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So, you’ve met a great guy and things seem like they’re going really well.
However, there seems to be something missing and it’s not quite going in the direction (or at the speed) you want it to.
He seems to be holding back from getting any more serious, and you’re not quite sure why.
It’s worth asking yourself what he’s really after and where things are going.
If you’re wondering if he likes you or if he just wants sex, we’ve got some key signs for you to look out for…
1. You only see each other on his terms.
If you’re with a guy who only wants to have sex with you, you might notice that you only ever spend time together on his terms.
He might be the one calling the shots and choosing when you see each other.
Maybe he only texts you when he’s been drinking and wants a booty call, or only wants to see you when he’s in the mood to sleep together.
If he liked you, he would make time to see you on your terms too – you wouldn’t just feel like a convenient option for him when he’s feeling frisky.
2. He only calls you in the evenings.
You might notice that you only really hear from him in the evenings.
This is probably because he only wants to see you to hook up, and isn’t really interested in pursuing anything else with you.
Again, this might happen when he’s had a few drinks or is feeling lonely – or in the mood for something else.
If he liked you, he would arrange to see you in the daytime and make you feel like part of his life, not just part of his nights.
3. You never hang out in the daytime.
Again, if he avoids seeing you in the daytime, he’s probably not looking for anything serious.
He’s trying to avoid anything that could feel like a date, or like there’s any level of commitment there.
He probably knows that you might think things are more serious if you do cute coupley things, so he’s keeping it casual by avoiding day-time activities that could be misconstrued.
If he liked you, he would be excited to spend time with you doing fun, coupley things, rather than only seeing you in the evenings.
4. You’ve not met any of his friends.
Do you feel like he’s keeping you very separate from the rest of his life?
You might not have met any of his friends, or he might be trying very hard to keep you distant from what he gets up to outside of seeing you.
Equally, maybe he’s been avoiding meeting your friends and doesn’t want to get involved in your life very much beyond having sex.
If he liked you, he would make an effort to introduce to his friends and want you to feel included in his plans.
5. His compliments are based on your appearance.
It’s great to be with someone who makes you feel good about yourself, but you might have noticed that most of his compliments are focused on how you look.
This is a sign that he only wants to sleep with you rather than pursue anything deeper.
He might not see the value in your personality or in anything beyond how physically attractive you are.
If he liked you, he would let you know how much he appreciates other aspects of you, not just make comments on how you look!
6. It always gets sexual.
If every conversation you have turns into something sexy or flirty, it’s a sign that he’s only interested in sleeping with you.
Guys who want something more will make an effort to find out more about you and what you’ve been up to.
Guys who just want sex will be keen to move the conversation that way very quickly.
If he liked you, he would be able to have conversations with you that don’t go anywhere sexual! You’d have enough of a connection to just be able to chat.
7. He never replies to you.
Are you always having to double-text to get his attention? Maybe he ignores you until he wants something from you (normally sex!).
It can be quite upsetting to realize that someone is keeping you on a string, but it’s good to learn sooner rather than later so that you can make an informed decision.
If he liked you, he would reach out and reply to you just to have a chat with you, as opposed to just when he wants to hook up with you.
8. You never go on dates.
Do you always hang out at home? Maybe your date night has basically become seeing each other late in the evening and hooking up.
If this arrangement works for you both, great! If you want things to go somewhere more serious, this is a sign that he probably doesn’t feel the same way.
If he liked you, he would want to treat you and hang out in romantic settings like date nights and cute events as a couple.
9. You feel lonely as soon as it’s over.
Things might be great when you’re together, but you might end up feeling quite lonely once things are over.
He might be great while you’re hooking up, but then become quite distant as soon as it’s over.
This is a sign he’s only interested in sex and doesn’t want to take things down a more serious route.
If he liked you, he would want you to feel good about yourself outside of sex, and would still be engaging and fun once the sex is over!
10. There’s no foreplay – or it’s all about him.
Speaking of sex, does it feel like its all about him?
If he’s quite selfish when it comes to sex, he isn’t invested in anything long-term and probably doesn’t care as much about you as you want him to.
Maybe there’s no build-up at all, and you’re left feeling a bit used. If you feel like he’s rushing through things just so he can have sex, he’s not making you feel comfortable and special enough.
Sex should be something you can both share, not something that is all about what he wants every time.
If he liked you, he would make sure you were enjoying yourself and not make it all feel so rushed.
11. You sleep together – but never ‘sleep’ together.
Does it feel like he always leaves straight after you’ve had sex, or like he wants you to leave?
Maybe he starts making excuses to get out, or makes you feel like you’re in the way.
This is because he doesn’t want to actually spend time with you outside of hooking up.
You might never have actually slept together in the same bed for the whole night, or you might have crashed at his a couple of times but always felt like you had to leave first thing.
If he liked you, he would want to spend time with you! He’d make you breakfast, suggest spending the day together, or make sure you know he wants to spend time with you outside of hooking up.
12. He never asks you about yourself.
He might be quite self-absorbed, or he might just not make any effort to find out more about you.
If he never goes out of his way to find out more about you, it’s probably because he just doesn’t care enough.
It’s hard to hear, we know, but you deserve to be informed enough to make a decision that is reflective of what is really going on with you.
If he liked you, he would be interested in getting to know you and be excited to find out what you like, how your day’s been, what you want to do for dinner etc.
13. He’s not committed to you.
Do you ever feel like he might be seeing other people?
Maybe he’s sneaky with his phone whenever you hang out, or he avoids conversations about being exclusive.
This is a sign that he’s not really looking to invest in a relationship with you, and wants to just keep getting what he wants from your situation.
If he liked you, he would be open to talking about being exclusive – mainly because he’d hate the thought of you with another guy.
14. He avoids making plans.
He might find excuses to leave everything to the last minute, or regularly cancel on plans he made with you – especially if he finds out they’re with your friends!
People who avoid plans and any kind of commitment either have commitment issues, or simply don’t want to commit.
This is a sign he only wants sex and isn’t interested in anything beyond that.
If he liked you, he would be excited to make plans with you and be included in your life – and he would actively suggest fun things you can do together.
15. You met on a night out – or on Tinder.
We know, we know – some amazing couples first met on Tinder! However, if you met your man on an app that’s known for facilitating hook-ups, he might have only been on there to find one.
Equally, if you met in a bar or had a one-night stand after a night out, that really might be all he was after.
Things might have continued on because he enjoys having sex with you, but it could also be a sign that he was never after anything more than casual, convenient sex.
16. He’s chatting to other girls.
If you haven’t yet had a chat about being exclusive, this is kind of understandable.
Maybe he doesn’t know the boundaries, or is keeping his options open because he doesn’t know where you stand or how you feel about him.
However, if he knows that you like him and want to see how things go, he’s being unfair by still pursuing other people.
If he liked you, he would make sure you know he likes only you! He wouldn’t need an ego-boost or another hook-up lined up.
17. He checks out other people.
Maybe he’s always looking at other girls while you’re out, or you hear him talking with his friends about how attractive another girl is.
While it’s normal to find other people attractive despite being in a relationship, it’s unfair to vocalize these thoughts in a way that could make you feel uncomfortable.
If he liked you, he’d make sure you feel confident around him by reminding you how attracted to you he is.
18. You never have serious conversations.
If he avoids serious conversations and tries to laugh them off or brush them off, he’s probably not interested in things going anywhere real with you.
Guys who are just in it for sex tend to be reluctant to spend more time and energy on the girl they’re hooking up with than necessary.
That means no cute date nights, no breakfast in bed snuggles, and no serious chats that require paying attention to you.
If he liked you, he’d be open to serious conversations and would be keen to ensure you know how important you are to him.
19. He’s annoyed if you don’t have sex.
This, sadly, is a big one. If you feel like he’s resentful of hanging out with you without hooking up, he probably just wants sex and nothing more.
You might feel pressured into sleeping with him, or like he’ll only want to spend time with you if you have sex.
He might get irritated if you say you’re not in the mood, and you may feel like you’re wasting his time if you don’t put out.
If he liked you, he would be more respectful of your feelings and just be happy to hang out – sex would be a bonus, not the only incentive.
20. He’s told you he doesn’t want anything serious.
Ah, ladies – how many times have we heard this and thought “I can change him” or “He will when he gets to know me”?
I thought so.
Sadly, if a guy tells us he doesn’t want anything serious, we have to believe him and act accordingly.
It can be very hard if you start to develop feelings and think that he might eventually want more.
However, if he’s made it clear he only wants to hook up, you need to respect that and decide whether or not that works for you.
If you’re still reading this article, we’d say that doesn’t work for you…
If he liked you, he would be open to dating and would be more vocal about enjoying spending together outside the bedroom.
Still not sure whether a guy is only interested in sleeping with you or if it could lead to something more? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.
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