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You might like a guy, but don’t want to come across as ‘too keen.’
Or maybe you feel in the dark about whether he likes you too.
Either way, you decide that the best way to get his attention is to play it cool and ignore him until he finally messages.
The dream is that he misses you, begs to see you, asks you to be with him as you ride off into the sunset together, right? Wrong.
Ignoring a man to make him want you is a power play that won’t get you your happily ever after…
But, in some circumstances, ignoring him to get his attention might stop you jumping into something too quickly and help to find out if it’s the real deal.
It’s not about ignoring him in the hope that he chases you. This kind of treatment is disrespectful and manipulative of his time and emotions, and isn’t bringing out the best in anyone.
But there are times when focusing your energy on other things, away from your budding relationship, is the healthy thing to do.
It can be a chance for you to really get to know a guy before getting too emotionally invested, while still making sure you’re giving time to your own wants and needs.
Here are some things to consider when you’re trying to ignore a guy to get his attention the ‘right’ way.
1. Ignore his messages and be ‘unavailable.’
In the early days of dating a guy it can be easy to get wrapped up in the romance and want to spend all your time together. But it’s important to remember that you had a life before he came along and the activities and friendships that filled it should still be a priority.
If he suggests meeting up and you already have other plans, don’t be afraid to say no and suggest another time. If you’re out and about or at dinner with friends and he messages, it doesn’t hurt to reply back in a few hours when you’re ready, just as long as he knows you are interested.
Try not to change your life to fit in with him and his life, but rather find a way to gradually introduce spending time with him around everything you already have going on.
The relationship won’t stand the test of time if he can’t fully get to know you and all the parts of your life that make you who you are.
2. Ignore all of his social media platforms.
We’ve all done it, there’s someone you like and suddenly you’ve got the investigative skills to rival Sherlock Holmes. Before you know it, you’re looking at pictures from their childhood birthday parties, you know all their best friend’s by sight, and can name their first family pet – all without ever having met them.
Although it might be useful to know about their abnormal obsession with dressing up their cats or their extensive Star Wars figurine collection, it’s all too easy to think you already know everything about a person before you’ve ever properly given them a chance.
Delving too far into someone’s online profile can put you off the idea of a relationship before you’ve even met them, or equally, convince you they are the love of your life before your first drink.
Do yourself, and them, a favor and try to ignore their social media platforms. Give them a chance to show you who they are in real life with #nofilter.
3. Ignore the urge to get personal.
Ever heard the advice ‘Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen’? Well, without taking it too literally, this school ground saying might still have a place in our adult dating lives.
I’m not suggesting you are actually mean to your date, but keeping an emotional distance in the early days of dating and ignoring the urge to get too serious too quickly could give things the time they need to develop properly.
By taking it slow, you’ll find out early on if he isn’t interested in developing a deeper connection with you before investing too much of your emotional energy and getting hurt when he flakes off.
If he does want things to work, he should be happy to take things at your pace and keep working to gain your trust and affection. If this happens, you know you’ve got a good one and that it’s ok to let your own guard down a bit.
The important thing to watch out for is not to get caught in a stalemate where the both of you refuse to show how you really feel. If you’ve been taking things slow and both of you have still stuck around, someone’s got to take the plunge and stop ignoring the question of where the relationship is going; and that person might have to be you.
4. Ignore his needs in favor of your own.
Putting your own needs first when dating is about not letting your attraction to a person stop you from being who you are.
You should be able to keep pursuing your own hobbies and friends outside of your relationship and not feel like you have to sacrifice a part of your life to make someone you’re with happy. You can’t be happy in a relationship if you aren’t happy in yourself.
If he’s asking you to sacrifice a lot, then you need to ask yourself if he really likes you for who you are or whether he is trying to change you into someone he wants you to be.
In the early days of dating, be mindful of whether he is supportive of your interests and commitments. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing certain things with him or he is pressuring you to give something up, think about whether this is something you really want, or if you are doing this just to please them.
5. Ignore him if he is ignoring you.
You may find yourself in a situation where you think the guy you’re dating is deliberately ignoring you.
If this is the case and you rise to the bait, it can turn into a toxic standoff between the two of you, each refusing to make contact for fear of being ‘the keen one.’
Finding yourself in this situation is not a healthy place to be and your relationship will go nowhere if you don’t get to the bottom of why you think he’s ignoring you.
Firstly, is he playing mind games with you and is it working? A relationship shouldn’t be built on someone playing with your emotions like this. If you want to talk to someone, talk to them, if you want to see them, suggest a date. Ask yourself if you like him enough to pursue it or is he showing his true colors and being manipulative?
Secondly, is he really interested? Only you will be able to tell if there is potential there, but if it’s a relationship almost exclusively through infrequent messaging and he doesn’t back it up with regular dates, then it’s time to question if it’s actually going somewhere.
Finally, is he deliberately ignoring you or does he have his own friends and activities that he is making time for. If he is allowing time for his own interests, then you should too, and not let yourself get frustrated or needy just because he has a life away from you.
Chat about what you’ve both been up to when you see each other and get to know these parts of his life so you can get to know him better. If he likes you, he’ll soon make more time for you.
Ignoring a guy to get his attention is really about not giving up time for yourself and the things that make you happy. It’s also about giving a relationship the time to grow at its own natural pace.
A person is most attractive when they are at their happiest. You can’t be at your happiest if you’re giving up doing things you enjoy or not making time for yourself because you’re busy giving all of your time to someone else.
If you are with the man you are meant to be, he will support and bring out the best in you, even when that means spending time away from him. If it’s the right fit, you’ll find a way to naturally work into each other’s lives. This comes with time and patience, but what’s the rush if it’s forever?
Still not sure how to ignore a guy to get his attention? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.
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