Many of us have experienced forcing ourselves to stick out situations that we didn’t particularly enjoy.
This might have been short-term, like sticking around an uncomfortable party because we promised a friend we’d be there, or it might have been long-term endeavors like a degree program or career path we stopped loving a long time ago.
The things mentioned here are some of the most common ones that people keep showing up for when they’d rather abandon ship and turn their attention elsewhere. If you’re still doing them under these circumstances, it’s worth considering both why and whether it’s really worth it.
8 things you might be unnecessarily enduring long after the joy has disappeared:
1. Keeping up an image that no longer reflects your reality.
How often have people been shocked when they learn that a seemingly perfectly happy couple had split up because they never had a clue that anything was wrong?
Very often.
That’s because a surprising number of individuals get very good at putting on a brave face and not allowing anyone to know that there’s anything unhappy going on at home. They’ll go to PTA meetings as a united team, show up at religious services, be the happy couple at social gatherings, and so on.
Of course, this doesn’t only apply to relationships; it can affect any area of life. Some people feel obligated to maintain versions of themselves they’ve outgrown, such as being the life and soul of the party or a chronic people-pleaser.
The joy or reward they got from those roles disappeared long ago, but they continue the performance because other people expect it.
It’s a situation of simply maintaining the status quo to avoid upsetting others or rocking the boat, rather than because they have any inclination to do so of their own accord.
2. Working towards achieving or completing things you’re no longer invested in.
Those of us who knit often suffer from something known as “second sock syndrome.” Essentially, we get excited when knitting the first sock in a pair (especially if there’s intricate colorwork or textures involved), only to lose motivation to complete the second one.
We often have one and a half socks in our “to-be-finished” baskets, where they occasionally get picked up to be worked on a few lackluster stitches at a time.
Of course, this lack of enthusiasm can also manifest in any other life pursuit. People may keep on plodding towards degrees, jobs, hobbies, and home improvement projects that they have no love for nor interest in anymore.
They do it solely for the sake of getting it done and to avoid being called a failure, rather than because they’re actually enjoying themselves.
3. Maintaining relationships that should have been discarded ages ago.
The sunk cost fallacy prevents many people from moving on from relationships that they should have walked away from a long time ago.
They believe that they’ve put so much time and effort into these partnerships that it would be a waste to abandon them now, even though they know they’re unhealthy. As such, they keep showing up for them, but at this point they’re just phoning it in, practically running on autopilot instead of making any kind of effort anymore.
Some keep forcing themselves to take part in these relationships for years, putting less and less energy into them. They may know that they want to sever these links, but they don’t want to be seen as the “bad guy” by taking initiative in that direction.
As such, they just get more distant and passive-aggressive until the other person leaves them.
4. Celebrating events you don’t care about out of obligation.
Many of us have been performative at events we didn’t really want to attend, but felt obligated to show enthusiasm because of social pressure or in order to support our loved ones.
This may involve feigning enthusiasm at holiday gatherings or even continuing to attend religious services after they’ve converted to other faiths or become atheists, simply to maintain community ties or keep their family members happy.
They’re just paying lip service at this point, doing it out of habit rather than sincerity or joy.
Of course, it’s necessary – important, even – to occasionally do things to support others even when we’d prefer not to, but that shouldn’t ever be at the cost of your own mental, emotional, or physical well-being.
5. Committing to “hustle culture” for fear of being viewed as a failure.
Social media has encouraged countless people to take part in “hustle culture” and curate images and videos of themselves succeeding at it to share with their followers.
The appeal of being an “influencer” has encouraged numerous people to run themselves ragged, working a couple of additional gigs on top of their full-time job.
The expectation here is that they share how awesome it is to be making more money doing things they love, but the love disappears pretty quickly when you’re completely exhausted.
Unfortunately, these individuals don’t want to be seen as failures, nor do they want to lose their audience. As such, they keep on going even if all they want to do is retreat to the forest and become at one with the moss.
6. Maintaining certain dietary choices because you voiced them loudly.
Some people are elated when they decide upon a particular diet that works well for them. For example, they may discover a vegan, keto, or paleo diet, and cultivate an entire personality based on their newfound, beloved dietary choice.
Their enthusiasm for it may extend to trying to convince others to join them on this bandwagon, as well as condemning those who don’t. The problem is that their passion for this diet can often fade after one too many kale smoothies or cauliflower pizzas.
Alternatively, they may not want to admit that the diet isn’t working for them anymore, and may be causing them health issues that they didn’t anticipate.
They’ve made this dietary choice such an inextricable part of who they are that they feel obligated to maintain it for the sake of appearance.
At least in public. A woman I used to know had a million followers on her vegan social media page, where she shared recipe and lifestyle images, tips, recipes, and so on.
Yet none of those people knew that she had been eating cheese and eggs for health reasons for several years, because she was so committed to maintaining that façade despite the fact that she’d long since lost the passion for it.
7. Finishing books and TV series you lost interest in ages ago.
Many people were raised in environments where they were admonished for being “quitters” if they didn’t see something through to the end.
For example, if they wanted to try ballet classes or hockey lessons, and then decided that pursuit wasn’t for them, they weren’t allowed to pursue something else. They were guilt-tripped and punished if they even mentioned it.
As adults, they maintain this approach by insisting upon finishing things they have no interest in, or even actively dislike, solely for the sake of “not giving up” on it.
They’ll finish books they despise, keep going with TV series they have no interest in, and even finish meals that they don’t want, just so they can hold firm to the belief that they aren’t a “quitter.”
8. Sticking to social outreach work/volunteering even when it’s depleting you.
A lot of people get involved in social outreach or volunteer work because they want to do some good for others. Their goal is to give back to their community, and maybe leave their little corner of the world in slightly better shape than how they found it.
Unfortunately, this kind of outreach work isn’t for the faint of heart. Seeing that kind of suffering on a constant basis, and only being able to help a tiny little bit, can be immensely damaging to a lot of people over time.
As a result, they may feel obligated to keep helping even though doing so is actively hurting them. They may even have been mistreated or damaged during their efforts.
Alternatively, they might have been so devoted to acts of service for others for so long that they don’t have anything left in the tank, but they feel like they’re adding to the problem if they quit, seeing themselves as “selfish” for doing so.
Final thoughts…
While it’s admirable to stick with your commitments, it’s better to follow your truth and joy rather than continuing on with something that’s actively hurting you. There’s an art to knowing when to quit.
It would be ridiculous to keep running on a broken ankle, and it’s also a bad idea to continue a pursuit that’s causing you mental or emotional pain.
We never know how much longer we have here, so ask yourself this: if you knew you only had a year to live, would you spend valuable time pursuing this thing that no longer brings you joy?
If the answer is “no”, you know what needs to be done.
