Talk to an expert from Relationship Hero for personalized relationship advice

8 ways to make him realize that he needs you…that he loves you

Disclosure: this page may contain affiliate links to select partners. We receive a commission should you choose to make a purchase after clicking on them. Read our affiliate disclosure.

Lately, you’ve been feeling a little bit underappreciated. Your boyfriend or husband has been taking you for granted, and you’re starting to lose your patience with it.

You love this man, and the last thing you want would be for this relationship to come to an end.

But if he carries on undervaluing you like this, you’re worried it could mean that, sooner or later, your relationship will break down.

So how can you bring things back from the brink? How can you make him wake up and appreciate the amazing thing he has, rather than taking you for granted?

How can you make him realize how good he has it and what he might lose by ignoring and underappreciating all the things you do for him?

Here are some suggestions that will help you help him wake up and realize just how unique and wonderful you are before your relationship is beyond repair.

1. Be honest with yourself.

Before you do anything else, you need to honestly reflect on the situation and your relationship.

What exactly is it that makes you feel taken for granted? Does he do anything to show you he loves you in his own way, that you just struggle to see?

Is it just him taking you for granted, or are you sometimes guilty of the same? A relationship takes work – can you genuinely say that you’re doing your share of that work? You might well be, but you might not.

It’s important to be honest with yourself about the role you have to play in the problems in the relationship, if any.

This isn’t to say that you’re fabricating things or that he’s not guilty of neglecting you, but it’s important to face up to the reality of the situation and look at it from all points of view.

2. Prioritize self-care.

If you want someone else to treat you with the respect you deserve, then the first thing you need to do is make sure you’re not guilty of neglecting yourself either.

If you put your own needs last, then you’re sending the message to your partner that they don’t need to prioritize your needs either.

So, start being nicer to yourself. Take some time out when you need it. Treat yourself kindly. Don’t give yourself a hard time. Pamper yourself. Get yourself a present.

Getting your priorities in order and showing yourself some respect is the first step toward your partner starting to do the same.

3. Throw yourself into your hobbies.

If your partner doesn’t appreciate you, that may well mean that whilst he’s pretty much the center of your world, you definitely aren’t the center of his.

And that’s okay. Relationships should be about loving and supporting one another, but they shouldn’t be all-consuming.

You both need to have lives outside the relationship and not depend on one another for everything, as that’s just not healthy. It puts too much pressure on the relationship.

But by this point, your boyfriend or husband might have gotten quite used to being number one for you. Hence why he takes you for granted.

So, it’s time to reassess and focus a little more on all the things that you loved before he came along.

What were the hobbies you loved? What were your passions? What did you suddenly have less time for when he stumbled into your life? What have you given up for him?

Remember, the person who adored all those things is the person he first fell in love with in the first place.

So, take up that sport again, go to that evening class, book a holiday on which you do nothing but your quirky hobby for a whole week, visit the places he’s not interested in seeing…

Remind him that you have other loves and show him he isn’t the center of your universe. He should start to see you in a different light and realize what he’s potentially losing.

4. Make plans with friends and family.

You have other loves in your life, and you need to spend time with them.

You shouldn’t just be doing this to spite your partner.  You should always make time for your family and your most precious friendships rather than neglecting them in favor of your boyfriend, partner, or husband.

But starting to spend more time with these other important people in your life might help your partner realize that he isn’t the only person who matters to you and that he needs to work a little harder if he wants to your relationship to work.

5. Put yourself first once in a while.

If you’re a pretty selfless person and tend to prioritize his needs over yours, then he’s probably gotten into the bad habit of just assuming that you’ll be there whenever he needs you, but not being willing to reciprocate.

Of course, the two of you should be able to rely on each other.

But it’s important that he realizes that in order to be able to count on you, you need to be able to count on him too. These things go both ways.

So, occasionally putting your needs above his, without being spiteful, could work as a good reminder for him that you have your own needs and he has to take them into account.

6. Suggest quality time together.

As you can see, a lot of this advice is about taking control of your life and doing things for yourself.

It’s about being kind to yourself because you deserve it, whilst also knowing that being more assertive should help to remind him why he fell in love with you and just what he’s putting at risk.

That’s all quite indirect, but there are also things you can do directly to help him realize the situation.

If you want this relationship to improve, you’re going to have to put some effort in, even if you feel like he should be the one going the extra mile to improve things.

So, suggest spending some quality time together.

Whether it’s just a special evening in, a day out, or a weekend away, it should help him relax, properly engage with you, and remember why he loves you.

Relationships can settle into a bit of a mundane rhythm after a while, so it’s good to break out of that every so often and put the spotlight back on the relationship and how you feel about each other.

7. Get all dolled up.

It’s very easy for the magic to disappear from a relationship after a while. You get used to each other and sure of each other and stop making an effort with your appearance.

But taking the time to get all dressed up for the person you love can take you back to the early days and mean that you reconnect.

So, why not suggest that you both get all dressed up and go out for a fancy meal, just the two of you?

Candlelight, wine, and no distractions should do a lot to help you have a profound conversation and bridge the gap that’s opened up between you.

It will also help him realize how great things between you can be and how much he might lose if he’s not careful. 

8. Speak to him.

Although there’s clearly a lot you can do to remind him how lucky he is to have you, the key to a healthy relationship is honest, open communication.

You need to speak to him about how you’ve been feeling.

Try to avoid just throwing his behavior in his face or making him feel guilty, as he might get defensive.

Focus on how much you want to make things work between you. Let him know that while you know you’re not perfect, him taking you for granted has become a problem for you.

Odds are that he isn’t aware of the way he’s been behaving, and just a simple conversation might be enough to make the penny drop and make him realize he needs to make a change if he wants to keep you in his life.

Don’t settle for less than you deserve.

If you’re honest with him about how you’ve been feeling, do your share of the work in the relationship and treat yourself well, there’s no reason why your relationship can’t bounce back and be healthier than ever.

If he’s taking you for granted and, no matter what you do, that doesn’t change, then your relationship might well be unsustainable. He might not be able to value what he has and what he is losing, but that’s his problem, not yours.

You deserve to be with someone who thinks you’re incredible and knows just how lucky they are to have you in their life.

So don’t settle for less.

You may also like:

About The Author

Katie is a writer and translator with a focus on travel, self-care and sustainability. She's based between a cave house in Granada, Spain, and the coast of beautiful Cornwall, England. She spends her free time hiking, exploring, eating vegan tapas and volunteering for a local dog shelter.