Most of us go through periods in which existence feels hollow or empty rather than rich in experience.
Life has a constant ebb and flow, and as fun as it would be to go to festivals or hang out with our favorite people all the time, we also have to take duty into account.
The key, as always, is balance between these things.
When your life is unbalanced, however, it may often feel empty and sad, instead of feeling like something worth celebrating.
If that’s the case, look out for the following habits that may be contributing to that feeling.
7 habits that can make your life feel empty:
1. Self-isolation due to perceived social awkwardness.
A lot of people suffer from crippling social anxiety.
It can be an ever-expanding cycle in which you’re nervous about interacting with people in person because you’re afraid of coming off as awkward. Then you feel that you misstep or say the wrong thing when you’re being social, which makes you withdraw even further.
If you fall into this category, you may still be agonizing over things you said or did years ago that you think other people remember as weird and are judging you for.
In reality, the things you feel weird or judged about often didn’t even register to those around you, and you’re self-isolating for no reason.
Psychology calls it the spotlight effect, and it’s a well-researched area: you overestimate how much attention others pay to your behavior and appearance.
The result is that your insecurity places your actions beneath a microscope that nobody else wields in your direction, and your life shrinks as a result.
2. Getting stuck in a rut and not allowing yourself to see outside of it.
Most of us will experience getting stuck in a rut at a few points in our lives. We’ll feel like we’re spinning our wheels in mud, not gaining any traction or forward momentum.
Without recognizing it for what it is, it can make a person feel like they’ll never make forward progress again, or that there are no other options for getting out of that muck and up the hill in front of them.
If you’ve ever been in a situation like this, you may have kept trying the same approaches over and over again with no luck, when the key is to find an alternative solution.
Basically, you need to get out of your own way.
Maybe call a friend who has a tow truck to pull you out, metaphorically speaking. Or back up out of the muck and take an alternate route around the obstruction rather than trying to plough through it.
Put creative problem-solving into action here and allow others to help you out of that rut: you don’t have to do this alone!
3. Not engaging with personal desires out of fear of getting hurt.
It’s a scary truth that over the course of your life, you’re going to encounter things you don’t want to. You’re going to feel uncomfortable, and you’re going to get hurt.
But avoiding things because they will eventually hurt only lessens this beautiful human experience we call life.
For example, many people hold off on getting the pets they really want because they’re terrified of the pain they’ll feel when those animals die. Or they don’t pursue the potential partners they love due to fear of rejection.
Living this way, avoiding hurt however possible, makes life very grey very quickly.
If you never take risks, never open up to the potential of life, you’ll never grow or develop resilience, or expand your own personal repertoire.
4. “Rotmaxxing” (aka festering at home doing nothing).
You may lament the fact that you feel you don’t have any hobbies, pursuits, or things you’re passionate about, but you spend hours daily doomscrolling and watching cat videos.
If you’re feeling exhausted and worn super thin, that’s completely understandable: a lot of people feel the same way these days. The problem is, the things in your life won’t “just happen” unless you make them happen.
It’s difficult to gather the energy and drive to initiate the things you want to do when you’re feeling depleted, however.
If this is the case, asking a friend to body double with you is a great way to help to draw you out of your rut and get you energized about delving back into your hobbies and responsibilities again.
5. Dwelling in a painful experience.
We all go through sad things in life, but getting stuck in mourning will make life feel empty and sad as it rolls on by.
The pain you may be ruminating upon may be the loss of a loved one, the loss of an ability you treasured due to age or injury, or even the loss of the life you thought you’d have.
When we fixate too much on the pain we’ve experienced, it draws all the color out of life.
There’s no room for joy, passion, or fulfillment because every moment is filled with loss, sorrow, regret, and/or even guilt.
It’s okay to enjoy things even though you feel sad about something else. It’s also okay to forgive yourself for things you did before you knew better.
You don’t need to punish yourself forever, wasting this precious life moment by moment while doing so.
6. Believing there is no point trying to make a difference.
If you’ve been through a lot, or witnessed terrible things, you may feel that there’s no point to doing anything good because nothing matters.
This type of nihilistic perspective might make you feel that since nothing means anything, nor will any of your choices do any good in any way, then you won’t bother.
You’d simply be pretending that things are good, when in fact everything around you is truly awful and meaningless, so you choose not to.
It’s a sad truth that there’s a whole lot of ugliness in the world.
Everywhere we look, we see pain and suffering, injustice, cruelty, and countless other terrible issues that we’re powerless to affect as individuals.
But in the midst of that, our small actions can make a world of difference to those close to us.
We can’t necessarily stop animal cruelty, but we can adopt an animal and give them the best life imaginable.
Similarly, we can’t solve homelessness unless we make as much money as Elon Musk, but we can treat local homeless people with respect and dignity, and do what we can to help them.
It doesn’t solve the greater issue, but it means the world to these individuals that we care enough to do something.
7. Adhering to a very set routine based mostly on obligation rather than fun.
If you’ve been overwhelmed by obligation and duty for quite a while now, it’s very likely that you’re stuck in a routine in which your days all look the same.
Weekdays consist of commutes, long workdays, and a set food schedule of meatloaf Monday, taco Tuesday, without variation.
Maybe you collapse and rot in front of the TV on Friday nights, then spend the weekend doing laundry, house chores, and grocery shopping.
There’s little to no variation in this routine, so there’s a noted lack of joy, creativity, or fulfillment.
Essentially, your soul isn’t being nourished at all because all of your energy is being put towards duty.
But the soul needs fuel in order to live and grow. Otherwise, life just becomes an empty slog as you move towards its inevitable end.
The key here is to determine why you keep perpetuating this rut.
If you don’t have the energy to do anything else because you can barely keep your head above water, that’s a sign to reach out for help.
Alternatively, if you were raised in an environment where the adults behaved exactly like this, you may not know that there are other ways to live.
In either case, finding a way to have some much-needed time off can help you determine what you actually want your life to look like, and how to get there.
Final thoughts…
Every moment of every day grants you an opportunity to fill your life with as much beauty and fulfillment as possible.
Sure, you have obligations like earning a living, feeding your family, and folding the pile of laundry that’s been sitting on the living room chair for ages.
But you could meet friends during your lunch break, cook or order some tasty new foods to share with your loved ones, and gather the family to watch a movie while folding that laundry together.
Embrace every chance you have to fill even the boring, seemingly grey moments with light. This is the only life you’ll get; don’t make it feel emptier than it actually is.
