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7 signs he will leave his wife for you (and 7 signs he won’t!)

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You’re having an affair with a married man.

Whether or not you knew he was married when you met him, and however the affair started between you, you have developed genuine feelings for this man.

And if you had it your way, he’d leave his wife and start a life with you.

That’s what you’ve been daydreaming about, but you need to figure out whether it’s a real possibility.

Because you’re no fool.  You know that the majority of married men that have affairs don’t end up leaving their wives and families for the women they have an affair with.

You want to know whether there’s any hope for this relationship, or whether you should cut your losses.

And you’ve come to the right place. Of course, only you can understand the subtleties of your situation, so all of these signs might not apply to you.

But by reading through this list and seeing whether you identify more with the signs he will than the signs he won’t, you’ll be better placed to make a decision and start moving forward one way or another.

Speak to a certified relationship counselor about this issue. Why? Because they have the training and experience to help you figure out what to do about your relationship with this married man. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for practical advice that is tailored to your exact circumstances.

7 signs he will leave his wife for you:

1. He tells you he will.

Some men will, of course, outright lie about their intentions to leave their wives. And that shouldn’t be too surprising, as they’re already lying to their wife to hide this affair.

But men that know deep down that they won’t ever choose you over their wife will do their best to avoid this subject.

They’ll never give you a straight answer, dancing around the topic and being non-committal either way.

So, if he can actually look you in the eyes and tell you he’ll leave his wife for you, then there’s a chance he really means it.

Although, of course, he may well change his mind or chicken out when push comes to shove.

2. He’s making plans.

He hasn’t just told you he’ll leave his wife, he’s starting to make a plan about when and how that might happen.

This is a very serious decision, so he might not be planning to do it tomorrow, but he’s not planning to do it a year from now either.

He’s making realistic plans for the fairly near future that will pave the way for the two of you to be together.

3. You talk about a realistic shared future.

Dreaming about the future is easy.

Talking about all the expensive holidays you’ll go on isn’t a sign that he’s serious about you, as it probably all just seems like a daydream to him. It’s not real yet.

If the two of you have discussions about the future that are a bit more rooted in reality, however, then that’s a much more promising sign.

If you have discussions like any normal couple might about the financial realities of your life together, where you might live, and what your priorities are for the future, then that future stands a greater chance of becoming a reality.

4. You’re past the first flush of romance and excitement.

An extended affair isn’t fair on anyone. Not on you, and definitely not on his wife.

But chances are he’s not going to leave his wife for you if you’ve only just met or started sleeping together.

It’s only if he decides to continue with the affair and actually get to know you that there’s a chance it might become something real.

Just bear in mind that the longer it goes on for, the more hurt it could cause all round.

5. He’s been taking risks.

Lately, he’s been throwing caution to the wind a little when it comes to keeping things between you under wraps. He’s been doing things that mean he’s risking his wife finding out.

That could mean he’s secretly hoping that she will, so that things blow up and he has an excuse to leave her.

He doesn’t have the guts to bite the bullet and tell her he’s been unfaithful and he’s leaving her.

So, even though it will probably work out worse for him, he’s kind of hoping things will just come to a natural head and he’ll never have to find the courage to sit her down for that conversation.

6. You connect on a deeper level.

It’s not just sex. The two of you have long, rambling conversations. You’re just as interested in his mind as you are in his body, and you know he feels the same way.

There’s no denying that this runs deeper than just a physical, superficial attraction. There’s intellectual compatibility and genuine love there too.

7. He doesn’t love his wife.

So, this isn’t a fool-proof one, because he could still love his wife in his own way and fall in love with you too.

He doesn’t have to hate or be indifferent to his wife to be able to develop feelings for you.

But if there’s little love lost between the two of them and the marriage was on its last legs anyway, there’s a greater likelihood that your relationship with him could turn into something serious.

How to move forward.

If you are pretty sure that he’s serious about leaving his wife for you, then it’s not a matter of just sitting around twiddling your thumbs until that day finally comes.

Whatever you do, you don’t want to get stuck in the limbo of just being his affair partner, waiting around for him to finally leave his wife so that your life together can start.

Firstly, think seriously about whether you really do want him to leave his wife for you. Really and truly.

Do you think the two of you could really make it work?

Do you think you could ever fully trust him, knowing that he betrayed his wife to be with you?

Do you think this could be a long term, loving relationship?

Would he make a good life partner who’s there for you when things get tough?

This isn’t an easy thing to consider, but it’s important that you do. After all, it’s not only your own future happiness you’re risking here.

Also, this is a horrible situation for his wife (even if she doesn’t know about it yet), so you need to keep that in mind at all times and be sensitive to her.

This is not her fault, so don’t punish her anymore than you can avoid, and try not to demonize her.

The main thing here is that you need to set some kind of deadline. He probably won’t leave her tomorrow, but you can’t just give him a get-out-of-jail-free pass and let him keep putting it off endlessly until he finally decides it’s the ‘right time.’

Set a reasonable deadline. Let him know what that deadline is, and then stick to it. You’ve got a life to live, and you can’t waste it waiting around for this man forever.

Now, let’s move onto the signs that he’s probably not going to leave his wife for you any time soon.

7 signs he won’t leave his wife for you:

1. You only ever discuss an unrealistic future.

You might dream about what a life together would look like, but you don’t discuss the nitty gritty.

Your discussions of the future don’t include where you would actually live, how you’d make money, how the dynamic would work with your respective families…

You focus on unrealistic pictures of what the good times would look like and don’t consider how hard it might be to establish a solid relationship with this rocky start.

2. You’re his last priority.

If he loves you enough to leave his wife for you, then he’ll find a way to let you know that, and make you feel like a priority in his life, no matter how complicated the situation is.

But if you feel like his wife, family, job, friends, hobbies and cat are all more important to him than you are, he’s probably not going to turn his life upside for you. 

3. Sex is central to your relationship.

Things between you are very much focused on sex. You never see each other without having sex. Your messages are always flirty and sexy.

A relationship isn’t built on sex alone, so if he doesn’t want to spend time with you without having sex and doesn’t seem interested in your mind as well as your body, then you’ve probably got your answer.

4. He still loves his wife.

Maybe he never mentions his wife, or maybe he complains to you about her.

But either way, you can tell that, deep down, he still loves her. Things aren’t over between them.

And whilst it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time, if he still has significant feelings for her, those feelings will likely mean he never feels ready or able to leave his marriage.  

5. He has children.

Having children with his wife isn’t a guarantee that he’ll stay with her, but it also makes it less likely that he’ll be willing to break up his family.

Leaving the mother of his children is a huge decision that’s life-changing for more than one person, and developing a relationship with those children could be difficult for you.  

6. There’s always a reason it’s not the right time.

Maybe he’s told you that he will leave his wife, at some point.

But he couldn’t do it last month because it was her birthday, this month they’re going on holiday, and you know that next month it’ll just be something else.

If he keeps putting it off, then deep down he probably just hopes he’ll never have to do it and you’ll just either stop asking or end things with him.

7. You’re not the first.

A huge warning sign that he’s never going to leave his wife for you is if you’re not the first affair he’s had.

If he’s been unfaithful to his wife before and is still with her, then there’s nothing to suggest that it’s going to be any different in your situation.  

How to move forward.

So, it’s time to face up to the fact that he probably isn’t going to leave his wife for you.

It’s a hard thing to accept, but the sooner you get used to the idea, the sooner you can get on with living your life.

Don’t fall into the trap of just endlessly waiting around for him to finally take the leap or change his mind.

You deserve a man who’ll shout his love for you from the rooftops, and a relationship you can be proud of, not one you have to keep under wraps.

Take a deep breath and say goodbye to this man. If you can, and you don’t have to see him at work, for example, then cut off all contact and draw a line under the experience.

It’s going to hurt, but it’ll be worth it in the end.

Trust that the honest, strong, dependable love you’re craving is out there somewhere, and you need to be open to it when it knocks on your door.

Still not sure what to do about this married man and whether there is a future for you together? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out.

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About The Author

Katie is a writer and translator with a focus on travel, self-care and sustainability. She's based between a cave house in Granada, Spain, and the coast of beautiful Cornwall, England. She spends her free time hiking, exploring, eating vegan tapas and volunteering for a local dog shelter.