All of us will be in need of emotional support at some point in our lives. Similarly, we’ll all be in positions where we’ll be offering support to others.
Unexpected hardships can arise at any moment, and times of loss, grief, and illness require us to step up and be there for one another.
Interestingly, although there are several different types of emotional support, most people only use 2 or 3 of them as part of their personal tool kit. Here are additional ways to offer support when it’s needed that can be tailored to suit each individual.
1. Validation.
In many cases, one of the most powerful ways you can offer emotional support to a person who’s struggling is to make sure they know that their feelings are valid.
This is exactly what it sounds like on the label: you simply accept and acknowledge what the other person is thinking and feeling without judgment.
You don’t have to believe as they do about what’s going on. In fact, you can have a completely different perspective on the situation, or disagree with how they’re processing it.
What matters is that you listen and hear them without judging, and that you confirm that what they’re experiencing is valid as far as their own personal experience goes.
For a person who thinks they’re going “crazy” or falling apart, this validation can be a veritable lifeline.
2. Companionship.
When a person is struggling with personal difficulties, being alone can often exacerbate those difficulties. They can get lost in their own thoughts and may feel immensely lonely and isolated.
As a result, offering companionship can help to lift their spirits and reassure them that they aren’t navigating this issue all on their own.
Sometimes, an action as simple as going out for coffee together or going for a walk in the park to feed some ducks can lift their spirits exponentially.
This is because sincere, heartfelt interactions can actually lower a person’s cortisol levels and regulate their nervous system. It’s known as co-regulation, and it’s a technique that’s as old as time.
Additionally, it’s one thing to tell someone else that you’re there for them during difficult times, and another thing entirely to show them that you are.
The real, solid presence of another human being by their side can be immensely reassuring, and can offer them strength and perseverance in the most difficult of times.
3. Information.
This is also known as problem-solving, and it has always been my default when it comes to offering support to others.
Now, I had to learn how to ask others how I can best support them first, because not everyone wants to be given solutions when they’re upset: some prefer the other types of emotional support listed here.
But if a person you’re offering support to asks for advice or says they’re open to receiving information about the issue at hand, they’re often looking for effective, low-stress solutions they can put into action as quickly as possible.
They don’t want to hear about what they should have done years ago to prevent the situation, but are looking for things they can be proactive about to improve where they are right now.
4. Practical support.
Offering information when it’s wanted can be immensely helpful, but being instrumental in making positive changes happen can also be greatly beneficial.
For example, if the person in question has been paralyzed by depression and barely has the strength to function, you might be able to alleviate their burden by helping them clean the house, run errands, take care of the kids or grandkids for a while, cook some meals for them, and so on.
Never underestimate how much a helping hand can help a person who’s struggling. Alleviating another person’s burden, even a little, can mean the absolute world to them.
In some cases, you might even be helping to save a life by doing so. You may not be aware that someone you assisted has been teetering at the edge of despair, and that the help you’ve offered has kept them from going over.
5. Physical affection.
This is related to the companionship type of emotional support, but is often reserved for those closest to us.
Some people derive great comfort from having their hand held, while others may prefer hugs, or a literal shoulder to cry on.
When it comes to offering physical affection as a means of emotional support, however, it’s vitally important to ask the other person if that type of thing would be welcome or not.
Many individuals assume that others prefer the same types of support that they do, and in their enthusiasm to comfort those they care about, they can make those people more uncomfortable than soothed.
Consent applies to platonic affection as well as intimacy. The goal here is to offer as much support as possible, rather than potentially exacerbating the difficulty.
6. Cheering them on.
Sometimes, a person who’s struggling simply needs a cheerleader.
When they’re spiraling with things like anxiety, self-doubt, or low self-esteem, they may benefit greatly by being reminded of just how awesome they are.
If someone you know has been really down about themselves lately, listen to the ways that they’ve been insulting themselves and see if you can counteract those with genuine positivity and encouragement.
There are undoubtedly countless things about them that deserve recognition and celebration, but they’ve likely forgotten those achievements and positive traits whilst they’re in the throes of frustration.
This is your opportunity to gently remind them about them.
Make a list of every insult they hurl at themselves, and find a few examples to remind them why this self-cruelty has no basis in reality (without invalidating their feelings, of course).
Use humor if and when they try to naysay you, and if they express distress about not being able to do certain things the same way anymore, ask how you can help them learn new ways to do those things.
7. Peer support.
Those who do well with companionship and esteem support often do better with peer support rather than one-on-one interactions.
Extroverts, in particular, tend to thrive in group situations, where they can get perspectives, advice, and support from several individuals at once.
If a person doesn’t have a large circle of friends and close family members that they can pull together to help support them, they may wish to look into group therapy options.
These peer support groups can be invaluable for those who are dealing with things like grief after losing a spouse or child, dealing with chronic illness, and so on.
Hearing about other people’s experiences makes them feel less alone. What’s more, having firsthand experience with these things can also allow them to help those around them in turn, which offers the benefit of making them feel more confident and empowered.
Final thoughts…
We all have our standard toolkits when it comes to offering emotional support to others. That said, the best course of action is often to either ask the other person how you can best offer a helping hand, or ask those close to them what would benefit them the most.
Alternatively, you can gently try a few different approaches to find the one that they’re most comfortable with.
With a bit of patience and light touch technique exploration, you’ll undoubtedly find the right combinations that will allow you to support those you care about the most.
