You would love to hear someone say that you’re beautiful, charming, funny, hardworking, and intelligent…
…but you don’t hear it from the one person that it would mean the most from – your boyfriend.
Why is it so hard for him to say nice things about you?
Is it because he doesn’t have anything nice to say about you? Well, probably not. Since he is in a relationship with you, there are surely many things he likes about you.
“Then why doesn’t he mention them?!”
There are several possible reasons why your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you, so keep reading to find out!
And after you discover the reasons, you are going to learn what you can do to approach this problem and hopefully get your boyfriend to occasionally compliment you.
8 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Compliment You
When you say that your boyfriend never compliments you, do you mean that he’s never once given you a compliment, or that he doesn’t compliment you anymore?
Either way, the problem might not be as alarming as you think. Read the following reasons carefully to determine what is preventing him from saying the things you’d like to hear him say.
1. He doesn’t know how to compliment you, or isn’t comfortable doing so.
Whether giving them or receiving them, some people are just not comfortable with compliments.
If your boyfriend has never complimented you and you haven’t noticed him complimenting anyone else, maybe he’s just not that great at complimenting people. This is especially true if he doesn’t know how to take compliments himself.
Maybe he’s not that great at expressing himself verbally, or he’s simply shy. Would you say that about him?
Does he show you love in other ways and generally make you feel good about yourself? If so, you shouldn’t be too worried about the lack of compliments. Some people simply feel awkward saying them, and you can help your boyfriend if this is the problem in your case. We’ll explain how later on.
2. He expresses his love in other ways.
People express their love differently. While some use their words, others use physical touch, gifts, their time, or acts of service. These are the five love languages, and understanding the love language your boyfriend uses can help you deal with the problem you face.
So, maybe your boyfriend never compliments you, but does he always make time for you, lend you a helping hand when you need it, surprise you with gifts, or show his love through physical touch?
If so, he might simply speak a different love language than words of affirmation, and that’s okay. Your love language is the way you prefer to show and receive love. Does your boyfriend like to receive compliments, or would he prefer that you show him love in some other way?
When you’re with a man who skimps on the compliments, the important thing to ask yourself is whether he shows you love in other ways or not. If he does, you probably have nothing to worry about. If he doesn’t, the lack of affection in general is a much bigger problem than the lack of compliments.
3. He takes you for granted.
Maybe your boyfriend used to compliment you when you first started seeing each other, but now that you’ve been together for some time, he rarely compliments you anymore.
He might feel like he doesn’t have to put any effort into winning your heart now that he has already won it. He may be thinking that there’s no way you would ever leave him. Maybe he doesn’t appreciate you enough to give you compliments, and this reflects in how he treats you.
On the other hand, maybe he has simply gotten too comfortable in the relationship and doesn’t realize that he needs to continue making the effort. Let him know that he’s making you feel insecure or unwanted by not complimenting you, and you might be pleasantly surprised with his reaction.
Your boyfriend might not be aware of how he has been making you feel and that the simple act of giving you compliments could make you feel more secure in the relationship, and more importantly, loved.
4. He is overly critical and aware of your flaws.
When people fall in love with each other, they tend to think that their partner is perfect or that they could love everything that’s imperfect about them. As they spend time together and learn more about each other, they start noticing flaws that they weren’t aware of before.
This is perfectly normal.
But sometimes a person can become too focused of your flaws, in a way that overshadows your good qualities.
Simply put, perhaps he is not as into you as he initially thought now that he can see your flaws (or what he sees as flaws) as well as all your good points.
If your partner is overly critical and can’t see your good qualities, your relationship is in trouble. If he used to compliment you, maybe he started noticing something about you that he doesn’t like, and it’s making him unsure about the relationship.
But really, this is about him, not you. Someone else wouldn’t mind that you leave your clothes on the floor or kiss them after eating a salad with garlic, but little things like these might be upsetting your boyfriend to the point that he doesn’t feel like complimenting you.
5. He doesn’t compliment anyone, or his standards are too high.
The big question is: does your boyfriend ever compliment anyone?
Maybe he gives compliments so rarely that it’s not even worth mentioning. If your boyfriend never dishes out a kind word to anyone, maybe he’s uncomfortable doing so.
Or maybe his standards are simply too high. Maybe he expects more from you than you could possibly live up to, and he doesn’t understand that you’re doing your best.
If your boyfriend occasionally compliments others, consider what it is that he considers worthy of such praise. Maybe he only compliments people who have achieved a lot in their careers or people in high-end formal clothes.
Of course, perhaps your boyfriend doesn’t expect you to reach some unrealistic standards, but he doesn’t realize how much those sorts of nice words mean to you. You just want him to let you know when he thinks nice things about you, so try to explain that to him.
6. He doesn’t care about you or wants to break up.
Unfortunately, if your boyfriend holds back the compliments, it could be because he simply doesn’t care about you enough or wants to end the relationship.
However, don’t assume this is the case just because of a lack of compliments. What’s your relationship like in general, and how does your boyfriend make you feel?
If you’re not happy in your relationship and your boyfriend makes you feel bad about yourself, he’ll be doing you a favor if he ends the relationship. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t care about you, as this lack of care will reflect in everything he does.
Ultimately, if your boyfriend doesn’t treat you well, you should think about ending the relationship, even if he isn’t thinking the same. He might simply be a jerk. If everything else he’s doing (and not doing) is screaming the same answer, realize that you’re with the wrong person and walk away.
7. He thinks complimenting you isn’t important.
Some people just don’t understand the need for compliments. Perhaps they like themselves enough and don’t need the self-esteem boost you might get when you receive them.
Or maybe they see them as insincere most of the time, and so don’t want to say kind things about you for fear of coming off as fake.
If he grew up in a household where compliments were rarely spoken, he might not understand the role they play in relationships of all kinds.
Whatever the case, he might not realize that you need to hear compliments in order to feel loved and appreciated as his partner.
8. He doesn’t know how to express himself.
How good is your boyfriend with words? If he is an otherwise loving partner, but he’s not great at expressing himself or his feelings, you might have to accept that fact if nothing else works.
Maybe he’s the “strong silent type” and not much of a sweet talker. If his difficulty with expressing himself is the only thing that’s bothering you about him, you might have to learn to accept that and love him anyway.
It’s often hard for a person to change fundamental aspects of who they are. Hard, but not impossible, particularly with the right help and support. If he struggles to express his feelings in general, he may require some therapy to get to the bottom of that and discover ways to slowly show and say those feelings more openly.
8 Things You Can Do If Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Compliment You
So, you like to be complimented now and again, but for whatever reason, your boyfriend doesn’t oblige. What can you do about it?
1. Consider whether he has ever complimented you before.
Did your boyfriend compliment you when you first started dating but rarely does anymore? As mentioned, this often happens when people get too comfortable in the relationship, and/or start taking their partner for granted.
In addition, some people assume that compliments are reserved for seduction and don’t have an important role in a committed relationship. They do, and you should help your boyfriend understand that.
He is the one who should be most aware of your good qualities, and he should occasionally mention them to make you feel special, happy, and loved.
It’s as simple as that, but your boyfriend might not think about that now that you’re in a serious relationship. Remind him and let him know that he shouldn’t stop seducing you just because you are already in his life.
2. Think about the compliments you’ve been expecting and the ones you may be getting.
Maybe your boyfriend does actually compliment you, just not in the way you expect him to.
Instead of telling you that you look beautiful when you wear a new dress, he tells you that he has never tasted anything better when you prepare him a meal.
Maybe he never tells you that you’re funny, but he laughs at all your jokes.
Perhaps instead of complimenting you on your promotion, he brags to his friends about how hardworking you are.
Maybe he doesn’t say that you’re intelligent, but he threw you a graduation party when you finished college.
Whatever it may be, think about the types of compliments you’d like to hear and the ones you may be getting. You might be expecting to hear similar things to what your friends and family say about you, but your boyfriend compliments you in a different way.
In addition, he might not be saying certain things like “you look beautiful” simply because he assumes that they’re understood.
3. Think about the other ways he expresses his feelings for you.
You already learned about the five love languages, so think about all the ways that your boyfriend shows his love for you.
To determine this, it will help to look at the way he likes to receive love. What makes him feel most loved? Maybe words of affirmation don’t mean much to him, but he thinks that your undivided attention during quality time together is the biggest sign of love.
Or maybe appropriate physical touch is the best way to express feelings in his opinion. Perhaps he likes gifts or when someone does things for him.
Identify which of these love languages best describes his preferred way of expressing love.
If the only problem in your relationship is that you have different love languages it won’t be too difficult a thing to solve! Simply accepting that your partner speaks a different love language than you can help you better understand each other and grow your love in ways that work best for the both of you.
4. Check whether he compliments other people.
Does your boyfriend give compliments to anyone? If so, what are those compliments? If he can compliment others, just not you, then you have to ask yourself why.
Perhaps he thinks compliments are a means to an end. This is especially true if he compliments people only when he wants something from them or to earn brownie points for something he might want later.
Whatever it may be, figuring out when, if ever, he gives compliments to others can help you find out why he’s not complimenting you.
Maybe he rarely compliments anyone, and you can help him become more comfortable with giving compliments and understanding their importance in a relationship
You will have to talk to him about it eventually anyway, but there’s something you can try even before confronting him…
5. Give him compliments.
How does your boyfriend feel about receiving compliments? Some people hate receiving compliments so much that they don’t like to give them. Others simply don’t care about either giving them or receiving them.
Whatever reason your boyfriend has for not giving you compliments, you can initiate things by giving him compliments first. Men need compliments too, even those who don’t like to receive them, so start complimenting your boyfriend on things you like about him to remind him of how good it can feel.
If he feels uncomfortable now, maybe he’ll get used to it. Or, at the very least, he might get the picture that you would like to receive compliments from him.
Don’t only compliment him on his physical appearance, but mention things you like about his personality too.
6. Talk to him about it.
When something in the relationship is bothering you, it’s best to simply get it all out in the open.
Let your boyfriend know that you’d like him to compliment you from time to time. When he thinks something nice about you, he should be able to say it, and he should certainly think nice things about you… unless your relationship is already in major trouble.
If you are otherwise happy in your relationship and can effectively communicate your needs and wants, introducing more compliments into your relationship shouldn’t be an issue.
Perhaps you don’t think you should have to coach him on how to treat you, but if your boyfriend is an otherwise good partner and you want him to start complimenting you, you might have to start by pointing out how and when you want to be complimented.
If you have other relationship problems, you can try talking to a therapist if you’re both willing to give it a go.
But what if your boyfriend doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore? If so, it’s probably not news to you. And if confronting him about his lack of compliments is what it takes to get all those other problems out in the open, you have nothing to fear. You might just have to accept that you are not right for each other.
7. Consider whether there’s a bigger problem in your relationship.
When a man doesn’t compliment his partner, there might be something else going on that’s much more alarming. Maybe he doesn’t feel like you’re right for each other. So, don’t focus only on the lack of compliments, and think about your entire relationship and his behavior toward you.
Are there other signs that he doesn’t care about you? Does he seem distant and not interested in your relationship? Do you feel like you’re putting way more effort into making it work than he is? Does he constantly criticize you?
If you’re not happy in the relationship, compliments aren’t going to change that. Don’t focus on making your man give you more compliments if there are bigger issues at play.
8. Consider whether your boyfriend makes you feel bad about yourself.
A boyfriend who never gives you compliments might be doing something else instead. If he makes you feel stupid, bad about yourself, and like you’re not good enough for him, don’t keep trying to become “good enough.”
A man that’s making you feel miserable instead of loved isn’t the right man for you. It’s as simple as that.
Don’t let him damage your self-esteem. Walk away from him if he doesn’t see what’s great about you.
If he constantly points out your flaws and shortcomings instead of your good qualities, he might not be aware of those good qualities in the first place. And to someone else, those good qualities will be all they’ll see.
So, if your boyfriend makes you feel bad about yourself instead of complimenting you, realize that you deserve better than that and that you are “good enough” – too good, in fact, for someone who doesn’t truly care about you.
What if your boyfriend loves you instead? If you have read everything in this article, you should by now have a good idea why your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you and how you can approach and solve that problem.
Whatever the exact problem may be in your situation, talking to a therapist can always help, and if your boyfriend is willing to seek help too, nothing will stop you from having the kind of relationship you want to have.
Relationships require effort, and you don’t stop winning each other’s hearts just because you’re already in a committed relationship. You constantly work on it, and keep the spark alive in little ways such as complimenting each other.
You deserve to feel good about yourself and have your partner help you with that by reminding you what they like about you. Your boyfriend will need to start paying more attention to you and investing in the relationship if it’s going to work, so use this article to help him understand that.
Still not sure what to do when your boyfriend neglects to compliment you? If it’s important to you to hear nice things from him, you need to find a way to make that happen. Speaking to an experience relationship counselor together should help that process. So why not chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.
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- Why Your Boyfriend Isn’t Romantic And What To Do About It