11 Reasons To Date Someone You’re Not Physically Attracted To

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You might feel like dating someone you’re not physically attracted to is a waste of time.

That couldn’t be further from the truth!

We live in such an appearance-focused society that we can easily forget about the value that lies beyond someone’s looks.

There are loads of reasons to get to know someone you might not be instantly attracted to, and they’re not all just about finding your perfect partner.

Take the time to get to know someone on a deeper level and see where things go…

1. You might really get on.

You might not find them incredibly physically attractive, but you might really enjoy getting to know them anyway.

If you have similar values and are interested in the same things, you’ll probably enjoy their company a lot more than just sitting and staring at someone and thinking about how attractive they are!

You might find that you’ve got a lot in common by just putting in the effort to chat to someone rather than rushing things and getting too attached to someone because of how they look.

If you’ve met or matched with them, there’s clearly something that attracted you to them – maybe their Tinder profile mentions a love of ceramics, which is something you’re looking for in a partner.

Focus on their personality and what you like about them, not just how they look, and you’ll get on really well.

2. Looks aren’t everything.

We live in such a visual world that we get really caught up on how people look.

We spend most of our time swiping on dating apps, making snap judgements based on people’s appearances, scrolling through Instagram making endless comparisons, and adding filters to our photos to make ourselves look ‘better.’

It’s hard to remember sometimes, but there really is more to being attractive than how someone looks!

The more open you are to getting to know someone, the more likely you are to find a genuine connection and someone who is a much better match for you long-term.

Physical attraction is great, but it can fizzle out pretty quickly when you get to know each other on a deeper level and find that there is nothing there.

You’re not shallow for wanting to be with someone really attractive, but, if you want to date someone long-term, go for a deeper connection and get to know someone even if you don’t find them physically attractive.

You might be pleasantly surprised…

3. You can be more yourself.

When we find someone very physically attractive, we become more self-conscious.

Compare yourself on a date with someone really hot to yourself hanging out with friends. You’re probably a lot more focused on how you come across when you fancy someone, because you want them to fancy you too!

This is normal, but it might mean that you’re not comfortable being yourself and might present a different version of yourself or go along with what you think they want you to be because you’re so keen to impress them.

By dating someone you’re not physically attracted to, you’re likely to feel a lot less pressure to ‘perform’ and you can just be yourself and chill.

This is key to any healthy, lasting relationship – it’ll mean that any connection between the two of you is genuine, and not a false version of yourself.

Less pressure is always good too! It can help you overcome any dating anxiety you might have.

4. It lets you get to know them.

When we’re really attracted to how someone looks, we can overlook their actual personality.

We get distracted by how much we want to kiss them, for example, and don’t pay enough attention to what they are actually saying or the personality traits they are demonstrating.

We’re also more likely to rush into something physical if we’re attracted to someone, which can really speed everything up – sometimes too much!

If you take the time to get to know someone that you’re not physically attracted to, you’ll be talking a lot more, having deeper conversations, and getting to know who they are behind their looks.

5. Your usual type doesn’t work anyway.

So, you might not instantly think they’re super hot, but, realistically, how many times has that ended well anyway?

A lot of us have a type, but, if we’re being honest with ourselves, our type isn’t always actually right for us.

You might always go for a ‘bad boy’ and then be hurt by them because they genuinely are ‘bad.’

Maybe your usual type is a wild girl who loves nights out, and you always get exhausted trying to keep up because you actually just love early nights!

It’s worth meeting other people and seeing how differently a relationship could be if you stop going for your usual type and branch out a bit.

6. You’ve got nothing to lose.

This one is pretty self-explanatory – you’re only really at risk of spending an evening with someone that doesn’t go that well.

And really bad dates are quite rare anyway – it’ll probably be enjoyable in some way.

If nothing else, it’s a story to share with your friends!

As long as you don’t lie or lead the other person on, you may as well hang out with them and get to know them more. You might be pleasantly surprised, after all!

7. You’ll learn something about yourself.

By spending time with someone you might not normally hang out with, you’ll be forced to have new conversations and think about different things.

You’ll probably chat about things that you wouldn’t normally chat about with your friendship group.

Maybe you’ll feel way less nervous than normal and can be more open about things you love that you might normally try to hide from a date you want to impress!

You might feel ‘too nerdy’ talking about your love of board games on a first date, but, if you’re hanging out with someone who you’re not desperate to impress, you might feel more comfortable opening up about things you’d normally keep to yourself.

You might learn more about yourself and the things you’re keen on when you have the opportunity to just talk freely and explore different subjects.

8. Attraction can grow.

Some things do take time to develop, so don’t feel disappointed if there aren’t any fireworks on the first date.

They might have been nervous and less confident than they normally are, so it’s worth giving them a second chance and seeing how another date goes.

You might end up finding their personality so attractive that the physical attraction blossoms over time.

If you enjoy spending time with them, they make you laugh, and you feel good when you’re with them, it’s worth holding out for the physical attraction to grow, as that kind of connection is pretty rare these days.

9. You might make a new friend.

You might get to know your date more and realize that the attraction just won’t happen.

This is completely fine and you shouldn’t feel any pressure to force it! It’s great to be open-minded, but it’s also fine to just call it a day and agree to be friends.

Like we’ve said, you decided to go on a date or talk to this person for a reason (like a common interest), and that’s a great reason to be friends.

As long as you’re both honest about how you feel and you’re not stringing the other person along, it’s a great outcome to come away with a new friend.

10. Love isn’t just physical.

Remember that love isn’t just about wanting to sleep with someone – that’s lust!

It’s easy to get confused by how your feelings should… feel.

Remember that not everyone is going to give you fireworks and make you want to jump on them, and that’s okay.

You can have really healthy relationships with people that you’re attracted to, even if their looks don’t quite match what you thought your dream partner would be like.

11. It helps you figure out what you don’t want.

Sometimes you need to experience something that doesn’t work for you in order to realize what you’re really looking for.

If you’re not attracted to someone and it doesn’t end in a relationship, you can still come away from it with more awareness of what does work for you and what kind of partner you’re looking for.


Dating someone you’re not physically attracted to can be a great way of learning more about yourself. And it gives you the chance to get to know people you might normally overlook.

You’ll probably have a fun time, even if it’s platonic and doesn’t go anywhere romantic.

If you come out of this with a friend, you’ve still gained something and you can look back on things fondly.

If you’re pleasantly surprised and end up falling for them? Even better.

Still not sure what to do about your attraction (or lack thereof) for someone? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.

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About Author

Lucy is a travel and wellness writer currently based in Gili Air, a tiny Indonesian island. After over a year of traveling, she’s settled in paradise and spends her days wandering around barefoot, practicing yoga and exploring new ways to work on her wellbeing.