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You might have noticed that things with your partner aren’t as fun or interesting as they once were.
Maybe you’re starting to get bored in their company, or you’ve realized you’ve not got much in common.
Equally, maybe things have just changed in your personal lives and in your relationship, and it doesn’t feel the way it used to.
Whatever it is, things aren’t quite right anymore – so what next?
What does ‘boring’ mean to you?
Firstly, it’s a good idea to think about what you actually mean by ‘boring.’
This article will explore different interpretations of a boring partner or relationship and how to approach each of them. This should allow you to dig deeper into what exactly it is that isn’t working for you right now.
Whether or not someone is interesting or boring is very subjective, as well as fluid. You might find someone interesting at one point and then later find their hobbies really dull and feel like there’s no spark or interest there anymore.
Look through the following reasons why you might find your boyfriend or girlfriend boring. Be sure to read the advice for each situation carefully – it might make or break your relationship.
1. You like doing different things.
It’s quite natural to find your partner boring if you’re always up for a night out but they always want to stay at home.
To you, that’s boring – you want to be out drinking and having fun, messing around and being silly with friends.
You might get frustrated that your partner doesn’t want to do that kind of thing, and think that they’re really boring and dull for staying at home.
Equally, you might be really adventurous and enjoy travelling to new places, whereas they prefer staying in the area you live in.
They might not be as keen to expand their social circle and you might be excited about the thought of meeting new people!
Take a moment to consider things from their point of view before you write them off as boring.
Maybe they don’t like clubbing because they don’t want to pay to drink too much and be in a crowded room of sweaty strangers!
They might like travelling but just prefer to stay home with their loved ones, and be cozy in bed by 10pm instead of in a hostel on the other side of the world.
Just because their preferences don’t match up with yours, doesn’t make them boring.
Who knows – you think they’re boring, they might think you’re childish or extravagant for being out and partying all the time?
How to solve this:
Rather than viewing their choices as negative, take joy in the fact that you like different things.
Different is what keeps things exciting! It would be so boring to do the exact same things with the same person every day, after all.
Try to see it as a good thing that you both enjoy doing different things. It’s nice to have some time apart, no matter how much you love your partner.
Stop seeing them as boring, and try to reframe it as ‘calm’ or ‘mellow’ instead.
Be more open to their idea of a good night, and find ways to compromise. Maybe go out together once a month for some drinks, and stay home for a set evening of chilled time and a cozy night on the sofa once a month.
Relationships are about compromise as much as they are about finding common ground – you’ll both find a series you love watching together, or a game you really like playing, and you might find a cocktail bar they really like, or a club that plays their favorite music.
You just need to communicate and be open to the idea of meeting in the middle.
2. You just don’t ‘get’ their hobbies.
Many of us find our partners boring when we realize we’ve not got much in common – and this is often because we don’t take the time to understand why they’re into what they’re into.
You might think your partner is boring for playing video games, but you’ve never even given it a try!
Equally, they might think yoga is incredibly dull without ever having given it a chance.
A negative perception of someone, no matter how much we love them, often stems from not understanding them properly.
How to solve this:
Instead of brushing off their interests as ‘lame’ or ‘boring,’ ask about them.
Try to find out why they love their hobbies so much, how they got into them, what it all involves.
You’ll probably find your partner instantly more attractive when they start talking about something passionately, even if you don’t really like the thing they’re talking about!
It’s just attractive and sexy to hear someone talk about something they’re interested in, and they’ll really appreciate you wanting to get involved in that area of their life.
Give their hobby a go before you criticize it, and you’ll start to understand why it means so much to them.
Maybe your boyfriend loves video games because it gives him time to chat to friends online. Maybe your girlfriend loves yoga because it’s a great workout, or a brilliant way to de-stress.
Once you see that side of their ‘boring’ interests, you might just be converted yourself – at the very least, you’ll start to see your partner in a more interesting light.
3. Things have changed over time.
When you first met your boyfriend or girlfriend, they might have been up for anything – a night out, a spontaneous city break, a one-way plane ticket.
Now, things feel very samey…
Nothing new ever happens, and you’re getting quite bored of what feels like a very ‘domesticated’ relationship.
There’s no real fun or excitement anymore, and you feel a bit trapped and restrained by the relationship.
You’re finding your boyfriend or girlfriend boring, and you’re not sure how much longer you can stick it out.
This isn’t the person you fell in love with, and you’re not sure if you want to commit to someone that is very different from when you first met them.
How to solve this:
Remember that it’s natural for people, and relationships, to change over time. This isn’t necessarily a negative thing!
You’ve probably changed in some ways, too, but just might not be aware of it.
Some relationships start off wild and exciting, and slowly that fades into ‘comfortable’ – for some of us, that feels like a red flag and we feel very bored and trapped.
Try to reframe this, and see ‘comfortable’ as a good thing! Most people long for a relationship where they’re comfortable and can be themselves.
They want to be able to come home after a long day to someone who loves them and who they can crash out on the sofa with! Seeing your relationship as comfortable is a good way to move forwards, so try to embrace it.
Remember that people do change over time too. Your partner might have mellowed out, but maybe that’s because they get way worse hangovers than they used to!
Maybe they’re trying to save money to buy a house with you, so don’t want to go on messy nights out anymore.
Maybe they’re more committed to their job now and want a promotion, so don’t want to take a 4-week holiday with you in case their boss views it badly.
As we mature, our opinions and actions shift accordingly, and you need to respect that and see things from their point of view.
What you can do is chat to them about it and agree to a few days a month where you do something fun together!
Schedule a date night where you go to a fancy bar, or book a weekend away every few months to go on a camping adventure or mini-break.
You’ll start to find a balance that works for you both if things are right, and you’ll realize that ‘comfortable’ is way better than ‘boring.’
4. They’re stuck in a rut.
Let’s say that you’ve tried all of the above solutions already and nothing seems to be working.
Your partner is in a bit of a funk and just doesn’t want to do anything anymore. Maybe they’ve stopped hanging out with their friends, or they tell you to go out without them – every time.
It can be hard when you want to spend time with your loved one, but you also don’t want to compromise every single time and sacrifice your own life.
You’ve got your own friends you want to hang out with, and you want to travel and see new places – but you also don’t want to break up with your partner just so that you can do that.
How to solve this:
You’re in a tricky position, so it’s natural to feel quite overwhelmed or confused.
Remember that wanting to have an exciting life and do your own thing does not make you a bad person. Some of us feel really guilty for wanting to do things without our partner, and it can put a huge strain on our relationships. Rather than feeling guilty, you need to talk to your partner about this.
There might be something going on that you’re not aware of – maybe they’re struggling with their mental health and just don’t have the capacity to socialize anymore.
They might be feeling very stressed about work, and it’s making them want to stay home and hibernate.
Maybe they’re having some money troubles and are trying to save instead of spend, meaning they’re avoiding going out for dinner or drinks.
There could be things going on that they’re not in control of, and you need to try to be understanding of this and respect their decisions.
You can still let them know that you want to spend time with them, and agree on how best to move forwards.
Maybe they get to enjoy alone time but come out for a few drinks (that you suggest paying for every so often!) with mutual friends.
Maybe you go out with your friends and tell them to invite their friends over to the house – that way, they don’t need to get dressed up or worry about spending money or running into someone they’re trying to avoid! They’re in control of what they do, and they’ll probably realize how much fun it is to be sociable again.
Whatever the reason is, try to be kind rather than just brandishing your partner as ‘boring’.
Their behavior could be down to a huge number of reasons, and the only way to find out is through honest communication.
Try to find compromises where you can, and be open to their ideas in the way you want them to be open to yours. If you really want things to get better, you’ll find a way…
Still not sure what to do about your boring girlfriend or boyfriend? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.
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