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10 Signs Of An Emotionally Unavailable Man + How To Deal With One

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So, you’re dating a man you really like, or maybe you’re already in a relationship with him, but you’ve noticed a problem with the way things are going.

It might be that you’ve been feeling neglected lately, as though everyone else comes first for him before you. Perhaps you find him dismissive when you’re trying to talk about serious subjects, particularly when you try to bring up anything to do with your relationship.

If this sounds familiar, then it may be because you’ve chosen to couple up with an emotionally unavailable man.

Being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally closed off is difficult for all concerned. Their lack of apparent interest in your relationship and empathy for how you feel can make you feel frustrated, ignored, and insecure about your own needs. While your need for more emotional input can make him feel uncomfortable and want to avoid committing to you.

It is possible to have a happy relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable (right now, at least), but it will take a lot of time and patience from both of you.

Each of you will have to make compromises and face some uncomfortable situations if you want to progress to anything more than you are now. You won’t go anywhere if you aren’t both equally willing to make the changes that are needed to make this relationship a success.

If you aren’t sure whether or not your man is emotionally unavailable, keep reading to learn how to spot the signs, what to do about it, and how to know if it’s best to stick around or walk away.

What does it mean to be emotionally unavailable?

So what does it actually mean when we say a man is emotionally unavailable?

Everyone is different, but generally, someone who is emotionally unavailable finds it difficult to express their own emotions or empathize with those of others.

This could be a personal choice that has become a habit, where they’ve gotten used to avoiding stressful or drama-filled situations that cause them anxiety by not getting themselves involved at all. In doing this so many times over the years, avoiding emotional interactions has become second nature to them, to the point where they don’t connect with their own emotions any more either.

It could also be a subconscious behavior that’s stemmed from some past hurt or trauma, resulting in them unintentionally repressing their emotions and shutting down when they are faced with them.

As for an emotionally unavailable man in a relationship, he won’t want to show emotional weakness or vulnerability around you or be swept up in your emotional outbursts.

He’ll be distant, non-committal, and will generally avoid engaging on personal topics, but this is simply because he has no want or need of any more emotion in his life – or so he thinks.

The question you need to ask is: why is he like this and is he willing to change? If he remains the way he is, your relationship has little to no hope of moving forward.

If you’re worried about the man in your life or keep falling into the same pattern of meeting men where nothing goes anywhere, see below for those early signs that your man is emotionally unavailable so you can do something about it fast.

10 Signs Of An Emotionally Unavailable Man

1. You’re not his priority.

A common feeling to experience if you’re in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man is that of neglect. The feeling as though everybody else comes first for him above spending time with you.

This is because, in an effort to avoid becoming attached to you and face any difficult emotional situations, he finds it easier to keep you at arms length.

He’ll make excuses that prevent him from being available, either bailing on your plans or being busy with friends or work. The important thing to remember is that this is less to do with you than it is to do with his issues.

This behavior has been built as a defense mechanism to avoid getting too close to someone. He’s gotten used to putting himself first and not considering how it makes anyone else feel, especially someone in a relationship with him. It’s a bad habit and will take time and patience to change.

2. You don’t know where you stand with him.

Still waiting for him to bring up that ‘what are we’ chat? Or does he seem to dodge the question every time you ask?

A classic sign of an emotionally unavailable man is his reluctance to commit.

Commitment is the door to a world of deeper emotions and shared feelings – two things that this man would prefer to avoid if he can help it.

This can make it difficult if you are looking to take the relationship further. Whether you’ve been casually dating for some time and want to make it official or are looking for a deeper commitment in your relationship and need some reassurance from him, it might seem like you’re pulling teeth.

It’s natural to want to have a conversation to check that you’re on the same page, and to avoid getting your own feelings hurt. But with an emotionally unavailable man, it can become nearly impossible to pin them down.

3. You feel as though he dismisses your feelings.

If you find yourself being called ‘over-sensitive’ or ‘dramatic’ whenever you try to express yourself, it could be because your man is emotionally unavailable himself.

For someone who doesn’t like to engage with their emotions, when they see them in someone else, they find it uncomfortable to be around.

By dismissing your feelings and making you think your emotions aren’t valid, he is trying to control you and avoid engaging with how you feel because he doesn’t know how to handle it.

What may be the smallest display of emotion to you will feel too much for him to deal with as he is less tolerant of any type of emotional expression than most men. Because of this, you could regularly go feeling unheard or that your feelings are dismissed.

It’s not necessarily that he doesn’t want to hear what you have to say; for him it’s just easier to avoid the conversation because he doesn’t know how to process it.

4. He can never see your point of view.

If someone struggles to process their own emotions, chances are they are even less likely to understand those of their partner.

If a man is emotionally unavailable, he may struggle to empathize with how you feel. And if you have differing points of view, he may be reluctant to try to understand.

Empathy and a willingness to listen to your partner are a huge part in overcoming conflict in a relationship. If you feel as though your partner finds it difficult or even avoids trying to understand your point of view, then they are likely emotionally unavailable themselves.

We may not always completely agree with or understand our partner, and still disagree with where they are coming from in an argument, but there has to be a willingness to at least agree to disagree and respect their feelings.

If a man is emotionally unavailable, their point of view will be all consuming and non-negotiable as they actively avoid trying to engage with anything else.

5. He avoids conflict.

It’s one of the most obvious traits of a man who is emotionally unavailable. If he doesn’t like dealing with emotions, he’ll avoid emotional situations at all costs – not least conflict in your relationship.

It could be that he agrees too quickly and won’t rise to a debate, or that he loses his temper instantly.

Either way, before an argument even gets going, he’ll have one foot out the door if he can, or he’ll be looking for a way to shut the conversation down entirely.

6. He can’t resolve an argument.

If you do get a rise out of you man and the situation begins to escalate into an argument, you’ll find that he really can’t cope.

You’ll know if he’s emotionally unavailable by the fact that his response to conflict is to either get a temper out of nowhere or to go AWOL with no word on where he’s going or for how long. 

With someone who represses their emotions, when they do eventually let them out, it releases a build up of tension they’ve been keeping inside that they don’t know how to handle. This can result in them either running away from the situation or having a much bigger and stronger reaction than you would have expected.

Losing his temper in response to an argument is more to do with him than it is to do with whatever the argument is about. Anger might be his most common reaction to emotional situations because of his frustration at not being able to process how he is feeling and his discomfort at being faced with your challenging point of view.

You may not think that a situation warrants the over-the-top response he gives it, or feel abandoned when he disappears without resolving the argument. But his anger or need to escape comes from a place of fear that he’s losing control and his inability to work out how best to resolve the situation.

It’s easier to shout you down or run and hide than it is for him to take the time to find the middle ground between you.

7. He gets defensive.

If you find that he becomes unreasonably defensive whenever you try to discuss a disagreement or misunderstanding, it may be another sign that he’s emotionally unavailable.

Discussing emotions makes men with emotional issues uncomfortable and they’ll want to escape from the situation as soon as possible. If they are less in touch with their own feelings, any suggestion from you that they could be in the wrong will come across as a criticism as they’ll be unable to comprehend how your point of view relates to them.

This also goes for any time you try to get to the bottom of why they appear so closed off. If you attempt to get them to talk about how they feel or share some semblance of emotion with you, their first reaction will probably be a defensive one, trying to stop the conversation going anywhere before it’s even started.

8. His body language is closed off.

Body language signals how we’re feeling before we even know it ourselves. We all know the telltale signs of someone who is not interested in engaging: the crossed arms and the nervous disposition.

If a man is emotionally unavailable, you’ll be more likely to tell how they’re feeling through their body language than by what they say. Whenever you become emotional, see if he’s there to give you a hug and comfort you, or whether he appears more awkward and uncomfortable rather than reassuring and supportive.

In any emotional situation or conversation where you’re trying to get more feeling out of him, watch how he reacts. If he’s emotionally unavailable, chances are he’ll be reluctant to meet your eye, closed off with physical distance between the two of you, and most likely halfway out the door.

9. You’re the only one who puts the effort into your relationship.

Do you feel as though you put more into the relationship than you’re getting out? That any little gesture of affection is coming from you rather than him?

It could be that you make their favorite dinner or pick up a gift for them on your way home. Maybe you’re always the one planning dates or little surprises to make him happy. It could be as simple as doing more around the house so he doesn’t have to.

There’s a number of reasons why you could be feeling as though you’re the only one making these gestures and that your actions are going unappreciated or unnoticed. One reason could be that you’ve found yourself doing them for an emotionally unavailable man who is unable to comprehend displays of affection through acts of love.

If this is the case, rather than showing he cares, this man is doing everything he can to avoid showing he’s committed or has developed a deeper emotional bond with you. If anyone is going to have to put the work into this relationship, it’s going to be you.

10. He’s a closed book.

In any situation that you’d expect an emotional response, you can expect this man to underwhelm you.

Don’t wait for tears of joy or gratitude over the birthday surprise you’ve arranged for him or much of an acknowledgement over the date night dinner you’ve cooked. Even walking out in lingerie as a nighttime surprise might just get the smallest recognition.

When you try to connect with him on a deeper level – about his family, his childhood, or even past relationships – you’re unlikely to get more than the most basic of information out of him.

This goes for anything you share with him too. He’s not the type of man to be the first to apologize after an argument and will uncomfortably move away if you start blubbering at a movie.

It can be hard to know how much this man really likes you, especially in the early stages of dating. His tendency to be non-committal means that he’s not the sort to offer up unpremeditated compliments or be physically affectionate, especially in public.

He’s a closed book when it comes to sharing his feelings or even showing them, and it will be a struggle to ever really know what’s going on in his head.

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7 Reasons A Man Might Be Emotionally Unavailable

1. Self-preservation.

Opening up to someone and expressing your emotions can make you feel incredibly vulnerable. Admitting to your feelings gives you nowhere to hide, and it takes a huge amount of trust in a partner that they won’t judge you or betray your honesty in some way.

If you’ve reached the point in your relationship where you’ve been this open and trusting with each other, if something goes wrong and it ends, it can be harder to take. The emotional attachment you’ve formed together can be more difficult to move on from, and it takes time to build up your trust and confidence in anyone else.

For some, the possibility of being hurt, judged, or laughed at for their feelings makes them want to avoid opening up to a partner all together – this is where you find your emotionally unavailable man.

Self-preservation motivates them to keep a distance between you and them so that there is no risk of them being hurt by you.

By not connecting with you on an emotional level, everything stays within their control and they avoid passing any influence over their emotions to you. In their eyes, it’s self-preservation in case something goes wrong, but they could be missing out on a relationship that is everything they’re looking for.

2. He’s been through a painful breakup.

Self-preservation in the form of your partner being emotionally shut off can stem from a number of reasons, but one of the most obvious is from being hurt in a past relationship.

Your man may not have always been so adverse to opening up and sharing his emotions, but it only takes one person to break that trust for this to change.

Breakups, especially messy breakups, can be incredibly hard to get over. You go from being the closest you are to anyone and giving them your absolute trust, to becoming strangers overnight. Sometimes, the hurt this causes can be too difficult to fully recover from and go on to affect future relationships.

Out of fear of going through the same hurt again, your man might think that the best thing to do is to not get emotionally involved at all, and to deflect any effort you make at closeness. 

Just because he isn’t ready to be emotionally vulnerable with anyone else just yet, doesn’t mean that he’s never going to be, so give it time.

3. Childhood trauma.

We are products of the homes we grow up in, whether we’ve been heavily influenced to become like those who raised us, or style ourselves in a purposefully opposite way.

If a man has grown up in a disruptive household, witnessing heightened emotions as a child, it could be that he now associates any outward display of emotion with negativity. By suppressing his memories, he is also repressing his ability to emotionally engage at all.

It may be that he doesn’t yet realize the effect that these childhood memories have had on him, and as a first step, counseling could be a good option for him to work through some of this past trauma and benefit his current emotional capacity.

4. He sees emotion as a ‘weakness.’

Although we may try to promote a better and more realistic expectation for men to feel free to show and share their emotions, there is still the stereotype that girls are the emotional ones and boys are not.

A boy who shows emotion might be told to ‘stop acting like a girl’ as if this was a negative thing. We throw around terms such as ‘man up’ or ‘be a man about it’ when it comes to emotional situations, all reinforcing the idea that showing your emotions or engaging with them is somehow weak and ‘un-manly.’

Your man may have grown up in a place where terms like this were used often, or maybe there was a time in his childhood when he was embarrassed or bullied that has stuck in his mind. Without intentionally doing so, he has associated a show of emotion with weakness and an ‘anti-maleness’ that would diminish his status as a man.

He might know better than to be caught up in this way of thinking, but as a learned behavior, this view can be hard to shake. For the moment, it might be causing him to be emotionally unavailable around you.

5. He’s lost someone close to him.

Big life events such as losing someone close can have long-lasting effects on our state of mind.

Losing a friend or family member is difficult for anyone to process and gives rise to a whole range of emotions. If this has happened to your man, it could be that the emotions at the time were too raw and hard to face, causing him to shut himself off from them completely and become emotionally unavailable.

At the risk of opening the gates to a whole lot of repressed emotion he’s been keeping locked away, he might find it easier to avoid thinking or speaking about any emotional situation at all.

Until he’s ready to come to terms with his loss and move forward by facing all the emotions it’s left him with, he’ll struggle to be emotionally available with you or anyone else.

6. He’s a control freak.

Some people just need to be in control, and when they’re not, it can make them feel anxious or lost. They might seem highly strung to some or a perfectionist in all they do, but these are all signs of an inner need to control the situation around them.

This isn’t necessarily something negative, but people with this personality trait might find it harder to be emotionally available. If a man has this need for control over his image and life, he is much less likely to willingly be vulnerable with his emotions around another person.

Emotions are messy, they can get out of control and you don’t always know the perfect way to express yourself. By allowing other people to see your emotions, you’re allowing them to see the imperfect, unedited side to you that can’t always be perfectly portrayed.

Engaging emotionally with a partner and putting all of your cards on the table is a way of completely handing over control to someone else. His feelings are in your hands and the moment he opens up to you, it gives you the power to lift him up or tear him down – a terrifying concept for someone who feels safer when they are in control.

7. He’s gotten used to being single.

Emotionally unavailable men can come across as self-centered, seeming to always put themselves first and to not think about the feelings of anyone else.

If this is the case with your man, consider how long he’s been out of a relationship for. If you are with someone who has either never been in a serious relationship or has been single for a long period of time, it might be that he’s forgotten how to properly interact with a partner.

After so long of only having to put his own needs first, it might not come naturally to involve you in what he’s thinking or show an interest in what you like and how you feel in the way you’d expect him to.  

Relationships aren’t easy and there’s a lot to be learned in order to have a successful one – most importantly how to effectively communicate your feelings with each other.

If a man hasn’t had to think about or share his emotions up to this point, you might start to think he’s emotionally unavailable just because of how out of practice he is at being with a partner.

It will take an adjustment to go from a self-centered bachelor to a caring boyfriend. Getting back in touch with your emotions, and more importantly, thinking about how someone else feels first, will be a learning process for him if this is a new or forgotten concept.

He might never have been in a relationship where he has felt connected enough to a person to see the need to get to know each other on a deeper emotional level. Time, communication, and patience are what will see this type of man turn into the boyfriend of your dreams. Just be prepared to put in the work.

10 Tips For Dealing With An Emotionally Unavailable Man

1. Recognize the signs.

It sounds obvious, but one of the most important things you need to do when dealing with an emotionally unavailable man is to recognize that he is one.

Noticing the character traits of someone who is emotionally unavailable is the first step in finding ways to work through this in your relationship. You can’t overcome an issue if you don’t know there’s a problem, and it’s unlikely that your man will be able to recognize that he is emotionally unavailable himself.

Take note of the signs, if they dodge conversations about commitment, if they’re awkward around you when you’re emotional, if they’re distant and you can’t get hold of them. Recognizing the problem is halfway toward reaching a solution.

2. Be sensitive.

As frustrating as your partner’s lack of emotional engagement might be, try to be sensitive to what could have made him this way.

We already know that there can be any number of reasons why a person is emotionally unavailable, many of which could have been out of your man’s control.

He could have been actively discouraged from showing his emotions growing up, or had difficult past experiences that have caused him to shut himself off. These behaviors are deep-rooted and can be hard to unlearn.

Alternatively, something upsetting in his past may have been a catalyst to his emotional avoidance. He could still be trying to come to terms with his emotions over something, and attacking him about his behavior will only push him further away and make it harder to build trust between you.

You may not know the reason behind his lack of emotional availability, but keep in mind that it could stem from something he’s not ready to face and be painful for him to revisit.

Be sensitive, and if you feel out of your depth, suggest he tries counseling or talking to someone to move past whatever is holding him back.

3. Have patience.

Above all else, what you need to deal with an emotionally unavailable man is a lot of patience.

He will frustrate you with his inability to emotionally connect, and it can be difficult to see how your relationship can move forward because of this.

If you really want to make things work between you, then you’re going to have to appreciate that his behavior will not change overnight. When he’s this opposed to sharing and engaging with emotions, his behavior will take time to unpick, and progress will be made in baby steps, not giant leaps.

You’ll have to learn how best to speak to him and get his attention without him switching off from serious conversations. Try not to take it personally if he’s non-committal at first and refuses to share intimate details about himself in the same way you’re willing to.

It will take a lot of effort from both sides to keep the relationship positive and balanced, so be prepared to work for it and give it time if this relationship is something you want.

4. Don’t question your own emotions.

When someone is emotionally unavailable, their response to your emotions might be to call them over the top or invalid. Their inability to connect with you and their obvious disinterest can end up making any thoughts and feelings you share sound small and unimportant.

Whatever you are feeling is valid, even if your man doesn’t understand it. His inability to understand your emotions is his issue, not yours.

Don’t let his emotional unavailability start making you question your own willingness to share and connect with people. Just being in a relationship with a man like this can itself be emotional and difficult to manage!

If he can’t be there to give you the emotional understanding and interaction you need, make sure you have a friend, family member, or even therapist, who you can share your feelings with.

Don’t allow yourself to be diminished because of someone else’s lack of understanding, and make sure you have the support network around you to remind you of that if things get tough.

5. Recognize if he’s willing to change.

One of the most important steps if you genuinely want to have a relationship with this man is to work out if they are willing to work on reconnecting with their emotions.

For them to want to work on themselves, they have to first recognize that there is a problem with their behavior. You can tell them that there is, but unless they fully believe it, they won’t see that there is anything wrong with how they are.

If your man doesn’t see a problem with his lack of emotional connection, then you’re fighting a losing battle. People only change if they want to, and it’s better that you find someone who gives you what you need in a relationship rather than trying to change this man into something he’s not.

6. Try couples counseling.

We aren’t trained to deal with bumps in our relationship, and can often handle them badly. But there are people out there who can offer professional help.

Miscommunication is the most common root of problems in a relationship, and when two people both have strong, opposing viewpoints, it can be difficult to get through to each other.

By talking to an impartial third party, your man might feel safer in expressing some of what he feels. A counselor might at least recognize some of the behavior typical of an emotionally unavailable man in your partner and suggest ways to help build more trust and openness between you.

It’s okay to ask for help. It shows a willingness to make your relationship a success. You don’t have to struggle through difficult times alone, and a counselor’s training could give you the practical steps you need to overcome the obstacles in your relationship.

If you want to give this a go, you could save time and money by using Relationship Hero – the online relationship counseling service that connects you with an expert from the comfort of your own home via video or phone.

Click here to get started on this journey, either as a couple or even by yourself to begin with before getting your partner involved later.

7. Understand that he’s not your responsibility.

He is a grown man, and as such, should be able to look after himself. There might be times where you can see that he’s struggling to cope with or express his emotions, but it’s not your responsibility to shoulder this emotional baggage for him.

Even if you think that he needs to talk about something or isn’t coping well, you can’t push him into opening up and sharing his feelings if he doesn’t want to.

Don’t add to your own stress by making his emotional unavailability your responsibility to fix. He will work on himself when he is ready, not when you tell him to. And if he doesn’t want to, that’s his choice.

8. Be honest about what you need from a relationship.

You need to be honest with yourself just as much as you’re honest with him.

It’s okay if he’s not on your level of emotional understanding, but he needs to know what it is you require from him to be happy and secure in your relationship.

It might be that physical affection is important to you, or regular time together by yourselves. It could be that you expect him to listen to and engage with a conversation about your day. Whatever it is that you need in order to know that he is there for you and cares, you need to make this known to him.

He may not be ready to have deep, emotional chats with you just yet, but if he does care and hears that these particular elements of a relationship are important to you, he might be willing to do these things to make you happy even if they don’t come naturally to him. 

However, if you keep expecting more from an emotionally unavailable man, but aren’t communicating it to him, you’re going to be disappointed.

Equally, if you know that you need someone who is already willing to share and connect with you, then you have to be honest with yourself that being with an emotionally unavailable man is not the best match for you, however much you want it to be.

9. Be prepared to walk away.

It takes a lot to be with someone who is emotionally closed off, and you have to have the strength of mind to not take his unwillingness to connect personally.

You might find a way to make a relationship work with this man and find a happy compromise between both of your expectations. But it’s not surprising if you struggle with your incompatibility and feel let down by his lack of visible commitment.

To be with someone who is emotionally unavailable will take constant work and a strong network of support on your side for those times when you need to vent. You’ll also need a man who is willing to work at being there for you emotionally in whatever way he’s able to, even when it makes him uncomfortable.

When a man doesn’t see an issue with his behavior and isn’t willing to work on strengthening your relationship by listening to what you need, then you have to be prepared to walk away from him.

Staying in an uncompromising relationship where you’re not getting the support you need from a partner can become toxic. It can start chipping away at your own confidence and affect your mental health. 

However much you want things to work, if he isn’t willing to try to be more open with you, then it’s better for both of you if you find the strength to walk away and allow each other to find people you’re more compatible with.

10. Check your expectations.

When dealing with an emotionally unavailable man, you have to be realistic in your expectations.

You might tell yourself you know what to expect from him, but do you really?

When it comes to the natural time to have the ‘where is this going’ conversation, are you still waiting around for him to make the first move? Are you secretly hoping that he’ll start being more thoughtful or affectionate just because you’ve been together for a while?

Even if he has started to address his issues and is working on being more open with his feelings, you can’t expect the change to happen in a day.

You’ll need to lower your expectations of what you consider ’emotionally open’ and remember that this is someone who struggles with trust and vulnerability.

Celebrate the small wins when they happen, and don’t put pressure on him. Even the smallest changes in his behavior might be a big step for him, so appreciate what he’s doing and hope that it leads to more breakthroughs.

8 Signs An Emotionally Unavailable Man Is In Love

1. He’s willing to talk.

When a man is emotionally unavailable, his defense mechanism to any suggestion of emotional engagement is to be dismissive and avoid it.

If your man is able to sit down and have a conversation about what you need from a relationship or discuss the possibility that he is emotionally unavailable and how to overcome this, it’s already a huge win for you both.

However short the conversation might be, if he is open to listening and talking to you about what is a difficult subject for him, then it shows that he’s willing to try to make a change, or at least entertain the idea. Things might move slowly at first, and you’ll have to keep your expectations of him in check, but a willingness to talk is a step in the right direction.

2. He shares his fears with you.

Whenever anyone opens up to you about past trauma or inner fears, it shows that they have a huge amount of trust and respect for you.

For a man who, until this point, has been emotionally unavailable, it’s an even bigger deal that he’s chosen you to share his feelings with.

By opening up to you, he’s giving you an insight into him as a person and showing a willingness to try to understand where his emotional distance might stem from. More so than most, this will be a difficult and uncomfortable experience for him, so don’t push him to share more than he wants to and let him talk at his own pace.

Sharing inner fears and pain makes us appear vulnerable to those we care about, and if he is doing this with you then he is doing so to bring you closer as a couple.

Even if he doesn’t reveal everything at once, it’s a big step to overcoming whatever issues are holding him back, and is a sure sign of how much he cares for you.

3. He’s willing to go the extra mile.

He may not totally understand how to be the man you want him to be, but if he’s in love with you, he’ll be willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy and your relationship stronger.

Even if he doesn’t recognize the problem in himself yet, if he is willing to go the extra mile and speak to a therapist, read up on how to be more emotionally engaged, or go to couples counseling with you, it shows that he’s committed to making this relationship work and sees a future with you.

4. You can see he’s trying.

He may not be at the level that you want just yet, but even a little bit more emotional engagement from this man is something to celebrate.

Maybe he’s brought you home a thoughtful gift or remembered your favorite meal. He might check in with you more often or casually bring up the possibility of a future trip together. All these are signs that this man is willing and wanting to change his bad habits for you.

Notice if he’s starting to put your thoughts and needs at the front of his mind. There might still be a long way to go before he’s at the emotional capacity you want him to be, but any positive step is a good one and a show of love.

5. He’s being more physically affectionate.

Outward emotion can often betray someone’s inner feelings. Body language is an obvious sign of how much someone cares, and if your man is becoming more physically protective or affectionate toward you, it’s a sure sign he cares a lot.

Being protective over someone betrays a sense of worry for that person. He is starting to put your well-being at the front of his mind and he cares if you’re safe and okay. He may not be comfortable saying as much, but his actions speak for him.

If he’s being more physically affectionate in public, it shows that he’s becoming more comfortable showing his feelings toward you – a big change for a man who is usually so far removed from his emotions.

Even the smallest touch can show how his feelings toward you have deepened, even if he’s not ready to say the words just yet.

6. He’s talking about future plans.

If he’s started making future plans with you, whether it’s booking a trip together or talking about something he wants to do with you in the next few months or year, then it’s likely this emotionally unavailable man is falling for you.

Although he may not be able to put it into words yet, casually talking about future plans with you shows that he’s committed to this relationship and is taking it seriously. He’s not thinking about leaving you any time soon and wants you beside him in his upcoming plans.

He’s factoring you into his life in the long term rather than being stereotypically non-committal. Take this as a sign that, if he’s not in love with you already, it won’t be long before this once emotionally-detached man can’t imagine life without you.

7. He’s introduced you to his friends or family.

Introducing a partner to friends or family is a sure sign that things are getting serious.

Bringing you to meet the people he cares about most in the world is a chance for them to get to know you and accept you, as well as for him to show you off. By publicly outing your relationship, he’s committing to you in front of all the people whose opinions matter most to him.

Even if he still won’t commit verbally, if you’ve been introduced to his friendship group or family, you can be fairly certain that he’s in this for the long run, even if he’s not ready to admit it to himself just yet.

8. He’s started putting you first.

For an emotionally unavailable man, thinking about anyone other than themselves does not come naturally.

He’s not predisposed to put your feelings first because he doesn’t want to engage with them at all. So, if you find your man putting you before him, then it could be a sign that he’s falling in love.

It could be as simple as planning a date he knows you’ll enjoy rather than what he wants to do. It could be that he’s run you a bath for when you arrive home because he knows you’re stressed, or finished the house chores so you don’t have to.

Any time where you can see that he’s taken into consideration your comfort and happiness above his own is a huge win for your relationship. All these things are signs that he’s beginning to become more emotionally aware and isn’t scared off by the prospect.

If your happiness is becoming as important to him as his own, you can be pretty certain it’s because he’s falling in love.


Trying to have a relationship with a man who is emotionally unavailable is no walk in the park. It’s important to connect with a partner, not just on a physical level, but an emotional level too. This can be nearly impossible to do with a man who is emotionally cut off.

If you’re in the early stages of dating, you might want to consider whether this man is the right person for you. There will no doubt be a lot of heartache, anxiety, and frustration the longer things go on, and there’s no guarantee that this man will ever see the need to change his ways.

You shouldn’t go into a relationship just because you think you can change someone for the better. Right or wrong, this man is how he is, and if you can’t love him at his worst, you don’t deserve him at his best.

The more sensitive and emotional you are as a person, the harder you’ll find it trying to make a relationship work with an unemotional man.

Sometimes, love does really conquer all, and with perseverance and support, he might turn into the partner you’ve always hoped for.

But be realistic if you’re thinking about wanting a long term relationship with an emotionally unavailable man. If he never changed, would you still be happy?

If you know deep down that the answer is no, then it’s best to save you both the trouble of the difficult road ahead and wait for someone who can already give you the emotional support you need.

Still not sure what to do to about your relationship with an emotionally unavailable man? It can really help to talk to someone about what you are thinking and feeling regarding this guy and the future your relationship has. You might also want to talk to someone as a couple to help communicate your needs and concerns with each other. So why not chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.

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