10 Sad Reasons Why He Doesn’t Want You

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If you’ve been on a few dates with a guy, or been chatting for a while, you might think that things are going pretty well…

…until he suddenly disappears or seems to no longer be interested in you.

It’s really confusing when this happens, and it can make you feel really upset and rejected.

While it’s important to remember that you probably haven’t done anything to deserve this, here are a few reasons he might have decided he doesn’t want you to be his girlfriend.

1. You’re just not his type.

When a guy rejects us, we can start to question ‘what’s wrong with me?’ or even ‘what did I do to ruin it?’

We start evaluating ourselves – our appearance, our personality, whether or not we were ‘too much’ on the last date. We replay things in our head and can’t figure out where things went wrong.

That’s because nothing went wrong! You can have been your beautiful, smart, charming self, but just not been quite right for him.

It is okay not to be everyone’s cup of tea. Think of your friends’ boyfriends: they treat your friends right, you like hanging out with them, and they’re pretty cool guys. But… you wouldn’t want to date them, right? It’s not that there’s anything ‘wrong’ with them, just that they aren’t right for you.

Try to use this same mindset when it comes to yourself and don’t take his decision personally.

The guy you like was obviously attracted to you enough to message you or date you, but you just don’t quite match up.

That is nothing to do with you, and all about him – it’s not that you are wrong for him, but that both of you just aren’t a good match for each other.

2. He’s not feeling the vibe.

We’ve all been there – the person we’re on a date with is hot, funny, they’re buying us drinks, and we’re having a great time, but… something just doesn’t feel quite right.

It’s nothing they’re doing (or not doing) or to do with how they look, but there’s just not the vibe you’re looking for.

This might be one of the reasons he doesn’t want to date you. Maybe, for him, the ‘spark’ just isn’t quite there.

That isn’t a reflection of how great you are, or your worth; it’s just a sad fact that things wouldn’t really work between the two of you, long-term.

3. There is someone else.

If things were going really well but he’s suddenly gone cold on you, you might be left wondering, ‘what did I do wrong?’

One of the reasons he’s disappeared might be because there is someone else in his life.

That could be someone he is already with, and he was stringing you along while in another relationship.

It might be that he has met someone else that he feels he has a deeper connection with.

Or maybe he’s hooking up with someone and he has realized that what he just wants something physical instead of actually dating someone seriously.

Either way, if he’s acting like he doesn’t want you anymore, it may be due to his feelings for someone else.

It’s sad to realize this, especially if you thought things were going really well between the two of you, but it’s better to find out now so that you can spend your time and effort on someone who can give you what you want and need.

4. He just wanted to hook up.

Some guys are interested until things start to get serious. He might have been really keen to spend time with you, until he realized that you wanted to keep dating him before sleeping with him.

Maybe you hooked up already and he got what he wanted. It’s rubbish, especially if you were under the impression that he wanted something more, and you might be left feeling a bit used and upset.

However, this is a lucky escape! It’s sad that this is how you found out about his intentions, but it means that he can’t waste any more of your time.

If he was never really after something serious, he should have been upfront with you from the beginning.

Remember that this is on him, and it’s not something you should feel embarrassed or ashamed of!

He might not want anything more to do with you, but at least you have learnt his true intentions now and you can move on to someone who values you the way you want to be valued.

5. He isn’t sure how he feels.

If the guy you like has started acting like he doesn’t want you, he might be trying to push you away because he’s unsure of what he really wants.

Some guys panic when they start to develop feelings for someone. They might worry that this suddenly means they’re expected to commit to you and that they’ll lose all the independence.

They might not be 100% sure about their feelings and they don’t want to mess you around, so they think it’s better to end things now than string you along while they figure out how they feel.

It can be really upsetting and frustrating when someone you fancy does a 180 on you! Try not to take it too personally, as it is likely down to their own insecurities, or lack of experience.

They are likely to be both under-thinking and overthinking, and it’s making it hard for them to know how they really feel about you.

Rather than delving into their feelings, they’re taking the easy way out – running away because they don’t know what they want.

6. He just got out of a relationship.

You might both really like each other, but he is pulling away because it just isn’t the right time for him to pursue anything with you.

He might have met you while coming out of a breakup. He probably wasn’t planning on having feelings for anyone else so soon, but he met you and really likes you.

However, that’s not enough for him to jump into something serious with you, as he might feel like he needs time to fully get over his ex and heal from the breakup.

This is really sad, but it happens quite a lot.

7. He doesn’t have time for anything serious.

He might have a lot going on in his life already, and not really have the time or energy to put into a relationship right now.

While it’s frustrating to hear this, remember that he is likely doing it out of respect for you.

He knows that it would be rubbish for you if he was always too busy to see you or never replied to your messages, so it’s easier to just focus on himself and not have any additional responsibility when he already has so much going on.

8. He’s scared of commitment.

Rather than questioning what is wrong with you and why he doesn’t want you, try to understand that it’s not personal.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to be with you, but that he doesn’t really know how – and he’s scared of that unknown. 

If he hasn’t been in a relationship before, or has been in a really bad relationship before, he might be quite fearful of settling down with someone and committing to them.

If he’s had a negative experience with that before, he might have some trust issues or fear of emotional vulnerability. As such, he’s disappearing now before things get too deep because he doesn’t want to get hurt again.

This one can feel like a rubbish excuse, but it’s actually very valid.

9. You’re not compatible in the long-term.

Another reason why he is suddenly ghosting you could be because he’s realized that you have very different values, or lifestyles, and that things wouldn’t work out in the long-run between the two of you.

This isn’t personal as it’s about him as much as it is about you! You might follow different faiths or religions, or you might have had a chat on your last date about how you want kids and he never wants them.

If a conversation like this came up and you disagreed, he might have simply realized that you are too different for it to work out.

While some differences are great, some are too big to overcome, and it can be best to end things before it gets too serious.

He’s doing you a favor, even if it doesn’t’ feel like it right now.

10. He’s insecure.

This is similar to the commitment-phobe guy, but goes a bit deeper than that.

If things seemed to be going well with a guy, your vibe-detector probably wasn’t wrong. Instead, it might be that he’s now freaking out that he’s not good enough for you, or that you don’t like him as much as he liked you.

For you to have been chatting for a while, or been on several dates, there was probably something between the two of you that meant you wanted to keep chatting and seeing each other! So, this can be a very realistic option.

If he is insecure in himself, he might get anxious when it comes to dating, and he might not be sure of where he stands with you because of that.

Rather than risking a dent to his ego, or getting rejected or hurt by you, he’s putting his guard up and walking away before you have a chance to leave him.

It can be really frustrating when you know someone likes you but they’re too shy or anxious to act on it, but you have to respect their feelings and, if you think it’s worth it, be patient and see what happens.


There can be a lot of reasons why a guy might not want you to be his girlfriend, and you might never truly know which one it is.

The main thing to focus on is that it’s not something you have done wrong! Sometimes, things just aren’t quite right between two people, however much one (or both) of them want it to work.

Remember your worth and take a breather to recenter yourself, build your confidence up again, and get back out there when you feel ready. There are plenty more fish in the sea, after all!

Still not sure why he doesn’t want you? Want some advice on getting a boyfriend? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.

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About Author

Lucy is a travel and wellness writer currently based in Gili Air, a tiny Indonesian island. After over a year of traveling, she’s settled in paradise and spends her days wandering around barefoot, practicing yoga and exploring new ways to work on her wellbeing.