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You’ve slept with a guy, and you like him enough to want to pursue things further.
But you’re either worried that he doesn’t see you that way, or he’s backed off after you did the deed and you’re not sure why.
In this article, we’ll be exploring what really goes on in men’s minds after you sleep with them, and why so many of them change their behavior afterwards.
If you’re unsure of how to keep him interested and want to get him to continue chasing you, read on…
1. Consider his mindset.
Some guys chase girls for one thing – sex. Once they’ve got it, they’re often ready to move on.
These types of guy don’t form such a strong emotional connection to their sexual partners as many women do.
Once they’ve got what they want, they’re happy to pursue the next person.
It’s true that most guys are very visual, so will go after women they find physically attractive. They may not feel the need to get to know the women they’re sleeping with all that well, as they’re just after something short-term and casual.
Many men in the 20’s and 30’s aren’t looking to settle down – after all, why should they? They can sleep around, have their fun, and do whatever they want with no commitment or ties.
That’s why their behavior may suddenly change once you’ve slept with them.
2. Understand ‘the shift.’
For some guys, the morning after a hook-up means one thing – getting out. They’ve gotten what they wanted and aren’t looking for anything serious, so why bother hanging around?
If the guy you like is acting differently now that you’ve slept together, he may be worried that you’re going to try to force him into a relationship with you.
It might sound silly, but a lot of guys worry that committing to anything more than a one-night stand or a casual fling means that they’re tied down for the rest of their lives.
They might start panicking that you’re going to invite them to meet your parents, or suddenly expect them to propose or move in with you.
3. Keep it casual!
You might want to take it to the next level, but it’s best to avoid mentioning this just yet!
Just after you’ve slept with someone isn’t always the best time to bring up the fact that you’re after something serious.
This tends to be one of the things that really turns guys off or pushes them away, so keep it casual for now.
You might be feeling a lot right now, and you’ve probably fallen for him even more since sharing something so intimate, but you need to take things slowly.
You can talk about dating more later on. Don’t rush him or pressure him into anything and he’ll come to you in his own time.
4. Focus on yourself.
Something many women do after sleeping with a guy is to give them all their attention. It’s tempting, especially if you think you have feelings for them.
Annoyingly, ‘treat them mean to keep them keen’ can be pretty accurate – the more you throw yourself at someone, the less interested they are, and vice versa.
By holding back a little bit, you’ll create more of an air of mystery around yourself and they’ll start to chase you again.
He might also really like you, but the more you show an interest, the more likely he’ll be to pull back anyway.
It makes no sense, we know, but let him come to you – otherwise, no matter how much he likes you, he’ll feel like he’s been tied down too early and will resent you for it.
5. Mix it up.
Some guys worry that once they’ve slept with someone, the only place left to go is commitment.
To keep a guy interested, mix things up! Have fun and play around – show them that you’re not a one-trick pony, for want of a better phrase.
Be the fun, sexy woman he enjoys spending time with and keep him guessing what you’ll do next.
That can be in the bedroom, of course, but it can also be where you meet up, what fun things you get up to, and how you act around him.
Create an enigma around yourself while letting him get to see the more playful side to your personality.
6. Be spontaneous.
Again, some guys worry that suddenly becoming a one-woman man means that life is going to get very routine and boring.
They might already be feeling like they’re tied down – we all know that the cliches around women being a ‘ball and chain’ are totally untrue, but some men still worry that their life is about to get very restricted.
To combat this stereotype and keep him interested, be fun and spontaneous!
Show him that you’re an exciting, interesting woman who adds something special to his life – and not someone who’s going to be calling him all the time when he’s out with friends or wants to spend time alone!
7. Be confident – or at least fake it!
Guys don’t like being questioned all the time, and they definitely don’t like people insinuating that they’re lying.
So, rather than constantly checking in with him for reassurance or accusing him of not being honest about how he feels about you, just be super confident.
We know, we’re making it sound like it’s something easy! Which is why pretending to be confident is also worth trying…
The more secure you seem and the more confident you come across as, the more he’ll be intrigued by you.
He wants to spend time with someone who knows how to have fun and knows how sexy they are – so get in touch with that side of yourself, fake it till you make it if you need to, and watch how fast he chases after you!
8. Keep it sexy.
Of course, if you’re planning on dating this guy or even thinking of pursuing a relationship with him, you’ll need to get to know him on a deeper level!
For now, though, it’s okay to keep things sexy.
Tease him with cheeky messages, let him know you’re thinking of how much fun you had together in the bedroom, and maybe suggest something fun to try next time.
This is a great way of showing that you’re attracted to him and interested in him without it getting too emotional or clingy too soon.
It’s a good way to keep him interested in you, too – he’ll remember how much he liked hanging out with you and will be excited to see you again.
As time goes on, you’ll naturally get closer and you’ll start to bond over things that aren’t strictly physical!
9. Follow through.
So, you’re playing it cool and you’re giving him some space, all while showing that you’re fun and sexy!
Don’t be scared to drop him a text to let him know how much you enjoyed spending time with him. It’s not needy to express your feelings in a healthy, measured way, after all.
Send something fun and flirty – he’ll feel sexy and attractive from the compliment, and will feel good about having slept with you. It’ll also serve as a little reminder of your existence and will keep you on his radar.
10. Be upfront.
If things aren’t moving in the direction you’d hoped, he might not be getting the message you’re trying to send.
If you’ve been playing hard to get but hinting at wanting something more, or you’ve been hoping he’d eventually understand that you want more, it’s time for some honest conversation.
Be truthful with him – you enjoyed sleeping with him, but you want more. It’s that simple.
You don’t need to go into too much detail and plan out the next 20 years of your lives together, but you can say that you’d like to date him exclusively.
It’s okay to set out some expectations, but don’t aim too high too soon!
Neither of you owes each other anything just because you’ve slept together, and he won’t necessarily think in the exact same ways you do – or your friends do, or your ex does, or any of the guys on the TV shows you watch do!
Let him have some time and space to figure out what it all means to him.
11. Avoid putting pressure on him.
Remember that sex could mean something very different to each of you, and try to hold back from rushing into anything.
Just let him know that you enjoy spending time with him and want to do it more.
This isn’t clingy or needy, or any of the other horrible terms women often get branded with, it’s just honest and mature.
It also helps you manage your own expectations and will help you avoid any undue disappointment if he doesn’t want the same thing.
We don’t tend to encourage ultimatums, as they can get quite messy and come across as needy and manipulative, but you can let him know how you feel and what you want.
Be honest about how you feel and let him make the decision himself. It will quickly become clear how he feels about you and you’ll feel a lot better for knowing where you stand, wherever that ends up being.
12. Know when to call it a day.
So, you’ve been mysterious, you’ve been his fantasy woman and you’ve been trying to be as light-hearted and fun as possible.
If you’re still no closer to getting what you want and you’ve explicitly told him that you want something more serious, it’s time to call it quits.
It’s hard to accept that things aren’t working with someone when you have feelings for them, but it’s better to do it sooner rather than later, trust us.
If he can’t give you what you want, and you’ve essentially given him the choice of having you on your terms or not having you at all, you need to move on.
It’s hard and it can really hurt, but you need to put yourself and your needs/desires first.
You’ll find someone else who is moving at the same pace as you and can give you what you really want.
Remember that your happiness is most important, so prioritize your feelings and keep your head held high!
Still not sure how to keep this guy keen on you now that you’ve slept with him? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.
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