If you really want something, age should never be the factor that prevents you from getting it. They say it’s nothing but a number, and they’re right. It really is. We have our whole lives ahead of us, and right now, as you read this, you’re the youngest you will ever be.
So let’s explore 8 signs that you’re scared to start over, but that it has less to do with age, and more to do with the fear of what other people will think if you do. There’s the hope, then, that you will start to see your dreams as attainable, whatever your age.
1. You keep coming back to the idea despite your reluctance to start.
When someone keeps coming back to an idea, regardless of their doubts (or their age), it usually means that somewhere in their minds, they do think it’s possible; they’re just trying to come up with excuses not to start for fear of failure, particularly when it’s something other people are bound to have an opinion on.
If you keep researching it, keep reading articles about it, and keep wondering what “it” may look like, there is likely a part of you that knows deep down you aren’t too old. But when we’re scared, we revert to anything we can find to prevent ourselves from taking that initial step, and in this case, age just happens to be a very convenient excuse.
2. You think everyone is paying close attention to what you do.
Have you heard of The Spotlight Effect? It’s a type of cognitive bias, or rather, an incorrect thought (but a strong one, nonetheless), whereby we often assume, or overestimate, how much other people are paying attention to us. This can be any part of you, from what we do to the mistakes we make, or even how we look.
It’s the weight behind being afraid of what others think of you, and it can lead people to refuse to grab opportunities because they think they’ll get laughed at or mocked if it doesn’t work out as planned.
As such, if you want to start over, but you find yourself thinking that everyone around you will have something to say about it, it’s likely that the spotlight effect is limiting you, rather than age itself.
In truth, you’re not under a spotlight. Most people are getting on with their own lives and doing their own thing. They aren’t paying as much attention to you as you think they are. And even if they do cast a glance or comment your way, they’ll quickly move back on to their own lives and problems.
3. You’re worried about shocking the people who see you a certain way.
If other people know you as a person who hates taking risks and bases their entire life on stability and routine, then announcing at a certain age that you’re going to start your own business or quit your job to travel will bring with it an element of surprise.
But just because you’ve always been that way doesn’t mean you always have to be that way. People grow and change over their lives, and that’s completely normal.
Their surprise shouldn’t stop you from being able to do what you want to do. Life does get stagnant if we live each day a replica of the last, and starting over can feel like a fresh breeze sweeping through. You’re never too old for that.
4. You don’t want to be mistaken as having some kind of crisis.
He must be having some sort of midlife crisis.
Would you get a load of Sally?
If you fear these kinds of comments, it’s a surefire sign that your reluctance has little to do with your actual age and everything to do with other people’s perception of it.
And you and I both know that these comments usually come from one place: other people’s issues, not yours.
If people are going to talk behind your back, it’s generally because they have nothing better to base their conversation on. That means you’re the best topic to bring up, and if it’s negative, there’s a very good chance it comes from the fact that they’re jealous. Jealous that you are determined to start over and make something of your life, and jealous that they didn’t think of it for themselves first.
If you are really loved and people have genuine concerns about your plans, then they’re going to talk to you about it directly. They’ll want you to be happy and will encourage you to do that by helping you find safe ways to pursue what lights your soul up, not by gossiping about you behind your back.
5. You’re scared you won’t be taken seriously.
Perhaps you assume a good friend might say, “We’ve all been there. You’ve just been watching too many travel shows,” or that your partner will tell you that you’re just adjusting to retirement and you’ll soon get used to it. The fact might be that nobody is thinking those thoughts, but you’re afraid they might if you take a chance and start over, so you use your age as an excuse instead.
These thoughts often derive from not believing in yourself or feeling as though you need external validation in order to see a dream through. You don’t. If permission is what you want, then why not give it to yourself? You are the leading character of your own life, not some extra on the sideline watching somebody else run your show.
If you want to start over, the only person who needs to know you are serious about it is you. So, are you?
6. You worry about needing help (and asking for it).
We all need a little help from time to time, so what’s new? If asking for support seems beyond your remit, then it’s likely that is the problem here, not your age.
Do you feel that ‘by now’ you shouldn’t need to reach out for help or advice? If the answer is yes, then please do let me know the cut-off age for optimal wisdom so I can add it to my calendar (I don’t feel like I’m anywhere close, so I hope it isn’t 42…).
Joking aside, nobody is above help. None of us in this thing called life has everything together to the point where we don’t need a little advice, a tip, or even a good contact from time to time. Starting over is a big thing, and if it’s what you want, the people who truly care about you will be eager to help. Most people really love to feel useful.
7. You’re scared that people will say you wasted your precious time if it doesn’t work out.
For most of us, time gets more precious as we age. We generally have more responsibilities to squeeze in, but more importantly, we have less time ahead of us. That can lead us, and others, to overthink how we spend it, particularly if it’s something that involves a big or timely overhaul.
I saw a quote once, and honestly, I’ve never looked at time in the same way again. The quote is as follows: Time passes, so you may as well do it anyway.
It’s so simple, yet so effective to me. In essence, if you’re a certain age, and you want to do something that you know will take, say, two years, you might be put off, thinking, “Two years? That’s a long time. What if it doesn’t work out and people say I’ve wasted my time?”
The point is, whether you do the thing or not, those two years will go by. Do you want something to show at the end of it, or do you want to get to two years’ time and regret not using them more wisely?
For me – a woman who got her degree at the grand age of 40 – this quote steered me onto my current path. Without it, I’d still be lost, pining for a career in writing, worrying about other people’s opinions, and doing everything I could to avoid chasing the dream and making it a reality. I didn’t listen to my inner critic, and I shooed away the feeling that I was too old.
Do the thing. Use the time, because it’s passing regardless of what you do.
8. The spark that’s driving your desire to start afresh is still there, no matter how many years pass.
Behind every dream is a spark of light that wants to pursue it. We don’t sit down and fantasize about overcoming this, or leaving that person, or wanting that job, or moving to that city in a dark aura. There has to be energy attached to it; otherwise, it wouldn’t feel like this force inside you that you’re trying to ignore.
Whether you’re young or old, with every opportunity to start over, there’s always a risk. But (and I do love a but…), there’s risk attached to staying the same, too. The risk of you never growing, learning, and following your heart, and the risk that you’ll instead develop a very sad and bitter frame of mind as you stagnate.
Sparks exist for good reasons, and age cannot distinguish them. Vera Wang designed her first dress at the age of 40. Steve Carell got his first big breakthrough in film at the age of 43, and Morgan Freeman at 50. Starting over can happen at any age, if you believe in it, chase it, and earn it.
Final thoughts…
In a ‘gotcha moment’ twist, the underlying fear of what people will think “if you do” start over is proof in itself that you’re not too old. Because that fear of what others think means that somewhere in your mind, you do think it’s possible, you’re just fighting with a number that doesn’t determine what you’re actually capable of.
Ultimately, it’s okay to be scared, but it’s not okay to be too scared that you stop taking (or making) the opportunity to start over. I know it can be easier said than done, but if starting over is something you really want, then it’s time to drop the excuses and stop worrying what other people will think or say. You will never again be as young as you are right this second.
