so you go for that and sign up. You obsess over how much you’re bringing in because you’re saving up for five different things, including that luxury vacation.
You don’t stop. You’re up as late as your energy levels allow, and after three coffees, you finally hit your target for the day at 1 am.
Wow. I am absolutely ready for bed just typing this.
You might see this lifestyle as passionate, but where’s the rest time? Where are the moments you kick back and enjoy life? Where’s the sustainability?
If there’s no balance, there is none.
This isn’t passion. This is an obsession that will slowly destroy you.
2. Wanting to spend all your waking time with your partner.
“What are we doing today?” “Can I come with you?” “How long are you going to be?” “Do you think you could pass up on darts tonight and hang out with me?” “Can we join that class together?”
Hold your horses.
I can’t think of anything more suffocating than having my shadow replaced by a spouse. Wherever I turn, they’re there with a great big smile on their face, wanting to know what the next thing to do together is going to be.
I’ll tell you what it’ll be: hide and seek. Count to five hundred and give me time to grab my car keys!
There isn’t anything healthy about living in each other’s pockets, and it usually gets to the point where identities become meshed together and codependence reins.
It’s nice to love your partner, be passionate with them and about them, and celebrate your relationship. But if you can’t run a bath without the other person sitting next to the tub “just to be close,” that’s not love or passion; that’s obsession.
3. Turning your home into a health club.
I think a home should look like whatever you want it to look like. Within reason.
Lived in? Sure.
Cozy? Absolutely.
A health club? …Why?
I understand that physical and mental wellbeing is paramount, but to open a fridge and see the shelves filled with various health shots, supplements, and weighed out food goes a little beyond a passion for health, in my book.
Then to walk into the living room and see no furniture except a chair and several pieces of gym equipment is equally so.
Want to be fit? Good for you.
Nominate a cupboard of all your bits and get out exercising when life allows, but find balance.
After all, isn’t that what optimal health is really all about?
4. Not missing a single sports match. Ever.
I actually know a man who lost his marriage because he insisted on going to every football game his favorite team played, both midweek and on the weekend.
He spent a fortune travelling, spent a lot of time away from home, and he made zero compromises. He even went away on his wife’s 30th birthday to watch his team. Talk about showing her where she sat on the priority list.
I don’t think there would be enough dog houses in the world to take him in if that were me on the receiving end.
It’s fine to love sports; it’s fine to follow your team and attend games as much as you can, but the question is: is it fine to prioritize that over literally everything else in your life, even to the detriment of your own marriage?
I don’t think so.
I think that points more to the fact that you rely on those game days more than you enjoy them, which leads me to believe it’s an obsession, not a passion.
5. Talking pretty much exclusively about your job to anyone (and everyone) you meet.
I believe our jobs are an important part of who we are, and they do take up much of our identity (and our time).
Nevertheless, there should be boundaries where work is concerned, and that means shutting down when it’s your time to do so.
There are people out there who are obsessed with their work. When they’re not doing it, they’re talking about it, and when they’re not talking about it, they’re thinking about it.
For me, being self-employed, I have to learn when my time is mine, and when my time is to work. I love my job, and it’s absolutely a part of my identity, but it’s not my whole identity.
Plus, I’m quite aware that not everyone is so passionate about writing, and as such, they don’t want to hear me talk about it 24/7.
For others, it isn’t that easy, and they find themselves talking about their work and nothing else to anyone they meet.
It’s nice to be proud of what you do and what you achieve, but it borders on obsession when that’s all you talk about.
6. Being perfect.
Are you perfect? I’m certainly not. And I don’t strive to be. But I am passionate about always trying my best.
There’s a huge difference.
People who are driven by the desire for perfection will never be satisfied, because they are forever moving those goalposts. Nothing they do will be enough for them. And even if it is enough for them, it might not be enough for someone else, because “perfect” is subjective.
That’s a huge amount of pressure to put on yourself, wouldn’t you agree?
One great way to overcome perfectionism is to fall in love with failure. If you can manage to view the times when things don’t work out as you’d hoped as opportunities to learn, then the obsession of perfection begins to lose its grip on you.
You can choose to become passionate about progress instead.
7. Being a parent who pushes their children to do things they never got to do.
Ending with a bit of a curveball, I do believe there are parents out there who, with the best of intentions, think they are being passionate about their children having the opportunities they never had, when in reality, it borders on unhealthy obsession.
You are you, and your kids are their own people. If you never got to do something in life, unless you’re six feet under or dust, it’s still not too late.
Trying to live vicariously through your children is not only an obsession that controls them, but it denies them of their own individuality.
If you push anyone too far, they simply won’t come back, and these actions may come back around to bite you in the butt as your child gets older.
Turn that obsession with them having what you didn’t have into a passion for them to grow into who they want to be instead. You never know, you might just like who they become.
Final thoughts…
You can masquerade any obsession as a passion if you’re clever enough and willing to deny reality, but is that really what you want?
A passion should be something that enhances your identity; something that adds to who you are. Not something that takes away everything you have.
If there were a visible line between passion and obsession, life would be much easier. But alas, there’s not. So instead, if you’re ever in doubt, ask yourself:
Am I in control of this thing, or is it in control of me?
If you can be truly honest with yourself, you’ll have your answer.
