To have self-awareness means to be able to analyze yourself and your actions from an outside perspective. Essentially, it requires a person to divorce themselves from their own emotions and step outside of their own experience so they can have a clear, impartial view of what they’re feeling and how they’re behaving.
According to a study carried out by psychologist Tasha Eurich, although 95 percent of people think they’re self-aware, only 10 to 15 percent of them actually are. If you catch yourself having the thoughts listed here, you definitely fall into the latter category — and unusually so!
1. “I feel an emotion, but it is separate from who I am.”
There’s a huge difference between saying “I feel anxiety” vs. “I am anxious.” Whereas the former describes a fleeting emotional sensation, the latter makes that sensation part of the individual’s core identity. We feel things like cold, hunger, fatigue, and so on, but those feelings aren’t inextricable aspects of our being.
Self-aware people can tell the difference between these two and the power that words can hold.
To acknowledge a feeling for what it is allows the one experiencing it to process it in a healthy manner. In contrast, to identify with that feeling makes it part of who they are.
If you possess an unusually high level of self-awareness, you’ll know that you aren’t your hunger or your nervousness: these shall pass, and you’ll carry on. They aren’t going to be part of you forever.
2. “I do the same thing that’s bothering me.”
It’s both humbling and immensely revealing when you discover that something that annoys you greatly in someone else just happens to be something that you also do on a regular basis.
Furthermore, it takes a great deal of self-awareness to acknowledge that the things that bother us most about other people are often things we dislike about ourselves. That is, we are often projecting.
For example, I fully acknowledge that I tend to put containers back in the fridge when there’s only a drop of milk or a spoonful of yoghurt left in them, but I will have a knee-jerk irritated response when someone else does it.
Being aware of this double standard has allowed me to stop getting angry when I encounter that behavior from others, though I haven’t yet figured out why I do it.
If you’re cognizant about behavior like this, it opens the door for significant personal growth, as well as having much more understanding and compassion for those around you.
3. “This may not be what I assume that it is.”
We often make a judgment about a situation before having all the details. This is especially true if it’s a situation that reminds us of something we’ve seen countless times before.
We may simply assume that things are exactly as they appear to be (to us, based on our firsthand experience) when the truth is actually something very different.
A person who has an uncommonly deep level of self-awareness will acknowledge when something like this is happening, and they’ll stop to analyze what’s happening in front of them rather than projecting assumptions onto the situation.
They understand the truth: our feelings are not facts. This is why it’s so important to gather as many details about the circumstances as possible, so our perspectives aren’t overpowered by our assumptions.
4. “My response to this is a projection from past experiences, rather than what is unfolding now.”
All of us experience life through a lens of things we have experienced in the past.
It’s why someone who might have been attacked by a person wearing a yellow coat may be wary whenever someone in a yellow coat walks past them. Logically, rationally, they know that not everyone wearing those clothes is a threat to them, but that doesn’t mean that their subconscious won’t respond to that familiar trigger.
It takes an extraordinary amount of self-awareness to recognize when past traumas are informing present reactions.
But this type of response is immensely beneficial, particularly in personal relationships: just because one’s current partner is saying or doing something that an ex did, doesn’t mean that they have the same intention.
Recognizing when you’re responding to a past trauma rather than a current issue shows great personal perception, as well as growth as a human being.
5. “If my best friend were having this problem, what advice would I give them?”
Having deep self-awareness often requires a person to get out of their own way. This includes being able to recognize when they’re being hypocritical, and not following advice that they would offer a loved one.
As such, when you face an issue or challenge, you may ask yourself what advice you’d give to your best friend, your sibling, or your partner if they came to you for suggestions. Alternatively, you may contemplate what your best friend would tell you if you know them well.
Both approaches require you to think outside of your own biases, with full awareness of them in the process.
6. “I am repeating a pattern that did not serve me well in the past.”
You’ve undoubtedly gotten frustrated with people in your life who keep repeating the same harmful patterns.
Maybe they keep dating the same type of toxic person who throws their life into turmoil, or make the same poor financial decisions over and over again.
No matter how often others try to show them that their own choices are negatively affecting them, they don’t seem to learn from experience.
It takes an extraordinary amount of self-awareness to recognize when you’re repeating a behavior that doesn’t serve you, and great strength of will to stop doing it.
After all, many of us repeat unhealthy patterns in the hope of a successful outcome, without ever recognizing the driving force behind them or how they affect us.
But, if, instead, you’re aware of both your own actions and why you may be making unhealthy choices, you can make the firm decision to make real, healthy changes happen in your life.
7. “I was wrong, and this error provides me with a great learning opportunity.”
Most people don’t like to admit when they’re wrong.
In fact, many people go to great lengths to defend their words and actions to the bitter end, even if it means burning bridges in the process.
In contrast, incredibly self-aware people don’t just acknowledge when they’re wrong — they also use their missteps as an opportunity for personal growth.
And what’s more, most individuals think quite highly of those who don’t just admit when they’re wrong, but also take steps to make up for their transgressions.
Furthermore, those who learn from their mistakes rarely end up repeating them. If you fall into this category, you have undoubtedly learned new coping skills and techniques that you can draw upon as you move through life.
8. “The intention behind my actions did not reflect the outcome.”
I recently read that one of the reasons there is a huge disconnect in many relationships and interpersonal conflict is that some people focus on the consequences of an action, whereas others focus on the intention behind it.
For example, one person may tell another that their words or actions were hurtful, and the other might respond that it wasn’t their intention to hurt them, so they shouldn’t be upset.
A person who has a deep level of self-awareness, however, will understand how important it is to differentiate between the intention behind their action and how things unfolded.
They aren’t always synchronous, and it’s important to understand where and how misunderstandings can unfold as a result.
Furthermore, even if it wasn’t their intention to cause harm, a self-aware person can recognize that they did anyway, and do what they can to make amends.
9. “I still have a lot to learn.”
The most self-aware people on the planet tend to be those who are patently aware of how much more growth they have ahead of them.
In contrast, those who arrogantly believe that they’re masters of their own lives, thoughts, emotions, etc., don’t leave much space for personal development.
If you find yourself genuinely acknowledging that you still have a lot to learn in any given situation — including a subject in which you’re quite learned or experienced — that’s one of the most surefire signs that your level of self-awareness is deeper than most.
Final thoughts…
Do you know what one of the most telling signs is that you have an unusually deep level of self-awareness? Recognizing that many of these thoughts are ones you have on a regular basis, but not getting egotistical about it.
You can simply acknowledge that yes, you experience all of these things, and that reassures you that you’re on the right track.
That doesn’t mean that you are better than anyone else or that there isn’t still room for personal growth. In fact, this awareness may inspire you to be even more diligent about your own actions, as well as understanding the intentions behind them.
