As you clock out from your weekday and hurry home to the familiar slumbers of your four walls, you’re greeted by your spouse. It’s a happy relationship, and that’s because you prioritize the small things – these nine small things in fact – that most people wouldn’t consciously consider. Because it’s the small things that add up to something of real value.
And if you’re not doing these things and are looking for ways to connect and strengthen the bond with your own partner, this is a great place to start.
1. Checking in with each other.
I don’t know how many relationships run on autopilot, but I would hedge a fair bet that it’s a lot. Wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch TV, go to bed. It’s almost like a drill, isn’t it? And I’m not for one suggesting that life should be all intentional and conscious action, but if you want a happy relationship, you have to make time to purposefully check in with each other.
Once the working week is over, that’s when intentional connection can really make a difference. It works to prevent those niggling resentments from building up to be inevitable, yet preventable conflicts.
A coffee, a walk, or just a talk over dinner all mean you’re dedicating and making time to talk, so anything unspoken can have the space it needs to transition from a trigger topic for stress to a reset.
2. Splitting the household chores.
Nobody wants to spend their entire weekend flitting between having their hand down the toilet and washing dirty sheets. And that’s why the happiest of couples tend to share chores, rather than one relying solely on the other to do all the work.
If you live together, you both become responsible for your environment and for keeping it tidy. One doesn’t need to tut as they clear the sink for the hundredth time, while the other is relaxing to a nice podcast on the couch, glass of wine in hand.
Again, it filters back to resentment: if you’re both working through the chores, they will take half the time, with each spouse doing their fair share. A lot of this boils down to respect and having the awareness that if you’re able to, you should.
3. Individual hobbies that allow for autonomy.
I think this is often the most forgotten thing that you can now remember if you want to be one of those happy couples. And believe it or not, it has nothing to do with your spouse.
Now, for me, I love to get in my garden and water the plants, check on them, and ensure they’re growing without any issues. It’s my thing that returns me to nature. I don’t expect my partner to like gardening, though. He might prefer going for a run (big no for me!) or heading out to a sports game. But you know what? That’s okay.
Just because you’re in a couple, it doesn’t mean you hand over your autonomy and replace it with some dual personality that constantly interlinks and overlaps. Love what you love, let your spouse love what they love, and come together at the end to talk about it.
Happiness comes when you’re allowed the time and space to be you.
4. Switching off from work wherever possible.
It’s tempting to log in and check your emails while you’re ordering lunch together. You wonder if that deal went through, or if you’ve got a new contract request.
I beg of you, don’t.
It’s the weekend. The people emailing you may not have those boundaries, but that’s their issue, and not yours.
If you’ve worked all week, there has to be a moment where you decide to log out, switch off, and go offline. Flight mode or file those tasks until you’re back at your desk, and use your weekend to have fun and utilize the balance that’s being offered to you.
In other words, order and eat that lunch and enjoy every second of it, because you deserve it! (Thai green curry and a large red for me, please).
This is what the happiest of couples do. In fact, they savor those moments. Moments make memories, and you don’t want all your memories with your partner to be about refreshing your phone for work updates. There’s more to life.
5. Remembering to laugh together
Studies show that couples who laugh together, stay together, and who am I to argue with science?
It can get so tough doing the day-to-day. As a couple, you go through it all together. Births, deaths, career slumps, rising costs of everything. We need to inject more joy.
And those who do? They are definitely happier.
So, whether it’s laughing at yourself or laughing at each other (in good nature, of course), it’s all relevant here. Relationships go a lot more smoothly when you remember to take life less seriously from time to time.
6. Intentional meal times.
During the week when work flows continuously from one day to the next, meal times aren’t always negotiable. You eat when you can, and sometimes you don’t even think about it; you just know it’s time for refueling.
The weekends can be different, if you let them. Take time to appreciate what you fancy for dinner, prepare it together, and most importantly, eat together. Research shows that people who eat together are known to be happier, with higher levels of positive emotions, because those times are seen as a social tool and a time for bonding.
So, toss that salad and slice that sourdough, because your relationship will thank you for it.
7. Prepping for the week ahead.
As the saying goes, “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.”
Planning for the week ahead can include food, but I am thinking wider here. Clothes clean and ironed, the laundry basket empty, appointments or meetings added to your calendar, and your car charged or fueled, ready for your commutes.
Your Sunday afternoons can offer an hour to check off what you need to prepare for, and if that frees up a little time in the week for a cup of tea, then that’s got to be a good thing, right?
And if you know your spouse has a big week coming up, that’s where you can step in and make life a little easier for them, too. These are all pre-determined thoughts of compassion or care, which show you are thinking of each other and being intentional about making your lives together run more smoothly.
8. Keeping their word on that meaningful task.
“Remember last weekend you said you’d fix that towel rail?” “You promised you’d finish it!”
Statements and reminders (and frustrations) like this needn’t be the case if you keep to your word, and those who do find themselves to be much happier in their relationships than those who don’t.
Your home is your home, so if there’s a task on the list, get it done and erase it. It’s so satisfying to know that what was outstanding is now sorted. Not only does it show respect for your property, but it also shows respect for the other person who also has to live there. And when it boils down to it, healthy, happy relationships are all about respect.
9. Making time for intimacy (and that might not be what you think).
Before you assume I’ve gone there, I want you to know that intimacy doesn’t just mean what goes on between the sheets. In fact, it goes way beyond that. Intimacy is essentially any act that brings you closer together.
A hug, a dance in the kitchen to your favorite song, holding hands, and even deep conversations all count toward different types of intimacy. The main point of it is to tune in and be curious about what both you and your spouse need, and know that it’s okay – even natural in a relationship – to show and respect vulnerability.
Intimacy of any kind is a strong glue that holds relationships together, but it’s often overlooked by people. Make sure those people don’t include you.
Final thoughts…
It’s the small things that count, but they go largely forgotten for many couples, who then become confused that they feel so disconnected.
If you have weekends together, they can equate to real quality time together (and apart) in order to keep thriving. You certainly don’t need to be lavish in order to please your partner, but happiness does need to come from thought and intention. So if you can find some weekend time to fill with these nine things, then I would always encourage it.
