The idea of whispering is that you’re quiet while still getting your point across. You aren’t obvious, and you don’t yell what you want someone to hear. It’s subtle, but noticed, and that’s a part of what makes this topic quite magical.
Behaving in a way that shows your partner you’re actively there for them lets them know you’re choosing them every day, and isn’t that what it’s all about, really?
So abandon those grand gestures, cancel the trip to Paris, and start with the small things. They really count.
8 quiet behaviors that tell your partner “I still choose you” every day:
1. Putting your phone down while they’re talking to you.
Phones! I’m going to try to not sound like a dinosaur but, please, what is it with these devices where we cannot put them down for longer than two minutes?
I fully understand, as someone who uses their phone for work as well as personally, that I have to check in with certain emails and correspondence. That’s not the issue at all. The issue is just letting it go while your spouse is talking to you.
They’ve got some news. They had a bad day. They’re asking you about an issue. They just want to chat. We can do it, can’t we? Place it down, let your hand’s grasp loosen, and listen.
After all, what better use is there for your attention than giving it to the person you love?
2. Making them a drink without needing to be asked.
It’s a quiet act, and you don’t need to ask them because you know they’re obsessed with tea and you know exactly how they take it.
The kettle flicks on (or you use one of those fancy boiling water taps if you’re posh, unlike me) and you grab a couple of cups.
Nothing really needs to be said because everything you’re doing tells that person they’re thought of. You want a drink, and you’re not going to walk into the room selfishly clasping that warm mug and slide onto the couch while your spouse stares at you with wide eyes.
When it’s so easy to show someone you care, you may as well just do it.
I consider someone making me a cup of tea without asking to be the height of affection (which is probably the most British thing I’ve ever written).
3. Finding a way to respectfully reach out and touch them as you pass them.
Now, this is a PG page, so don’t go running to any wild suggestions (or do, if that’s your bag). A simple touch on the shoulder or arm, or a brush of the back as you pass your partner, can be a very gentle way to say, “I love you, and I choose you.”
Of course, not everyone likes to be touched without warning, and that should be respected. You (hopefully) know what your partner likes and doesn’t like, so be sure to stick within those realms.
Remember, it’s not about it leading anywhere, nor about you wanting something. It’s purely the type of affection that feels nice, and that invokes a little emotional intimacy (because not all intimacy is that).
4. Saving them the last biscuit.
Yes. I’m finally at the behavior that makes me happiest.
The thought of someone saving me their last biscuit fills me with warmth, but really, it can be any type of snack, or even some cheese, because I’m not fussy.
In fact, anything that is about to run out that’s saved with you in mind really is one of the best ways to say, “I’m thinking of you, and I know this will make you smile.”
So, Reece’s cups, your favorite cookie, that Babybel in the fridge, or even the last slice of cake. Do it – they will feel loved and chosen.
(I pushed it with the last slice of cake, didn’t I?)
5. Apologizing properly rather than letting your pride fuel a war for the next week.
Sorry isn’t just a word; it ideally needs to be backed up with changed behavior and/or remorse. A proper apology means, at times, that you have to set your pride aside and just do the right thing. And that’s the key part here: doing the right thing.
Too many couples just want to be right all the time, and they refuse to back down. Habits like this can ignite a bigger war when no war at all could’ve been an option.
Saying you’re sorry sends the message, “My priority is for us to be okay.” It’s easy not to, though, right? It’s easy to throw words at each other, get into a debate over how you both don’t listen or understand each other.
A proper apology seeks to iron out whatever issue there is and move forward together, which means choosing the relationship over any trivial bickering that may rear its ugly head from time to time.
6. Automatically adjusting your pace if they’re having a bad day.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just had the worst day at work, and I’m feeling a little unwell.”
“Aw, poor you. Hey, I’m feeling excited for the weekend ahead! I’m going to head to the gym, and then I want to tell you all about my plans for the new project I’ve been working on.”
This is a clear example of someone needing to read the room, and there are a thousand more that describe the insensitivity of a person who doesn’t adjust their mood if their spouse is not having a great time.
This isn’t about mirroring moods or encouraging them to wallow; you don’t have to be sad and low just because someone else is. I think this is more about dialing down your energy in order to be there for someone who needs you.
That might mean listening more than you talk or putting aside your great day because you want to support the person you love in their tougher day. It’s about being there for them without wishing they’d hurry up and feel better so you can get back to talking about your own day.
7. Protecting your little traditions.
Relationships all have their little traditions. From Friday night takeout and a movie, to heading to the farmer’s market every Sunday morning, to Sunday night board games, or that 5-minute morning check-in.
Whatever your traditions are, they’re yours.
I think these are great things to do to make your time together feel special, and in protecting them, you’re telling your spouse that they matter. Through repeated, meaningful habits, you are showing you choose them.
What a great way to build emotional security and pull ourselves away from the daily grind that we can all get bogged down in.
Once you can find the traditions that suit you both, they can be game changers, so it’s no wonder protecting them is such a small but powerful move.
8. Taking on that thing they just cannot face because they’re going through a hard time.
What a way to say, “I’ve got your back,” without making a big deal out of it.
Most people don’t enjoy avoiding responsibilities. The frustration behind knowing you have a pile of errands but you aren’t well, or you’re stressed, or grieving; that’s a weight nobody should carry alone.
The beauty of a supportive, committed relationship is having someone say, “It’s okay, I can get that done for you,” without you having to ask (and then doing it, obviously). Nobody likes to feel like a burden, after all.
And, of course, the tables can completely turn down the line, whereby the helper becomes the helpee. That’s the swings and roundabouts of life, and having someone to share it all with means that you both get to find ways to show up and choose each other every day.
Final thoughts…
I have all these other choices I could make, but I still choose you.
Isn’t that a beautiful, loving way to be in a relationship?
Choosing your partner shows up in the way you behave, and that behavior doesn’t have to be a massive gesture or a grand declaration.
Big is show-stopping, sure. But it’s the small consistencies that create a lasting, loving impact.
