When most of us were young, we were inundated with the idea that we needed to achieve various things in order to be happy in life. We received these messages from our families, our schooling, and the media we watched and listened to, and many of us ended up truly believing that these achievements were of the utmost importance to pursue.
It’s often only after living for several decades that we come to realize what really matters. Of course, the items listed below may be pleasant to have, but they are in no way mandatory for a happy, fulfilled life, despite what many people mistakenly believe.
1. A romantic partnership.
The popularity of certain films has given a lot of people the idea that they need a romantic partner to complete them. Alternatively, they might worry about being lonely forever if they don’t partner up while they’re still young and desirable, even if that means settling for someone they aren’t truly attracted to, or have little in common with.
Not everyone is inclined towards romantic partnership, and many individuals are aromantic, asexual, or simply prefer to remain unpartnered. Countless people have led happy lives without spouses or intimate partners. Some create strong platonic friendships and are actively involved in their communities, while others are more partial to solitude or prefer the company of animals over people.
2. The ideal circumstances.
I’ve experienced many challenging situations over the course of my life, but have also enjoyed extended periods of joy and fulfillment — often in the midst of those difficult times. In fact, it’s through these experiences that I realized we rarely find ourselves in so-called “ideal” circumstances. Those in which everything would fall into place effortlessly because it was the right time for everything involved.
Many people set aside the things they really want to do until such time as all the stars align in their favor, or decide that they’ll only be truly happy once they have everything they want. In reality, there’s always some fly in the ointment to contend with. Why not make the best of what we have, while we have it, and take opportunities instead of setting them aside for an idealized “later” that may never arrive?
3. A “life purpose.”
Contrary to popular belief, you don’t actually need a raison d’etre as a driving force in your life. You can simply enjoy existence on a day-to-day basis, reveling in all the beautiful experiences that life has to offer.
While some people feel that they need to have a mission in life to keep them striving onwards, others are perfectly content to have a more hobbit-like existence. To them, having the comforts of home, good food, friends, entertainment, and satisfying hobbies is what makes life truly worth living. The simple life is wholly and completely fulfilling to them.
4. Monetary wealth that exceeds what you actually need.
Countless people spend most of their lives trying to get rich. The thing is, amassing wealth solely for its own sake doesn’t automatically guarantee happiness. Having a lot of money can allow people to buy expensive houses, cars, clothes, and so on, but as Tyler Durden said, “The things you own end up owning you”.
Once you own all those things, maintaining them (and upgrading them regularly) ends up being a greater than full-time job. In contrast, living simply, with just enough money to get by comfortably, allows a person to live a life that’s less stressful and much more restful.
You may drive an old truck instead of a Bugatti, but you’re also not working 80+ hours a week to pay for the latter. You can do the things you love, spend more time with your family, get a lot more sleep, and not worry about keeping up appearances.
5. A prestigious career (or similar academic achievement).
How many people do you know who have spent most of their lives amassing university degrees and/or perpetually climbing the career ladder for the sake of both personal achievement and recognition from others in fields they respect?
While a life driven by achievement may be satisfying to many, it isn’t a requirement for happiness. In fact, after seeing how quickly highly successful people can be replaced or forgotten at their workplaces, many individuals stop focusing on career climbing in favor of a pursuit that both fulfills them on a soul-deep level and causes lasting good in the world.
6. A car.
Unless you live in an extremely rural location, you don’t actually need a car. In fact, even if you live in a rural area, you could likely get away with having a snowmobile or a horse rather than a vehicle. Most other areas are accessible by public transit, walking, or bicycling, all of which are significantly healthier for the body as well as for the environment. (Additionally, considering the imminent global fuel crisis, they’re healthier for people’s budgets as well!)
A lot of folks see cars as status symbols and feel that getting their license and buying a car is an important rite of passage. In reality, they’re often unnecessary items that come with massive costs: gas, maintenance, repairs, and insurance can cost upwards of $15k per year, which may be a devastating amount for someone who’s trying to support a family on an income that’s only twice that amount.
7. Strong family bonds.
Many people mistakenly believe that without family, you have nothing. While family is certainly very important to many, it isn’t essential to living a joyful life — especially if those family bonds are toxic rather than loving or supportive.
Far too many individuals are forced to endure a great deal of cruelty, stress, and hardship for the sake of “family,” all of which would be alleviated if they didn’t feel obligated to withstand them.
As we move through life, we have ample opportunities to forge lasting bonds with those with whom we share deep heart connections and interests. Many people have friendships that are much more loyal and loving than family connections have ever been to them. Similarly, not everyone can have children, but they still have happy, fulfilled lives by being devoted aunts, uncles, and community members.
8. Other people’s approval.
How much time do you spend thinking about what others are doing and judging them by your own standards? Hardly any, I’m guessing… but you may find yourself wracked with anxiety about what others think and feel about you. In fact, you might spend a spectacular amount of time worrying about other people’s opinions of you and trying to figure out how to earn their approval.
We have zero control over what other people think or what they like, but the good news is that nobody needs another’s approval in order to be truly happy. Letting go of the need for validation from others is like setting yourself free from a prison of your own subconscious making. You don’t need to fit in, nor do you need to be liked by everyone. In fact, the freedom you’ll feel when you live life on your own terms can make you happier than you could ever have imagined.
9. Being “better” than others.
One of the saddest things I’ve ever witnessed was when a guy I knew told his nine-year-old daughter that there was no point in him attending her soccer matches if she wasn’t going to win. “If you can’t be the best, then don’t waste my time,” he said. Sadly, this isn’t uncommon.
Many people are pushed by their parents to be the best at whatever they do, be it academics, sports, music, or extracurriculars, and that subconscious drive for superiority can lead to blind ambition, unhealthy perfectionism, and arrogance towards those perceived as being lesser.
In reality, none of us is greater or lesser than anyone else, and although we may be the best today, someone else will surpass us tomorrow. And that’s okay: that’s how it’s meant to be. Furthermore, being humble allows us to cultivate immense compassion for those who are struggling, particularly if we’re in a position to offer assistance.
The only time any of us should look down on another is when we’re offering a hand to help them back up again.
Final thoughts…
As mentioned earlier, most of us were raised to believe that the things mentioned on this list were necessary to be happy in life. Furthermore, the people who refused to adhere to these parameters and danced to their own tune were usually ridiculed as weird social misfits who would never achieve anything. Except happiness, personal fulfillment, and peace on their own terms, of course.
Don’t waste your life chasing someone else’s definition of happiness. Live life on your own terms, and define happiness and success by the little moments that take your breath away, rather than by other people’s aspirations or expectations.
