As much as we might not want them, we all have problems. Some big, some small, some in the middle.
So wouldn’t it be great if we could learn to live alongside them, rather than seeing each one as a huge boulder preventing happiness and success as we take this road trip through life?
I’ve learned through my time here that not every problem needs to be the be-all and end-all, and that the absence of problems shouldn’t be the only time I feel at peace.
Seven habits. That’s all it takes to transform the way you view problems and find peace in your life.
I feel like we are all ready for this.
7 habits that bring you peace, regardless of what problems you’re facing in life:
1. Reminding yourself that most of life is not an emergency.
I am reminding myself of this every single day.
You’ve been through things that made you feel as though you were running a hundred miles an hour. People needed you, had expectations of you, or made you feel bad for standing still, and so everything you did became this emergency that needed to be done.
When life gets like this, our nervous systems just don’t know how to switch off. There is no peace. I find myself noticing this when I’m vacuuming like the King of England is knocking at the door, asking to come in.
Sometimes I’ll find myself brushing my teeth with such unintentional aggression, so I make it my mission to stop, look in the mirror, and drop my shoulders.
I don’t need to be that person. Most of life really isn’t an emergency (and I’d like to keep my teeth enamel intact).
I do not need to be on high alert all the time.
2. Accepting that most of life is uncertainty.
Life’s certainties: we all die someday.
Harsh, but true. Everything else is an uncertainty that we all have to face and should really learn to embrace. What’s our other option? Ah, yes: fighting it. And what good would that do?
I honestly don’t have the energy to fight what I cannot control, so I often just sit with it until it decides to vacate my life.
I may as well see my life, my problems, and the uncertainties that come with it for what they are: normal.
I can’t sit around waiting for everything to align and be perfect before I enjoy my life. Because it won’t ever be. Sure, I can wait for the storm to pass, but another storm will come eventually, possibly when I least expect it. Accepting that, not trying to avoid it, is where you find peace.
3. Knowing that only your effort can be controlled, not the outcome.
You want a job, you apply for it, you get an interview. You prepare, you practice, you give it all you’ve got. The interviewer stands up and thanks you for your time, and says she’ll be in touch. She smiles politely, and you head home, checking your phone every two minutes.
When? When will she be in touch? Today? Tomorrow? Next week? What if you get the job? What if you don’t?
You know what the best thing to do is? Go home, get into your sweats, and put a movie or your favorite album on. You did all you could, and now there’s literally nothing else you can do other than take the call when it comes.
It won’t come before then, and you can waste hours of your life rehearsing every potential outcome and role-playing with yourself.
Why would you do that? There’s no peace to be found there. On the other hand, you can definitely find peace rewatching Edward Scissorhands for the millionth time with a hot chocolate in hand instead.
4. Accepting that challenging emotions will pass without force.
Researchers have conducted several studies to see if understanding the impermanence of negative events influences how people respond to them emotionally. In other words, does it help us to think of stress or negativity as a natural part of life that will come and go?
A perfect example of this is remembering the phrase, “This too shall pass.” Nothing in life is ever permanent, and the researchers found that yes, it does help people cope better when they think in that way.
It’s been a habit of mine for some time to remember that anything challenging that I go through will, at some point, stop being so. The same goes for anything wonderful.
Everything is temporary, from the way we laugh to the tears we cry, to the seasons, and the routines we keep.
Life ebbs and flows, and real peace can be found in accepting that if you’re going through a hard time, it won’t always be that way.
5. Viewing setbacks as a useful part of life rather than a personal failure.
If I had a shiny British pound for every time I gave up on something, I’d be richer than Sir Richard Branson. Honestly, I throw so many towels in that I could open my own Homeware store.
I tend to do it because I think of anything that goes slightly wrong as a sign of my personal flaws.
“I should’ve done this better.”
“Why didn’t I take my time?”
“Why didn’t I consider what could go wrong?”
“What’s the point?”
You’ve gotta love that last one; what is the point?
The point is if you don’t try, you’ll never get anywhere.
A setback isn’t a verdict on your worth or a sign to throw in the towel. It’s simply a part of life. A part of life that gives you the opportunity to grow and learn.
Setbacks don’t have to be your enemy. They can just be useful information for next time.
6. Tucking your problems into bed at night rather than juggling them in your sleep.
Oh boy, let’s see a show of hands for how many people struggle to sleep because they’re trying to solve their life’s problems at 2 am!
You want to recreate that conversation in your mind you had earlier in the day, and finish it in a way that doesn’t leave you feeling on edge. You wonder if the supermarket you shop with has any delivery slots for Friday. Come to think of it, you haven’t seen your birth certificate in a hundred years.
I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that this is not conducive to a peaceful, healthy life.
I don’t want anybody to shut their problems out at night and pretend they don’t exist. That rarely ends well. Instead, I’m a big fan of parking them.
Make a little imaginary bed in your mind, and tuck them all in there, telling them you will return to them in the morning.
People who do this are far more likely to have a good night’s sleep rather than be awake at 2am, fretting and overthinking.
So many people don’t get the sleep they need each night, and I’d guess many of those were up juggling problems, when real peace comes from just letting them be for the night.
It’s easier said than done, of course, but extremely beneficial when you learn how to do it.
7. Replacing anticipating problems with dealing with them “if they happen.”
My wonderful brother is so good at this.
“Just deal with it if it happens. Why create a story for yourself?”
“Sorry, did we come from the same womb?!”
Indeed we did, and yet he’s right.
I am very much a “plan for all scenarios” type of person, whereas he just doesn’t care a bit unless it happens, and even then, he just deals with it and moves on.
I am learning, though, very slowly, to adopt this mentality, because I see the truth and value in it. He has a much more peaceful mind than I do because he isn’t manufacturing carnage before it appears, the way I tend to.
And when you look at it that way, why wouldn’t you want to adopt that mindset?
Final thoughts…
What does peace mean to you? I really hope you don’t answer with:
A destination!
A permanent state of mind.
A finish line.
It’s none of those things. I think peace is a practice, and it can come and go depending on what life throws at us. Importantly, though, it’s a place we can visit when we need time to breathe and find our direction.
Even when the noise of life is loud, you can embrace these habits that remind you that peace is always an option.
