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Does he only want sex? 30 signs a guy just wants to sleep with you

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So, you’ve met a great guy and things seem like they’re going really well.

However, there seems to be something missing and it’s not quite going in the direction (or at the speed) you want it to.

He seems to be holding back from getting any more serious, and you have no clear idea why.

It’s worth asking yourself what he’s really after and where things are going.

If you’re getting mixed signals, wondering if he likes you or if he just wants sex, we’ve got the following signs for you to look out for…

Speak to a certified relationship counselor about this issue. Why? Because they have the training and experience to help you decide what to do about a guy who only wants sex. You may want to try speaking to someone via for practical advice that is tailored to your exact circumstances.

30 Signs He Just Wants Sex and Not a Serious Relationship

1. You only see each other on his terms.

If you’re with a guy who only wants to have sex with you, you might notice that you only ever spend time together on his terms.

He might be the one who calls the shots and chooses when you see each other.

Maybe he only texts you when he’s been drinking and wants a booty call, or only wants to see you when he wants to sleep together.

If he liked you, he would make time to see you on your terms too – you wouldn’t just feel like a convenient option for him when he’s feeling frisky. 

2. He only calls you in the evenings.

You might notice that you only really hear from him in the evenings.

This is probably because he only wants to see you to hook up, and isn’t really interested in pursuing a serious relationship with you.

Again, this might happen when he’s had a few drinks or is feeling lonely – or in the mood for something else. 

If he liked you, he would arrange to see you in the daytime and make you feel like part of his life, not just part of his nights.

3. You never hang out in the daytime.

Again, if he avoids seeing you in the daytime, he’s probably not looking for anything serious.

He’s trying to avoid anything that could feel like a date, or like there’s any level of commitment there.

He probably knows that you might think things are more serious if you do cute coupley things, so he’s keeping it casual by avoiding daytime activities that could be misconstrued.

If he liked you, he would be excited to spend time with you doing fun, coupley things, rather than only seeing you in the evenings. 

4. You’ve not met any of his friends.

Do you feel like he’s keeping you very separate from the rest of his life?

You might not have met any of his friends, or he might be trying very hard to keep you distant from what he gets up to outside of seeing you.

If he doesn’t even talk about the other important people in his life, he probably thinks it’s information you’ll never need to know since he’s not planning on a serious relationship with you.

If he liked you, he would make an effort to introduce you to his friends and want you to feel included in his plans.

5. He doesn’t want to meet your friends.

As much as he doesn’t want you to get to know his friends, he’s actively avoiding meeting any of yours either.

He may worry that your friends will sense the lack of commitment or seriousness and tell you to dump him.

If he’s happy with the current casual sex arrangement (even if you’re not aware that’s what it is), he’ll steer clear of your besties.

If he liked you, he’d be keen to meet your friends and make a good impression on them so that they supported your relationship.

6. His compliments are based on your appearance.

It’s great to be with someone who makes you feel good about yourself, but you might have noticed that most of his compliments are focused on how you look.

This is a sign that he only wants to sleep with you rather than pursue anything deeper.

He might not see the value in your personality or in anything beyond how physically attractive you are.

If he liked you, he would let you know how much he appreciates other aspects of you, not just make comments on how you look!

Extra reading: 16 Signs Someone Is Objectifying You

7. It always gets sexual.

If every conversation you have turns into something sexual or flirty, it’s a sign that he’s only interested in sleeping with you.

Guys who want something more will make an effort to find out more about you and what you’ve been up to.

Guys who just want sex will be keen to move the conversation that way very quickly.

If he liked you, he would be able to have conversations with you that don’t go anywhere sexual! You’d have enough of a connection to just be able to chat. 

8. He never replies to you.

Are you always having to double-text to get his attention? Maybe he ignores your texts and calls until he wants something from you (normally sex!).

It can be quite upsetting to realize that someone is keeping you on a string, but it’s good to learn sooner rather than later so that you can make an informed decision. 

If he liked you, he would reach out and reply to you just to have a chat with you, as opposed to just when he wants to hook up with you.

9. You never go on dates.

Do you always hang out at home? Maybe your date night has basically become seeing each other late in the evening and hooking up.

If simply hanging out at home works for you both, great! If you want things to go somewhere more serious, this is a bad sign that he probably just wants to sleep with you. 

A guy who wants more than just sex will do more. He’ll plan dates and make things happen.

If he liked you, he would want to treat you and hang out in romantic settings like date nights and cute events as a couple. 

10. You feel lonely as soon as it’s over.

Things might be great when you’re together, but you might end up feeling quite lonely once the physical intimacy is over.

He might be great while you’re hooking up, but then become quite distant as soon as it’s over.

This is a sign he’s only interested in sex and doesn’t want to take things down a more serious route.

If he is genuinely interested, he would want you to feel good about yourself outside of sex, and would still be engaging and fun once the sex is over! 

11. There’s no foreplay – or it’s all about him.

Speaking of sex, does it feel like it’s all about him?

If he’s quite selfish when it comes to sex, he isn’t invested in anything long-term and probably doesn’t care as much about you as you want him to.

Maybe there’s no build-up at all, and you’re left feeling a bit used. If you feel like he’s rushing through things just so he can have sex, he’s not making you feel comfortable and special enough.

Sex should be something you can both share, not something that is all about what he wants every time. 

If he liked you, he would make sure you were enjoying yourself and not make it all feel so rushed.

12. You sleep together – but never ‘sleep’ together.

Does it feel like he always leaves straight after you’ve had sex, or like he wants you to leave?

Maybe he’ll start making excuses to get out, or he’ll make you feel like you’re in the way.

This is because he doesn’t want to actually spend time with you outside of hooking up.

You might never have actually slept together in the same bed for the whole night, or you might have crashed at his a couple of times but always felt like you had to leave first thing.

If he liked you, he would want to spend time with you! He’d make you breakfast, suggest spending the day together, or make sure you know he wants to spend time with you outside of hooking up. 

13. He never asks you about yourself.

He might be quite self-absorbed, or he might just not make any effort to find out more about you.

If he never goes out of his way to find out more about you, it’s probably because he just doesn’t care enough.

It’s hard to hear, we know, but you deserve to be informed enough to make a decision that is reflective of what is really going on with you.

If he liked you, he would be interested in getting to know you and be excited to find out what you like, how your day’s been, what you want to do for dinner, etc.

14. He’s not committed to you.

Do you ever feel like he might be seeing other women?

Maybe he’s sneaky with his phone whenever you hang out, or he avoids conversations about being exclusive.

This is a clear sign that he’s not really looking to invest in a long-term relationship with you, and wants to just keep getting what he wants from your situation.

If he liked you, he would be open to talking about being exclusive – mainly because he’d hate the thought of you with another guy. 

Extra reading: 12 Signs A Guy Is A Player: How To Know For Sure

15. He avoids making plans.

He might find excuses to leave everything to the last minute, or regularly cancel on plans he made with you – especially if he finds out they’re with your friends!

People who avoid plans and any kind of commitment either have commitment issues, or simply don’t want to commit.

This is a sign he only wants sex and isn’t interested in anything beyond that.

If he liked you, he would be excited to make plans with you and be included in your life – and he would actively suggest fun things you can do together. 

16. You met on a night out – or on Tinder.

We know, we know – some amazing couples first met on Tinder! However, if you met your man on an app that’s known for facilitating hook-ups, he might have only been on there to find one.

Equally, if you met in a bar or had a one-night stand after a night out, that really might be all he was after.

Things might have continued on because he enjoys having sex with you, but it could also be a sign that he was never after anything more than casual, convenient sex. 

17. He’s chatting to other women.

If you and your guy haven’t yet had a chat about being exclusive, this is kind of understandable.

Maybe he doesn’t know the boundaries, or is keeping his options open because he doesn’t know where you stand or how you feel about him.

However, if he knows that you like him and want to see how things go, he’s being unfair by still pursuing other people.

If he liked you, he would make sure you know his true feelings for you! He wouldn’t need an ego-boost or another hook-up lined up. 

18. He checks out other people.

Maybe he’s always looking at other girls while you’re out, or you hear him talking with his friends about how attractive another girl is.

While it’s normal to find other people attractive despite being in a relationship, it’s unfair to vocalize these thoughts in a way that could make you feel uncomfortable. 

If he liked you, he’d make sure you feel confident around him by reminding you what a wonderful woman you are.

19. You never have serious conversations.

If he avoids talking about serious topics and tries to laugh them off or brush them off, he’s probably not interested in things going anywhere real with you.

A guy who is just in it for sex tends to be reluctant to spend more time and energy on the girl he just wants to sleep with.

That means no cute date nights, no breakfast in bed snuggles and whispering sweet nothings, and no serious chats that require paying attention to you.

If he liked you, he’d be open to serious conversations and would be keen to ensure you know how important you are to him.

20. He’s annoyed if you don’t have sex.

This, sadly, is probably the biggest sign. If you feel like he’s resentful of hanging out with you without hooking up, he probably just wants sex and not a real relationship.

You might feel pressured into sleeping with him, or like he’ll only want to spend time with you if you have sex.

He might get irritated if you say you’re not in the mood, and you may feel like you’re wasting his time if you don’t put out.

If he liked you, he would be the perfect gentleman and show more respect for your feelings and just be happy to hang out – sex would be a bonus, not the only incentive.

21. He doesn’t mind if you see other guys.

If this guy has no intention of becoming your boyfriend and is happy with the no-strings-attached deal he’s got right now, he’s not going to care too much if you see other men.

You could try casually mentioning a guy friend of yours to see what his reaction is. If he’s not really interested in who this other guy is and shows no signs of jealousy, he’s probably just with you for a hookup every now and then rather than having serious intentions.

If he liked you, it would be very obvious that he doesn’t want you to be with anyone else but him. He might question you about other men he sees you with on social media, or ask who someone is when you bring them up in conversation.

22. The sex lacks real intimacy.

You might have great sexual chemistry and feel a lot of sexual tension, but that doesn’t always translate into true intimacy in the bedroom.

Let’s face it, even a one night stand can feel passionate and exciting, but the best sex involves a deeper connection.

If there is little to no kissing, he avoids looking you in the eyes while having sex, and it feels more like a f*ck than making love, you have to ask whether he’s truly into you.

If he liked you, the sex would feel more intimate and less like a passing fling or business encounter.

Extra reading: 10 Big Differences Between Making Love And Having Sex

23. He’s a mystery to you.

You may have seen this guy a lot, but how well do you know him?

If he just wants to be friends with benefits, he will probably keep his heart hidden and his wider life somewhat of a secret.

He sees no reason to reveal his true self to you because he doesn’t see a future for you in the long term. Instead, it’s all flirting and surface-level details that don’t mean a lot.

If he liked you, he would be more of an open book. He would be willing to share his thoughts, his interests, his passions, and his dreams with you.

24. He played things too cool at first.

Think back to when you first met this guy. Was he really keen to go on dates, have long text conversations, or talk on the phone?

Or did you have to make more of the effort at the beginning?

While some horny guys make it very clear they want sex by texting you a lot and trying to hook up, others play it cool and seem uninterested until you make a move on them.

If he liked you, he would have been keen to build that bond between you straight away for fear of you finding someone else.

25. When sex is not on the cards, he disappears.

When you make it clear to him that bedroom fun is not going to happen because it’s that time of the month or for another reason, does he still want to see you?

Or does he temporarily ghost you until he can get his hands on your body again?

If he shows no interest in seeing you when sex is off the table, his priority is clearly the physical side of things, not building a genuine connection.

If he liked you, he would still want to see you, regardless of whether it would end with sexy time.

26. You don’t have much in common.

We’re not saying that people with different interests or even different personalities can’t make happy couples, but not having much in common does make it harder.

If you don’t share hobbies or interests, you have to make more effort to have engaging conversations. Is he?

If it feels like you’re very different people who simply happen to be enjoying casual sex, can you see it turning into anything more?

27. The relationship hasn’t evolved past sex.

How long have you been seeing this man? If it’s been a while but your meetings still feel the same as when you first hooked up, you have to wonder why.

Typically, the more you see someone, the closer you become. Your dates become a bit different, you might spend longer together at a time, and you can sense the relationship moving in a positive direction.

But your relationship is standing still. It’s very much parked in the bedroom and this guy shows no signs of wanting that to change.

If he liked you, both of you would want to move the relationship along at a steady pace, hitting all sorts of milestones along the way.

28. You’re afraid to have the “What are we?” conversation.

If you’ve been seeing this guy for a while, you’ve probably asked yourself what you are.

Are you exclusive? Are you a couple? Are you seeing where it goes?

But you can’t bring yourself to have this conversation because you’re afraid his answer will be, “I’m happy as f*ck buddies” or something similar.

If he liked you, you’d be confident that his answer would be positive with regard to where you see the relationship going. Or he’d have asked you this by now.

Extra reading: 7 Tips For Having The “Where Is This Going?” Relationship Talk With A Guy

29. You just know it.

Your gut is telling you that he’s only interested in sex.

You’ve probably read the signs unconsciously and can tell what he’s thinking.

After all, would you have searched for this article if you didn’t suspect that sex is the only thing on his mind?

If he liked you, you’d probably know that too.

30. He’s told you he doesn’t want anything serious.

Ah, ladies – how many times have we heard this and thought “I can change him” or “He will when he gets to know me”?

I thought so.

Sadly, if a guy tells us he doesn’t want anything serious, we have to believe him and act accordingly.

It can be very hard if you start to develop feelings for the guy when all he is interested in is having sexual relationships.

However, if he seems to be only interested in a booty call, you need to respect that and decide whether or not that works for you.

If you’re still reading this article, we’d say that doesn’t work for you…

If he liked you, he would be open to dating and would be more vocal about enjoying spending together outside the bedroom.

If you really want to take the relationship to the next level, it might still happen, but it is going to take some time.

So your guy just wants sex, but you want more: what to do?

It is a scientific fact that sex is not just for the pleasure of it, but the affection and feeling of well-being that comes with it.

So that being said, not all hope is lost, and the fact that a guy wants to have sex with you may actually be a good sign.

For one thing, sex is an important part of a relationship for most because it is a sign of attraction, so you got that one down.

Before you start asking him for more, however, stay calm and don’t force the guy.

Guys do not want being pressured into anything and wanting more this soon might push him away. So what do you do?

For one, talking to a relationship expert can help you assess where you stand with this guy and possibly take this sexual relationship to the next, deeper level.

With professional advice, you can keep your emotions in check and it keeps you from doing something impulsive that might ruin your chances with this guy.

When you act on your own, you might lose yourself and completely blow it and turn your guy off – so, it’s better to get expert advice.

Relationship Hero is a website where you can connect with a relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.

If you really like this guy and you want things to go further between you, don’t hesitate to talk to an expert. Your happiness is paramount and if seeking advice brings you more happiness, it is worth it.

Here’s that link again if you’d like to learn more about the service Relationship Hero provide and the process of getting started.

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About The Author

Lucy is a travel and wellness writer currently based in Gili Air, a tiny Indonesian island. After over a year of traveling, she’s settled in paradise and spends her days wandering around barefoot, practicing yoga and exploring new ways to work on her wellbeing.