Many of us lie awake at night, mulling over everything in our lives, from current stresses to how we feel about the mysteries of the universe. Life would be so much easier to navigate if we had all the answers, wouldn’t it? Rather than feeling so lost, we’d have a road map to help us reach our goals or help us discover our purpose.
Unfortunately, we’ll simply never have all (or even any) of the answers. But the following questions can be helpful for finding clarity, whether you’ve been seeking something specific or you’re simply feeling lost about where to go next.
1. What is the next right thing I can do?
Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist known for his breakthroughs on analytical psychology, coined this concept in a letter to a friend in 1933. It encourages individuals to only focus on the tiniest, most necessary action that can help them in the present moment.
Rather than being overwhelmed by catastrophic thinking or anticipatory grief, this approach encourages people to navigate uncertainty with small, conscious, easily manageable choices that allow them to move forward confidently.
For example, little actions such as putting away a coat that’s been hanging over a chair for weeks, or making a hot, sweet cup of tea to soothe the spirit, are small, positive steps in the direction that can best serve them.
It’s understandable why this concept was incorporated into Alcoholics Anonymous mantras to help people climb out of depression and addiction. It was also the inspiration for a lovely little song for the film Frozen 2, and can be immensely helpful for young people who are navigating difficulty as well.
2. What about this situation can I control directly, and what can I do nothing about?
I’m a big fan of Stoicism, as it’s a philosophy that has served me well through some of the most difficult periods of my life. One of the Stoic quotes that has made the greatest difference in my life was written by Marcus Aurelius, in his Meditations (6.52). He said:
“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
This phrase really encompasses the fact that we have little to no control over how things unfold in the world around us. What we do have control over, however, is how we choose to respond to things. We can do our best to control our own minds, i.e., our thoughts, beliefs, desires, and the actions that unfold from there. Whatever happens, we can trust that we can handle anything and everything as it unfolds.
3. What is stopping me from feeling clear?
There are numerous things that may prevent us from having true clarity about the path that lies before us. For example, preoccupation with work stress or world events can make us feel overwhelmed and influence our perspectives on what’s going on around us. Similarly, we don’t necessarily think or feel clearly if we’re constantly under the influence of alcohol or other substances.
If you’re feeling confused or conflicted about a particular issue, take stock of all the things in your life that may be hindering clear thinking. Are you getting enough sleep? Have you been eating or drinking anything that may be having a deleterious effect on your body or mind? Are your medications and/or supplements working as they should, or are there side effects that need to be addressed?
4. Who in my life is being a disruptive influence?
Sometimes, it isn’t a situation that’s getting in the way of clear thinking and answer seeking, but an individual who’s having a disruptive influence on our lives. For example, the extraordinary amount of time and energy that a toxic relationship requires to navigate can exhaust us and cloud our judgment.
This could be a romantic partnership, a strained family dynamic, or even a friend or housemate whose drama or demanding nature interferes with sincere self-reflection. Basically, it’s important to identify who is scrambling your thoughts: whenever they appear, whatever you’re doing gets thrown asunder due to their turbulence. It’s important to note that people-pleasing can also be disruptive, as it interferes with authentic expression.
5. What in my life is serving my current purpose, and what is hindering it?
In every endeavor, there are factors that help to propel it forward and those that hinder it. When you’re going to work, for example, you may be blessed to hit mostly green lights en route so you arrive early and get a good parking space. Alternatively, you might encounter traffic due to unexpected construction and arrive late.
If you have a particular purpose or goal that you’re striving towards, ask yourself whether there are factors that are either serving this purpose to help you achieve it or hindering your progress.
For example, is your current job paying you enough to meet the goals you’ve set? Is your living situation harmonious or stressful? Is there clutter around you clouding your mind? Are you sleeping well next to your partner, or is their thrashing keeping you from getting proper rest?
In Carlos Castaneda’s book Journey to Ixtlan, he mentioned that a person’s choices will either make them miserable or strong. What effect are your choices having?
6. Am I working on an assumption? Or on truth?
The renowned Mexican spiritual teacher Don Miguel Ruiz wrote about the code of conduct known as The Four Agreements. These principles are gems of Toltec wisdom that aim to alleviate suffering, and one of these key principles is: Don’t Make Assumptions.
Many people find that their thoughts and focus get obscured when they’re based on assumptions rather than truth. As such, if you’re seeking clarity, ask yourself if the details that you have are right and true, or if you’re filling in the blanks to suit a convenient narrative. As powerful as emotions may be, they’re not often factually accurate.
7. Why am I seeking certainty?
As with most other difficult situations, understanding your own motivations for seeking certainty can lead to clarity about it. For example, do you feel motivated by fear? Or a need to control the outcome of what’s unfolding? Are you seeking comfort and reassurance that you’re doing the right thing? Or are you feeling lost with regard to your own sense of purpose?
Even if you’re fairly sure about who you are and what you like to do, asking these questions moves the blade of purpose back into the fire in order to re-work, strengthen, and hone it.
8. How am I getting in my own way?
Just about all of us will self-sabotage in some way. This is often subconscious rather than intentional, but the behavior can happen for a number of different reasons. By asking yourself how you’re getting in your own way, you may be able to figure out not only how to stop this behavior, but why it’s happening at all.
For example, people often self-sabotage when their hearts aren’t in the project or goals they’re striving towards. This can take the form of finding reasons to postpone a wedding that they don’t actually want, or making social obligations that interfere with work deadlines at a job they can’t stand anymore.
Another thing that can happen is if a person is so afraid of failure that they sabotage their own efforts. After all, they can’t fail and break their own hearts if they don’t put real effort into achieving something.
Final thoughts…
If you’re feeling uncertain about your current path and feel that you need help finding answers, these questions can help to bring an immense amount of clarity. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed if you’re wandering around in a fog of confusion, anxiety, or denial, but the answers you’ll find with a bit of soul searching have the effect of a lantern that cuts through that fog and reveals the best path forward for you.
The answers you receive may be challenging or even difficult to accept, but they will ultimately lead you to the places you’re meant to be.
