Whether you’ve recently embarked on a new relationship or are trying to avoid the same mistakes you’ve made in the past, growing your confidence is important to a relationship’s success and, most importantly, your happiness.
Confidence comes from an internal self-appreciation, and until you love yourself, you won’t fully enjoy an equal and healthy relationship with someone else.
Finding a partner is about finding someone who brings out the best in you. You don’t need someone who ‘completes’ you because you are enough just as you are. Look for someone who makes you feel confident by the way they treat you.
Being submissive or feeling scared to voice your opinions in a relationship throws it off balance and can lead you to feeling unheard or disrespected. It will also damage your self-esteem.
Feeling confident in a relationship can be tough if it’s not your default position, so here are some tips on where to start.
Speak to a certified relationship counselor about this issue. Why? Because they have the training and experience to help you feel more confident in your relationship. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for practical advice that is tailored to your exact circumstances.
14 Ways To Be Confident In A Relationship
1. Consider your partner’s perspective.
If you need a confidence boost because you’re nervous about voicing your opinions to your partner, it can help to consider the different ways they could react to what you have to say. This way, you aren’t caught off guard.
By being prepared, you are less likely to get drawn into an argument or talked down by them, and more able to articulate your feelings.
By planning what you want to say and possible responses to your partner, you can stay clear-headed and confident in what you want to get across. You can avoid getting emotional and overwhelmed whilst showing that you’re still considering their perspective.
You’ll become more empathetic to their reactions and feelings by doing this, while finding confidence in being able to finally voice your own. This will help you both to reach a better understanding of each other.
2. Remember your self-worth.
You are utterly unique and that is something to celebrate. It’s easy to forget how amazing you are, either by comparing yourself to others or letting negative thoughts cloud your head.
If you’re struggling with self-confidence, this can have a huge impact on different parts of your life, but especially on your relationship.
Being uncomfortable in your own skin can affect how intimate you are with your partner and lower your confidence in being able to keep them interested in you. This can lead to insecurities and an unhealthy level of compromise on your part as you try to do anything to make your partner stay.
Getting in touch with your own feelings and where your lack of self-confidence stems from is the first step to overcoming it. Embracing your individuality is your greatest asset, so start seeing it as a positive rather than trying to be something you’re not.
You should be able to feel comfortable being yourself around your partner. If you ever feel as though you have to put on an act to make them stay or fit in with their expectations, then it isn’t worth it.
You won’t be truly happy in your relationship until you can be unapologetically YOU! Even if it means taking some time apart and being single so you can focus on yourself, it will help you find the right partner in the long run.
3. Be proactive and be yourself.
People who are assured of themselves and know what they want, whether at home or in the bedroom, are sexy.
Confidence is a huge turn on, so don’t be afraid to embrace it.
You can be just as attractive to someone in pj’s and with no makeup on as you are all glammed up with your hair perfectly done as long as you exude confidence and embrace who you are and what you look like.
It’s the same in the bedroom; if there’s something you want from your partner, don’t be afraid to ask for it. You don’t always have to let your partner be the one to initiate intimacy, and you might find out what a turn on it is for you both.
You will never feel fully confident and at ease if you keep holding yourself back. Stop trying to hide who you are because you think you’re pleasing your partner in doing so. Start letting them get to know the new sexy, confident you.
4. Dress how you want to feel.
When you’ve made an effort with your hair and makeup and put on a favorite outfit, your confidence soars. It can be hard to feel sexy and attractive when you’re lounging around in an old jumper. A little reminder of how good you feel when you make an effort can do wonders for your confidence.
Yes, it’s important to feel comfortable in yourself and your relationship no matter how you dress, and your partner should love you whatever you’re wearing. But when you need an extra boost, try dressing up a bit more to remind yourself how good you can feel.
Dressing for the occasion can help you have confidence at work, or in social situations that would normally leave you feeling anxious. In a relationship, dressing up for your partner, whether for dinner or in the bedroom, is an easy way to spark that attraction between you and remind you of the chemistry you share.
5. Don’t bottle up your feelings.
Although you might think you’re doing the right thing by not raising an issue to prevent an argument, this isn’t going to help you or your partner in the future.
Not expressing your feelings means they build up over time until something happens and everything comes out at once.
It might be something small that sets you off, but like a balloon, it doesn’t take much to make you pop when you’re already holding so much back.
Having the confidence to bring up small issues as they happen can save you and your partner much more hurt in the future. When you hold your feelings back and they all come out at once, it can be difficult for you to articulate where all your emotion is coming from and even harder for your partner to understand the real cause of the problem.
You may be nervous to do it, but bringing up little irritations as they happen will save your relationship in the long run, so you’ll be doing you and your partner a favor.
6. Be clear about what you want from your partner.
Relationships take constant work, and it’s normal to check in with your partner once in a while to see how you can make it even better for the both of you.
If you’re feeling awkward around your partner because they don’t give you everything you need, whether that be enough physical affection or communicating more regularly, then not talking about it will only make matters worse.
You’ll feel more confident in bringing these issues up with them if you have thought about what you need from them specifically.
Making sweeping statements like “I want you to be more affectionate” doesn’t give your partner a clear understanding of what they can do to make things better. Instead, it could trigger a defensive response and make them want to stop engaging in the conversation.
Give your partner actionable suggestions like, “I’d love for you to show me affection when we are out by holding my hand,” or, “it worries me when I don’t hear from you late at night, so could you let me know you’re home safe.”
You’ll feel more confident in what you’re asking of them if you know your request is reasonable and actionable, and they will be more likely to listen to what you have to say.
7. Don’t ignore your insecurities.
Most of us have insecurities to deal with, whether about ourselves or our relationship. Ignoring them won’t make them go away.
You might think you know each other inside out, but your partner can’t read your mind and might be oblivious to the ways they’re adding to your insecurities and causing you to lose confidence.
If you struggle with insecurities in your relationship, take the opportunity to calmly have a conversion about it with your partner and offer some solutions.
Don’t accuse them or intentionally start an argument, but try to think of easy ways that they can start helping build up your confidence again.
Admitting you have insecurities is the first step to overcoming them. By having a conversation with your partner and getting their support in tackling them, it can reaffirm your confidence in your relationship and its future.
8. Don’t smother your partner.
It might not be obvious to you at first that you lack confidence when it comes to your relationship.
You may not realize that your actions and emotions are coming from a place of insecurity until you take a good look at what you’re really feeling.
One of the ways you might realize you’re lacking some confidence in your partner is if you’re trying to control or smother them.
If you find yourself tracking them on social media or trying to check their messages, and causing arguments whenever they’re away from you with their friends, it might be that you’re worried about the strength of your relationship.
Trying to check up on them or keep them near in the fear that they’ll have a better time away from you or find someone else isn’t a solution to the problem.
The tighter you try to hold on to your partner, the more smothering you’ll become until they have to get away.
Realizing that this behavior comes from a place of insecurity is a crucial step in overcoming it and working toward a healthier relationship for both of you.
The more you force someone to be near, the quicker you’ll drive them away. Confidence comes hand in hand with trust, and without trust in your partner you’ll struggle to have a happy future with them.
9. Find out where you stand with your partner.
You want to avoid rushing into anything, but if you’ve been seeing someone for a while and feelings are developing, not knowing if you’re really ‘together’ can cause anxiety and harm your confidence.
It’s exhausting to keep checking on your feelings in case you come across too keen or clingy, and it’s distracting to keep wondering if someone feels the same way about you.
You’ll start questioning why they haven’t taken the next step to make it official or introduced you to family and friends. Your confidence will drop as you begin to question your self-worth.
Everyone always tries to avoid the first move in a relationship, but having the “where is this going?” talk doesn’t have to be a binding contract; it’s just a way of finding out if you’re on the same page.
You may not feel ready to label what you are yet, but by taking the leap to admit that you have feelings and seeing if they are on the same page, it could be what’s needed to rebuild a sense of confidence in your relationship and where it’s headed.
It’s a way of taking control of your life by initiating the conversation and deciding your own fate rather than leaving it in the hands of someone else.
10. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries.
No one wants to enter a relationship and start imposing rules on each other, but making your deal breakers clear from the start can help you to build a stronger foundation and trust in your relationship going forward.
By setting boundaries, you aren’t telling your partner what they can and can’t do; you’re just making it clear to them what would make you more comfortable in your relationship.
You might decide on the levels of communication you need from them to feel secure, making it clear that if they go AWOL after a night out, you won’t be okay with that. Your might want them to make time for dates on a regular basis, or avoid certain subjects or disrespectful language around each other.
You don’t have to impose these boundaries on your partner in a controlling way. Encourage them to discuss their own limits and reach a decision early on in your relationship so you know what elements to adopt going forward.
By sharing these things with your partner, it’s then up to you both to work on building the trust in the relationship by keeping within these boundaries and not letting each other down. You’ll find your confidence in them and your relationship grows as you build a sense of trust in their word.
11. Retain some independence.
As counterintuitive as it may sound, to feel more confident in your relationship, it can pay to step away from it now and again.
If you make your relationship your entire world, it becomes so significant that to lose it would be a huge blow to your life. And when it’s that important to you, it’s bound to cause you some anxiety.
By taking a step back and reclaiming your independence, you will start to see the place your relationship has in the wider context of your life. When you have friends, hobbies, and dreams to focus on, too, you relieve the pressure that’s currently on your relationship.
You can be more confident in your relationship by knowing that you can be happy without it. You’ll feel more relaxed about the long-term outcome of the relationship and this will show in the way you behave around and toward your partner.
12. Talk your confidence up.
The way you talk to yourself in your mind can have a huge impact on the way you think and feel about yourself. If you lack a little confidence when you’re with your partner, you can give yourself a boost beforehand.
You can think certain statements or even say them out loud. These statements might include:
“I am an equal partner in this relationship and should act like one.”
“My needs are as valid as theirs and I shouldn’t be afraid to voice them.”
“I am an attractive, interesting, kind person and my partner appreciates me.”
“My relationship is strong and my concerns to the contrary aren’t based on any valid evidence.”
“I can speak my mind and my partner will respond with respect.”
It’s all about building yourself up in your own mind so that you can then demonstrate a greater level of confidence during interactions with your partner. Try it and see how much easier it feels to be yourself and express yourself.
13. Recognize their displays of love and affection.
It’s easy to doubt yourself and your partner’s feelings for you if you dismiss or overlook every nice thing they do for you.
Perhaps they compliment you and you reject it in your mind because you don’t feel you deserve it. Or maybe they do nice things for you or buy you little treats that show that they care, and you question their motives.
The truth is, your partner wants you to feel happy and to like them just as much as you want them to like you. Perhaps they aren’t the best at expressing their feelings verbally and this damages your confidence, but the way they treat you shows how much they appreciate you and your relationship.
It’s all about recognizing how your partner shows and gives their love rather than expecting them to do precisely what you’d do in their shoes. They aren’t you and they might express themselves differently to you.
When you see and accept how much they care, you’ll instantly feel more confident in yourself, in your ability to speak up, and in the strength of your relationship.
14. Don’t cross the line between confidence and arrogance.
It’s a fine line between having confidence in yourself and appearing arrogant, and it’s important not to overstep that line.
Confidence in yourself and your relationship will enable you to bring the best out of both. Feeling confident should mean that you shine at your brightest and that you feel strong enough in your relationship that you don’t worry about it falling apart.
Arrogance is when you start to believe you’re better in some ways than other people. You can still be confident and humble, and real confidence in who you are and your relationship shouldn’t mean you feel the need to compare yourself to anyone else.
You don’t have to bring others down to lift yourself up. On the contrary, the better you feel in yourself and your relationship, the more positivity you’ll have to share to bring others up with you.
Being at your best and feeling confident in a relationship can be hard to achieve. It can sometimes be difficult to appear confident without appearing bossy. But you need to make sure your voice is heard while giving the same privilege to your partner.
Compromise is still a big part of any relationship, and finding those boundaries between getting what you want and bending just a little is something you will have to learn over time.
Just remember that confidence comes from within. It’s not about putting on a show or making other’s back down; it comes from a place of true love and respect for yourself.
Keeping your own happiness at the heart of all you do enables you to shine brighter and share more of your love and happiness with your partner. They’re in this relationship because they want to be with you, so don’t be scared to fully embrace who you are. If they are the right person for you, they’ll love you all the more for it.
Still not sure what to do to boost your confidence? If you have struggled with low confidence for a while and in past relationships too, it might pay to get expert help working on that rather than trying to go it alone, even with the tips in this article. So why not chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero who can help you put in place steps to build more confidence with regards to your relationship.
10 Signs Of Low Confidence In A Relationship
In case you were wondering whether you need to be more confident with regards to your love life, here are some ways that low confidence in a relationship can manifest.
If you see a lot of these in how you are in relationships, you’ll know that you need to follow the advice above to grow that confidence.
1. You need regular reassurance of your partner’s love.
You’re never quite sure how your partner feels about you, and so you regularly ask them to confirm their love for you. And when they do, you breathe a sigh of relief… for about 5 minutes until they do something that makes you question their feelings.
2. You apologize a lot, often for things which aren’t your fault.
When something goes wrong, you are the first one to assume the blame for it. You find yourself saying sorry to your partner a lot, even when you know that it wasn’t really your fault.
3. You are clingy.
To make up for your lack of confidence in yourself and when in a relationship, you tend to stick close by your partner as much as possible. You tell yourself that if you know what they’re up to, you’ll feel less insecure about your relationship.
4. You lack trust in your partner.
In the back of your mind is the nagging feeling that, at any minute, your partner will do something that breaks your trust. They may have done nothing to earn this doubt, but it affects how you are around them and how you feel about the relationship.
5. You try too hard to be what you think they want you to be.
You think that if you turn yourself into their ideal man or woman, your partner will love you more and your relationship will be happier for it. So you change things about your appearance or the way you behave to live up to this dream figure you think your partner wants you to be.
6. You analyze everything they say.
You believe that you can discover your partner’s true thoughts and feelings about you from what they say. So you analyze every little comment that leaves their mouth to look for clues.
7. You bite your tongue rather than risk an argument.
You worry about the state of your relationship and you doubt your ability to hold your own in an argument with your partner, meaning you refuse to express how you truly feel. You think that as long as you keep the peace, your relationship will be okay.
8. You take on more of the shared work.
Whatever things need doing, you do more of them. Your partner may not have asked you to, but you want to please them and show how good a partner you are. So you do more household chores and more of the organization when it comes to things like dates (though they might make the final decisions).
9. You only ever state your wishes with a caveat.
If you manage to build up the nerve to say what you’d like in some situation or another, you always tag on a caveat at the end. It’s much like, “I think it’d be nice to go for a walk down by the lake this afternoon, unless you don’t want to, of course.”
10. You’re oversensitive to your partner’s words and actions.
If your partner makes even the slightest critical statement, it cuts you to the bone. If they prioritize meeting up with their friends over you – even if it’s only once and they haven’t seen these friends in ages – you take it as a slight and a message that your relationship isn’t enough for them.
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