Modern life seems to be unfolding around us at breakneck speed. From the moment we wake up to the second we fall asleep, we’re bombarded by never-ceasing demands on our time, attention, and energy.
As a result, a lot of people suffer from overwhelm and anxiety from what seems to be unceasing urgency all around us, all the time.
Fortunately, there are ways to counteract these feelings, including small habits you can put into practice on a daily basis. The ones listed here are a great place to start.
1. Turn your phone off during non-essential hours.
When you think about how many times you check your phone every day, or how often it dings at you to let you know that you’ve gotten a text or message on your 15 different social apps, it’s unsurprising that you feel overwhelmed and spread thinly.
But you don’t need to be available to everyone in your life, 24 hours a day.
Decide which hours you’d like to set aside for yourself, and defend those hours fiercely by turning your phone off and making yourself unavailable.
For example, you can decide to keep your phone off (or on “do not disturb”) before work, and after 7 pm. On most phones, you can set certain contacts as emergencies so they can still reach you if they really need to.
Use these hours to focus on your own pursuits, including things that will lower your cortisol levels, such as spending some time in silence, doing some reading or journaling, and so on.
2. Prioritize your interests and personal pursuits.
We all need time to ourselves and our pursuits, but overly demanding individuals in your life might insist that they need your attention more than you do.
In fact, some of them might make a point of intruding into your personal time when they know full well you’re otherwise engaged.
I once had a partner who made a point of turning up at my place after dinnertime when she knew damned well I’d be doing yoga and working on my studies. But her needs and wants always took precedence over whatever I was doing, at least in her mind.
As such, you may need to guard your personal time, interests, and pursuits fiercely, even if it means ignoring people who show up at the door, or moving yourself to a location where they can’t interfere.
For example, taking your personal pursuit to a public practice space or library means someone you live with can’t monopolize your time and interrupt you the same way they would at home.
3. Make a list of your priorities in order of need.
Many of us make to-do lists, but when we have a lot to do, these can sometimes become a source of stress in themselves.
As such, use them strategically instead.
Every day, make a list of the things that absolutely need to be done, as well as the secondary items that would be great to take care of, and the tertiary responsibilities that will need to be sorted out eventually but can be put off.
This way, you don’t need to do 15 things in a day; you just need to do 3 or 4.
It’s an approach that works just as well in your professional life as in your domestic duties, and it alleviates anxiety and urgent demand on your time exponentially.
Furthermore, on days when you feel that you have a bit more energy, you can tackle a couple of extra items and cross them off the list.
4. Be disciplined in the face of other people’s demands.
Every day, other people will make demands on your time and energy, but that doesn’t mean you need to leap into action whenever they ask you to.
You may very well get around to doing what others want you to do, but it shouldn’t be on their schedule or at their behest: it’s at your discretion.
Yes, you will have some non-negotiable demands, like things that are in your job description or making your kids dinner. But if a demand doesn’t fall into this category, then determine whether you want to support or indulge it, and then fit that action into your schedule at a time that works best for you.
And always remember the phrase: “The lack of proper planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.”
5. Encourage others to do things for themselves.
When you look at the vast majority of demands that others make of you, how many of those things can people do themselves, without your help?
Probably a lot. But many individuals grow accustomed to asking for help instead of trying to do things on their own.
They may be afraid of failure, or of being reprimanded if they make a mistake, or they simply don’t want to do the thing and hope to offload it onto someone else.
As such, whenever possible, encourage those who are making demands of you to handle things they are capable of, on their own.
Expect pushback, even guilt-tripping or other attempts at manipulation, but hold firm.
Unless they have a genuine reason why they can’t, your teenager is old enough to do their laundry and make their own lunches, and your spouse can figure out how to use an oven.
6. Take part in analog pursuits.
How many of your day-to-day activities revolve around screens and electronics? Most of us spend a significant amount of our lives on our phones, computers, and other devices, so it’s probably a lot.
The problem here is that we’re rarely focusing on just the task at hand: we might be checking websites, chatting with people on social apps, watching videos, and so on.
This prevents us from the immersive focus and relaxation that analog pursuits can provide.
To counteract this, try reading printed books instead of reading on a tablet that will encourage you to multitask in different windows, deal with pop-ups, etc.
Similarly, if you can walk to a location instead of driving there, you’ll avoid frustrations like traffic, irritatingly slow pedestrians, gas prices, and so on. And as an added bonus, you’ll get your steps in and have some low-impact exercise.
Make crafts with your hands, spend time in the woods, and don’t watch TV while you’re eating.
Be as analog and present as possible, and the urgency you feel pressured by will soon alleviate.
7. Allot extra time to various duties so your life isn’t always a mad rush.
I remember many harried times in my life where my mornings were a mad dash instead of a gentle easing into the day.
I’d wake up, brush my teeth in the shower, cram some toast into my mouth while pulling my clothes on, and rush off to work.
Everything in my life seemed to be hurried and urgent instead of leisurely, and that intense pressure caused no end of stress over time.
If your experience is similar, counteract it by aiming to allot extra time for the various things you do so you aren’t as pressured to rush all the time.
Go to bed a bit earlier so you can wake up 10-15 minutes early, allowing you extra time to get ready for the day. Allot extra time for bathing and personal care, and never rush through time spent with your kids and animal companions, if you can help it.
Time with them is too precious to rush through in order to get something else done that isn’t as important.
8. Don’t inform others of your plans or habits.
You’ll be less likely to be bothered by others if they don’t know where you are or what you’re doing. As I mentioned, my previous partner knew my schedule and personal pursuits so well that she interfered with them intentionally.
But you might find that if people know you don’t have plans, they’ll think that time is theirs to encroach on.
As such, share info with others on a “need to know” basis. Unless it’s imperative to keep others informed of your comings and goings, keep your private life private.
You have enough important things on your plate to deal with — don’t allow others to add their supposedly urgent demands to your list of responsibilities on top of those.
9. Never be hasty to agree to commitments.
Many individuals are people-pleasers who spread themselves thin for other people’s benefit. They’ll agree to do things in the moment and then regret them later, or spend so much time helping those around them that they end up depleted in the long run.
If this sounds familiar, it’s good to get in the habit of saying “no” to at least one thing a day.
Maybe you say “no” to cooking for your partner’s friends after they inform you that said buddies will be dropping by to watch the game in an hour.
Or you say “no” to taking on extra work at the office when you’re already overladen, and it will offer you no benefit.
Essentially, when and if someone asks a favor of you, consider it carefully before agreeing to it. Unless you have enough energy for it and genuinely want to do it, it’s a “no”.
Final thoughts…
Whenever you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by life’s many demands and pressures, sit down and make a list of all the things you feel that you have to do.
Then go through them and really analyze which are vitally important to you, or otherwise need to take priority.
Everything else on that list can be set aside so you can focus on your own peace and wellbeing.
Essentially, it’s like putting on your own oxygen mask before helping anyone else with theirs. You won’t be able to help anyone if you’ve completely burned yourself out.
