It’s hard to keep your head above the surface when the waves keep crashing down on you. It invokes a feeling of panic, of being out of control and overwhelmed. What can you do when you feel like you’re drowning in everything life is throwing at you?
Well, you learn how to ride the waves, much like a surfer would. That way, you can weather the storm and keep making your way to whatever destination you’re trying to reach. Let’s look at some ways to get you up onto that surfboard so you can regain control.
1. Think in smaller time frames.
Part of being overwhelmed is about taking in too much information at once. Let’s use Deandra as an example. Deandra is overwhelmed with everything going on in her life. She focuses on the problems she’s having today, but then that spins out into how it will affect tomorrow, a week after, and a year after. She becomes bogged down in this intangible fog of an uncertain future.
But wait! The future is unwritten. All of the projections and fears that are stemming from her present circumstances are tainted by the anxiety of the unknown. She can’t control what will happen a week, six months, and a year later. Hell, she can’t even control what may happen this afternoon. Life is just like that.
The solution is for Deandra to narrow her focus. If a week is too long, focus on the next day. If the next day feels too overwhelming, focus on the next hour. And sometimes, like if you’re struggling with dark thoughts, you just focus on getting through the next five minutes. The present is where you have the greatest opportunity to exert control.
2. Perform a stabilizing action.
A stabilizing action is meant to communicate to your brain that you are in control of yourself and the situation. Therapists recommend using these actions because they are a way to tell your brain, “Listen, I have this. I’m going to take a few minutes to myself to bring things under control, and then we can proceed.” The goal here is not productivity. Instead, it’s something that will pull your thoughts from your problems for a few minutes.
In this case, Deandra may consider doing something like meditating for 15 minutes, taking a water break, or listening to some soothing music. She should avoid stimulation like coffee, energy drinks, exercise, or excitement to give her nervous system a break. That will give her some time to calm down. Even a small break can derail much bigger anxiety spirals.
Take a few minutes, set down your cell phone (another stress inducer), and just breathe.
3. Identify and name what is out of control.
Anxiety and fear feed off the intangible. You can make the intangible more concrete by identifying exactly what it is and how it is contributing. Then, you can prioritize what you need to handle first, and aim your surfboard to ride that particular wave.
For example, Deandra takes some time to sit down and think about what she is feeling overwhelmed by. She is helping to care for her sick mother, has college classes, work, and has a bunch of housework to be done. That’s a lot of things to be overwhelmed by! She’s a busy woman, and that’s catching up to her because she has to keep up with it all.
Instead of letting it be intangible, Deandra could sit down and make a schedule for as much as possible. The fact that she has to care for her sick mother is going to introduce some randomness into her plans, but she can account for that by prioritizing her mother’s major needs, like doctor’s appointments or treatments. Having it all laid out clearly day by day on paper (or a computer) in front of her makes the intangible more concrete.
4. Stop trying to feel better.
The idea that anyone can just shoulder a bunch of stress and emotionally manage it would fall within the scope of toxic positivity. Sometimes life is hard and stressful, and that’s just how it is. You don’t have to try to find a silver lining in every cloud. Sometimes, things can just be hard, and trying to make them easier can actually be a problem.
What if you’re dealing with circumstances that you can’t change? Deandra’s mother is going to be sick until she’s not. There’s not necessarily a way to feel better about that. It’s one thing to say to accept things as they come and try not to dwell on the “what ifs,” but that is a hard skill to develop.
Sometimes, it’s a waste of emotional energy and time to try to be okay in a situation that isn’t.
5. Reduce stimulus and outside influence.
Anxiety and the feeling of being overwhelmed are often amplified and continued by outside stress. As such, someone like Deandra may find it helpful to dial back on external sources of stress until she gets things more under control. Social media functions off outrage and engagement, so limiting her exposure to that, and the news in general, will help reduce her stress.
Many people interpret that to mean that you should never use either at all. But it’s not an all-or-nothing scenario. You can still stay informed without living on social media or without a constant news feed flinging all of the terrible news of the world at you 24/7.
Someone like Deandra may also want to take a look at the people around her or stressful activities that she can cut down on. If she has friends who cause her anxiety and worry, then it may be time to reevaluate those friendships. If she has activities that are stress-inducing, she may benefit from putting them on hold for a bit.
6. Pick a direction and get moving.
The feeling of overwhelm often comes from indecision. For example, there are too many things going on, too many options available, and Deandra just doesn’t know what the right decision is. But, here’s the thing. In life, you find that there isn’t always a right decision. It may be impossible to see what the right decision even is until you’ve reached a conclusion.
As Deandra struggles to make the right decisions, the waves keep coming and crashing down on her. In a situation like that, the only right decision is to make any decision at all. Making a decision will help her gain control over the situation, put power back into her hands, and get her moving in the right direction.
Not making a decision at all is often worse than making the wrong decision. To not make a decision is to leave the situation completely up to external circumstances or people, who are not necessarily going to have your best interests in mind.
7. Expect resistance and discomfort when you start moving.
Expect to feel uncomfortable as you start making decisions that will move you forward. Think of it like trying to get back up onto the surfboard with the waves crashing down. It’s going to take a few decisions and moves to get fully back up onto the board and point the nose in the right direction.
Deandra may feel some discomfort and fear as she wonders whether or not she’s making the right decisions, but that shouldn’t be a concern. Remember, we’ve already said that it’s better to make a wrong decision than no decision at all.
A wrong decision can be course-corrected later much more easily than no decision. It’s okay to be wrong.
8. Reframe those feelings.
The words we use to speak to ourselves matter more than most people realize. Now, as I’ve already said, you don’t need to pretend things are okay. In fact, you shouldn’t, because lying to yourself isn’t going to help you deal with your struggles. The important thing is not to equate feeling overwhelmed with impending failure.
You’re overwhelmed because there are a lot of pieces moving in your life at the moment. That’s normal. That’s life. That doesn’t mean you’re failing or behind; it just means you have a lot going on, and that’s okay. Acknowledge those feelings as a natural byproduct of a busy life, not as a reflection of your character. Because they’re not.
Closing thoughts…
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed when you are bombarded by stressful situations. Life is challenging at times, downright hard even. But once you get a better understanding of the process and how to settle your nerves, it all becomes much easier.
Instead of focusing on this amorphous “everything I have to do,” break it down into manageable pieces. What needs to be done now? Within the next day? By this evening? In the next hour? As you tick things off, you’ll find it gets easier and easier to ride the wave.
