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It’s always the same story… a few months into a new relationship, just when things start getting a bit more serious, you find yourself getting restless.
Truth is, you get bored easily.
Now, the first step toward dealing with a problem is recognizing that said problem actually exists, so well done. If you’re reading this, you’re already on your way to saying goodbye to those itchy feet once and for all.
Because even though you get bored in relationships, deep down you really would like to find a life partner to love and be loved by in return.
Reading this article shows that you’re not okay with the way things have been going and you want to make a change.
But for that to happen, you need to change your mindset.
So let’s take a look at what the reasons behind that creeping boredom might be. Then we’ll think about how you can address each reason so that the next time you meet someone, you won’t sabotage what could be an amazing relationship.
1. You love the excitement of dating.
You know the period right at the beginning of a relationship when you don’t yet really know the other person or know where you stand? When it’s all new and you just can’t keep your hands off them?
Some people absolutely hate that feeling, finding it stressful and unsettling. They’d do anything to just skip past it to the part where they feel settled, secure, and loved.
But some people are addicted to that emotional rollercoaster of lust and uncertainty. They love the chemical cocktail or adrenaline, dopamine, and oxytocin coursing through their veins.
They’re constantly seeking that thrill and are convinced that one day they’ll find someone with whom that feeling won’t ever fade, no matter how long they’re with them.
Spoiler: that feeling will never last forever. It can’t.
So the issue might be that you’re just in love with that initial period and can’t deal with it when a relationship starts transitioning into something more established and settled and less exciting.
If this sounds familiar, you need to accept the fact that this initial thrill will never last, regardless of who you meet. As you get to know someone, things will always evolve, change, and calm down.
That’s normal, natural, and healthy. Only toxic long-term relationships will involve that kind of extreme emotional ups and downs after the honeymoon period is over.
The important thing is to not see the change as a negative. Sure, you might not want to rip their clothes off every five seconds anymore. You might stop getting butterflies in your stomach every time they send you a text message or call you.
But the part that comes after all those extreme ups and downs and all that uncertainty is even better. The part when you’re in love and know you’re loved and can trust your partner. The part where you can really be yourself and learn what long-term love is all about.
It’s totally normal to struggle to adjust from one phase of a relationship to the next, especially if you’ve never made it past that initial phase before.
But don’t give up on a good relationship just because those initial fireworks have faded. There’s so much good stuff once you get over that hurdle.
2. You thrive on drama.
You might not want to admit it, but you’re all about the drama. You like a bit of intrigue and want to have things to get worked up about and complain about. In all areas of your life, but especially in your romantic life.
So, when things are going well with someone, you consciously or subconsciously look for ways to sabotage things, as you prefer the adrenaline that comes with drama to the warmth of a comfortable, happy, easy relationship.
It’s time to take a long hard look at what you really want out of life, and whether this tendency to seek out drama is getting in the way of that.
Try to take a deep breath before you speak or act, and think about whether what you’re doing is justified or if you’re just trying to stir things up because a drama-free life bores you.
Catch yourself and consciously make the decision not to indulge your love of drama, but prioritize other, more important things.
It’ll take practice, but it’ll be worth it, because once you get used to a life with less drama in it, you’ll never go back.
If you struggle to control this tendency, you might want to consider speaking to a professional, as embracing a drama-free life (in as much as that’s ever possible) can make such a huge difference to your level of contentment with your lot.
In terms of drama-free relationships, we’d recommend speaking to one of the experts from Relationship Hero. They will be able to help you understand your need for drama and provide ways to manage those urges and maintain a better, healthier relationship. Click here to chat to someone now.
3. You don’t really want a relationship.
Even in the 21st century, there’s still a huge amount of pressure to couple up with someone.
Despite some big leaps forward in our general mindset, a lot of people are still under the impression that if you don’t choose to share your life with another person, you’ve failed in some way. That your choice is less valid.
So you might just be searching for a relationship because you feel like that’s what you should be doing, but your heart’s not really in it.
Deep down, you don’t actually want a relationship (at least, not right now), so you get bored whenever you’re in one and find a way to end it.
Stop actively searching for someone and focus on the things that you really want out of life. Be honest with yourself about what really makes you happy and what your priorities are. Don’t let anyone else dictate how you should live your life.
That’s not to say you won’t fall head over heels for someone one day, but you’ll stop wasting your time on relationships that you get into just because you feel like you should couple up with someone.
4. You feel like having a partner holds you back.
You feel stifled in a relationship. You feel like having a partner clips your wings.
So after the initial excitement of the relationship has faded, you start getting frustrated about having to take another person’s needs into consideration and not being able to live life entirely on your own terms.
The problem here probably doesn’t have anything to do with the person you’re dating – if your partner is deliberately holding you back and limiting you, then that’s a whole other problem.
The truth is that you are probably the main reason why you feel like you’re being held back.
The issue might be that you get too swept up in relationships at the beginning. You stop spending time on your hobbies and passions and start neglecting your family and friends.
You willingly change your behavior, consciously or subconsciously, and then when you start feeling bored and hemmed in, you blame your partner for limiting you or holding you back, when it was all down to you in the first place.
Resist the temptation to jump headfirst into a relationship whilst neglecting all the other things that are important in your life.
Make a conscious effort to not change the way you live your life overnight and work your partner into your existing life, rather than redesigning your life to work around your partner.
You might feel like you want to be with them 24/7, but you know that’s not healthy, so don’t give into it. Take things slowly and calmly and don’t neglect the other people you love.
Make sure your life is full and you’re not expecting your partner to provide all the excitement, as that’s a fast track to boredom in your relationship.
You will, of course, have to make compromises for a relationship to work, but you can and should still live your life the way you want, surrounded by interesting people and always trying new things so that life stays interesting.
5. You’re dating the wrong people.
You might be getting bored in relationships because said relationships are always with the wrong people.
Maybe you tend to go for looks and physical attraction over and above everything else. You look for someone with a gym body and a certain hair color, and don’t stop to think about what’s going on under the surface.
And inevitably, that physical attraction fades pretty quickly and you find you have nothing in common and nothing to talk about, and you’re suddenly bored stiff in their company.
Challenge the way you’ve been doing things all this time and open your mind to dating different kinds of people.
Look past appearance and say goodbye to your ideas about what your ‘type’ is.
Try to focus on finding someone who you share interests and values with. Someone you can stay up all night talking to.
Someone whose opinion you’re genuinely interested to hear. Someone who pushes you and brings out the best in you.
The kind of person you can develop a lasting, fulfilling relationship with is someone who stimulates your mind as well as your body, so do yourself a favor and stop dismissing people based on how they look or dress.
You’ll be surprised at who you might meet once you’ve stopped restricting yourself.
6. You think the grass is always greener.
This is a huge problem in our modern society, where dating apps are the norm and you always know that there are countless ‘other options’ just a swipe away.
People are convinced that if they just keep looking they’ll find a better option, so they get itchy feet in relationships.
Of course, you should never settle in a relationship. You shouldn’t stay with someone just for the sake of being with someone.
But conversely, you shouldn’t let this idea that the grass is always greener ruin what could be an amazing relationship.
No one is perfect. No one is going to tick absolutely every box. Relationships are hard and take work. But if you decide to put that work into a relationship, you can forge something beautiful.
It’s about choosing someone to build a life with and focusing on them, rather than perpetually being on the hunt for something that you’ll probably never find.
7. You have unrealistic expectations.
Your problem might be that you’ve read too many romantic novels and watched too many Disney films, and are expecting something from a relationship that you’re never going to get.
You want to be swept off your feet by the person of your dreams and to live happily ever after. So you always end up feeling disappointed in relationships, getting bored and wanting to move on.
Ground yourself firmly in the real world and focus on the things that really matter in life.
Speak to people who’ve made a success of long-term relationships, and they’ll tell you what it really takes to make a relationship work, and that it’s never all sunshine and rainbows.
When you next meet someone, be prepared to give as much as you get, and don’t expect them to live up to ridiculously high expectations.
That way, you’ll be giving the relationship a good chance, rather than dooming it from day one.
8. There’s no spontaneity.
Both you and the people you date seem to struggle with spontaneity. You very quickly fall into a set routine that doesn’t change from one week to the next, and there are just no surprises anymore.
So it’s only natural that you get bored. Routine is great, but we need a little variety in our lives to keep things interesting.
If being spontaneous doesn’t come naturally to you, you’ll need to try being deliberately spontaneous for a while until you get a taste for it.
Make a deal with your partner that at least once a month you’ll try something new and fun together.
And make sure you leave some time open to be spontaneous in. If you tend to plan out every second of your day and week in advance then you’re not leaving any room for improvised fun.
Embrace spontaneity and all the wonderful things that a long-term relationship can bring.
With the right person and the right attitude, you can say goodbye to a string of relationships that didn’t quite make it and build an amazing life together.
Still not sure how not to get so bored so quickly when it comes to relationships? As we’ve seen, there’s a lot that could be going on here, and it might be something you need outside help overcoming. So why not chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.
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- 11 Reasons To Date Someone You’re Not Physically Attracted To